I wanna be soft with someone and not regret it after
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@heybluewolf
I wanna be soft with someone and not regret it after
Be with someone who plans the future with you without any hesitation.
Hi baby, I'm going to sleep thinking about you tonight. I was doing fine, but then you appeared in my notifications again and disrupted my process of forgetting you. I don't want you to stop giving a sign every now and then; I think it's me who needs to understand that it doesn't mean anything anymore.
Tonight I went out alone. You know when they post a photo of a random person alone and caption it "freedom or loneliness"? Well, during the hours I spent alone outside, I wondered if I was free or lonely. It occurred to me that it wasn't freedom if, at every moment, I was trapped in the idea of us; however, it wasn't loneliness because I didn't actually feel alone. I had myself in that moment. Of course, I wanted to have you too, but that's someone else's job now. My body was free; I could jump, run, scream, knock on your door and say it was a mistake, but my mind couldn't muster the same boldness. It kept playing a fast-forward movie all the time, slowing down only when your image appeared. That is, when it didn't freeze, like when I passed that street where I kissed you on our first night or that other one where I explored more of you on our last night.
I thought about you all night and could deal with it because it's my problem. It's not your issue whether I think about you or not. I never thought a notification of something you reposted would be enough to ruin me. Do you see how I suffer more with a bit of you than with none at all now? I'm better off alone than lonely with you. So it was freedom.
– heybluewolf
Hi everyone, I've been kinda inactive here and I missed posting. I've written a lot lately and I'll share it w u 💕
calling someone by their correct name/pronouns is not charity. It’s normal respectable behaviour, and it shouldn’t be a chore.
Acabei de passar por um lugar em Boston que você amaria conhecer, e é engraçado porque há pouco tempo éramos perdidamente apaixonados e agora eu conheço o mundo sem você, e uma pessoa nova te leva para sair. Concordamos que estávamos fechando a porta de uma maneira tranquila, e não sei você, mas eu menti. Doeu como nunca, meus olhos ficaram marejados enquanto você dizia cada coisa, lembro-me de ter sido a última vez que ri e sorri com você. E certamente foi a última vez de uma infinidade de vezes em que você me fez rir. Pedi um café e estou lendo um dos livros que te presenteei no último ano, é um bom livro você tem razão. Espero que ao fim do café e do livro eu esteja pronto para registrar uma nova memória sem você, mas agora nesse exato momento, sinto sua falta.
Can i love you without getting hurt?
“But with every falling apart there is a coming together.”
— Unknown
“Engole teu coração e se ama por dentro.”
— Caio Fernando Abreu.
my red flag is i can ignore you all day but still think about you all day
Um dia a gente casa.
Looking now at the red flags of someone I've said reminded me of the color purple, who once made me feel a serene blue like the darkened sky, and then plunged into a deep brown, almost reddish. Our love was a rich palette: sometimes black and gold, so rich, sometimes lilac and opaque cyan, so soft, sometimes orange and pink, so fiery. However, it turned gray: cheap, rough, and cold. It burned and turned into ashes. Silence hung transparent and hazy. There was something behind it, although it was impossible to discern what it was. A part of me knew that something so obvious was there, something that resembled someone else. Betrayal manifested as white: simple, glaring, and excessively clear. Our skins, yours brown and mine in lighter tones, never blended well. You were like water, eager to merge with me, while I was oil paint, which works best alone and pushes you away. Drops were never your style; you were a full cup. This was my fear: losing my own colors after feeling you spill over me. The world became monochromatic when I realized that you had ceased to be my muse and had become just a pretty face for someone else, surrendering to a vandal when you had a true artist within your reach. You had the brush and chose to paint a wall in ruins instead of a canvas; you had the pen and opted to scribble on papers instead of drawing artworks; you had the dawn and chose not to rise, instead of painting the sky. The world regained its colors when I woke up and realized that I had managed to erase the graffiti you made on my heart. I moved forward, allowing my art to shine beyond the shadows, like a star that continues to sparkle even when the clouds of indecision dissipate, like a poetess who finds inspiration in new souls.
heybluewolf
knowing someone is genuinely excited to talk to you is a lovely feeling