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let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
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Janaina Medeiros
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Stranger Things
Misplaced Lens Cap
Claire Keane

Origami Around
taylor price
art blog(derogatory)
Not today Justin

oozey mess

#extradirty

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JBB: An Artblog!

Andulka
Acquired Stardust
DEAR READER

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@hgracel
"Adoration is not always the overflow of our hearts. In fact, it rarely is. It is an act of rebellion against the empty promises of this world and of defiance in the face of circumstances."
“The meaning of prayer is that we get hold of God, not of the answer.”
— Oswald Chambers (via godmoves)
What are the things you like the most?
I like being able to bring a little light to a dark path because it is familiar to me. I like seeing blood return in a fistula or butterfly needle. I like priming a dialysis machine. I like drawing blood and giving IV iron. I like removing sutures.
I like seeing a patient's bloodwork results improve from month to month. I like teaching patients and caregivers new skills and seeing them excited about their progress. I like imagining new ways to help patients and caregivers learn skills.
I like that we name pieces of our equipment things like the "chicken foot" or "dragon tail" and talk about them very seriously. I like laughing with my coworkers when we're trying to guess what each other is saying. I like when a patient's family member hugs me and says thank you for helping me know how to take care of my mom.
What are some of the hardest things?
Not being given the time or resources to care for patients well. Seeing that even when nurses voices are heard, they are often not counted as valuable. The refusal of management to set nurse to patient ratios. Reactive rather than proactive staffing. Missed lunch/bathroom breaks and expectation that we work when sick or after having been kept awake during the night by patients. The risk of getting stuck by a dirty needle particularly when training patients.
Fighting my own frustration with unsafe expectations while trying to be a caring nurse and a respectful employee has been extremely difficult.
On another note, patients deaths. The sudden ones. The anticipated ones. The deaths that seem to come in runs of 3. The deaths that are not talked about.
Also peritonitis.
What do you wish that people knew?
Nursing can be good somedays. You get to learn a lot of skills and use those skills in people's time of need. It can also be mentally, physically, and emotionally crushing.
There's been days from the beginning where I've held it in to the end of the shift and then collapsed on my floor weeping. Having friends or family ask specific questions about work can be really helpful. Hugs are good. Being reminded that people are praying for you is good. Someone to sit there while you cry or even cry with you, that's good too.
We don't need management to send us pizzas, edible arrangements, or more panera that we dont have time to eat. We don't even need/want a heroes work here sign. We need boundaries and to know that those boundaries will be respected by managers, patients, and doctors.
We love our patients and part of loving people well is setting parameters for what is safe for them.
Hopefully this is clear. The last few months have had some of the answers I've been praying for. It's also been lonely. Few things feel more vulnerable than sitting in a doctor's office trying to explain how you even got there. Like "let me start right quick at the beginning 30 years ago." Somehow though the Lord has been leading and bringing some answers to what seems to have been multi-faceted issues. Thank you to whoever has been praying for me. I've needed it and it is still very much appreciated.
Update on Medical Things:
The 30 day heart monitor did not show specific arrhythmias. My cardiologist prescribed a medication called Isosorbide Mononitrate to help something called microvascular angina in my heart for a couple months now. Basically, I was having increasingly frequent episodes of chest pain caused by the small blood vessels in my heart being too small and the medication widens these blood vessels. I've had very few episodes of chest pain since starting the medication. Thankfully, the initial side effect of strong headaches stopped after 1.5 weeks and my blood pressure has not dropped too low. My cardiologist is pleased with how the medication is working but is increasing the dose and will follow up in a year. He also warned me that I'll have to be careful to stay hydrated to maintain a good blood pressure.
I had an EMG to test for neuropathy due to some other symptoms I've been having. The test did not show neuropathy. They also did labs to confirm that I am not diabetic. However, the neurologist said there is a kind of neuropathy (small fiber neuropathy) that does not show up on an EMG. They have referred me for another consult in November because they may do a biopsy.
I have a CT of my middle spine (since they checked my upper and lower spine) next week to attempt to monitor the syringomyelia they found in my spinal cord several years ago.
The physical therapy has been helpful with back pain that was making me more fatigued. I have 2 more visits and then I'll just continue the exercises at home.
“But God is able to do all things. He is able to recover the people He loves from the sin that destroys, and His love will never be frustrated.”
— Colin Smith
THE GARDEN
in a christian culture saturated with white worship leaders, i decided to make a playlist highlighting black worship leaders/artists. includes artists like william matthews, antoine bradford, and dante bowe. feel free to message me any other worship artists you want me to add! and as always, black lives matter today, tomorrow, and forever.
Decreasing Debt
It started with a sandwich of financial instability. College twice, scholarships that were decreased junior year, and jobs that paid minimum wage. The students loans needed to be paid but I didn’t know how I would eat, pay rent, and decrease my indebtedness.
Around the age of 22, I had a dream. I walked to the closet in the back of my apartment and inside the walls and shelves, I found thousands of dollars stuffed into the crevices. “Wow”, I thought, “I’m so glad I know what to do now.” That was followed by the realization that this must of course be drug money. I had an ethical dilemma for a minute about whether I should use drug money to pay my loans. I got over that dilemma quick enough to wake up and realize it was a dream. A really weird but hopeful dream.
Praise the Lord. I’ve learned a lot and made a great deal of progress. The mountain is significantly smaller. I’m still gathering strategies and some have worked better at different times. Some of these I learned looking back in the rearview mirror. A lot of these, I’m writing down to remind myself to continue practicing them. Here’s some of what I have so far.
1) I learned to identify my debts. How much are they? How much are the interest rates? Make realistic goals. “How do you eat an elephant?” my mom used to ask. One bite at a time.
2) Learn the terms related to your loans. If you are able to, pay at least the interest on your loans while you are still in school to avoid capitalization.
3) Make the monthly payments when you graduate.
Any additional payments --> pay by group rather than by account so that you can pay to the loan group with the higher interest rate.
4) Any additional tax returns/stimulus checks/gifts you might receive, plan to put the majority of them towards your debt.
5) Make choices that will allow you to pay more each month. Live with roommates. If that is not an option, here are some additional ideas. In the winter, you could leave the heat off and use lots of blankets. Eat hot foods. One winter, I cooked some rice and carried it around my apartment for a while because it was so cold. In the summer, save baking for the evening hours. Use your freezer for homemade popsicles.
Buy groceries from the store rather than eating out all the time. Use coupons. Find out what your staples are and buy them in bulk. Buy meat when it’s on sale and freeze it. Take lunch to work rather than buying it. Drink water whenever you can, rather than a beverage that costs extra. When you buy juice, pour half the bottle into another container and fill the rest of both containers with water. That way you are consuming less sugar and you have 2x the juice. When you do go out to eat, enjoy the experience but also consider eating a less expensive dessert at home or go out for dessert only.
Make gifts or use your time as a gift. Get furniture and clothes secondhand. Consider gardening as a hobby. Even if you live in an apartment some cities have community gardens where you can have a small plot. If/when you choose to splurge on a trip, plan it well in advance to give yourself time to look forward to it. Stay in an inexpensive airbnb or with friends/family rather than a hotel when traveling.
6) Given a choice between a job with good health benefits (medical/dental/vision insurance) or not, I advise the job with the benefits. They add up to a lot of savings. In the midst of paying debt, you need to be able to do the basics to take care of yourself. I tried a job that did not provide medical insurance for almost a year. I figured I would just purchase an short-term high deductible plan on the side. Unfortunately, those plans frequently label any illnesses/injuries that you encounter as preexisting conditions and pay nothing. You can’t fully predict medical needs. They can add up and be a setback. So my advice is to make decent medical insurance a priority.
7) If a dentist suggests a lot of dental work consider a few questions. Is this my first time at this dentist? Is it typical for me to need this much dental work? Have I made any lifestyle choices that might lead to needing additional work done? Am I eating more sugar than usual? Don’t be afraid to get a second opinion. Especially if they are trying to put you on a payment plan. To get real personal: brush your teeth twice a day and floss them each day as well. The daily habits matter.
8) Dye your own hair. It might seem stressful at first but after a while, it’s a big savings. IF it turns out that’s not something that is going to work out for you, no worries cause it’ll grow back.
9) Sell things you don’t need. Consider driving old cars. Five years ago, I traded in the ‘98 Jeep (that I had bought off craigslist) that ran on premium fuel for a ‘98 SUV that runs on regular fuel. Both of them were quirky, but they both became my dream cars. It was sad to make a switch but I haven’t regretted it.
10) Curveballs are going to come. Keep the good habits and adjust accordingly.
11) Remember that Jesus paid our greatest debt with His life. Play your favorite song whenever you make a payment. Watch Confessions of A Shopaholic for Inspiration. Pray for strength to keep on keepin on.
Satan tells me I am unworthy; but I always was unworthy, and yet thou hast long loved me; and therefore my unworthiness cannot be a bar to my having fellowship with thee now.
Charles Spurgeon (via thesovereignword)
“Consider how precious a soul must be, when both God and the devil are after it.”
— Charles Spurgeon