last licks

[meanwhilepoetry]

It's December and the world is ending and I have not yet loved or been loved in all the ways I need.

Nikita Gill

[weltenwellen]

Ruth Awad, from “Let me be a lamb in a world that wants my lion”

[mothprincess]

Mary Oliver, from The Fire

[mentallyunstablebaddie]

The feminine urge to slam your head against the desk untill blood is all over it

[wanderlandjournal]

[softwaring]

by tucker

[kosmogrl]

[hid-in-ing-again-oops]

i used to be anorexic. now im a healthy weight. i feel like a complete failure. most nights i can go to sleep, knowing that i am loved for more than my body. but some nights i stay awake and cry. i long for the days where i could barely stand. i long for the days i was skinny. when people would be scared of me. when people were worried for my health.

how can i be this person? a healthy weight and a happy face, but so desperately want to be dying again? i know its not good. i know it’s not what i’ve spent years in recovery working towards. but this disease won’t go away. i really wish it would sometimes. and then i see myself in the mirror and wish i was dying. if i could harness that energy, if i could drop 20 pounds, if i could be the person 16 year old me could be proud of- would it be enough? i know it won’t be, but sometimes i still want to try

[hid-in-ing-again-oops]

i should be happy. by all accounts, i should be happy. but i have nights where all i want is to feel the rush of ripping open my skin. i have moments when all i can think is “how can i kill myself in this room?”

i should be happy. i just cant seem to convince myself it’s safe enough to do so

[darklingpearl]

“I, too, desecrated myself, did violence to myself.”

——Anaïs Nin, from A Journal of Love, The Unexpurgated Diary of Anaïs Nin 1934-1937

[hid-in-ing-again-oops]

and those times were the best i ever felt

[89words]

“And in the silence I suddenly understood the many ways a person can die but still be alive.”

— Carmen Rodrigues 

[in-tenebris-et-in-solitudine-de]

[mechanical-manson]

[meanwhilepoetry]

You do not get to tell me that I am not brave when I had to learn how to live without you. You do not understand how hard that was, or what it took for me to see the night sky and love it again despite you not being there by my side.

- Nikita Gill

[feral-ballad]

June Gehringer, “I get so jealous of euthanized dogs”

[Text ID: “the worst thing about love is / i remember it. / i walk around all day / thinking: i’m going to die / in the universe / you loved me in.”]

[hid-in-ing-again-oops]

i do this cute and quirky thing where i re-traumatize myself and then spiral way back down to the bad place. then i stand in the kitchen looking at food i know i should eat and wonder why i cant bring myself to do it

[chillpotato]

Carlie Hoffman, from "High Bridge Park"