See what I did there?

Hullo! I'm Andrew. I'm a fan of all things pop culture, and a contributor to A Bright Wall in a Dark Room (which, statistically, is why you're here). This is how I fill my time these days. Thanks for visiting. All the BWDR pieces I've written are here. var gaJsHost = (("https:" == document.location.protocol) ? "https://ssl." : "http://www."); document.write(unescape("%3Cscript src='" + gaJsHost + "google-analytics.com/ga.js' type='text/javascript'%3E%3C/script%3E")); try { var pageTracker = _gat._getTracker("UA-15402917-1"); pageTracker._trackPageview(); } catch(err) {}

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The part where I quit tumblr.

When I joined tumblr three or four years ago, it felt like joining a community. It feels a lot more like noise these days (noise which I am justifiably guilty of contributing to), and I just feel kind of over it. My computer crashes from overloads of gifsets, I'm weary of the fandom culture, and what was once a safe space for people to earnestly and consistently speak about what is important to them has become co-opted by an "anything goes" mentality which oftentimes runs into gravely offensive territory. I log on and I instantly feel tired.

I'm not quitting the internet. If we're friends, you can find me here:

Facebook

Twitter (which I hardly ever use)

Instagram

Goodreads (which I haven't used consistently in months)

BWDR

Email

Or, if you have an iPhone, we can use that nifty iMessage thing to text for free/cheap. Send me a note, and we'll stay in touch, because there are some genuinely lovely people hereabouts, and I'd like us to stay friends.

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I've got a rehearsal tonight in which I might actually do nothing at all. Luckily, I have some options.

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What the hell is this thing?

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Remember when tumblr was all about how much better Helvetica was than Arial?

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I’m in a play, and they made this for me.

[secretoctopus-deactivated201912]

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December 5, 2012 screening of Life of Pi at the Piscine Pailleron in Paris, France

WHOSE IDEA WAS THIS

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Ah, youth...

[Giving a curly-haired friend a ride to rehearsal. She has two "pom-pom" ponytails in.]

Me: I like your hair. You look like Red Fraggle.

Friend: No one but us is going to get that reference.

[Later on]

21 Year Old: I like your hair.

Friend: Thanks. I look like a Fraggle.

21 Year Old: What's a Fraggle?

Me, Friend: *groan*

21 Year Old [confidentially]: No, no, what is it? Is it Star Wars? Is it Star Trek? I don't want anyone to know I don't know!

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40 Days of Sacrifice.

Teen: It's Lent.

Me: Are you giving anything up?

Teen: Sweets.

Me: You're literally eating pixie sticks.

Teen: WELL I COULDN'T JUST STOP EATING SWEETS. THEY'RE MY FAVOURITE THINGS.

Me: ...You don't really "get" Lent, do you?

Teen: Maybe I'll give up talking to my boyfriend.

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Let's see how long the cat lets this go on for.

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Why I Am Having an EXTREMELY Uncomfortable Day at Work

This officially balances out all of the silly crafts and ridiculous sports I get paid to play/do. Details are as follows, but - fair warning - some of these details are unpleasant, and might even fall into the “trigger warning” category (and I’m on my phone and don’t know how to do a “read more” thing).

Ready? Here we go:

I work with teenagers, and my program is run out of a church, though we’re not affiliated with any religious group. This church is home to a number of programs like mine, and occasionally plays host to others when they’ve been displaced from their regular homes. This week, there is a group from another church using part of our space while their regular building is under renovation. This group is for homeless adults, which in and of itself isn’t so bad, except that there are more than a few criminally convicted sex offenders who come to this group. Some are confirmed pedophiles.

Do you see the problem? Whoever did the scheduling for this place didn’t think that putting at-risk teens in the same space as convicted child molesters was a problem.

So the majority of the staff and any kids who had shown up went to a nearby bowling alley to spend the afternoon, while I get to stay here and shoo any late kids towards the lanes and far away from here.

One of the program participants introduced himself to me as “Adolf,” and winked. A group of them are smoking a joint directly outside the doors. I have to look outside whenever I think I hear a kid’s voice (because many of these kids wouldn’t think twice about hitting up a stranger for a cigarette), so now one of the participants has taken to grumbling about how I’m “spying.”

To borrow a phrase, KERBLAH.

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I just rewatched TRUE GRIT recently as well, so yours was a delightful read this morning. I was also taken and amazed by the language and its poetry and the wonderful bit near the end when grown-up Mattie chastises the roadshow guy for not standing out of respect for her. And "There is no clock on my business!" is something I might start saying to my kids when they bother me in the can.

Quotations from this film that I would tickled to add to my lexicon:

I do not entertain hypotheticals. The world itself is vexing enough.

Not only does he continue to talk, but he spills the banks of English.

You are not LaBoeuf.

Keep your seat, trash.

Who worked you over with the ugly stick?

That is no part of it.

That weighs but little with me.

I'm not paying for talk. I can get all the talk I need and more at the Monarch Boarding House.

Ever stalwart.

Fill your hand, you son of a bitch!

You're being hoo-rah'd.

I extend my hand.

And of course, THERE IS NO CLOCK ON MY BUSINESS!

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#24. True Grit (2010)

Directed by: Joel & Ethan Coen Written by: Joel & Ethan Coen, based on the novel by Charles Portis Shot by: Roger Deakins Starring: Hailee Steinfeld, Jeff Bridges, Matt Damon, Josh Brolin, Barry Pepper, Elizabeth Marvel, Ed Corbin These Cadences: Are the best. Fantastic: Any and all bargaining scenes. Deserves An Award: The casting director (Ellen Chenoweth). Where did she find all these weirdos (like the funeral director, or the bear man)? Strangely Hilarious: Whenever Mattie says "I'm 14." She's such a clever one. Where: Did all these voices come from? Yow! Jeff Bridges' Voice: Both more and less intelligible. But also, who cares? Just see the movie twice if you really want to understand him. The Scene With Matt Damon's Tongue: Is unsettling. Love The Eloquence With Which: Rooster tells LaBoeuf to shut up. Big Fan Of: The way Jeff Bridges says "colt dragoon." Hey, Remember That Scene When The Guy Gets His Fingers Chopped Off?: That was messed up. Come To Think Of It: This whole movie is pretty pitiless. Like, Joss Whedon levels of pitiless. 

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My new keychain is pretty shiny (despite being matte).

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#23. Ocean's Eleven (2001)

Directed by: Steven Soderbergh Written by: Ted Griffin, based on the film "Ocean's Eleven" by Harry Brown & Charles Lederer and George Clayton Johnson & Jack Golden Russell Shot by: Steven Soderbergh (as Peter Andrews) Starring: George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Andy Garcia, Elliott Gould, Casey Affleck, Carl Reiner, Eddie Jemison, Don Cheadle, Bernie Mac,  Shaobao Qin, Julia Roberts The First Half Hour Of This Movie: Is flawless. Scarcely has there been a better "getting the team together" sequence. That Being Said: The rest of the movie is pretty flawless too. Except Maybe For: Don Cheadle's "accent." What Makes This A Brilliant Heist Film: Is that everything is played out in front of the cameras, so long as you're able to look for it. Even: Linus "lifting" the airline ticket from under Danny's hand. It's so slick, but it's right there on camera. Andy Garcia: Looks uncomfortable smiling. Carl Reiner: Pulls off a tough guy pretty convincingly for a veteran comedian. But Really: The writing of this film is so good. Love the scenes between Danny and Tess, and the subtle tenderness between them. Soderbergh: Makes it all look so effortless. Love: The chemistry between Scott Caan and Casey Affleck. Favourite Part: Linus as the NGC employee vs. Frank as the racially offended criminal. Still Have To Pay Attention During: The bank vault sequence. The Scene Around The Fountain: Is perfect (and apparently improvised)!

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There is perhaps nothing more comforting than fresh, warm naan bread.

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Ocean's 11, or "Ugh, Why Can't All Movies Be This Well Written?"

[An expensive restaurant. Tess sits, waiting. Danny approaches from behind her and places his hand on her shoulder, his wedding ring prominently shown.]

Tess [thinking it's her husband, Terry]: You're 30 seconds late. I was about to send out a search... [seeing Danny, she is stunned to silence]

Danny: Hello Tess.

Tess: What are you doing here?

Danny: I'm out.

Tess: You're out?

Danny: Of prison. You remember the day that I went for cigarettes and didn't come back? You must have noticed.

Tess: I don't smoke. Don't sit.

[Danny sits]

Danny: Now, they tell me I've paid my debt to society...

Tess: Funny, I never got a check.

Danny: You're not wearing your ring.

Tess: I sold it. I don't have a husband, or didn't you get the papers?

Danny: My last day inside.

Tess: I told you I'd write. Danny, go now. Before...

Danny: What? Benedict? [to the waiter] How you doing? Whiskey, and a whiskey.

Tess: Danny...

Danny: Tess, you're doing a great job curating the museum. The Vermeer is quite good. It's simple. Vibrant. Although his work definitely fell off as he got older.

Tess: Remind you of anyone?

Danny: And I always confuse Monet and Manet. Now, which one married his mistress?

Tess: Monet.

Danny: Right, and then Manet had syphilis.

Tess: They also painted occasionally.

Danny: I'm going to make this quick; I came here for you. I want to get on with my life. I want you with me.

Tess: You're a thief and a liar.

Danny: I only lied about being a thief. I don't do that anymore.

Tess: Steal?

Danny: Lie.

Tess: I'm with someone now who doesn't have to make that kind of distinction.

Danny: No, he's very clear on both.

Tess: You know what your problem is?

Danny: I only have one?

Tess: You've met too many people like you. I'm with Terry now.

Danny: Does he make you laugh?

Tess: He doesn't make me cry.

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I get paid to do the weirdest things.