high tide low tide

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Every blessing ignored becomes a curse.

The Alchemist

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Listen to Mustn'ts, child, listen to the Don'ts. Listen to the Shouldn'ts, the Impossibles, the Won'ts. Listen to the Never Haves, then listen close to me. Anything can happen, child, Anything can be.

Shel Silverstein  

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From The Missing Element by Debra Silverman

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Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Zur Farbenlehre [Theory of Colors] Tübingen: J.G. Cotta'schen Buchhandlung, 1810

In the 1660s, Isaac Newton demonstrated that clear white light was composed of seven visible colors.

Aristotle developed the first known theory of color believing it was sent by God from heaven through celestial rays of light. He suggested that all colors came from white and black (lightness and darkness) and related them to the four elements—water, air, earth, and fire.

Henry E. Roscoe Spectrum Analysis: Six Lectures . . . London: Macmillan, 1869

These colorful line diagrams reveal the chemical compositions of metals. When a pure metal is burned and viewed through a spectroscope, each element gives off unique spectra, a sort of color fingerprint. This method, called spectral analysis, led to the discovery of new elements, and marked the first steps towards quantum theory.

—

Source: The Science of Color

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Château de Ruesnes, couldn't believe our luck

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dreaming of a baroque (?), lisbon inspired bathroom with tiles on every wall. i’d been harbouring some weird irrational irritation of lisbon being lisboa (ong rude) and realised just before that subconsciously it made me think of snakes.

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yesterday i was so wound up and stressing, magnifying the little things, making them big things, forgetting the important things.

i love my bike, i love zooming around the city, i love being a little less gumby every time i take off at the lights, i love our apartment, i love our space, i love its all-day light, i love its big kitchen, i love that cam buys mini mozzarella balls and cured meats for me to snack on, i love the little lamps—i'm a lamp person now—I love the orb lamp, the tall skinny lamp, the lava lamp, the dwarf lamp, i love falafel jakoub, i love original feelings, i love urban sports, i love bouldering, i love failing the first time but trying a second, a third, a fourth and getting it (or maybe not getting it, i love having sore muscles from the effort, i love being on my own schedule, i love my new camera, i love watching jellyfish and science videos on the projector, i love aperol spritz, i love bumping into new friends at a späti, i love fumbling my way through an exchange i don't really understand but looking forward to the end so i can confidently say tschüüüüüüüsssssssssss, i love patting the bed to summon nacho, i love roaming the streets, i love the way the diffused sun appears on the apartment walls, i love how nothing is too tall, i love coffee in the morning with cam, i love the food he cooks, i love hearing german around and slowly being able to distinguish more words, i love the old italian man bribing us to leave a good review in exchange for a free grappa, i love seeing lily and harry and going on little missions, i love the high studs, i love a band of 15 people playing live music in the middle of pissy bridge on a wednesday night and people stopping to dance, i love waiting an hour and a half in line for sisyphus on its busiest weekend of the year and then being told no sorry lol, i love all the open air venues drinking, dancing laughing to live music underneath the trees, i love the incidental festival at tempelhof on sunny evenings, i love all the dogs, omg more and more and more, i love everything. how rude of me to inflate the two things i hate, and forget how much i love.

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today's inquiry—polarity, hot, cold, fire, ice, light, dark.

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Full frames lately.

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first class v second class

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sad gargoyle in the rain. how does everyone else do it??

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It’s like when you stick your finger in your boyfriend’s mouth before he finishes yawning, but the yawn is a laugh and the finger is all my sentimentality. Humour makes sincerity more palatable. Hera Lindsay Bird does this so well.

Savannah Brown | Metal Magazine

The American poet’s latest collection “Closer Baby Closer” provides a range of meditations on modern intimacy in all its uncomfortably stick

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i have this fkn franticness at moment, tied up in all the paradoxes, real busy doing nothing much, feeling lost because i can't put whatever i am into boxes, not even for anyone else, but it's all relative and i feel disoriented. big big dose of solitude. stuck and slippy at the same time. not really here. what's that machine called when it's like e treadmill but it's steps? i feel like i've tripped on a big one of those and i can't find my footing and it won't stop churning. but don't name it, what does it look like without the mind there to commentate? it doesn't feel stable at all. but here we role into the same paradox that assaulted me last year—balance isn't balanced. stability wouldn't be stable.

but the deep core is fine. dive down to the deep core, and bring the treasure with you when you come up for air.

my friend it's all fine as it is. you're right on schedule, this is all part of the journey. in fact, the journey is a game. you're playing. the alchemist can turn grasping to play. i can be an alchemist. pause. play. zoom out. if you're not laughing at yourself you're missing the biggest joke in the world.

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august 3, 2022

everything is vibrating all the time. not solid forms but clusters of energy. how to unite polarities? to play with structure. all these things that intuitively emerged and then were later affirmed. i remember when i first felt cognisant of the wave—that ups and downs were connected and inevitable. i spent years ironing out the highs in order to mitigate the lows. at the time i called this balance, now i call it not living in accordance with the natural order of life. i had accomplished balance through flatlining, the contradiction. being balance isn’t balanced at all. true balance is identifying and managing the paradox. the up and down wave can be connected not as circle, but as a spiral like you’re knitting a beanie joined in the round. stacking the connecting of lines.

gene key 22 (i think) references the akashic records—a universal compendium in which all thoughts, feelings, actions, everything ever is being recorded. nothing goes unseen, and all ripples eventually head back to their origin point. through this lens it’s said that the expansion of the universe is correlated to the expansion of the akashic records as more consciousness experiences more thoughts, feelings, actions, intentions. the universe understands itself through the collecting of information through different points of sensation. just like i collect information about the world through my senses, the universe collects information through us. the universe itself isn’t necessarily expanding, but the speed of light is actually the speed of our perception. infinitely out and infinitely in as perception expands. breathing all the time, the wave. to breathe is to follow the natural order of all consciousness.

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August 1 2023

the obstacle is the path

Tomb, Temple, Machine and Self: the social construction of a body

overthinking the feeling. i can get real caught up when I can't be on my own schedule. i took a minute to sit down with the stormy inner weather. unintegrated knowledge kept trying to tell me how to process it. mars in libra having a field day. one the one hand, acknowledge how you'e feeling, but careful with thee words you use because words have such power, but embrace the shadow, but don't attach to it. feelings about the feelings having feelings. where did i land at? stop trying to intellectualise the heart and the sensing body. there aren't enough words and none of the words are big enough anyway. being stretched is an opportunity to practise the language of sensing. breathe into the sensation. less is more is less. la la la la la.

particles being watched behave differently to particles that aren't. two months ago i deactivated instagram so that I could read a book but somehow it unknowingly reactivated, sounds dramatic but my blood felt cold lol. ugh.

my favourite vinyasa class yet. something something experience yourself not as a solid form but as part of a single cell, a crucial part of a totality.

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Vessels by Lou, and Lou by me from the best day ever.

I will dwell in them

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emphasise the exhale as you feel the particle parts of yourself arrive. cellular selves. in a world the dismantles your totality, how can we choose togetherness as an act of rebellion