Rozwielitex

He//They 𓆏 Devout bitch

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From the rooftop

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I wish I could be taken out already somewhere where I can feel at home forever without having to know my home can walk away at any point and I am not worth trying for because the ones who love me have to have something deeply disturbed in them, I love disturbances and deep seas but for the love of god you were the one that was supposed to love me all calm like I wish I was dead but if I go I won’t ever see if I’m right

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At this point

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I got spraypaint that reflects direct beams of light, so to test it I went out trying to catch the sun on a piece of cardboard

Man I wish I could put the silver dust all over me and than with my moves move it onto you, you wouldn't see and then I could take a picture with flash of your beutyfull shape and It would show as white highlife on waves on the ocean you are, and I feel like Im peddling though when I'm on the bike and I am a sailor lost at the sea of your eye and you are the land and I feel like my body is made up of thousands pieces of rope and there is a thin line of the horizon and I feel like fucking it with all my power because thie is a promise of land and a sweet water pond, you are my land.

Silmualnanousy or through it I feel like out there in it all somewhere you lay like a deer on a field waiting to be blown at by a small gush of wind to wisp your smooth coat and you are timid and hidden and so holy like you ever could be

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I hate mornings

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Wish u knew half of what you did to me and how hard it is to have a morning, way harder than to have a night where I can at least forcefully put my body to sleep and then I see you come at night and meow at me and make nests in my bedding what is that supposed to mean and all the metal on your mouth, what is that supposed to mean that is the best smile you pulled in months it almost made me less scared of you and I realised I am horrified of your faces shape from all the alcochol and hurting yourself u do and that kittty was not like that

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I wish I could cut myself right now and let the blood run to the floor antill I am no longer in pain but I start to laugh at my own pathetic sense of being a forever idiot child. I wish I could die so you would have to notice that you killed me. I feel like having a good life is a strenuous task tha I am inacapable of because I am too crooked and distorted my pillows of sorrow and hunchbacked at all limbs and even my smile not only the spine. There are a lot of stories about iron rods in my head I could say, I’m gonna be late again and it’s raining beautifully again and why would I rush if soon all is to be forgiven and then forgotten and Mayebe that’s how I could finally do something against your comfortable narrative of the way life is supposed to be? How can someone who does such a thing be the person who sets those boundaries. If you really think you are okay after doing that to a person you love, if a person can change their very core like that that bc they are depressed and have a fucked up nervous system bc mommy didn’t love them and daddy didn’t listen and they just procrastinated their way through all of their feeling in phone addiction and being a pathetic tiny man in their own head decide to stop feeling all things greater than them and that is not a sign of something and a weakness to be overcome but the way some people are, the way the people that love me can be, whitch I don’t believe but if you convince me and I will se that it is true I will never want to live among people again. So knowing this I am just planning ahead because why would someone pray to your smile to be there forever and then just choose a life where they never want to see it or they do but just sometimes because it as too much I made him tired what is it? Is it better to call you or to do it already? I don’t know. Mayebe then I at least get my final point of disagreement across. Would your faint little bitch heart handle it with withrawal again? I wonder and I have wondered for a long time that Mayebe is my mission to heal you by giving you one singular point of reference in feeling a deep pain I always thought I would do it through loving you like it was my mission or something but Mayebe only by a final personal forever failure of mine you will wake up.

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“there is a thin line between the inside and the outside a thin line between thought and action and that line is simply made of blood and muscle and bone..” (D. W.)

And I am inept, despite all the effort I forever stand inadequate in my efforts. There is a drawing in every part of the face that has no description or end, and that drawing touches something in me causing me to die and ressurect myself in seconds but only ever so slightly.

And there is a thin line between the inside and the outside.

That line separates what is there and is here in half and then another and then once more into millions and there is a poet who now suffers for these millions, for no reason.

That line that goes down from inbeteeen the feathers of eyebrows, hides in the neck and then decides to appear roaring from a dent punctured tween wings of shirt collars, that gives me a sense of something orange, because the flesh there hadn’t had the time to build up so there is a translucency toward something so true, into a thin line coming down button by button positioning the heart somewhere not here not there but a bit more there than here and that may be why this border for love had to have been shamed by some kind of fencing. Long fucking piers with fear rather. And when the line goes on there come hairs and muscles that magnetize to it and it causes them to form a great show off pointing to this divine thing. Then comes something pathetic in pleasure which thinks it’s power-full and when it thinks that way too much it might make you power3d in the worst way, worst and best at the same time because sharing the pathetic nature of pleasure and a bitter sweet realase, if you snort methedrone might be a bit sour or so I have heard..

And I am so fucking hungry to grab a drink from the canyon that separates, saw a film once when a man licked the between I wish I had done it and with my spit Mayebe I could seal something to keep your soul from getting through this canyons broken crack that is the very sense of its being. The sense of pressure everywhere, sort of pressure that makes bones crack and eyes open wider, the seanse of an eleven story building about to scare you by coming down, but it never does so the sweet sense of realse is something you can only get to by that point, when your body decides to open your mouth but no sound comes out. It’s just an opening and the only thing that escapes with you is a yawn.

And I’m trying to paint a pacyfyier bottle top made from metal because I had a vision that is what you would play with in your hand. Somehow felt like it describes any sort of feeling I felt there begging the sun for you.

And I feel I’ve got pathetic eyes that wish they could see inside pockets of air over your skin, into yer palm.

Yes

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Miss you like

Birds crawling out of my face and a crow of some sort or a bee messing up my hair

And a car backfire

Belly turns

Empty hands

I fill them with my face to hide

Cold feet nowhere for them to go and a backache

Temples pulsate

And a slow wave like synth

Throat sore like that

Miss you like

watching a high guy walk away into the forest in his own dancing rhythm and how I see him with my head upside down legs in the water of the lake laying looking at trees thinking of your embrace, Whitch can either be so still so empty, making me feel like a pillow or it can be everything.

It can be like hugging a piece of this blue ceiling above me, that has come down and now all of a sudden it feels like the whole world is hugging you.

No one will ever read this and I cannot stop thinking abt uttering it all and repeating repeating how much I miss talking like myself.

I feel like you want me to think it was a lie, because mayebe you think it’s easier, you don’t know easy until you saw that funeral and you don’t know hard until you spent a whole da just noticing the sun rise n set from the same spot of land.

You have no fucking clue what easy means you hate living with yourself, your pretty pretty spirit, going bitter doesn’t suit ya.

And tired lids half open or closed I observe the sun through my lashes and it causes me to see all those tiny circles with circles of other color inside of them and more and more and they move around as I keep breathing in and out

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I don’t have a pen so I can’t even write anyth

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Mrrr

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Yippe scum

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Lines and dots