hello
Its been years since I’ve been on here. I wanted to start by saying if you’re a miserable teenager like I was, things do start working out eventually, if not slowly. Thats a TLDR.
Does anybody use Tumblr anymore? Is that a thing or am I just not 16 anymore. idk. To be fair I wouldn’t be surprised if its just for grooming and glorifying everything toxic now, but tbh it always was. lol. Nobody I know will see this (I hope) so i guess its more of a shout into the void for total strangers.
I’m home alone, which is weird because I never am. I’m living with the love of my life and feel a little bit overwhelmed in general when it comes to what the fuck am I doing, where I’m going, how I’m feeling. I’m 100x better than I was don’t get me wrong. Or at least I think I am. I never thought I’d be living with a partner again, since our last catchup I’ve lived with 3 different partners and only this one doesn’t make me feel like I am awful all the time. Which I think I deserve.
It’s been 6 months now living together, we can always communicate when things are wrong without things being blown out of proportion and we’re leaving London soon hopefully which is super great. I don’t know how I got so lucky, he says the same to me all the time. I had a really hard time when it came to who came into my life growing up. A lot of violence of different kinds. Lots of isolation. It took so much work to get here now, and I don’t hate myself for once. Things are good.
As for my career prospects, last time I used tumblr I was convinced I was going to be in Musical theatre, and I was wrong. I could have done it, some stuff got in the way and I had to leave drama school in hopes of not being dead by the end of the year. Now I work in the music industry and I started a domestic abuse collective to be creative and raise money for charity. I work at kinky parties and dance around for a living. Life could be worse, and who knows maybe I’ll be in a pub for the rest of my life but I hope not.
I always thought I was sick at social media but I’m starting to get out of touch with it and realise that what worked doesnt anymore so I’m hoping I figure it out. If I buckle down I’ll sort it out, maybe? Lets pray together.
Anyway. I’m scared to stop writing because the big fear has been kicking in regarding my career for the last few days. It’s nice to have a diary, but it did help me feel a bit grateful for how much has changed and how far I’ve come.
I’m proud of me, and I hope you’re proud of you too. Even if you have days like the one I’m having today :)
Thea
