Hil

[hilmary-in-thought]

"I think everything in life is art. What you do.

How you dress. The way you love someone,

and how you talk. Your smile and your

personality. What you believe in, and all your

dreams. 'The way you drink your tea. How

you decorate your home. Or party. Your

grocery list. The food you make. How your

writing looks. And the way you feel. Life is

art.

-Helena Bonham Carter

[hilmary-in-thought]

You are healing a part of me that I thought was forever broken, and forever untouchable. You touched me so gently and showed me what it is to love and to trust. Picking myself on the loneliest nights was all that I have known...carrying my heart on my sleeve, but you, you showed me that it's okay. I'm not afraid anymore. I have you

-Hil

[hilmary-in-thought]

I should be sleeping right now, although I'm thinking about him instead. How being apart tears my heart.

I have this hunger to be touched by him again, to be in the arms of my love.

I need him more than ever, as for this moment I feel nothing but this ache in my heart. The distance between us feels like an endless ocean wide, but I know this empty feeling won't last forever.

[hilmary-in-thought]

Don't you see, do you see that beautiful flower that blooms?

Do you see that beautiful full moon?

Do you see the stars shine bright?

Do you see that bird fly and roam freely?

That feeling you get when you admire something so beautiful, that feeling of appreciation. When I look at you, I get that feeling. I admire you, your beauty inside and out.

Oh, how you bloom like a flower and shine like those stars. How your beauty reflects like the moon. How you roam free like a bird.

-Hil

[hilmary-in-thought]

Meet me at the tree, where our souls intertwined,

Hand in hand, we shared our hopes and dreams,

Underneath the branches

At that sacred place, our lips first met,

A kiss that sparked a love we'll never forget.

It's where our story began, written in the air,

A tale to be told as we grow old.

So let's meet again,

At the tree where we first found our way,

-Hil

[hilmary-in-thought]

Mother's love?

I craved your love more than anything in this

world,

But it always felt like something I had to pry

from you. I begged and pleaded for even a hint

of affection, but instead, I settled for ridicule

and fleeting conversation.Our communication

was always a struggle, a fight,

And I knew deep down that it wasn't quite

right. Seeing mothers with their children, grief

hit me hard, for the motherly love I yearned for

was forever marred. Whenever we're together,

there's a ticking time bomb, yet I still overstay

my welcome, holding on to a false calm

I know deep down that this is all we'l ever

have, and it's hard to watch you try after so

long.

I can't allow myself to believe that you've

changed, not when l've been proven wrong by

your actions, deranged.

It's time to face the truth and accept the

reality, that a toxic mother's love is not worth

the agony: will no longer beg or plead

love anymore

For it's not worth the pain and the hurt

[hilmary-in-thought]

Anxiety

A constant companion, by my side.

It whispers doubts and fuels my fears,

Leaving me restless, drowning repeatedly.

It tightens my chest, and steals my breath.

My thoughts race

Tangled and chaotic, causing me pain.

The shame of being seen consumes me.

And so it repeats...

[hilmary-in-thought]

Our love goes beyond measure, I will follow you in the darkest of times even when you feel you can't, I will carry you.

-Hil

[hilmary-in-thought]

The Rainy Day

The day is cold, and dark, and dreary;

It rains,and the wind is never weary;

The vine still clings to the mouldering wall,

But at every gust the dead leaves fall,

And the day is dark and dreary.

My life is cold, and dark, and dreary;

It rains,and the wind is never weary;

My thoughts still cling to the mouldering past,

But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast,

And the days are dark and dreary.

Be still, sad heart, and cease repining;

Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;

Thy fate is the common fate of all,

Into each life some rain must fall,

Some days must be dark and dreary.

-Henry Wadsworth longfellow

Wrote this in my book🤍

This poem will forever be my favorite.

[hwhwgwhnwnwbwbwg-deactivated202]

Haruki Marukami

[hilmary-in-thought]

My dearest,

My heart beats for you so profoundly,

My dearest, let me unravel your secrets with

my touch and kiss them away,

Let me get lost in those eyes that hold the

whole galaxy,

Let me hold you like there is no tomorrow,

My dearest, it all makes sense now,

It's you, the person I want to spend my life

with and no other.

-Hil

[hilmary-in-thought]

His eyes are elegant, and so is his pure heart. Although his eyes are more than that, they tell a story. I hold him in my arms, his head on my chest, crying, seeking comfort. I lift his chin and look into his eyes, the eyes that have seen what no human should see, the eyes that have relived many lifes, the eyes that holds beauty. But when you look closely you can see the man who has overcome many demons, the one that always stays strong. I hold him tight...I will never let go.

Because I will guard his heart

I will love him in his darkest of times, he won't need to fight his demons alone.

[hilmary-in-thought]

Is there light at the end of the tunnel?

I don't know.

Is it worth it?

I don't know.

Will time heal itself?

I don't know.

Truth is, I don't know, and that's okay.

I spend most of my days worrying about what's going to happen.

All the "what if" and wonders.

I don't want to spend the rest of my life in fear and constant worry.

I want to live again.

I want to feel again, I want to laugh, cry happy tears, feel love, feel how to fly.

Only I can change that.

I will not say "if" and wonder, I will want it.

I want this.

[hilmary-in-thought]

I can get lost in your eyes, I can watch you you for hours and never get tired, I can listen to you talk all day long

Your voice is deep and husky but when you talk to me it is as sweet as honey.

I love the way you kiss me

Your lips so soft and smooth

From where I stand the sun reflects on your soft skin.

From where I stand I see nothing but beauty

[hilmary-in-thought]

Waking up with this empty feeling inside of me, I can't quite explain.

Every day seems to be the same

I feel like I'm drowning in my own thoughts

How do I shut these voices out

I am tired

I am tired of this feeling

I stare at myself, looking at my reflection, seeing all the imperfections. How I wish I was perfect and pretty. Remove my eye bags under my eyes, make me feel hole again.

I am tired of thinking

I am slowly suffocating tell me how to stop overthinking

The sleepless nights, the nights I feel like giving up

[hilmary-in-thought]

I'm drawn back in the this dark hole

I thought I was okay

Am I really?

I'm drawn back to this comfort, a clothe covered in sadness

The feeling of drowning

The feeling of numbness

The feeling of guilt

I ly in bed, my thoughts consuming me Lying in bed feeling trapped

Why does this sadness and overwhelming fear welcoming me

As I rap myself in this sadness

I forget how to breathe

Will this sycle ever end?