so normally i can handle an insane amount of stress. i can juggle 5-6 different things, i can handle my issues on my own. but moving back in with my grandmother is devastating for me. shes abusive, manipulative, and destroyed a good 8 years of my life. shes why i don’t celebrate my birthday anymore, why even the tiniest amount of clutter makes me nauseous. and worst of all, the source of a great deal of my trauma and ptsd, is her son. and she wholeheartedly believes he’s innocent.
i know its a few months. thats it. but knowing i have to go back there, even for a short amount of time, is making me lose the energy to keep going. i get it, its better than being homeless, but she makes it very clear sometimes im not her blood relative. she makes me feel sick, and worthless, and small.
so between all of this, and falling out with friends and being ghosted left and right. as well as work, and this looming move thats approaching— im really at my limit. my mother keeps telling me to step away from the internet, and games, and whatever. but being isolated is the last thing i need right now. idk what to do with myself anymore, im losing weight, im too tired to cry about it. im just incredibly numb and just want to sleep all the time.
i really really try not to vent like this on the dash but i want to get it off my chest. i dont have anyone to talk to about this without getting the same “ get over it “ or “ itll get better “ kind of talk. sometimes i just need to vent.
snowghoul
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