Its 4:30 AM, I have been trying to sleep for the past hour and 30 minutes but cannot. I am too hot, everything hurts, I have heart burn and i can hear my dad doing God knows what in the next room. So instead I will now ramble about Juuzou and Mutsuki enjoy.
⚠️ Certain words are censored cause I don't want my nonsense in survivor tags for things i haven't personally experienced ⚠️
Juuzou and Mutsuki are so incredibly special to me. They are my favorites. My boys. I want them to find peace and safety withen eachother that the worlds never shown ether. I want them.to fuck. I want them strung up and gored. I want them to fuck.
Juuzou is my favorite character ever written and I have lots to say about him but I really struggle to word it because theres just so much, and alot of my reading on him requires knowledge of R4MC0 which is something not many people know of, and even fewer believe in, however I was being told (completely against my will) about such things in graphic detail at a very young age, and hes been my main way of coping with that <--- I'll make a full post explaining why I think Juuzous a pr0gramm3d syst3m after I've settled down when I move. I'm telling you all though, I'm a fuckin genius
Mutsuki is the character I've felt the most personally called out by from anything ever, to the point I had to break from reading Tokyo Ghoul until I was able to realize I was a man cause it was making me think about parts of myself I couldn't safely explore yet, both in regards to transsexuality and trauma/repressed memories. I've only recently realized this also lol.
I absolutely adore how Mutsuki is everything Juuzous accused of being. "Cat killer" is the obvious one but theres more. I just dont know how to exactly word things rn so ill come back to this anther time.
I also think its fun that Mutsuki technically "passes" better then him... has anyone else noticed that Juuzou deals with more transphobia (misgendering, dead naming, sexual harressmsnt) then the trans man?? As I've explained before I personally don't count Torso bevause I don't think he had any concept of what a trans person is, he thought Muts was a women and targeted him for his scars. He didn't target gim for being trans, that never came up-- anyway!
I think they understand eachother in ways nobody else can.
Though Juuzous squad obviously adores him, I still think he feels seperate from them all to a degree. In my personal head cannon he tends to keep his past to himself, they know the jist but hes spared them the details because 1. He does not want to scare people away. 2. He doesn't want to be pitied. And 3. Its just....alot to explain, to him its a waste of time and breath.
Sure, Mutsuki can't relate on all of it, he was never forced to kill for the entertainment/sadistic pleasure of others. But I'd argue his hand will still forced when he took the lives of his parents, as someone who's been homicidal since I started menstrating, when you are sexually abused and have the types of neurosis I do you very quickly adopt the "him or me" mentality. He had to do what he had to do in order to survive. He acted out of desperation, not desire (though I'm sure he took pleasure in the act)
And even if he did, thats not gonna make him feel more human, if anything it would just highlight the differences. He wasn't raised in the world of humans, he was hardly raised at all. He was trained and trafficked by elite-class ghouls. Trained to be Mama's dress up dolly, or her blood thirsty fight dog, or her acrobat, or her submissive well trained pet eagerly awaiting torture. Trained to fill any and every roll perfectly.
I think the only person he's talked about this in depth with (aside from Muts) was Shinohara but even then, he doesn't /get/ it, and even if he did, he's now comatose so that doesn't do Juuzou much good.
He wasn't tortured in the traditional sense but he was made to fear for his life. From what little we're shown of his upbringing the abuse he was subject too is on the extreme end. Most people haven't been nearly drowned, most people aren't left covered in scars. Most people aren't driven to murder.
Hell, even the gender issues is soemthing they can relate on. I imagine Juuzou sxperinces some level of dysphoria, his body has been physically altered and feminized against his will. Only real difference is it wasn't his own organs doing that. And again, obviously Mutsuki can't relate to being castrated but hes been forced to watch his body controt into something he can hardly recognize. Speaking forst hand gender dysphoria alone can drive you completely insane.
Its now 5:45 and I've lost my original point so im gonna stop now. I can hear birds outside and see light through the curtains. Wish me luck.
