this is where i talk about things sometimes

i complain a lot like a LOT also i'm 18 i'm nicole and i love hallucinogenics and weed and things

[hookahsmokingcaterpillarshit]

Delete Delete Delete Delete

How could I have been such a fool to my own self

[hookahsmokingcaterpillarshit]

No, No, No,

everything that is on here from before this month, disregard, delete

[hookahsmokingcaterpillarshit]

What What? What? Pay attention to things around you you fucking vermin. You're so stuck in your own selfish shit thoughts that opportunities move on past you.

[hookahsmokingcaterpillarshit]

I need to get a better grip on myself, everyday I F E E L, stupidly intensely. Just feel everything. One day I feel overwhelming anxiety about my general behavior and thought processes, the next day I have calmed myself and learned to feel GREAT, and only great, so great that I'm ignorant, then I feel the ignorance, and then worry. Worry is the worst one, because it's been so intense, and guess what, it's just me, it's all in my head. I worry to the point that I forget about everything else and believe only in what I'm worrying. Phones suck too, they cause me to stay stuck in a loop. I cause my own self to be in a loop. I have a very vivid imagination to the point that I imagine everything to be the opposite of what it is and live accordingly.

[weed-palace]

[4gifs]

[hookahsmokingcaterpillarshit]

I can never sleep because all i see is your smiling face. Nobody has ever affected me so much and i dont know how to feel about it. Youre not here and i havent seen you in so long, and it seems every time i see you im so nervous i get so anxious and messed up and just not me. all i want is to see you

[hookahsmokingcaterpillarshit]

omg ok i did it i'm smiling all is good

[hookahsmokingcaterpillarshit]

whhooa ur my top tumblr fan???? im ur top real life fan omfg kiss me

[hookahsmokingcaterpillarshit]

omfg i finally have to poop today is a good day

[hookahsmokingcaterpillarshit]

here goes another night of looking at your face and crying

[hookahsmokingcaterpillarshit]

i feel like the calm before a storm. and i know the second i get off this computer it will storm

[hookahsmokingcaterpillarshit]

i don't feel good at all. my sadness/anxiety is making me so nauseous i'm literally gagging. like i am going to actually vomit because i'm so sad.

[hookahsmokingcaterpillarshit]

you're one of those people that just could never laugh at themselves aren't you

[hookahsmokingcaterpillarshit]

a really pointless rant but something that bothers me (applies to a lot of things)

so when the columbine shooting happened obviously i knew about it and what happened, but i was younger so i didn't really absorb it completely. a few years later someone was talking about it and asked me something and i was like 'wait columbine?' and he was like WOW YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT COLUMBINE IS???????????? and like i figured it out and i knew BOTH THINGS I JUST DIDN'T TIE THEM TOGETHER BECAUSE I WASN'T VERY INTO THE SUBJECT OK god it's just been bothering me this whole time because this happens with a lot of things and it makes me look dumb when really NO, i just wasn't THINKING ABOUT IT ALL THE TIME god

[hookahsmokingcaterpillarshit]

it's sad when people start talking to you because your hair is finally long lol

but i've been waiting for it to grow since the day i cut it so i guess its ok a little

[hookahsmokingcaterpillarshit]

it's weird how something so simple as a drawing could just calm you down and make you feel like there are other people in this world that feel the same way, even if it's the most farfetched feelings there are possible.

it's like a kid who won't eat anything and is starving and dying of hunger but nobody understands that he hates everything but doesn't wanna die and then finally, even at the age of two years old this child finds pita bread and hummus and feels 100% better

idk if that makes sense it does to me and i'm tired so just leave