𝖒𝔦𝔰𝔢𝔯𝔦 𝖈𝔬𝔪𝔭𝔢𝔫𝔢𝔯𝔦 .

( ᵐⁱˢᵉʳʸ ˡᵒᵛᵉˢ ᶜᵒᵐᵖᵃⁿʸ .)

[hopeharmed]

#𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐞𝐝 ━━ I'VE BEEN WATCHING HIM FOR MY ENTIRE LIFE ,                      & I HATE THE WAY HE BREATHES .

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    damned by teddy ( 26 , they / he . ) & established in june , 2023 . 21+ . GMT / BST based !

EXTREMELY SPORADIC ACTIVITY , independent multimuse roleplay blog for original fandomless muses . this varies from supernatural , vampire & modern original characters , with a heavy focus on vampirism .

   ( a study in misery & adversity , and having the choice to overcome it , ( or not . ) & whether or not to keep hoping something will change ,                 ━━━━━━━━ ( or finally doing something about it . ) )

MAY CONTAIN HEAVY & TRIGGERING THEMES .

PRIVATE & SELECTIVE . i only write with mutuals ; beta editor only . discord is available for mutuals .

━━ non-roleplay blogs or blogs without a roleplay side in pinned are blocked on sight & you MUST adhere to my DNI .

✦ . . 𝐝𝐚𝐦𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 sanctified-sanctuary & sundawndancer!!

𝐦𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬 ┋ sanctified-sanctuary ✦ sundawndancer !!

𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐬 ┋ carrd ✦ wishlist ✦ inbox tag ✦ opens ✦ headcanons ✦ shipping call .

[meanbuddhist]

you may find me having intense spiritual breakthroughs and revelations just to completely forget about them one week later don’t worry about me i am on my path

[hopeharmed]

def thinking im gonna update some pages etc. and make things a little more like, contained so ur not bouncing from a carrd to a doc ... now that i am Back & make sure everything is like easily accessed nod nod

if anyone wants some char connections etc ... lmk hehe

[hopeharmed]

❝ ♕ ⟶ @yuuwen sent — "Stop looking at me like that." / "You’re too tempting for me." // cassius & salvatore >:) whichever kind of ' look ' it is , cass is trying to have another taste of sal again ... maybe literally ... || ›       TENSION   LINER   PROMPTS 

    ❝ Stop looking at me like that , ❞ Salvatore had said to little avail . Of course , he'd allowed Cassius' greed before , allowed him to bite once — but perhaps now he had opened the flood gates for more .

    For when Cassius replied with such a statement , Salvatore exhaled heavily . Fond , naturally , but it wouldn't be Salvatore if he wasn't a little exasperated .

    ❝ . . . Spit it out . What do you want ? Use your words and tell me , pretty boy , or you won't get it . ❞ He stepped away , not so much that the two of them weren't still in close proximity to one another , but enough so that Cassius knew Salvatore was being entirely serious . . .

[lured-into-wonderland]

“You’re not the only one that can. But would you? Would you hurt me? Would you want it to happen?” – it’s so hard. So hard to understand. Nunnally is not sure how much of "the old him" is now in her Lord Chamberlain. And perhaps more importantly, how much she wants the past Aizul to be there. Here and now. After all, her heart is yearning for the prince who disappeared in the past. With all his flows…and good sides. After all,  she loved them. Despite all that had happened. If she could, she would make a wish to be t h e r e again. To be able to live through it again.

Month after month. Week after week. Day after day. Hour after hour. Minute after minute.

Even if all that time was to lead her to the same end. No! Even if living though it again would mean more suffering for her. She would say that wish. Instantly. Nunnally would not hesitate…but she will not. She will not say it because she doesn’t know if Aizul would want that. Is he hesitant because they wanted to forget? Were they hesitant because he didn’t want to go back? She asks and asks herself over and over again.

Foolish girl!; she thinks to herself. Not everyone is given the chance you are getting now. Even if their words are hurting her. Even if she wants to deny his words. But Nunnally doesn’t know how. What to say. She still remembers feelings more than events. But can he tell that?

And yet, she is sure that even if she remembered everything, it wouldn't change her mind. She is stubborn. She was back then, too. But now she is wiser (or perhaps only stronger). Or perhaps she'd be as weak as she was. Just not yet.

“I will not. I will not cry if they are to be the tears of my misery. I promise.” – she promises but is Nunnally able to keep her promise? But she is going to try. The princess doesn’t allow Aizul to move his hand away. She stops their gesture reaching for their hand – “But I don’t regret any of the tears from the past. They were meant to lead us where we are now. They were necessary...unavoidable...” – Nunnally’s not sure what exactly she is meaning by that. Or perhaps she knows?

“We were not meant to be back then.” – she says still holding their hand tightly – “But we are meat to be now.”

“If you still want that Aizul…” – what a bold assumption! But she believes that the crown prince he was once had learnt to love her. His fiancée. Nunnally knows he did not all the time (and neither did she). She suddenly remembers why she was chosen and why they wanted her. But Nunnally also remembers that her heart was filled with love for him. With kindness. Gentleness. With peace?    

And she feels the urge to contradict her own words.

“But if it takes my tears to have you back, the tears of my pain, I’ll give them to you. You are free to take them.” – she lets his hand go and stands up.

“Yes, my Lord Chamberlain... losing is not an option.” – but it’s not getting him back that she now swears to achieve; although she wants that too. Eagerly. Nunnally truly does, but there is a more important challenge – “I will take your curse away.” – she commits; her words are quiet but confident. Even if that means she needed to be cursed.

She was back then, right? In the eyes of the people. For loving them. For loving the monster?

…so now it’s turn to be cursed by gods…

She curls her palms into fists. It's a price she is ready to pay.

[hopeharmed]

    There's a long pause , as Aizul considered her question . Did she think he was still him ? That miserable , cruel Prince that held no kindness in his heart for his fiancé ? ❝ . . . No , ❞ he admitted , soft , heart torn in half for her and her alone . ❝ I don't want to hurt you , I never want to hurt you , Nunnally . ❞ But they both knew that he could . Even contracted to her , they were still the same person , somewhere deep inside . Forced to grant the wishes of others , and yet still so , so . . . Selfish .

    Though maybe some part of them knew that she wished for the past back . For him to be her missing Prince , to love and be loved . They knew it to their core , and yet he could not face it . To be him again , to look at her with the face they once wore . . . Could he do that ? Could they really . . . Be together again , even if it was miserable ?

    Nunnally didn't let them pull away their hand , and so Aizul froze . Gloved ; staring down at his 'captor' ( though they were willing ) , eyes widening . The warmth of her hand brought memories of the two of them , flooding into his very soul like she belonged there . And maybe she did . Maybe she did and Aizul was just too frightened of her , of himself , to be more than what they were now .

    They don't speak for a moment , something in the way they process her words ; her earnest belief that they didn't work before but they could now . . . But what would people think ? Her , and her Lord Chamberlain , in some sort of affair . . . ?     ( But they knew they were hers . Truthfully , they really , genuinely knew this . There was no avoiding it , no way that they weren't . Here she was , offering it , and Aizul's mouth went dry . )

    Kindness . Peace . Gentleness . All of the things Aizul had never spared her , or perhaps , had only spared in passing — and they were doomed . Surely , they were doomed .     But then the warmth of her hand was gone , and Aizul was left starstruck , staring at a Princess that then swore to them that she would break his curse . Would love be enough ? Or would they just be led into believing that this was all they ever could be ?

    ❝ You do not have to do that . ❞ Aizul told her , wanting to be close to her and yet remaining still — ❝ you don't have to break my curse . I am happy to serve you , to grant your wishes , for as long as you may live . That will always be enough for me . ❞

    He shook his head , looking down at their feet , voice smaller , then . ❝ . . . And if you wish for me , Nunnally , ❞ a breath , shaky . How strange , for they never truly felt such a way , not until she came into the equation , ❝ then I am wholeheartedly yours . I will find a way . For you . ❞

[hopeharmed]

❝ ♕ ⟶ @lacrimaire sent — "I don’t play fair, remember?" cain @ nemesis <3 || ›       TENSION   LINER   PROMPTS     

    Nemesis scowled ; her eyes sharp as her brow furrowed . A soft , irate sigh escaped her lips — longing for the carade to end , but knowing it couldn't . ( For what she'd give for the two of them to just have a normal conversation . . . But he is not like her , and never would be again . Thus , deep down , she knew most of her anger towards him stemmed from the fact that he was a true vampire , and she wasn't . Jealousy , perhaps ? Envy . . . ? )

    ❝ Then don't , but I have little time for your games today . Do you have the information that I paid for or not ? ❞ Nemesis really ought to learn some manners — ought to quit stomping around Cain's manor like she owned the place , but for once , she didn't seem to be so eager to poke around his things and disturb his peace .

[gloomglimmer]

›       TENSION   LINER   PROMPTS     

"I   dare   you   to   try."

"Do   you   always   get   close?"

"You’re   pushing   my   limits."

"Stop   looking   at   me   like   that."

"I’m   losing   control   here."

"You   have   no   idea,   do   you?"

"I   can’t   resist   you   anymore."

"Stay   back,   or   don’t."

"I   know   what   you   want."

"This   is   getting   dangerous   now."

"You’re   too   tempting   for   me."

"I   shouldn’t   want   this,   but…"

"I   don’t   play   fair,   remember?"

"Careful,   you’re   testing   me."

"You’re   just   making   it   worse."

"You’re   too   close   for   comfort."

"Do   you   always   push   buttons?"

"Stop   before   I   kiss   you."

"You’re   making   it   too   hard."

"I   can’t   stop   thinking   about   you."

"I   want   you   too   much."

"You   know   exactly   what   you’re   doing."

"I’m   not   playing   games   here."

"You’ve   crossed   the   line   now."

"Keep   pushing,   and   you’ll   regret   it."

"This   is   dangerous,   isn’t   it?"

"I’m   trying   not   to   care."

"Don’t   make   me   regret   this."

"You’re   playing   with   fire."

"You   don’t   know   what’s   coming."

"I   shouldn’t   be   this   close."

"We’re   getting   dangerously   close   now."

"I   can   feel   the   heat."

"Don’t   test   me   right   now."

"I   want   you   too   badly."

"Don’t   make   me   chase   you."

"You’re   distracting   me,   you   know."

"I   won’t   fall   for   this."

"I   want   you,   but…"

"What   do   you   want   from   me?"

"I’ll   never   give   in."

"I’m   trying   not   to   care."

"You’re   playing   with   my   patience."

"Don’t   make   this   harder,   please."

"I   can’t   stop   this   feeling."

"I’m   already   in   too   deep."

"You   won’t   walk   away   unscathed."

"You’re   walking   a   fine   line."

"I’m   trying   to   stay   calm."

"What   are   you   doing   to   me?"

[lured-into-wonderland]

“I know.” – she confirms; her voice sweet and understanding; he surely cannot hear that tiny drop of irony in it – “A person like you is always busy…” – she doesn’t mind his words; Nunnally knows they are not honest. They are there to tease. Her. To exert jealousy. Her interests. She knows she’s fun. Or at least she can be fun, when she chooses so. When she decides to throw off that veil of boredom she offers to the world. But with him…

With them…they’re a challenge. A game. With Logan Nunnally wants to be desired. She wants to see that jealousy in the eyes of other women when he keeps coming back. Again and again. For more and more. For her. Of course not for her. She knows that. She is not foolish. But the others don’t, and it all that matters.

But she is playing a dangerous game. Though is Nunnally aware of that? She can feel. She wants to feel. Love. Touch. Yearn. But if she lets herself feel these feeling for Logan…then she’d loose? Could he feel? Could they fall for her? 

NO? YES? She's not even confident to take a guess.

“Though a person like you needs a person like me…” – smart, beautiful, funny and well-dressed. He needs her and she needs them for some illogical dance. Oh, she loves dancing but now she wants more. Could Logan guess what she wants? A kiss? Yes, she could get a kiss. Wouldn’t that what he wanted to give her?

But he withdraws? Why? To make her ask for it? Maybe even beg. She will not. She is a princess. They told it themselves.

“I exist…” – she challenges – “Isn’t the fact that I am here with you, instead of being somewhere else…” – with someone else – “…enough to earn a kiss.” – Nunnally could take it for herself; she could kiss Logan if she only moved her head. But she would not. Just standing there in excitement to see what’s going to happen next. She can almost feel Logan’s lips on her own. She can almost imagine the kiss…

But he withdraws. For real.

She should be worried, but she isn’t.

“I am a princess…” – she reminds him laughingly; oh she does regret they didn’t kiss her. That she didn’t make that move and kiss him. But only for a brief moment. It’s better that it didn’t happen – “I’ll take that kiss if I decide it’s really worth taking…” – they walk; drawing the attention of the crowd. They’re beautiful. And they look happy. A perfect couple…

…that they are not.

Her hand reaches for their cheek; and then ruffles their hair as he speak.

“I will Logan…” – she agrees readily – “…as long as you remain…entertaining…”

[hopeharmed]

    Her assessment was certainly correct . But why couldn't she help but want to appease him , and his whims ? The sweetness of her voice was so . . . Thrilling , after all , and Logan did so love being entertained . Her moral quandry about all of this was insightful to them , if only because as much as she might've wanted his attention , they wanted her attention more . ❝ So aren't you just the luckiest , to have my time and energy tonight , Princess ? "

    Nunnally was fun . But Logan wouldn't admit that so easily , not unless he gained something out of it . Not unless they were given something just as worthy . If she wanted jealously , for people to scowl as he only gave her their eyes , wouldn't she have to earn it ? To prove herself enough for him ?

    Logan's head tilted to the side when Nunnally retorted with her statements — a coy smirk on his face . She wanted a kiss , didn't she . And she didn't earn it , and she was disappointed . And what a beautiful expression on her face at the loss , at the way she lingered a touch too long before he'd seperated from her . It's almost pitiful , in their eyes , but really , Logan just enjoyed the thrill of the chase . ❝ Oh , I need you , do I ? ❞ There's a lilt in his voice , almost , something so bemused ; cocky , overconfident . A titter of a laugh .

    Would she ever beg for what she really wanted from them ? Could he make her ?

    The was a long pause as Nunnally challenged him , before he shook his head. ❝ Mmn . . . Let me think about it . . . ❞ Their face twisted in thought , as if truly considering her question . ❝ — Nope ! ! ❞ And their smile was so polite and yet so , so , damning . He was playing her . For now .

    Whether or not his feelings were real or not was another story .

    ❝ As a princess , it would be improper of me to kiss you without prior agreement . But we've made one now , haven't we ? I'll be entertaining for you , and you'll earn it . Aren't we so terribly lucky ? ? ❞ Logan hummed brightly , leaning into her touch though they really shouldn't . They did look beautiful together , and that was the problem .

    ❝ Are you ready to dance with me ? ❞ A grin , their free hand straightening out the mess she'd made of their hair .

[havingapoemwithyou]

Scientific method by James Tadd Adcox

[quotefeeling]

“Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people.”

— Carl Gustav Jung

[yuuwen]

ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ❝ㅤ with my hand on your heart and your blood on my tongue , we belong to each other . i'm all yours , and you're mine , mine , mine . ㅤ ❞ㅤ — ㅤcassius & salvatore , @hopeharmed

[hopeharmed]

as i have returned... if theres any threads anyone wants me to pick back up please do feel free to lmk !

or like, pick up any old plots etc etc . . . i'll be back properly ( they say ) after sunday but nod nod

[hopeharmed]

❝ ♕ ⟶ @yuuwen sent — cassius nuzzling against salvatore very loudly very intimately very forcefully after being gone for so long what he wouldn’t give to just sink his teeth into his beloved prince charming … chomp !!

    ❝ pretty boy , what did i say about greeting me with teeth ? ❞ he murmured , a fond disdain in his words . even so , his arms wrapped around cassius with a feverent possessiveness — for oh , how he missed him . ❝ do remember your manners . . . ❞

[hopeharmed]

hey... heeeyyy.... ( ghost waves ) i tthhhiiiinkkkk i might ease back into being here again ... i have just been Very Unwell !!!!!!!!!!!! so ... hey, hi , hello . . . .

[letsbelonelytogetherr]

— v, excerpts from a book i’ll never write #2 (via letsbelonelytogetherr)

[nixscriptum]

the archive of almosts.

[nixscriptum]

the archive of almosts. (II)

[1anonyymous1]

nobody is coming to save you. get up