HEADSPACE

HOPE SAN PEDRO | 27 | MNL, PH | huge fan of drink coasters

[hopesanpedro]

You Will Not Know Peace in a Long While

The sky where I live never really dims. The lights in different buildings, both residences and corporates, compete with the stars that seldom grace us. I thought I knew wakefulness, I was wrong. I have never seen darkness this bright.

It feels as though I am not only here to pass but to take roots, and that is new to me. I haven’t been in a situation where I want to experience stillness, except for when I found my heart. After that, it is only now that I felt it again. I will not shy away from the truth that I was afraid, am afraid, and will probably be for a little longer.

The strong desire to occupy a place and call it mine comes with the urge to start running and never stop. I admit, this place is no stranger because God knows the other thousands of times I was here. To say I have been trapped in here one too many times would be a light observation.

Transparency isn’t new to me either. My book is open and my pages read, though they aren’t the easiest to digest. I share seemingly all of me to a lot and yet few really know me. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Though I have always been a lover of my own solitude, I used to want to be around people and, for a time, that helped me keep loneliness at bay. I have been the one to go through lists of up-and-coming restaurants I can dine in with my friends, clad in flimsy dresses, holding glasses of wine, and taking photos under the decorated street lamps. I’ve outgrown that, I think. Or was it drained out of me by the recent years? Who knows.

Now, I sit in my bed, in an apartment I’ve always dreamt of, contented with the company of my pillows, and comforted by the subsiding sound of the business district. I always knew I needed to move away for my own sanity. I’ve always thought I need to listen to my voice; I didn’t know how much I would be able to handle by myself.

Every now and then, I open my door to few people I want to build a connection with – be that a necessity or genuine fondness. Most times, they turn out great and I end up with close acquaintances who can be certain I’d be here when they need me. There are times I relearn that some people don’t deserve it.

Here’s a thing – I have cried more in the past month than all of the previous months this year combined.

My bullies weren’t big and scary, they looked… normal. Acted normal, ate normal, talked normal, lived normal. Like all other in this earth that have their own vivid lives outside of our interactions, no matter how elaborate or short they may be. They’re people with their own family, loved ones, hopes, and dreams. I am not privy to those details and it would be too presumptuous of them to think they ever knew me.

My bullies were people I genuinely liked enough to want to connect with, enough to try and help them in whatever way I can. Isn’t it weird that all bullies are somehow once liked?

But alas, all bullies are the same. They think their actions are warranted, that the way they band together and build their hatred against you instead of taking action to understand each other better are vindicated. They think you deserve it for all the wrong that you did, the truth in what you did or didn’t do is irrelevant – you have been judged and you are sentenced to suffer.

After they’ve cautiously made sure you feel isolated, they will join together and be one loud voice. The louder they are, the stronger they are. They become a beast that, in their eyes, is in the right. The unbelievers are in denial and whoever is in their way are not in their right mind. Ah, the delusion of wielding an imaginary power that is caused by an echo chamber. They have no remorse nor empathy. Guilt is an unfamiliar concept. They were, after all, in the right. After they have slayed you, they will rejoice and drink your blood in cups they’d raise and shout for.

It is futile to expect or wish for a sincere apology. It is no longer needed nor wanted. And bullies, true to their nature, do not and will not ever accept that they owe that to anyone.

Clink, clink. The sound of celebrating lies, ungratefulness, backstabbing, entitlement, and hypocrisy. The sound of laughter that will never be steady, not ever sure. They won’t know peace in a long while, and isn’t that just the saddest part of it all? They may think they have it now but evil never wins. That is well and truly proven centuries over.

My choice is always to build a bridge, if people break that, I oblige by burning it through.

No matter how many people tell me otherwise, I refuse to accept that the warmth in my smile and the kindness that I extend are weaknesses. They are my strength and throwing them away to be stuck in a jar with their chosen mindset is a weakness I would let other choose themselves.

The sky in my city never really dims. It doesn’t get dark enough for me to get lost in a void, never dark enough for me to feel totally alone.

I am safe, I am secured, I am me. I am Hope.

[hopesanpedro]

Dancing with Thunders

When we were kids, we were fascinated with the myth of tikbalangs (half human, half horse creatures) getting married as the reason for the rain when the sun’s up. The story was that the heavens do not allow the tikbalangs to marry, their happiness is forbidden and the nature opposes it. Thus, the rain. Now, we’re still fascinated with the phenomenon but no longer of the myth. We’ve grown, we know better now.

I feel like the whole year has been that - constant rain with the sun shining bright.

This year didn’t give us much time to breathe. We were always running after something. We barely had chances to cope. It was as if we were in that arena of the Hunger Games. Each hour, something is bound to come after us. We felt safe for only a few minutes between hours and hours of avalanches. It was tiring, no doubt. But, hey. We survived.

We survived. Saying that has a bitter aftertaste. Like somehow, we aren’t supposed to celebrate it, like it’s a consolation for not getting under the gushing rage of nature. Maybe because we lost a lot through this year. We lost loved ones, we lost careers, we lost homes and properties, we lost stability, we lost energy, we lost time. A whole year taken away from our plans and we are hysteric in trying to establish new ones as it draws its end.

Despite all that we lost, though, we have found parts of ourselves we didn’t even know existed. We found strength, we found resilience, we found dreams, we found will, we found hope.

Most of us discovered new hobbies and improved on already established ones. We shifted and decided to chase the dreams we didn’t think we could. We learned new things and continued to pursue education. We connected and reconnected, with ourselves and with others. We started and restarted on our goals. We grew and still growing.

Sometimes it’s easy to forget that we are just humans – with limits and needs. We get so caught up with supporting ourselves so we won’t fall on our knees. We forget that it’s what knees are for; they’re not just decorative joints, they’re there as part of our whole body, to help us endure and get through things. It’s no bad thing to pause and fall into our knees, or our butts, or our backs. It’s okay to feel the need to recharge and we shouldn’t take that away from ourselves. We can’t push ourselves to stand tall beyond our limits or we will not only fall so miserably but we also might not be able to get back up. This is just one of the many lessons reiterated to me by this year.

The damage of this year cannot merely be put aside, there is no downplaying its effects. But just the fact that we have pulled through is bigger than anything. Our survival is not a consolation but a triumph that is ought to be celebrated. Our survival entails more than just breathing; we fought and lived through. Our survival, by ourselves, our family, our loved ones, and our God is victory. And there is no way we can deny that.

I will not dare say the pandemic, the typhoons, and many more natural and manmade disasters brought upon us this year are blessings. No, they weren’t. They do not deserve any recognition for destruction they have brought with them. Instead, I’d like to recognize the strength in you for braving through them and coming out alive and breathing. Despite the horrible happenings this year, we made it. And we might not know when exactly this will end, who knows. But if anything, this year proved to us that we are more than what we give ourselves credit for.

When I was a kid, I used to think what a pity it must be for the tikbalangs to marry in the rain, their wedding plagued by the inevitable. Now I realized that the rain is no longer a surprise for them, it’s a given. They are aware of the what is coming and they still welcome it. They still push through with their goal, defying the odds and conquering it.

I know, we’re not tikbalangs but maybe we can learn from the myth too; maybe, holding on to our loved ones and our whole lives, we can also dance through the rain.

Maybe, if we listen closely; there is also music in thunders.

[hopesanpedro]

This boi leaped onto my lap the first time we met. He has been following me everywhere since, and I mean everywhere - even in restrooms and if he can’t, he’d scratch the door til I come out. If i don’t come out immediately, he’d start barking. In drives, he stands proudly on my lap and we call it priderock. He sleeps in my arms when he’s tired, sleeps on the top bunk bed with me when I sleep over, takes up half of my bed when he sleeps over, and waits for me to come back even when I just left after spending a whole weekend with him. 

I am truly, madly, genuinely in love with this furboi. I hope he never ever gets tired of me. I hope he lives for years and years and years!! 

I love you, Milo aka John Milo Mcbearren.

[hopesanpedro]

Happy Hope Day! 10272020

[hopesanpedro]

Life Update: 27 last 27th

Last year, I posted a joke saying my 26th year is titled “Passing By” and somehow, that became true. Since early this year, whenever I’m asked how old I am, I answer 27. I almost always forget I was a year younger then.

However, my 26th year wasn’t an easy path to pass through. I have experienced and learned things beyond my imagination. From natural disasters, travels, pandemic, going back to art, to all other choices I made; good to bad, the last year felt like several years rather than what it really was – just 365 days.

Somehow, though, there’s this peace in me that has gotten a hold of my heart. It grew its root within my soul and I will never be the same. It feels as though who I was lost and was found in a span of a year.

In hindsight, my 26th was so different from my 25th. I always do this, look back. Whenever my birthday comes around, I try my best to evaluate my year. I don’t do this to rate the year but to allow myself to breathe in all that is essential to bring with me and figure out what to leave behind.

When I turned 26th, I started my day crying in the restroom alone for a good 10 minutes. I felt alone and lost, just… lost. I felt like I lost so much in my 25th year. The year when I was supposed to have started figuring out the rest of my life. Instead, I felt like I didn’t even live it. And then I decided that 26th will be the year I take back myself.

Unbeknown to me, it wasn’t my old self that I needed. It was someone else. And so when I thought I finally figured it out, I realized I had to let her go, completely this time. And that I did. And then I ran after my better self.

In my 26th year, I chose myself and continued choosing myself without remorse. It was the best decision I have ever made. I decided to bring my unapologetic trait with me and made changes in said trait to be better. I decided to close the doors for guilt and insecurities. I started living for myself and no one else, honoring my spirituality as I go along.

In my 26th year, I was transformed. I found happiness in choosing to take care of myself to better love people I truly care about. I walked out of a stable job to protect my values and beliefs, I busied my hands with crafts and continued exploring arts, and found my own rhythm to dance to.

In all these, I also had to go through the hard part of transformation – I had to learn and unlearn not just how I am with myself but to others; I became more reserved and curved my edges when speaking my mind; I chose to be a supporter even when I wanted to be supported too; I chose to uplift others than to compete; I had to, sometimes, put someone else’s dreams before mine trusting that my time will come. Because it will, it has already been dated and I just have to wait out a little longer.

In my 26th year, I also stayed indoors longer than any year in my adult life. I had so much free time and even when I thought my hobbies and interests were enough distraction from overthinking, I learned that my energy can’t keep up with everything that’s happening.

In my 26th year, I realized how I should have been, should be, should always be loved. I learned how to love myself better and how to let someone else love me the same (if not more). I learned that I am capable to love larger and that I deserve to be loved larger. I have finally connected with my values of never settling again.

As I’ve said, a lot of things happened in the past year. I have gone through so much weird, ugly, and great. I am grateful for all these experiences. I am happy and content.

Last year, I started my 26th year crying because I felt lost. This year, I started my 27th year crying because it feels so good to be found and kept.

[hopesanpedro]

Day 4: Little Wanderers

Okay, here we go.

For our last day together, basically my last day in Bangkok, we had no actual planned itinerary. We decided to have a chill day where we go wherever we feel like it. And so that we did.

We left the hotel late cos the thai massage is not a light y’all! My body felt wronged. Char. It was great, just a little heavy. You guessed it! We didn’t have actual breakfast cos who would we be if we did! Hahaha

Our first stop was basically my first stop on my first day. Yep, we wanted to go to the 0 𝙆𝙞𝙡𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙈𝙖𝙧𝙠𝙚𝙧 together. Here’s why: 𝘑𝘣 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘴 𝘒𝘪𝘭𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘡𝘦𝘳𝘰. Kilometer Zeroes are particular locations from which distances are traditionally measured. Wherever we are, our starting and end point will be each other. Cheesy, maybe. But we want to be able to visit 0KM markers of places we’re going.

After that, still on my first day itinerary; we ate at Mcdo (𝘤𝘰𝘴 𝘐 𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘑𝘣 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘐 𝘸𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘪𝘮𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧). His order got mixed up but he already had a bite of the sandwich that’s with him so we didn’t bring it up. About 5 minutes later, his real order was given to the 2 asian guys seated in front of us. We all looked at each other and laughed together. After a few more minutes of speaking with them, we left.

We visited the 𝘼𝙎𝙀𝘼𝙉 𝙚𝙭𝙝𝙞𝙗𝙞𝙩, the 𝘾𝙤𝙣𝙛𝙡𝙪𝙭 𝙚𝙭𝙝𝙞𝙗𝙞𝙩, and was supposed to go to 𝙋𝙖𝙨𝙨𝙥𝙤𝙧𝙩 𝘽𝙤𝙤𝙠𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙥. Unfortunately, Passport Bookshop was closed that day. So, we walked around instead. We went to 𝘾𝙝𝙖𝙩𝙪𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙠 𝙒𝙚𝙚𝙠𝙚𝙣𝙙 𝙈𝙖𝙧𝙠𝙚𝙩 after half hour of enduring the sun.

Chatuchak market is huge! It’s like a Divisoria but more organized. We explored their art section where we find many interesting stuff and I was able to score a painting. 𝘊𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘳, 𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘢 𝘢𝘬𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘢 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵. I got myself a ceramics planter which looked so cute, I now regret not buying more. We also bought some more souvenirs for friends and family.

We went around the market for 3 hours. We also looked for postcard stamps but it was futile. After hours of shopping and eating, we decided to call it a day. We had an early dinner near our hotel and slept early since my flight was at 3AM and as a Filipino, I have to be at the airport by 12MN.

Jb came with me to the airport where we were able to find stamps and were able to send our postcards. Unfortunately, due to Covid 19, they are now lost forever probably. He stayed with me until I absolutely had to go.

I got a few more pasalubongs at the shops and some food for my flight. And then that was it for me. Goodbye, Bangkok. It’s been great.

𝘐 𝘢𝘣𝘴𝘰𝘭𝘶𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘺 𝘉𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘬𝘰𝘬 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦. 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘨𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘭 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘊𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘥-19 𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘸 𝘶𝘱 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘑𝘣 𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵! 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘐 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘥𝘢𝘺, 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘣𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘭𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘪𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘰𝘰.

𝘉𝘦𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘑𝘣, 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘯𝘫𝘰𝘺 𝘉𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘬𝘰𝘬 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘦 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩, 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘰𝘥𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴, 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘧𝘧 𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘦 𝘷𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘥, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘺𝘭𝘦. 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘰 𝘢𝘮𝘢𝘻𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘢𝘨𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘵𝘩𝘺, 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘵𝘩𝘺, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘦 𝘷𝘪𝘨𝘪𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘵. 𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘶𝘯𝘴𝘢𝘧𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘥. 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘷𝘪𝘳𝘶𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘳𝘺 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘦.

𝘛𝘳𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘥𝘦𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘢 𝘨𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘐 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦, 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳, 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘭 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘳𝘦𝘪𝘨𝘯𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘦 𝘨𝘰 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘩 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘥𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦.

PS: Thank you for reading til. the end, you! I hope you enjoyed my kwentos of the Bangkok trip. For the videos, go check my instagram tv!

[hopesanpedro]

Day 3: Introvert Itinerary

When Jb and I agreed to plan our itinerary together, we immediately decided on galleries and bookstores. This is one of the things I am grateful for with the boyfriend – we have the same interests.

We left our hotel later than the day before and took our time walking to the station and even had a few minutes to explore the park nearby.

If there’s one thing I am jealous of other countries (there’s a lot lol), it would have to be their parks. Manila doesn’t have neighborhood parks, just concrete plazas in the middle of heavily polluted roads. I wish the government would understand how important parks are to a society.

We got to 𝘽𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙠𝙤𝙠 𝘼𝙧𝙩 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝘾𝙪𝙡𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙚 𝘾𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙧𝙚 1 hour early; they weren’t even opened yet! BACC is in Pathum Wan district, a very busy district. We decided to have our breakfast at Mcdonald’s. We spent the remaining idle minutes at a bench at the huge connecting bridge above the intersection. We watched cars pass by and basically just enjoyed the slow morning.

We spent a good hour going around the exhibits at BACC, involving ourselves in interactive works, and immersing ourselves in different works on display. We also checked out the shops and Jb was able to score a comic book. I got myself some stickers of my favorite films and some more postcards.

After stuffing ourselves with whatever art we can at BACC, we left to have lunch at 𝙈𝘽𝙆 𝘾𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙧 which was right across. It’s a huge mall (so huge we got lost looking for the restrooms) with shops ranging from definitely expensive to saks lang. I had padthai and he had chicken. By that time, I was already in too deep in the padthai life, man.

I’m gonna let you guys in on a 𝙨𝙚𝙘𝙧𝙚𝙩: 𝘑𝘉 𝘞𝘖𝘕’𝘛 𝘓𝘐𝘚𝘛𝘌𝘕 𝘛𝘖 𝘋𝘐𝘙𝘌𝘊𝘛𝘐𝘖𝘕𝘚. HAHAHA I swear we got on too many wrong trains that day. Once was enough but this boi… was so distracted of Lisa billboard in one station that we got.. lost. I had to practically push him out of the cabin when it stopped on the next station cos he kept on insisting we were on the right train. It was funny though. I think, 𝘪𝘧 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘧𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘶𝘵𝘦 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘸𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 – 𝘸𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘧𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵, 𝘯𝘰 𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘺𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘵’𝘴 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘸𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘭𝘺 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘰𝘯. I took charge of the commute directions after that, though.

It was in our wrong train moments that I realized I wouldn’t want to travel with anyone more, ever.

𝘛𝘦𝘹𝘵 𝘊𝘩𝘦𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘚𝘵𝘰𝘱 𝘵𝘰 8888.

The next stop was probably the biggest bookshop I’ve ever been to in my life – 𝙊𝙥𝙚𝙣 𝙃𝙤𝙪𝙨𝙚 𝙖𝙩 𝘾𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙡 𝙀𝙢𝙗𝙖𝙨𝙨𝙮. There was a coffee shop in the middle and an area where people can work, study, or just chill at. (Central Embassy was a high-end mall, 𝘴𝘺𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘢 𝘬𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘭𝘪 𝘮𝘢𝘢𝘮𝘴𝘪𝘳𝘴) I already have people in my head who I think would have enjoyed it there too. But I was so glad I got to go with my favorite person. We checked out some photography books, thai books, and translated books.

Next on itinerary was 𝘾𝙞𝙩𝙮 𝘾𝙞𝙩𝙮 𝙂𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙚𝙧𝙮. We had a hard time getting a cab going there. At around 2pm, we have discovered, that thai taxis are inclined to ask passengers for a fix rate which is twice as much the meter. We had to get in and get off about 2 cabs cos of it. Anyway, we got to City City Gallery only to find out that their gallery is closed and would reopen in April (I think they haven’t reopened yet as of today due to covid).

There was, however, a renovated space turned into a community library/ bookshop: 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙇𝙖𝙨𝙩 𝘾𝙤𝙥𝙮 𝙞𝙨 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙍𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙃𝙚𝙧𝙚. There were books in thai and some that were also translated from other languages. The staff told me that all the books in Thailand would go through a government licensed publishing house which means they decided which can be published in the country and those that are to be banned. It was a controversy she discussed briefly with me.

A few more quiet minutes of browsing and conversing with the gallery staff after, we headed for our last bookshop stop. 𝘾𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙞𝙙𝙚 𝘽𝙤𝙤𝙠𝙨 & 𝘾𝙖𝙛é is located at quiet community in Khlong San. You seriously wouldn’t think there’s a café, bookshop, and gallery there. We were lucky to catch a photography exhibit, too. They also had a signing event but we weren’t able to witness it anymore.

I found no thai poetry book at their bookshop but was able to get a translated version of The Little Prince. 𝘔𝘺 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘤𝘵 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘓𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘗𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘶𝘢𝘨𝘦𝘴. It was interesting that they have so many Korean books in their language, though.

We had iced drinks to quench our thirst from the heat, read our own books for a while, and then decided to check out Rot Fai Train Market.

𝙍𝙤𝙩 𝙁𝙖𝙞 𝙏𝙧𝙖𝙞𝙣 𝙈𝙖𝙧𝙠𝙚𝙩 is an old train station turned into a night market. They have interesting shops and so many thai food, reminded me of Tutuban Center in Divisoria (𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘻𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘦𝘳). We took advantage of the time and brought some souvenirs for our friends and family. We also ate a lot and even brought back some salmon sashimi and sticky mango rice.

We thought we’d end the day with face masks but after a few minutes of being in our own beds, we decided to get massages! We would sleep comfortably for the night and wake up sore the next day. No regrets, though!

𝘗𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘨𝘨𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘯𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘪𝘴. 𝘐𝘵 𝘥𝘦𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐’𝘮 𝘴𝘰 𝘨𝘭𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘤𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘺 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘶𝘴!

Anyway,𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙧𝙖𝙧𝙮:

- Bangkok Art and Culture Centre - MBK Center - Open House at Central Embassy - CITY CITY Gallery / THE LAST COPY IS FOR READING HERE - Candide Books & Café (and gallery!) - Rot Fai Train Market - Thai massage

[hopesanpedro]

Day 2: The Tworists

Jb arrived in Bangkok around midnight and we had to get out of the hotel early in the morning since we were planning to visit the temples. Yup, our first day together was spent to get the touristy stuff out of the way.

Thankfully, both Jb and I don’t like crowded places so he understood when I said I want to experience peaceful temples, should I ever need to go. And so that we did.

We had 𝙘𝙧𝙞𝙨𝙥𝙮 𝙥𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙖𝙠𝙚𝙨 for breakfast which was sold along the street going to the bus station. They look like mini tacos with sweet or salty fillings on what seemed to be melted marshmallows in each of the “pancakes”.

Turns out, I am the patient one between the two of us. Since the bus took a little too long, he decided we should take the cab. We got to our first destination which is the 𝙈𝙖𝙧𝙗𝙡𝙚 𝙏𝙚𝙢𝙥𝙡𝙚 𝙤𝙧 𝙒𝙖𝙩 𝘽𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙢𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙥𝙝𝙞𝙩 at Dusit district. Annnddd going early was definitely worth it! I loved this destination so much cos it was how I imagine temples would be – quiet, serene, peaceful. You can hear the birds and the trees; you can actually find peace and rest inside.

We stayed for an hour seated in one of their benches and just walking around. We left for the 𝘼𝙣𝙩𝙞-𝘾𝙤𝙧𝙧𝙪𝙥𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙈𝙪𝙨𝙚𝙪𝙢 next which was only a few blocks away from the temple. Unfortunately, it was still closed when we got there so we weren’t able to go around.

𝙂𝙐𝙔𝙎!!! On our way to the next stop we saw 𝙈𝙖𝙧𝙞𝙤 𝙈𝙖𝙪𝙧𝙚𝙧 shooting in an unmarked street. I use to dream about meeting celebrities randomly when I get to visit their home country but I never really thought I can ever see one. Definitely made the Thailand trip more memorable. 𝘖𝘬𝘢𝘺 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯

It was expected that our next stop was a more popular temple where tourists flock even at the peak harmful heat of noon. We had lunch at a simple restaurant near the destination and had our first actual Thai food together (It was superb!!! I will never ever forget how good Thai food is!!).

𝙒𝙖𝙩 𝘼𝙧𝙪𝙣 was packed with a lot of people but we were still starstruck. It was so beautifully detailed and it was just so gorgeous. I understood, at first sight a few blocks away, why it was so popular among tourists. You just cannot ignore it if you are in Bangkok.

After about half an hour of going around under the 35 degrees heat, we decided to rest at their café near the pier going to Wat Pho. We had iced drinks and discovered that their plastic cups were 100% compostable since they’re made from plants! We were so amazed you guys! 𝘗𝘸𝘦𝘥𝘦 𝘯𝘢𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘱𝘢𝘭𝘢!!!

The extreme weather and fatigue started taking a toll on Jb by this time so his migraine started again. And his migraine attacks are 𝘉 𝘈 𝘋. I made him wear my hat cos he forgot his back home. I asked if he wanted to go back to the hotel but he said he wanted to finish our itinerary and so we continued.

The boat ride going across the 𝙋𝙝𝙧𝙖𝙮𝙖 𝙧𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙧 to get to 𝙒𝙖𝙩 𝙋𝙝𝙤 was 4THB which is basically how much one jeepney ride cost in Manila. There was a market on the dock going to Wat Pho and there were several nice but a bit expensive cafés around. When we got to the supposedly 3rd temple, we became aware that their entrance fee doubled. So we decided to pass it up. We stayed for a few minutes resting in one of their benches instead.

When Jb felt a little ready, we decided to take the ferry going back to the hotel since his migraine was getting worse and I had to work. Lol. He was asleep almost the whole ride but I was able to enjoy it, people watching and sight-seeing.

The moment we got back to the hotel, Jb fell asleep. We weren’t able to explore our accoms area since he really can’t. So I decided to leave my room and explore by myself.

I had my quiet time at the 𝘾𝙝𝙞𝙗𝙞 𝘾𝙝𝙞𝙗𝙞 café which was right in front of our stay. After an hour or so of reflection and journaling, I explored the malls around us and bought dinner from 7-eleven and street stalls for both of us. I delivered him his dinner and decided to call it a night… at around 9pm

.

My 2nd day and our 1st day together wasn’t perfect and we weren’t able to go to all the places we planned to visit but it still worked. We had a great day despite his headache, he had an early night to rest fully, and I had my alone time.

For a first day of our first actual trip together, it was not bad at all. Tip: find someone who gets you. It would be a hell lot easier to travel with that person.

𝙄𝙏𝙄𝙉𝙀𝙍𝘼𝙍𝙔:

- Marble Temple / Wat Benchamabophit - Anti-Corruption Museum - Lunch: Kinnam Kinnom, now a Halal restau (food still good tho!) - Wat Arun - Wat Pho (would cost you close to 1k in pesos to get inside) - Phraya River ferry - Chibi Chibi Café - 7-Eleven dinner

[hopesanpedro]

Day 1 Part 2: Exploration No. 01

After going through the unexpected happy incident of stay upgrade, I was finally able to walk the streets of Bangkok without worrying about major things. The only goal was: 𝘏𝘜𝘞𝘈𝘎 𝘔𝘈𝘓𝘐𝘎𝘈𝘞.

As a city gorl, 𝘥𝘪 𝘢𝘬𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘴𝘺𝘢𝘥𝘰 𝘯𝘢𝘩𝘪𝘳𝘢𝘱𝘢𝘯 𝘪𝘧𝘪𝘨𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘨 𝘬𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘨 commute system. I relied on google maps on what routes to take. There was a train and some bus stations near us so it’s already pretty convenient. Their public commute system was organized so it’s not bad at all.

My agenda for my only solo day was simple – go to their Kilometer Zero marker, visit the nearby galleries, have a quiet time near a scenic river, and get post cards. So, after a 15-minute walk and another 15-minute waiting time, I boarded bus number 9.

The only problem I had was that their signs were all in Thai! And even in google, the places were mostly in their language. I needed to keep showing their ticket person (basically 𝘬𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘰𝘬𝘵𝘰𝘳) my destination through my phone so they would know and let me know when I have to get off. Anyway, you can track yourself through the google maps app so it was already convenient. It was amusing and really commendable.

The 0 𝙆𝙞𝙡𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙈𝙖𝙧𝙠𝙚𝙧 is around their 𝘿𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙘𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙮 𝙈𝙤𝙣𝙪𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩 which is at Pra Nakhon district. There are 2 galleries; Contemporary Art Gallery and The Queen’s Gallery, and an interactive exhibit; Rattanakosin Exhibition Hall, around the area as well.

After checking out their 0km marker (which is poorly kept, hehe), I ate my lunch at the most authentic place to – at Mcdonald’s! HAHAHA I know, okay!! But I had to get it out of the way cos I’m already there and I wanted to check out the fastfood menu. Sorry to disappoint!

Walking back to where I got off, the first stop was the 𝘾𝙤𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙢𝙥𝙤𝙧𝙖𝙧𝙮 𝘼𝙧𝙩 𝙂𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙚𝙧𝙮! There was no entrance fee but you have to register. (Every door and desk you would approach have a hand sanitizer container free for everyone, even in buses and trains, so it’s somewhat reassuring to go around the city.) There was a fresh exhibit at the ground floor but they direct you to 3rd floor first, where the ASEAN Exhibit was ongoing.

I had fun going around the ASEAN exhibit since there’s no other visitors but 2 kids playing at the designated area. I went around and checked out the interactive displays (some details about the Philippines were inaccurate! Haha) and then the guard respectfully approached me to tell me he’d gladly take my photo if I need him to. I did give him my phone for a photo. It was nice how accommodating he was.

The interior of the gallery was interesting so I decided to take the stairs going down. I already thought of my artist friends holding their own exhibits there. Would be great if I could come with them next time, they’d sure appreciate it too.

There were more people at the ground floor exhibit which I later on found out to be an ongoing installation which would open for public the next day; Conflux, a five-artist group exhibit. The organizers let me go around, though. 𝙏𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙄 𝙢𝙚𝙩 3 𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙨 𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙬𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙞𝙣𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧 𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙠𝙨!

I met 𝙂𝙪𝙢𝙨𝙖𝙠 𝘼𝙩𝙞𝙥𝙞𝙗𝙤𝙤𝙣𝙨𝙞𝙣 who painted gorgeous abstract pieces, 𝙏𝙝𝙖𝙬𝙚𝙚 𝙏𝙪𝙣𝙜𝙢𝙤𝙣𝙜𝙠𝙤𝙡𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙞𝙩 who painted realistic industrial remains, and 𝙉𝙪𝙩𝙨𝙪𝙧𝙚𝙚 𝙏𝙚𝙘𝙝𝙬𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙮𝙖𝙩𝙖𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙨𝙞𝙣 who painted details portraits of popular skin care activities. Thawee approached me and asked me if I’m there for the exhibit and I told him I was passing by and took my chance to explore the enticing installations. He was pleased to hear it so he introduced himself to me then the other 2 artists to me. They told me about the opening the following day. They invited me and we had a few more minutes of conversation before they left me to go around by myself.

It was already past 3pm when I got out of the Contemporary Art Gallery so I wasn’t able to catch the last interactive exhibit at Rattanakosin Exhibition Hall so I went to walk around for a while instead. I passed by the 𝙍𝙤𝙮𝙖𝙡 𝙋𝙖𝙫𝙞𝙡𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙈𝙖𝙝𝙖𝙟𝙚𝙩𝙨𝙖𝙙𝙖𝙗𝙖𝙙𝙞𝙣 and 𝙆𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙍𝙖𝙢𝙖 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙄𝙄𝙄’s statue.

I stopped by the 𝙋𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙛𝙖 𝙗𝙧𝙞𝙙𝙜𝙚 and just absorbed the stillness around. It was shady around the area so it was a good afternoon quiet time.

The Queen’s Gallery was closed but I wanted to continue my peaceful exploration so I continued walking the 𝙋𝙝𝙧𝙖 𝙎𝙪𝙢𝙚𝙣 𝙧𝙤𝙖𝙙. I passed by several cafes and quaint bars and stopped by Passport Bookshop to get postcards.

I found 𝙋𝙖𝙨𝙨𝙥𝙤𝙧𝙩 𝘽𝙤𝙤𝙠𝙨𝙝𝙤𝙥 to be one of my favorite stops the entire Bangkok trip because of the place itself. It was a small bookshop and café with lots of postcards from many people who once visited the shop. The postcards were sent from different places and I plan to send them one once this ECQ ends. There were so many interesting books with really creative covers but I didn’t get any since I’d be visiting more bookshops with the boyfriend in the coming days.

After the bookshop, I passed by a stationary shop and waited for the bus in front of it as the owner suggested. I was able to catch a non-air conditioned bus going back and got stuck in traffic for quite a while. I bought some food and fruits on my walk back to the accommodation.

𝘞𝘦𝘸! 𝘕𝘢𝘱𝘢𝘨𝘰𝘥 𝘥𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘬𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘨𝘬𝘸𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘰! Haha And that is how my only solo day in Bangkok went. It was definitely one for the books. If you’re traveling to another country with someone else, try to ask for a solo day and see what amazing stories you might have throughout.

𝙄𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙧𝙖𝙧𝙮:

- Rang Nam Alley, Ratchathewi District (where accoms is) - Democracy Monument - The 0 Kilometer markter - Mcdo (lol) - Contemporary Art Gallery - Rattanakosin Exhibition Hall (Di ako umabot lol) - Phanfa Bridge - The Queen’s Gallery (closed on Wednesdays! >:c) - Passport Bookshop

[hopesanpedro]

Bangkok 2020

I booked a solo flight to Bangkok in October of 2019, defeated that my friends wouldn’t be able to come with me. Turns out, the boyfriend did too. We didn’t plan it together; we weren’t even together then. Four days trip for me, 6 for him – 3 days overlapping. Hahaha! So anyway, we were able to push through with the trip before Covid-19 was declared a pandemic and everyone was sucked into the health crisis. (We both monitored our health when we got back and thankfully none of us showed any symptom.)

Since we’re all stuck at home, I’m sharing with you our experience (and itinerary!) by the days.

𝘿𝘼𝙔 1 𝙋𝘼𝙍𝙏 1: 𝙎𝙊𝙇𝙊 𝙏𝙍𝙄𝙋

It was my first time to fly solo, let alone go abroad by myself. It was weird and I felt awkward since I had to figure things out by myself. Traveling to another country is not a usual thing for me. Haha! I only went abroad once before Thailand. And even that was sponsored. I wasn’t rich nor was in the position to travel before. I have to diligently save up for any trip, whether locally or abroad. And my parents never brought me with them in their trips. At the airport, it dawned on me – this, flying to Bangkok, is a first. Nervous and excited, I boarded the plane and hoped for the best.

After 3 hours of seat-mate less flight; I got off, passed immigration, got lost in Suvarnabhumi airport trying to find the wifi rental and rabbit card booth, got confused by their train system, and finally was able to board a train off to my hotel. Got to my station and the sun was unforgiving! It was so hot, hotter than it was in the Philippines. But! My Filipina self was raised in the heat and humidity like it’s nothing, baby. So, dripping in sweat on a particularly hot noon, I walked about 500 meters to my accommodations.

Here’s where it gets interesting, when I got to my booked accomodation; a shabby bed and breakfast in an unmarked street with not much establishments around (it was better in the internet!!), the receptionist welcomed me. She was friendly and she sympathized with tired me. She asked for my name and checked her book. She told me the stairs is the only choice I have since the elevator is for staff use only and that my room would be on the 5th floor.

I was getting disappointed and confused when she brought up the choice to transfer hotel. I was so adamant since I do not want additional expense and the room was already paid for. But she showed me a clear book of the other hotel which is also owned by them and told me I will be taken there by their own vehicle and that I will not be charged again on anything. I made sure I heard her right and made her explain it again to me. She reassured me again and told me that the other hotel is only about 300m away. She told me I can come back and stay there if I don’t like it. After a few more minutes of repeated questions, I decided to check it out.

After a 10-minute quiet drive, the driver kindly helped me and my luggage off the pick-up. Upon entering the lobby, I realized I was already about 70% sold. The neighborhood was quiet but alive. There were food and service establishments a few meters away, and a convenience store right beside us. There was also a really nice café right across. The hotel lobby was also nicer and they had a porch and parking available. I, by then, only have to check the room to see if I would be going back to the original accommodation. The receptionist got my name and then told me I can check out the room. She went with me and it was not bad at all! I would even have a small balcony, albeit the lack of a scenic view. I signed the papers and they asked me for a deposit. Nothing more.

I realized, when I finally got to settle down in my room, that I could have been kidnapped or killed in a strange land. BUT I WASN’T! I decided to trust mankind, meticulously cautious, and it produced a fruit of better stay! It pays to grow up in Tondo; being street smart and learning to read people’s faces.

Thank God for the protecting my trusting self!

!!! 𝙄 𝙬𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙧𝙚𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙙 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙩𝙤 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙘𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙡𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙡𝙮 𝙜𝙤 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙧𝙨 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙙𝙞𝙧𝙚𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙤𝙛 𝙖 𝙧𝙚𝙘𝙚𝙥𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙞𝙨𝙩 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝𝙡𝙮, 𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝. 𝙄𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙙𝙤𝙣’𝙩 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡 𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩, 𝙙𝙤𝙣’𝙩 𝙙𝙤 𝙞𝙩. !!!

[hopesanpedro]

THE WATCHERS

hopesanpedro | 03242020

There is a light that shines so bright free for everyone who would like to look but some stare, trying to cage it in their hands blinding no one else but themselves in the process.

It takes a toll on those a little further away, And even more so to those who are behind. What more is left for the ones at the back? What more is there left to do but toil in the dark?

Reach for it, it’s free! You just have to stretch your arms. They teach with their glowing but hauntingly empty eyes. They see only the light that they have locked within themselves, Void of the truth that exists right in front of them.

Listen! The riot at the back have been going on, Generations after generations. Listen! They shout altogether but not as one For they themselves are starved of the light.

But the worse are those who stand in the middle With enough light within; they go about their lives Convincing themselves there’s nothing to do About both hopelessness and the greed, for they have enough.

[hopesanpedro]

MUNDANE MAGIC

A romantic take on everyday life.

When I was in college, my friends and I had this inside joke where we say our friendship is an independent film. Even back then, we liked reading books and watching unpopular films and dissecting them to discuss. We thought we were kind of outcasts but in reality, we were just kids who like being different. 

But to be honest, even back then, I think I’ve lived my life as something similar to an indie film, book, or album. Not because I wanted to be a socialite or an actress or anything, I just liked the idea of seeing my life as a story I would have wanted to read about if I ever come across it.  

I think my fascination with everyday life started there and developed until I am finally able to truly like the way I live. 

This doesn’t mean I am always happy or healthy, in both mind and body. But I do have this seed of hope in me that somehow, it’s not the end, there’s always gonna be a new chapter, next scene, new song. Life always has vibrant colors that whenever I get lost, they become duller and I have to snap out of it. I guess you could say I am blessed to have that. 

There is a story here. That’s always the first thought in my head, wherever I am or whatever I am doing. Yes, even everyday, trivial things. Especially in those.  

Take riding a bicycle for example, your feet running one after the other but somehow always missing each other as the wheels go wherever your hands direct them. Or when you commute to work, the quiet time you spend alone in a jeepney despite sitting too close with complete strangers. Have you ever wondered if they think the same as you? 

Whenever you drink tea out on the porch, you see the unruly kids of your neighbors laughing and running about. They are void of care for the menial things the adults argue about. If you observe intently, you will witness love blossoming, life-long friendships developing, and sometimes, even despise taking roots. 

There is poetry in the shadows the afternoon sun casts on the unmade bed. A place where you lie, restful or restless, depending on what happened or happening in your day. The silent prayers you have whispered on your pillows illuminated by the precious golden light. 

You are being invited to the soiree of the wind and the curtains, dancing so gracefully as it reaches for you to join them. If you are brave enough and unafraid to get caught enjoying yourself by yourself, you should join them. Even when there’s only the music of the rain to twirl to. 

Go back to the half-eaten cookie you left on your desk, while you wait for the heat of the milk to escape. Decide whether you are willing to take another bite of what was open to all the kisses of the open air and sip the cold settling in your mug. 

Savour the little hiccups your heart makes in between dialing a number you haven’t in a while and pressing the green button that seals the deal. Let yourself be frantic for the few minutes the line rings, pushing the phone away and then pulling it closer, your decision being torn between running away or going for it. 

Life is full of beautifully wrapped surprises. There is a story in everything. There is magic in the mundane. If only you believe it. 

Live a life you would want to watch or read about. 

[hopesanpedro]

Bangkok | March 2020 Walk all over town. 

[hopesanpedro]

AT PEAK

An ocean expanding wide separating mountains, standing mightily, their peaks held high not wanting to bow.

Once in a while overworked birds fly over, with bits of paper tied on their feet.

A jumble of letters dancing, riddles of made up words, answers demanding questions.

It gets colder as you go higher, the unapologetic distance growing from the one over the horizon.

Somehow, we choose to hike up still. One feet after the other, willingly submitting ourselves to torture.

Stubborn head and deaf ears, a mouth that opens only to swallow without tasting anything.

I apologize to the mountain that patiently holds me; for rejecting the messages meant for it as I keep on going - I was pushing myself to go higher even beyond the peak. I learned to manufacture my own steps toward nowhere in desperate need to feel that I am going somewhere. Even when I want to walk back down and cross the ocean towards you.

But unlearning things is good for me, for you, for us.

Unlearning things is a friend, and I welcome her, let her plant trees and flowers through my edges curving them into little paradise

of me, of you, of us.

[hopesanpedro]

Afloat in the blue sky

like delicate dandelion blown through;

carry them, I whispered.

Carry them, us.

Her.

She looked at me, and could it be?

She smiled, her eyes glowing

like when the sun hits the ocean just right.

The embrace was warm,

wrapped in love, light, peace

- I’m with you.

[hopesanpedro]

I wish for an expansive window to observe the world from the comfort of my own space. I long for a security otherwise only experienced around you. Photos by JB Lacaden | 01252020

[hopesanpedro]

Lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m the only one reaching out. How I share everything and anything and hear almost nothing back. It’s scary how the fleeting affection feels - it doesn’t cut through you in one go, it slowly peels your skin leaving your veins exposed.

I am, of course, no stranger to this. I have been here more than once before. The residents have claimed me as theirs and they have made me a room to lock myself in whenever I get lost. They watch me fade with every breeze of conscious reality, crumble with every quake of violent denial. They witness me rebuild myself only to be torn down by the same swords and struck by the same familiar arrows.

Sometimes I forget how everything is much more brighter in the start; how the gates seem perpetually open. Until they inevitably abruptly close. Well, not entirely sudden if you consider the small holes that they offer for you to peek in. At the very least, these subtle openings serve as signs and warnings, if only you will heed them.

But as a person who never learns, you don’t. You shut your eyes or set them somewhere else, keeping your hands busy, giving your ears to others, and continuing to speak to distract yourself. This is the way you pretend, the way you endure. This, what you so effortlessly do now, is both a curse and a gift.