Last letter I'll write ( circa 11/16/2011)
My love, My dearest Levin. Happy 6th anniversary to-be. It has been 6 years since then and I can only say that time flies so fast. It still is vivid on my memory, our 16 year old selves whispering I love you's to each other at midnight. You, laughing at my not-so funny jokes; and me, getting annoyed at your cheesy lines. How sad it is to cherish and remember such innocent and loving memories, especially now knowing everything has changed. As much as I want reminisce each moment that I've spent with you, I'd rather not. It's been taking a toll on me, mentally and emotionally. Somehow I keep denying this but I need help because (truth be told) I'm mentally ill. I'm so close to going bonkers. I'm almost going crazy but I still am kind of reluctant to get help as I don't want to be judged. You are my biggest regret in my life. I regret not choosing you, and not fighting for you. I should've done it. I cannot forgive myself for letting you go and hurting you so much. I'm sorry I wasn't mature enough to accept the love you gave me; and I'm sorry for loving you too late. Thank you for staying even though it's hard for you. Thank you for the constant love (?) and support throughout the years. Thank you for being my best friend. I loved you. I love you. It is my greatest achievement in life to only truly love one man in my life. No doubt it's you. It will only be you. I am trying to forget you. Still on the process of moving on and completely getting over you. But I don't think it will happen anytime soon. I will always remember you, my love. Until my last breath, til the last beat of my heart, it will only be you. My dying wish is for you to be TRULY happy. Good bye, my love. I'll see you in the next lifetime. * If you get this, I'm most probably dead. In the heavens, I'll think of you. In hell, it'll be worth it because I chose this, to get over you. Always, L
