early 2015 victor nikiforov who is desperate for something and goaded by chris opens up his twitter to type âsend me pictures of people and Iâll tell you if Iâd smash them or pass themâ so of course people send the weirdest things, which include:
a poodle puppy that has victor sob and coo and answer that no, he would not smash this babe, heâd pet him softly and sweetly like he deserves to be treated;
a closeup pic of a random modelâs ass which has victor turn his head like a dog for a full minute before he even realizes itâs an ass (tbh itâs a bad picture and itâs hard to tell so itâs not his fault okay);
a collage of yakovâs balding head in various forms and shapes over the season which has victor shriek âPASSPASSIDONâTWANTTOBEBALDâ;
and finally some silly pictures of his fellow skaters which quickly turns into a game of âwho would victor nikiforov sleep withâ
*victor sees a pic of chris* well, Iâd say smashâ *chris, off camera* thanks, babe *victor, unbothered* âbut I would like to keep my hair intact and a cat fight for that boy with said boyâs fiance could ruin my chances, so â sorry, chris â Iâll have to pass
thereâs a couple more skaters, and a few girls along the way which gets victor into a IâM GAY BUT YOU ALL DESERVE TO BE SMASHED mood and he cheerily proceeds to smash everyone (except jj, and yurio, and emil, and michele, andâ)
and then someone puts up yuuriâs picture for a judgement (you can bet your ass itâs phichit) and victor squints and victor thinks and victor bites his lip and fans his face, which now has reddened in a beautiful flush, and he just looks up into the camera and says âdamnâ
the gifs of that reaction go viral and victor becomes a new meme which he is not ashamed of AT ALL bc have you seen yuuri katsuki? any gay man who does not blush and go speechless at the sight of him isnât worth their name and victor nikiforov is a Prime Real Estate Gay who will proudly own the statement he has spoken in that blessed video:
âyuuri katsuki, if you ever see this, you need to see me about a seating arrangement bc Iâd love to offer my face, thank you, bless you, Iâm welcomeâ
suffice to say, phichit shows the thing to yuuri whose only question is âhow long did it take you to manip this?â and he doesnât believe a word of phichitâs assurances that itâs real⊠or, he doesnât until the night of his and victorâs wedding when he crawls off of victor nikiforovâs face and victor casually sighs after a job well done âI dreamed of this since the moment I saw your picture and I must say that my imagination did you no justice at all. this was so much betterâ and yuuri wastes no time in freaking out bc WAIT, YOU DONâT MEAN TO TELL ME THAT VIDEO WAS REAL?!?!?!
and even though itâs like 3am and their wedding night, yuuri grabs his phone and spends like an hour talking to phichit who just keeps on laughing and chortling and hangs up on yuuri mid snort and poor, mindfucked yuuri turns to victor whoâs watching him with a smile.
âhello, gorgeous,â victor says and winks, much like he did that first time he showed up in yuuriâs onsen butt-naked.
the sound that leaves yuuriâs mouth is inhuman and so is the strangled goose laughter that victor indulges in after yuuri whacks him with a pillow for the fourth time, which starts a pillow fight and a tussle that ends up with them flushed and laughing and kissing bc holy shit that was wild but who cares, theyâre in love? theyâre married? dreams do come true? amazing
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