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[horribella-monster]

A Walk in the Woods

“Look, if you draw a two thousand-mile-long line across the United States at any angle, it’s going to pass through nine murder victims.”

― Bill Bryson, A Walk in the Woods: Rediscovering America on the Appalachian Trail

Cautions: Language/Gore

Rating Adultish

Do not copy to other sites without permission.

 Branch and bramble tugged at her body as she plowed through the undergrowth of the forest. Hands frantic with terror pulled away at the gnarled vines as she continued her desperate race to find safety.  She crashed through another dark wall of twisted twig and bough then fell forward on to the detritus of forest floor.  Thorns, leaves, and decaying matter adhered to her skinned hands and knees.

 For a moment, she dropped her chin to her chest and fought to slow her panicked gasps.  Her disheveled hair pulled loose from her sagging ponytail and plastered to the smudged dirt and in her mouth. She grabbed the hair and spat it out.  The strong desire to just collapse there and surrender to whatever fate the forest decided warred with her simmering anger fueled will to survive and kill her therapist.

 The crashing sound of her nearing pursuer startled her into action.  She crawled to the nearest tree and pulled herself up on the twisted moss-covered trunk.  She took a deep breath and inhaled the moist earth tinted air.  For an alarming minute, her vision tunneled, and the sounds of the forest took on the muted quality foreshadowing an imminent collapse.  Her world stretched and then snapped back into terrifying focus as she gritted her teeth and willed herself forward.  

 Pushing herself back into motion, a mantra reverberating through her head. “I will not die here. This will not beat me.  I am going to kill my fucking therapist. Face your fucking fear. What a stupid fucking idea! I will NOT die here.  This will not beat me-“

 Her foot met air and her arms flailed wildly as she sought to recover her lost balance. Momentarily, her foot found a purchase as she tried to slow her fall and began to slide down the steep ravine. Her slide quickly became a tumble. She pinballed down the hillside, bouncing over the bumps and into obstacles. Her perception a blurry whirl of leaves, rocks, pebbles, and the decomposing stuffs of trees and weeds.

 Thud into Rock. Tree. Rock. Rock. Bump. Branch. Log. Then air, as she flew over a ridge.  The following impact with the ground drove the air from her lung as she bounced finally into a weathered tree.  

 The last jolt left her huddled trying to catch her breath.  She curled around her throbbing ribs and felt the symphony of discordant body aches and pain swelling into a crescendo threatening to overwhelm her senses.  

 The ever-present heavy thudding footfalls and splintering forestscape in the wake of the thing of tooth and claw that had chased her, focused her senses.  She had no idea what the thing was.  Maybe a bear. In her encounter with it, she had the sense of something huge.  It lumbered up and stood in the shadows behind her.  With a roar the thing had swept out a massive claw slashing her backpack off.  She tumbled and rolled up, sprinting away into this awful, awful forest. This thicket with its tall dark trees reaching upward to smother out the sky, the looming branches dipping, swaying and grabbing to rend and tear her away. The dark foliage hiding monsters and terrifying animals – Stop.  She had to not think about anything but running.  

 She wobbled to her feet. Swaying dangerously, she took a step and focused just on moving. One foot in front of the other.  One foot in front-

 Her one foot in front slid into a hole and her arms cartwheeled again trying to regain her precarious balance. The moment froze in time as she felt her balance give way and prepared for another bone jarring slam into the ground.  Instead it was cold, scummy water rushing into her mouth and swallowing her whole. The taste of algae filled her mouth as she came up sputtering, coughing in a slow-moving pooling stream. Really, more of a water filled ditch. A ditch just in the place to soak her head to toe.

 If she could have summoned the extra breath, she would have screamed.  All she could do was grind her teeth and shiver as she clambered up the bank. When she pulled herself from the water, she smacked her fist down on the packed dirt with an inarticulate cry. That bitch of a therapist was so dead, she was going to take an ice pick and shove it so far-

 Her tirade came to screeching halt when, she really looked at the packed dirt.  Holy shit!  She was on a trail.  It was well worn and easy to see even in the dim light.  Any sign of civilization was like a neon sign from God, finally her luck was turning for the better. She began a running limp along the trail putting distance between her and the menacing thing looking to make her a snack.

 If she hadn’t had a fear of the forest before, she sure as shit had one now.  Especially this dark, cold, and phobia inducing forest complete with a terrifying carnivorous predator. Supposedly, seeing what was in the forest was not supposed to be as bad as what she imagined.  Well that was bullshit, because this forest was hiding that… whatever it was with too many teeth and huge claws.  Not in one of her fear induced anxiety had she ever imagined that.

 Her therapist said she should read Thoreau, and that like her other advice was bullshit.  He was too in love with his own words and the tamed woods.  The Bill Bryson guy had it more correct. Woods were creepy and full of death inducing insects, diseases, and animals.  Her therapist was not amused by her choice of reading and pointed out that Bryson comes down firmly on the side of nature. She told her therapist; he was a sell out to big wood and then giggled helplessly through the rest of the session. Looking back, it made sense that her therapist sent her out to the woods, she was a terrible patient.

 Her pace slowed and she leaned against a misshapen trunk to rest and listen. She hadn’t heard the thing since she climbed out of the thick water of the ditch and needed to catch her breath.  Her heart pounding loudly in her ears, only the creepy sound of falling branches and whispering wind seeped past it.  With deep calming breaths, her heart slowed, and she really listened. There weren’t any animal sounds and only a few insects.  It was like the forest ate everything that came within it.  She shook the thought out of her head.  Seriously, not helping yourself here.  As her heart slowed, a far-off sound caught her attention. The tinny sound of music.  A radio! Fuck yes!

 She took off down the trail toward the sound.  Visions of warmth, safety, and alcohol danced in her head adding buoyance and speed to her steps.   Still wet, bleeding from various scratches and the pain her ribs pounded in time to her steps, she literally wasn’t out of the woods yet, but there was light at the end of the tunnel as the music grew louder and a generator’s chugging joined the chorus. Then there was smoke.  She hoped they were burning this rotten place to the ground.  Screw you, trees.  

 Shouting as she burst into the clearing, she immediately stopped.  There was a fire, a tent, and the tell-tale smell of ammonia. Two men armed with rifles stepped out of the large tent and the smell of ammonia became overwhelming.

 Her heart sank.  Here were some of Bryson’s “armed, genetically challenged fellows” maybe even as he put it, “loony hillbillies destabilized by gross quantities of impure corn liquor and generations of profoundly unbiblical sex” except they weren’t brewing alcohol, but cooking meth in the middle of Snow White’s fucking haunted woods.  She just knew she was going to be on a podcast about missing people or to support the adage of “don’t go into the forest”.

 The cocking of the rifles pinpointed her focus on the Walter White wannabes and she tried to summon a friendly face.  Considering the state of her clothes, hair, and bleeding, she supposed that she looked more like the after picture for noob goes to the woods, which was remarkable accurate.  She raised her hands.  “Hi.”

 One of the men spit a glob of black-brown goo at the fire and stepped forward. “What are you doing here?”

 “I’m lost.  I mean I have no idea where I am except in an awful forest. I just want to leave. Can you-“ She stopped as the other man stepped forward and leered.

 “You look lost.” Meth cook number one, the spitter, said.

 “I am.”

 “I’ll help ya.” Meth cook number two, the leerer, laughed as he grabbed his crotch.

 “How’d ya find us?” Meth number one asked.

 “I just told you, I didn’t. I’m lost.”

 “How’d you get lost?” Meth number two asked. “Were ya lookin’ fer love in all the wrong places?”

 First Meth guy glared at second Meth guy, “Shut it. Go back to work.  I’ll handle this.”

 “But Cletus-“

 “Bubba, now or I will shoot ya.  Ya know I will.”

 Bubba, and didn’t that just totally fit, huffed and sulked as he shuffled back to the tent, scratching his ass as he walked. Leaving just Meth guy number one, aka Cletus.

 “I don’t believe you. How’d ya get lost?”

 She tried hard not to roll her eyes. “I guess the usual way.  I knew where I was then I didn’t. Lost.” She said trying to give sincere smile, but from Cletus’ reaction it came off as a smirk.  This is exactly why her therapist hated her.  No one likes a smartass.

 “You think this is some joke girlie? You think I won’t shoot yer ass and drop it back in that stream? Cuz I will.  Yer in a world of trouble here.”

 “Yeah. Yeah, I am.  Kind of the story of the day. You know?”

 “Ain’t nuthin personal. Yer jus’ real unlucky.  We can’t have ya going back and telling them where we are.” He put the rifle up to his shoulder.

 Fear made her words breathlessly and spill out with ever increasing speed and volume, “I’m lost! I literally have no idea where I am much less you! For fuck sake, what about lost do you not understand!”

 Cletus frowned. “Ya ought’n ta curse. I think ya ain’t lost. Ya came up that path,” he gestured behind the tent, “from the road.”

 “I came from that way.” She pointed behind her.  “Do you think I used my obviously awesome forest skills to stealthily come up here and oh by the way jump into the disgusting stream and threw myself down a hill before that to complete the look?”

 Cletus chewed on something as he lowered the rifle.  He looked like he was trying to work out what was just said to him for a minute.  The hamster that ran the wheel in his brain must be out of shape because he gave up and shrugged. “Yep.”

 So not so much Walter White wannabes, but Jed Clampett’s much stupider inbred cousins. Inbred insane cousins armed and ready to shoot. “Please, come on.  I lost my backpack, I don’t have money or a mobile – but … if you take me to a phone and I can get some money.  Please!”

 Cletus placed the rifle butt against his shoulder again. “Sorry, can’t take a chance. ‘Sides I’m doin’ you a favor.  Bubba, he ain’t right.”

 “Wait-Wait… don’t!” She started to move back when she noticed Cletus’ mouth dropped open. Then the fetid breath from behind her, blew her loose hair and the smell hit her.  The overpowering stench of rot and filth wafted over her as a guttural growl vibrated her back.  She closed her eyes and turned slowly.

 When she opened them, she saw it.  Its massive maw opened, and thick saliva sluiced through huge yellow teeth.  It was almost on top of her.  Its heavy breath blew her hair again and then Bubba walked out of the tent.  

 “I don’t know why I have- What the hell is that!” He yelled and the stilled tableau burst into motion.

 The creature roared. She dropped to her knees.  Cletus fired.  Bubba fired. The creature charged over her into Cletus, its bite taking off the right side of Cletus’ upper torso.  He screamed. Bubba screamed as the geyser of Cletus’ blood covered him and dripped from the creature’s jaw.  Bubba literally lost his shit and fired until the rifle just clicked.  She rolled to her feet and took off running for the back of the tent and the path. She heard Bubba scream and fade into incoherent whimpering interrupted by the nauseating sound of chewing.

 It was not a bear.  She had no idea what it was, but some crazy cryptozoologist could figure that shit out.  All she knew was she didn’t want to end up in its gut and she had to run. She was sure that it had expended a lot of energy chasing her and didn’t think that the meth boy appetizers were going to sate it.  

 She ran for about a minute and then heard the muffled sound of an explosion as the volatile chemicals in the meth lab blew up.  She stopped and look back at the fireball rising from the forest.  Good. Burn baby, burn. Then turned and ran.  Her luck was nowhere good enough to suppose that the thing was dead.  

 The forest was darker after the bright explosion of light and the imminent setting of the sun.  But the deep dark forest didn’t bother her now. The crashing of branches and the heavy footfall behind her was her real concern. Where was that fucking road!

 The path narrowed and meandered between huge trees and small saplings.  She hoped that the narrow path would slow it down some but knew just like all prey does that it wouldn’t make that much difference.  She had to get to the road.  Cletus and Bubba were too overweight for it to be too far.  

 Then it appeared in front of her.  A two-lane black top.  An empty two-lane black top.  A dilapidated pick up truck, rusted through in several parts of the body was on the side of the road.  She didn’t pause to try and get in.  

 She sprinted up the middle of the road away from the path.  She was running uphill and already down into the valley of the next when she realized she could have hid in the truck.  Too late, she was committed to running and she was so close.  If only one car would show up.  Please just one damn car.  She nearly tripped over roadkill going up the next hill. and looked over her shoulder. She didn’t see it, but she didn’t pause. It was somewhere close.  She knew it like she knew that she couldn’t stop running.

 As she topped the next hill, she put on a burst of speed.  The road flattened and curved off to the right.  She made the curve and froze.  There were bright headlights and the screeching of tires as an eighteen-wheeler bore down on here.  She understood the deer’s point of view as her brain screamed move and her body just wouldn’t. It was almost on top of her when she moved.  The upside, it was committed to stopping, the downside this was going to hurt.

 The impact drove her breath out her body and added road rash to the list of her body’s grievances. She curled in on herself for a moment as the acrid smoke from the tires billowed around her.  

 She heard the semi’s door opened and footsteps headed her direction. She started moving slowly crawling up to her hands and knees, her head dropped to her chest, as the truck driver spoke, “Shit, shit! Are you okay? What were you – Good God All Mighty what the hell is that?”

 Adrenalin jerked her head and her body into motion, “Get in the truck.  Hurry up, go!”  She ran to him and pushed him toward the door.  “Stop staring and move! Jackass MOVE!”

 The trucker jerked at her profanity and ran away from the lumbering figure moving out of the woods.

 She sprang inside the truck and urged him on. “Please come on, come on!”

 He climbed in with the speed that only terror can instill in someone. He shoved her over to the other side and slammed the door as claws raked the metal.

 There was a bang as the creature rammed its body into the door and then there was a roar and a crack. The window was cracking as the cab of the truck shook.  

 The driver needed no more prompting and threw the truck into gear.  He gave it gas and the tires screeched again as he accelerated.  There was another bump and an accompanying roar as the tires ran over part of the creature and she smiled.

 “D-Did you see that? What was it?”

 She shook her head slowly, “I don’t know.  Something with lots of teeth and a never give up attitude. So, you might want to floor it.”

 Nodding, he pressed harder on the accelerate and shifted up. “We got to call someone.”

 She nodded, “Sure. Tell them about the bear.”

 “Bear? Ma-am that weren’t no bear. It was.. was-“

 “A bear.  Unless you want to tell them that some pebbly hided creature that was a cross between razorback feral hog, bear, and Creature from the Black Lagoon took a bite out of your truck.  Then I hope you have real good insurance, because you’ll be drug tested and psych ward bound.”

 “Right, bear. What about that smoke there?”

 She looked at the smoke rising above the forest as they passed the meth cooker’s pick-up truck. “It tried to eat a Meth Lab after eating the Meth guys.”

 He shot a disbelieving look and she shrugged, “It’s been a day.”

Patty, 10/16/2020