Hotties from History

Babes, Bards and BAD-ASSES Twitter.com/HOTTIES_HISTORY

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Was the creation of this tumblr influnced by the Hotties from History segment on The Bugle Podcast?

nope! we’re aware of the podcast although none of us had heard of it until a couple of years after we started this. it’s largely an archive at this point as we started it in school and have moved on to other things.

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Hotty from History #44 - Doña Ana de Mendoza, the Princess of Éboli (1540 - 1592)

So it has come to our attention at HfH HQ (a small but perfectly formed apartment hollowed out of Michaelangelo's David's left buttock) that we've been featured in a certain clickbait article that has netted us a few hundred new followers. For some reason we were called "admirable historians" which this contributor is finding personally offensive. We at HfH have always strived to provide only the finest rumour, conjecture and half-baked analysis wrapped up in a bow of pure scandal. We're like the tabloid press that way. All sources originate with what some man down the pub said after we'd all had a few too many.

So without further ado, the Princess of Éboli.

Doña Ana de Mendoza y de la Cerda, Duchess of Pastrana was born in 1540 to the noted ladykiller of the Spanish Court, Diego Hurtado de Mendoza, a close personal friend of the future King Philip II. Her early life was shaped by the two men's political aspirations, and at the age of twelve she was betrothed to Ruy Gómez de Silva, Philip's favourite (there's a reason we have at least a few monarch's 'favourites' among HFH's articles so far. Beauty, intrigue and rumours of other-than-heterosexual activity make for a delicious character profile).

Although the pair were married in 1553, it wasn't until 1558, when Ana was 18 and Ruy was 42 that the marriage was consummated. Ruy had spent the interim years travelling between foreign courts with Philip. Their relationship was fruitful - between 1558 and 1573 they had ten children, but this was cut short by Ruy's death. Throughout the marriage, rumours abound the court that Ana and the King were lovers. Were they living in a ménages à trois? was she the unicorn that Philip and Ruy had been searching for? I'll stop before we get into ye olde Daily Mail territory.

Ruy was soon followed by both of Ana's parents, so after a brief period of retirement in a convent - where by all accounts she fell out with every single nun in the place - Ana jumped back into Spanish Court intrigue, first deftly handling her father's widow, who was pregnant with a child who could have threatened her inheritance, before forming an alliance with her husband's protegé, Antonio Perez. Some claim their relationship was a torrid affair, that sparked jealousy in King Philip, others say they were simply breaking court propriety rules, as Perez was a married man.

Regardless, they were both soon embroiled in a conflict between Philip an his half-brother, Don Juan of Austria, playing both sides against each other, altering correspondences and selling state secrets. Although Perez was never prosecuted, Ana was put under house arrest and stripped of her parental and property rights. Many speculated that Philip's harsh judgement was based on his own jealousy of Perez and Ana's relationship. She died a decade later, having never been released.

I can't write any summary of the Princess of Eboli without mentioning arguably the most striking thing about her portraits - the eyepatch. Like everything else about her life, it's shrouded in mystery and there's not a lot to go on except rumour and a few doctors' theories written centuries after her death. Some say she wore it to hide a lazy eye, something that would have hampered her chances at securing a good match. The most abiding rumour of her day however, was that she was an expert fencer, and lost the eye in a duel with a page at the age of 12.

Regardless, I bet that's the version she told her contemporaries over dinner, before flipping the patch up and winking.

Soph

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Hotty from History #10 - Charlotte Corday (27 July 1768 – 17 July 1793) Born Marie-Anne Charlotte de Corday d’Armont, Charlotte was a member of a minor aristocratic family. Everything wasn’t right in the Corday house however; her mum and older sister died within a few months of each other. To cope with his grief, Mr Corday sent little Charlie off to live in an Abbey. Not being one to sit about and do nothing, Charlotte spent all her time reading the somewhat racy philosophies of Voltaire and Rousseau, educating those ‘little grey cells’. Entrez the French Revolution. Jean-Paul Marat was a member of the Jacobin faction who led the Reign of Terror following the revolution. He was powerful and influential, a link between the ruling politicians and the people because of his newspaper smarmily called “the Friend of the People”. In August and September 1792, mob violence broke out throughout Paris, championed and encouraged by Mr Marat. By the end of it, over 1000 of the jailed aristocracy and clergy had been horribly killed by mobs of ordinary French citizens, egged on all the time by Marat’s paper. Well, that really pissed off Charlotte. She arrived at Marat’s home, claiming to know essential info about an up-coming uprising and was shown into Mr Marat’s bathroom, where he liked to hang out because he whinged all the time about having a terrible skin desease (which was actually an intolerance to wheat, the whiney bastard). She then pulled a 6-inch kitchen knife from her considerable petticoats and stabbed him in the heart. At her trial, the Fantastic Mademoiselle Corday made a kick-ass speech about “killing one man to save 100,000” and four days later was guillotined for the murder. The story doesn’t end there though: some dick called Legros picked up her newly lopped-off head and gave it a slap. Reports say her expression changed to “unequivocal indignation”. Soph.

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So I keep seeing the backlash about AC Unity and thought I'd bring this back. Want to know about a real French woman who committed one of the most pivotal assassinations in the Revolution?

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Hotty from History #42 - Jane Digby

I got a tweet the other day from @DuniyaInTheMis about a couple of suggestions to the honourable cabinet of historical hotties.

I hate the saying 'YOLO'. Ok, I use it alot sarcastically- but if there was one woman who YOLO'D the FUCK out of life than it was Ms. Jane Digby. However this motto that we love to hate cannot really apply to this brilliant woman; she did not live one life - she lived many fantastic, amazing lives that we can only dream of - AND of course was a total babe. 

Born in 1807, Jane Digby - by nineteenth century standards – was pretty much a promiscuous woman. From the onset of her marriage to her first husband (of many), Edward Law, she was embroiled in numerous scandals and affairs that make Lady Caroline Lamb look like a Jonas brother. Her affairs were endless; by the time she was in her thirties Digby had married thrice, had numerous flings including King Ludvig of Bavaria and his son, King Otto of Greece, and moved to Greece where she became the lover of a Greek revolution hero, living in caves, riding horses and hunting in the mountains. 

But what is most fantastic is what Jane did in her later years. Probably tired of what Europe had to offer, she moved to the Middle East, where she quickly fell in love with the Sheikh Abdul Medjuel el Megrab, who was around twenty years her junior. From then on the rest of her life was spent out in the Syrian Desert living in goat hair tents, or in her luxurious palace in Damascus.

Jane Digby was the most fantastic woman of the nineteenth century. She was an adventurer of the highest counts; she married four men, had countless lovers including (at least) two kings, spoke nine languages, and travelled across two continents to end up in the Arabic desert, you know – as you do.

So tomorrow, when you finally get off your tumblr feeds at 4am, and go to bed to wake in the morning bleary eyed raring yourself ready to start the day - don't think 'Let's carpe diem this' or 'YO-bloody-LO', think 'I'm going to TEAR THIS PLACE UP LIKE LADY DIGBY'. You might end the day stopping a duel between your two lovers in Munich, or even better, chilling out in the Arabian Desert next to your handsome Sheikh husband. You never know.

Tom

p.s. as well as our email [email protected] we now have a new twitter page - FOLLOW US! Now!

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Hotty from History #41 – Eugen Sandow (1865-1925)

  At Hotties from History we do not like to make big claims (lies), although I can guarantee that my next hotty was simply finest man to ever come from Prussia. Normally, I do not like muscled men, however, I do like men with moustaches and Sandow had the greatest moustache, and a really amazing body. Yes.

Sandow is known today as the father of modern bodybuilding. At the age of 22, after performing in the circus around Europe for three years, he visited London where he became an instant celebrity after he performed in shows where he would lift very heavy things. What followed was Sandow being hailed as one of the first athletic superstars and performers of his age.

However, being a hotty, people of the time became more interested in his body than his ability to perform spectacular superhuman abilities of strength. I can sympathise fully with Sandow, as people always want me for my body and it really gets me down.

From being a super(human)-star, Sandow became one of the first people to be captured by moving film, where a short length clip was displayed around towns, bringing in large queues to watch Sandow flex and bulge. I’m so glad for moving film, and its ability to eternally capture Sandow’s swag.

This is a link to the famous video filmed by Thomas Edison in 1893. You are very welcome.

We have much to owe Sandow for being the creator of the ideal and if it was not for him – there would be no Ryan Gosling, no Channing Tatum gyrating in Magic Mike for us to perspire to.

I can picture myself sitting with Sandow in front a roaring fire, him stroking my hair and speaking to me in a gruff German accented voice. “Now?” He would say as I look back at him “Yes, right now.” I would say back to him whilst he picks me up, swings me other his shoulder and takes me to the bedroom.

Tom x

(click here if you want to see the original photo of Sandow without appropriately placed leaf)

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Hotty from History #40 - Peter Jackson (1861-1901)

In the dark, cold November nights in London, where my student life has forced me to switch my heating off inevitably and instead wear ALL THE JUMPERS, I long to have Peter Jackson in my bed - his thick arms wrapped around me, and being very naked.

Following a move to Australia in his teens, Peter was discovered to be a virtuoso fighter (and orc hunter) - he ruled the decks of the ships of which he worked on, quelling any naughty sailors with a (literal) iron fist.

Peter was brought into the world of boxing, where he went on to win the Australian Heavyweight and the British Commonwealth titles in the 1880s and then went on to be considered as the greatest fighters of the period.

Peter Jackson lived through a period of history that brought with it an extremely exaggerated masculinity - a comeback to what was considered a crisis in male identity throughout the first half of the nineteenth century due to diplomatic and economic turmoil. However, I have no doubt that Peter was the super bad boss of all the weight slinging wannabes. Just look at this, that's all I'm saying.

Following bouts of illness, Peter passed away in 1901. His grave in Queensland, Australia, was marked with the epigraph "This Was a Man". unf.

Tom x

(and sorry that we've taken a vacation - we're back for a while now :) )

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Hotty from History #39 - Mina Loy  (1882 –1966)

Mina Loy was a poet, painter, playwright, novelist, actress, and, most importantly, a designer of lamps. She wrote erotic, explicit poetry, and is the feminist from history most likely to arouse the masses...aesthete liberals and unashamed fans of objectification, I hope you appreciate Mina, if for her exquisite glamour alone.

Spawn of fantasiesSifting the appraisablePig Cupid his rosy snoutRooting erotic garbage"Once upon a time"Pulls a weed white star-toppedAmong wild oats sown in mucous membrane

from Mina's poem 'Love Songs'

-Georgia

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Hotty from History #38 - Annie Kenney (3rd September 1879 – 9th July 1953)

Bloody Hell this woman was a force of nature.

Born in Saddleworth, Manchester to a working class family, from the age of 10 Annie juggled both continuing her schooling and working part time in a cotton Mill. At 13 she had to give up her education to help support her family, working 12 hour shifts as a weaver's assistant. Mill workers valued child labour in their factories for their small, nimble fingers, able to re-thread broken yarn while the looms were still moving. It was while crouched under the mechanism, furiously entangling when the spindle rattled above her and ripped off one of her fingers.

These being the days before InjuryLawyers4U, Annie couldn't do anything about it - complaining would mean losing her job. She therefore stayed at the mill (for almost another 15 years) but got involved with the trade union concerned and started a book club with other young women at the mill - many of them illiterate before Annie got her hands on them.

In 1905 Annie Kenney was able to attend a meeting of the Women's Social and Political Union, with Emmeline Pankhurst speaking. Fired up by their determination for equality with men, Kenney and Christable Pankhurst (daughter of Emmeline and co-leader of the WSPU) sneaked into a Liberal Party rally and interrupted a young Winston Churchill and the then foreign secretary, asking them in front of the thronged crowds "do you believe women should have the vote?"

In a stunned silence the ladies were escorted from the building and thrown in Holloway jail. Their arrest was the first of thousands as Suffragettes followed their lead and used more and more militant tactics over the next decade; smashing windows and chaining themselves to King George V's coach. Women who showed bravery in their protest, either by suffering violence at the hands of policemen or being force-fed while on hunger strike were awarded medals by the WSPU, and Kenney was one of the most decorated 'soldiers'.

Kenney's hard work and determination led to her being made a main leader and organiser of the WSPU, touring England and Wales speaking at rallies on women's suffrage. She was the only working-class women to attain this level within the hierarchy - an inspiration to other poor women with few or no rights, with little chance of getting out of their meagre circumstances.

It was only in 1918, when women over the age of 30 got the vote, that Annie settled down and married. This woman was 100% committed to whatever she did, she wasn't going to let a husband get in the way of her activism. Even though she was a total stunner.

Annie Kenney, we doff our caps to you.

Soph.

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Hotty from History #37 - Lewis Thornton Powell (22nd April 1844 – 7th July, 1865)

I've been putting off writing this entry for the longest time, because quite frankly I don't like the man. I'm also a little unfamiliar with some of the events surrounding him because he is a rarity among HFH's chosen - an American. However it is my duty as a historian and an aesthete to bring him to your notice.

Born the son of an Alabama Baptist minister, Powell grew up in rural Georgia as the youngest of nine siblings. He spent his formative years caring for various stray animals on the family's land and reading, gaining reputation among his peers as introverted, and the nickname 'Doc'. However, when he was 13 he received a kick to the face from the family donkey, breaking his already prominent jaw and making it even more chiselled.

*note - HFH in no way condones angering farm animals as a method of plastic surgery

After moving to Florida, Lewis Powell enlisted in the 2nd Florida Infantry, Company 1, aged just 17. He served for two years before being injured at the Battle of Gettysburg and taken as a POW.

A week later, with the help of a young nurse he'd charmed Powell escaped, becoming first a member of the confederate cavalry and later a spy. He broke his cover, showing his *ahem* less liberal side, by beating up a black woman when working in Baltimore.

While in prison, Powell met John Surratt, who introduced him to the men who would become the conspirators in the Lincoln assassination.

As Wilkes-Booth created history, simultaneously Powell turned out to be a bit of a rubbish assassin however, and failed to take out the Secretary of State, William Seward. At the same time George Atzerodt did what any sane person would do under the circumstances, and instead of killing Vice-President Andrew Johnson, he got drunk.

After escaping and hiding out for three days, Powell was arrested, tried and hanged. Reports say he kicked and struggled for over five minutes before finally succumbing to death. He was 21 years old.

I find this image so evocative and almost eerie, how he is staring right into the lens.

A hottie, but a wrong'un.

Soph.

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Hotty From History #36 - Gwenllian Ferch Gruffydd (1097-1136)

I've been putting off writing this entry because quite frankly I love this woman, and feel she's part of my cultural heritage and possibly a distant ancestor, but all the pictures related to her were either horribly dowdy or some D&D player's wet dream, all chainmail bras and swords with too many spiky bits. So I chose a painting by Charles Keegan, which seemed to fit the bill.

Gwenllian Ferch Gruffudd, hereafter know as Gwen, was born to Prince Gruffydd of Gwynedd, in 1097. At this time Wales was ruled by a number of Princes, who were at war with the English, and Normans after 1066, which as every British schoolgirl and schoolboy knows, was the date of the battle of Hastings (in which King Harold got an arrow in the eye).

At the age of 16, a delegation of Princes from the South visited her father's court and several of them noticed the young, startlingly beautiful Princess. However, it was the 20-year-old Prince Gruffydd who caught her eye - not content with declarations of love from balconies and duelling with her hankie pinned to his lapel, they cut the courtship short and eloped.

Because The Welsh Princes were at war with pretty much everyone else on the island who had the audacity to come over here, rape, pillage and take their land, and Gruffydd's princedom was one of the most contested, Gwen's in-laws spent the next 23 years moving from stronghold to stronghold, hill to fen. Gwen had been brought up a shieldmaiden, and so was a match for her husband and his men, and accompanied them when living in the forests of south Wales and leading a group of soldiers herself for the odd ambush, variously while pregnant or with a small child on her hip. They harrassed the Norman and English colonists and redistributed their wealth and land amongst the local people, whose land had been taken by the colonists.

Historians believe it's Gwen and Gruff's reputation that filtered through legend to produce the story of Robin Hood and Maid Marion. She is also believed to be one of the sources for Guinevere in Arthurian Legend and Eówyn in Tolkien's the Lord of the Rings, and is set to be the subject of a Hollywood film, dubbed "the Female Braveheart".

In 1136, while her husband was in the North, drumming up support for an attack against a Norman strongpoint, a Norman-English force marched on Gwen's princedom. She quickly roused and army and led the several thousand-strong force against their attackers at Kidwelly Castle, but was captured and beheaded as a warning to the other Princes, along with two of her sons.

Rather than pacify them, however, Gwen's death enraged them out of their complacence, and a unified Wales was able to stand up to their Norman invaders. Throughout this "Great Revolt", and for a further 300 years, the battle-cry of Welshmen was Ddail Achos Gwenllian! - Revenge for Gwenllian!

We at HFH always support women who defied the expectations of women from their time, especially if it involved a sword.

- Sophie.

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Hotty from History #35 - Jeanette Jerome AKA Lady Randolph Churchill (January 9, 1854 – June 9, 1921)

The contributors to this blog, Georgia, Tom and I have spent rather a lot of our spare time over the last summer chancing upon pictures and articles about various historical personalities and filing them under "drafts" after deciding they would be promising future hotties for this blog, only to leave them festering there, un-biographied and forgotten while we trip over our strings of pearls getting into yet another black cab to go to yet another star-studded and champagne-soaked party. Or at least imagining we are, while downing £2.99 Sauvignon Blanc in our pajamas. That is, until Dr Apple Teeth commented on one of our posts and gave us a well deserved kick up the arse.

Lady Randolph Churchill is possibly the most perfect example of a hotty from history. She was a celebrity before the word even existed - an absolute stunner whose life and gossip are now so intertwined it's difficult to see where one ends and the other starts. So here are the facts. Or the fiction. Believe whichever you want to:

She was born to a rich family of eccentrics in New York in 1854, and was named after a woman her father was having an affair with. She was brought up an extremely competent horse-rider, to the extent that her father built a racetrack on their property, so she could ride and he could indulge in one of his favourite pastimes - gambling.

She had a snake tattooed around her left wrist, which she covered with a bracelet whenever the thing would prove too shocking for her present company. Fashion at the time was for women's bodies to be almost entirely covered, so several notable upper-class minxes got away with tattoos, as only their lovers would see them. Which is rather saucy, i think.

In 1874 Jerome married Lord Randolph Churchill, a member of the British aristocracy and politician. She gave birth to their first child- Winston - seven months after marrying his father. I know the Victorians are known for being iron-knickered but I think Lady Randolph is a prime example of how that wasn't true. Queen Victoria had nine children for goodness' sake!

Her second son, born in 1880, was largely believed to be the son of one of Jerome's lovers, the Viscount Falmouth. Her other lovers included King Edward VII (whose wife, Queen Alexandria was a close friend of hers, knowing full well about the affair), Prince Karl Kinsky, and according to some stories, more than 198 more! Damn this woman could seduce.

Her 'friends' in high places paved the way for her elder son to pursue a career in politics, eventually becoming Prime Minister during the Second World War. Winston Churchill was recently voted "Greatest Briton", by a BBC survey. I don't know about you but I like the woman who pulled the strings more.

Her second marriage was to a young Captain in the Scots Guard, a chap 20 years her junior - the same age as her elder son. when he left her for an actress she married a man 24 years younger than her.

When she was 16, a New York journalist described her as "more of the panther than of the woman in her look". Sorry mate but I think se was more of a cougar. A beautiful Victorian/Edwardian cougar who loosened her corsets for the rich and powerful while she charmed them with her acerbic wit and hidden tattoo.

As the icing on the cake, she died in the most HFH-worth way I've ever heard of: Falling down the stairs while trying out a new invention - high heels.

Lady Jenny Jerome-Churchill-Cornwallis-West-Phippen-Porch, we at HFH salute you.

-Sophie.

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Hotty from History #34 - Frida Kahlo  (July 6, 1907 – July 13, 1954)

Oh, sweet Frida, how hard it is to do justice to your supreme hottiness in a blog as essentially superficial as this.

Frida painted pain and passion in intense vibrant colours and is noted for her uncompromising depictions of the female experience. Although bed ridden due to a road accident for much of her life, Frida managed to paint with such vivid flair that she attracted the attention of many of her Mexican contempories. She married the rather unattractive muralist Diego Rivera, who was 20 years her senior. Luckily for the bohemian characters of Mexico, Frida had no qualms with adultery, and had numerous affairs, including one with Cabaret goddess Josephine Baker.

She has been described as a 'tequila slamming, dirty-joke telling smoker' who 'hobbled about her bohemian barrio in lavish indigenous dress'. This is an attractive image. If time travel is ever invented, a Frida Kahlo party is going at the top of my list. Apparently Trotsky was a fan. So much so that they seduced each other and had an affair whilst Trotsky was staying at Frida and her husband's home.

Here are some final facts that elevate her to hotty status: She had a bright blue house. She was openly bisexual in the Golden Age (and beyond), a good time to be fluid with one's sexuality. She was depicted in film form by Salma Hayek.

 I leave you with this gem of a Kahlo quote: "I tried to drown my sorrows, but the bastards learned how to swim, and now I am overwhelmed by this decent and good feeling."

-Georgia

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Hotty from History no.33 James Joyce 1882-1941

Jimmy Joyce was a wonderful modern Irish writer. Although not typically handsome, he is included on this list because of his strange enigmatic appeal. He was tall, skinny and very rectangular, and it was only later when he grew a moustache and wore silly glasses that his look became more oddball than Oh my. In this picture he looks very much the good looking genius, and as for his manly pose, I certainly think he could have garnered the odd swoon.

Joyce was already very intelligent as a handsome young lad. He rejected his family’s Catholicism at the age of 16, which strikes me as quite a rebellious and precocious thing to do. At the sweet age of 19 he was already making his mark: a review he wrote of Ibsen’s New Drama actually received a note of thanks from the playwright himself. 

He grew to be an appalling drunk, frequently getting into scrapes and arguments and spending a lot of money he could not afford to. As we at HFH have mentioned before, this in itself isn’t exactly an asset, but if your a tortured poet with a nice face, then all is forgiven. After all, Joyce’s drunken anguish generally translated into brilliant prose. 

Joyce was dreadful with money. This blogger essentially finds this endearing because it is a quality one can empathize with. He set out on various money making endeavours and failed at them all. Poor Joyce. What he really needed was an understanding lover to forgive him his ineptitude. Shame he was more than half a century or so too early. He was eventually able to focus on writing because he had a lady patron. I imagine his talent wasn’t the only reason she wanted to look after him.

He wrote books. And well.

-Georgia

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HFH writer Tom as Dylan Thomas

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HFH writer Georgia as Mercedes d'Acosta

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Joan of Arc

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Our very own Nikola Tesla