House Turner

Three humans, two dogs, a kitten, a tree frog, and a turtle doing life with autism, ADHD, homeschooling, boardgames, Doctor Who, tacos, and piles and piles of books.

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When you’ve been doing research all day and your brain resembles tapioca pudding this is much funnier than it really should be...

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Cat Ownership: A Photograhic Explanation

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Here are pictures of the four-legged creatures that are still my friends. Not pictured: The one who decided that the precise moment Sam barfed was the perfect time to start chasing the cat and, therefore, caused a furry, vomit-covered riot. She will not be named. She is dead to me.

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6:00AM: Wake up. If you know me well you know that's EARLY! 7:00AM: Have breakfast with Aaron, discuss a book we've been reading. 7:30AM: Aaron leaves. Spend 30 minutes reading the Henri Nouwen book I've had on my nightstand since 2017. Two years. For real. 8:00AM: Exercise. It was basic neck and shoulder yoga, but still WHO AM I TODAY?!?!? 8:30AM: Sam is still asleep. What is this sorcery? Put in a load of laundry. Answer emails. Fist bump the universe for being productive. 9:00AM: Take a shower. Do my hair and makeup for a lunch date later. I am a stranger to myself. 9:45AM: Sam is awake but mellow. Make a list of library books to get so later we're not standing in the middle of the library staring blankly. I am on FIRE! 10:00AM: Sam says "I don't feel very good." I check his temp. There's fever. Cancel lunch date and get Sam comfy on the couch. 10:10AM: Sam vomits all over me, himself, the floor, and the couch. Immediately the cat comes leaping through the room followed closely by the dog who runs through the vomit, slips, skids into the wall, and keeps running, tracking barf throughout the house. 10:11AM: Weep internally and congratulate yourself for not cussing in front of the sick eight year old. 10:30AM: Take another shower after cleaning up All The Vomit. Wash off makeup. Hair is a mess. Look in the mirror and greet the familiar disaster that is staring back at you with a friendly wave.

Also, the cat walked across my keyboard six times while I was typing this post.

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Y'all. The animal in our game was a guinea pig, and Aaron yelled "cavy" at the same time I yelled "guinea pig" and Sam gave the point to Aaron for creativity and I'm mad about it.

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We're playing Concept Kids which is a game where you guess animals based on their characteristics, and Aaron just got so excited about his answer that he forgot how to talk and yelled "HIFFOPLOPOMUS!!" and now we are all dead.

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When the dog decides its time to play but no one else is outside

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You guys seriously...don’t say this to people. I am not “special”. I am just making things up as I go and hoping I don’t end up on the news.

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Just another day at House Turner

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We’re two and a half hours into assembling Ikea furniture for my office. Aaron has been listening to every song Petra ever recorded. My heavy sighs have been pointedly ignored.

Me: “Okay. When we’re done with this bookcase can we PLEASE change the playlist?”

Him: “WHAT?! NO!! We’re only in 1985! We haven’t even heard This Means War!”

Me: “.............This is for all the times I subjected you to show tunes, isn’t it.”

Him: “Consequences, baby. Consequences.”

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Me: *trying to study*

Reggie the Turtle: “I will do flips in the water and attack my own reflection and generally be as obnoxious as a three inch turtle can possibly be. Until you try to video me. Because we both know I’m acting a fool.”

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Ava is here. She and Sam have been in rare form tonight being sarcastic and pesky. It finally got quiet in their room a few minutes ago, so Aaron and I decided to have a little fun. I dropped in on the Echo Dot in Sam’s room and started saying “Hello?” in a creepy, raspy voice while Aaron waited outside the door. We could hear them whispering nervously. Aaron started to lightly scratch on the door. I kept whispering. Finally, Aaron threw open the door and yelled “BOO!!!”. So now we’re going to spend the next half hour peeling two eight year olds and a cat off the ceiling. And we’re not even a little bit sorry.

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When you’re converting the playroom to an office and your best friend sends you the perfect addition! It’s my very first Funko POP!

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Sushi at Edo Japan Rockwall for Sam’s 8th Birthday

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These are the last pictures of this kid as a seven year old. Next time I see him he’ll officially be eight. (Not counting the 17 times he’s going to get out of bed to get a drink or pee or check the weather or ask a very important question about walruses).

Sammy, you are somehow 100% joy and 100% exasperation all in one tiny body, and we love all 200% of you! Happy 8th Birthday!