of the infinite layered universes
of the multiverse, the combinations
endless in their imperfections
I know there is a world where we wake up
looking exactly how we wish we did
I know there is a world where we are exactly the people
but I’m not sure, anymore, that I want that world
if I had gone away to college
studied at Trinity, in Ireland, like I wanted to
if I had gone away to college whole and healthy
would I have ever met you in a waiting room
with tacky carpet and fake flowers?
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if you had studied biochemistry
and your arms were free of scars
if your mood was a flat line, and I
never sat across from you, on a therapist’s couch
would I know the joy of waking up
to your soft and sleeping face?
would I know the way you called me a hurricane
with a pretty, pretty face
would you know that I’ve never been called such things
make me blush like the sun in the summer
when the wildfires get real thick?
would I know, would I know
the sweetness with which you say
that I am the lovely dawn of all your days?
maybe we meet, in those universes
and I hope we meet, in those universes
we would be different people, with different flaws
for no universe thrives unchallenged
and nobody lives without cracks in their porcelain finish
I hope our crooked pieces fit together there
like they do here, when we are curled
together in the darkness of our room, breathing in sequence
trying to remember that one day, we will feel less powerless
it is not easy- it is never easy
but it was easy falling in love with you
and it’s easy to stay in love with you
we can change your hair, and change my crooked posture
change your driver’s license, and get me my nurse’s license
get you those silver lines on your chest you always wanted
and I’ll throw away your binders with a fox’s grin
we can make you stronger, and we can see you through it
and you can be their handsome firstborn
not that we wanted, really
but that we were always meant to be
because this universe is not the one where we
look in the mirror, and love what we see on contact
and god, if it could be easier for you
as easy as it is to wake up next to you
as easy as it is to see the future with you
I don’t think it’s divine providence to suffer, baby
I don’t think the higher powers want us lonely
but here, in this way, we found one another
and so I have to love something about us, lovers
but I have the amber moment of you, across the table tonight
drinking a mai tai with Somewhere
playing in the background, the couple next to us
keeps looking at us funny, but it’s just-
funny, well, because you fill me up so warm
my chest is swimming and you have me caught
where the waterline barely runs under my lungs
I could drown in you, I could drown in the way
and I wouldn’t have that, if I hadn’t met you when we were
sat out on a summer’s day, in a gazebo, drinking iced teas
talked about the way I don’t feel solid in my body
and the way you wish you didn’t feel so solid in yours
no, I get to have the way you hold me when I cry
I get to have you reaching for me in your sleep
Oh, the moments of you unguarded, when you paint
or your love for soft things, sweet things, round things
here, I am holding this moment of you doing dishes
while I study for a test, passing me a cup of tea
I didn’t know I needed, or how you knew my shoulder hurt before I did
lover, here, I am holding the sweetness of you fitting in
to the chaos of my family and our tight knit
I have lost a lot of things, in this life
and I have grieved a lot of things, in this universe
I have lost my body and my bones, broken my own heart
and then some, set myself on fire
just to keep the house warm, when I
couldn’t find anyone else in it, when I
forgot how to speak, how to breathe, how to swim
I drowned, coughed the sea water back up, and then
because I lost a lot of things, but darling, I will
as flawed, as broken, as leaden as it is
because in this universe,
izzy806
jbbartram-illu
titsay
blakekathryn
2087
andulkaphoto
stormborns
