Homestuck Explained by a Dumbass

[hsbyadumbass]

Well, did you know that the comics is about to end? You can check the last message hussy left, you better start caching up :)

Hussie’s been saying the comic’s ‘about to end‘ since 2011, though.

Even if that’s true, I’ll catch up at my own pace.

[hsbyadumbass]

dude this is amazing, is there any chance you'll update this blog?

I have no intention of updating this blog until I catch up on Homestuck.

I have no intention of doing that until the series is over.

I haven’t read Homestuck since late 2012.

This post covers my opinion. I’ve left this blog up with the  intent to update it eventually, but don’t expect that for a long, long time.

I’m still glad people are getting enjoyment out of it to this day, considering no one was even meant to find this blog, haha!

[hsbyadumbass]

thank you so much for this blog

I have not updated this blog in well over a year. Maybe even two.

I'm sort of surprised people are finding it, but I'm glad it's making you all happy.

I made a vow not to read any further until the series was over, but once I have maybe I'll update all these and add new ones? It was meant as a guide to help someone follow each individual character's story.

While freely being a jackass about it.

[hsbyadumbass]

DANCESTORS

I am holding of on alpha kids until this trickster nonsense runs its course, so I'm going to do a brief recap on Dancestors.

WHAT ARE DANCESTORS, YOU ASK?

Before the trolls had their session, there was a different set of trolls who did. They fucked up somewhere along the way, and had to reset the game, just like John and his friends did.

This is the reason we have great characters like Karkat, Kanaya, Nepeta, and Insert Favorite Troll Here!

These guys though...

[I don't like them very much.]

That's not to say they are bad, or even uninteresting characters. They just, for the most part, bore me like nuts. There are a few interesting ones in the bunch, but that's about it.

WHY ARE THEY CALLED DANCESTORS?

D = Descendant

ANCESTOR = Ancestor.

Dancestor. This is because they are kind of both.

Let's take Feferi for example. In the ORIGINAL TROLLVERSE, Feferi grew up to be empress and ran a very affectionate regime, based on what we've heard. Meanwhile, her descendant grew up rueing the day she'd have to take over the throne, cuz society was lame as fuck. In this universe, Feferi is the ancestor.

Then the game reset.

Feferi became the descendant, and must one day fight off the ALL POWERFUL EMPRESS THAT RULES WITH AN IRON FIST. The empress is the ancestor.

Basically, the roles just switch. Because of this, it's easier for the trolls to call eachother 'Dancestors'.

But if you wanna get technical, the Dancestors are the trolls we know's parents, be it via a genetic medley or direct cloning. We just don't know!

ANYWAY, HERE IS A BRIEF RUNDOWN OF EACH ONE. A few may get their own posts later, but right now there's only enough info for these little bios.

Fun fact: All the dancestors are around 19 years old in human years.

Meenah Peixes is one of the only dancestors that doesn't suck. She is the THIEF OF LIFE and killed her entire team so they wouldn't be erased by the reset. Now she's trying to recruit a bunch of ghosts to fight Lord English. She also thinks Karkat asked her out on a date. It's ADORABLE.

Aranea Serket is probably Meenah's best friend, and may even be her girlfriend??? No clue on that one. The Sylph of Light, she's a chatterbox that tries to help everyone understand what they are meant to be doing. She is trying to locate Calliope to defeat Lord English. Jake English thinks she's the woman of his dreams.

Kankri Vantas is a social justice maniac. He tries to be sensitive to everyone's...sensitivities while still being a pretentious prick about it. Fuck that guy. He's the Seer of Blood, and has taken a vow of chastity. What a crock. Also He NEVER. STOPS. TALKING. EVER.

[Actual dialogue from the comic. Can't read it? Neither can I.]

Porrim Maryam is the Maid of Space, a title she finds offensive. She is not fond of the role of her female-dominant caste, and is a hardcore feminist, actively speaking against the oppression of women in her society. Whatever this oppression may be. She has also slept with like everyone. Except maybe Meenah and Kankri, the latter of which she babies like he's her child. She even made him his sweater. Srsly.

PS she's a vampire.

Latula Pyrope is a GAMR GRL who tries way too fucking hard to be cool. She's genuinely a nice girl, but she's obviously trying too hard and sort of makes an embarrassment of herself. She loves skateboarding and giving out HIGH FIVES!!! Kankri has the hots for her, but she already has a boyfriend. She is the Knight of Mind.

Mituna Captor is a foul-mouthed little shit whose dialogue you will almost be completely unable to read. Not only does he type in 1337, he makes fucking TYPOS. Jesus christ. He apparently rescued everyone without them realizing it, and it resulted in him getting brain damage. Like he's seriously fucked up now. He is Latula's boyfriend and she's very protective of him. He's also Kurloz's boyfriend. Trolls, amirite? He is the Heir of Doom.

He looks fucking ADORABLE without his helmet on though god damn.

[Pictured: the exact same haircut I have]

Cronus Ampora is a lech in the worst possible way. He gets in people's personal space, hits on them, and tries to impress them all at the same time. He's trying to get into Meenah's pants, but he pretty much botched that shit up big time. He has Harry Potter's backstory, and he's otherkin. He believes himself to be a human 50's greaser trapped in a troll's body. I am not making this shit up. He is the Bard of Hope.

Kurloz Makara is the Prince of Rage. Forever ago he had a nightmare and screamed so loud he caused his then-girlfriend Meulin to go deaf. He compensated by sewing his mouth shut, so now he's mute. He communicates through sign language. He seems to have some sort of evil powers and can mind-control Meulin. He's a part of Lord English's cult, and is helping Gamzee do...whatever the fuck it is Gamzee is doing. He's Mituna's boyfriend.

Meulin Leijon is the Mage of Heart, and has implied that she has the power to force people to love eachother. Like Nepeta she is a hardcore shipper fanatic. Her ex-boyfriend Kurloz made her go deaf and now they are sign language buddies. She is also an avid follower of the same cult as Gamzee. She seems to be dating Horuss now, but that kinda shit goes over my head a little.

Rufioh Nitram was born with wings which makes him just as much a mutant as Kankri, just in a different way. He's a weeaboo who hung out with other weeaboos, including his ex-girlfriend Damara. He cheated on her with Horuss and she eventually killed him for it. Now he wants to break up with Horuss, but he's finding it really hard to do. Her's the Rogue of Breath.

Horuss Zahhak is so fucking weird. He loves steampunk and horse dongs. He's kind of void of personality so he takes traits and tips from other people, but we all know you're dead inside Horuss. You shit. He's been dating Rufioh for a bajillion years and is clearly madly in love with him, which makes it harder for Rufioh to dump his ass. He's started to date Meulin too, and because of that he's trying to be happier and smile more. Smiling causes him physical pain. He is the Page of Void.

Damara Megido speaks in broken japanese via google translate. She used to be a sweet girl until Rufioh cheated on her and Meenah rubbed it in. Now she's a raging cuntrag who murdered the shit out of her ex. She's really into getting high and having lots of raunchy sex. She's been trying to get Horuss to fuck her, but he doesn't speak broken Japanese so he doesn't get her pick-up lines. She smokes doobies all the time. She seems thrilled for Lord English to fucking kill everyone. She is the Witch of Time.

[hsbyadumbass]

Feferi Peixes

The empress-to-be.

Feferi is another  character I really love. She gets sort of a raw deal. She has less screentime than almost any other troll, but what little we see of her, her personality really shines. What's that? MORE BIAS? Yes. It's that time again.

Feferi lives underwater with her custodian, the horrorterror Gl'bgolyb. She loves her very very much.

[Pictured: 1/45 of Gl'bgolyb]

Gl'bgolyb is very dangerous though. Feferi must feed her constantly, or she will let out a cry that could kill every troll in the entire universe (except the empress). So of course Feferi is going to do her best to stop that from happening.

She gets help from Eridan, who she has been dating since forever. She tries to subdue his genocidal tendencies, and in turn he brings lusii for Gl'bgolyb to eat. He's a shitty boyfriend otherwise though. While Eridan wants to bump their relationship up to a fucking level, Feferi wants to cut it off.

Anyway Feferi's interest include raising the animals under the sea, and just overall being a humanitarian. She gets very --EXCIT----ED about everything, and is pretty much the ideal genki girl. She has an epic sense of humor too, cracking jokes and generally talking like a foul-mouthed sailor with class.

Being a derse dreamer, Feferi has heard the whispers of the horrorterrors in her sleep, and the prophesized t hat she would unite the two races. She believes this to mean landdwellers and seadwellers.

[art by guttyworks]

After helping Eridan enter the medium, Sollux saved her by helping her do the same. Unfortunately he died doing so. Feferi knew just what to do. She left the Land of Dew and Glass [LoDaG] and went to kiss Sollux awake. Not before breaking up with Eridan though.

[Pictured: I have no fucking clue].

She and Sollux traveled through most of the game together, and got close enough to start dating. Sollux even starts using her fishpuns, which is adorable as all fuck.

Eridan also faces off against Sollux and gets his ass kicked.

After entering the meteor, Feferi is there when Terezi discovers the humans. She thinks they're very neat, and believes they will be their key to winning the game. We find out that Feferi has a healthy, friendly relationship with most of the trolls during this time. What a lovable lass!

Once Derse blows up, Feferi starts to enter Jade's dream to tell her the horrorterrors are not bad, and are just trying to help! Being a prosit dreamer, and not fond of trolls in general, Jade has a hard time believing her. Feferi is very diplomatic though, and tries not to leave a bad impression on the girl.

[art by luzerna]

Feferi also tries to console Sollux in the hornpile after Aradiabot explodes, but he's very stubborn about the whole thing. It is then that Eridan gives Feferi an ultimatum: Join him in teaming up with Jack, or die with everyone else.

Naturally Feferi and Sollux try to stop him. This ends up with Sollux being knocked out. When Feferi retaliates, Eridan kills her.

Feferi shows up in one more of Jade's dreams after she enters the medium, to try to help Jade further cope with the fact that she no longer dreams on prospit. Feferi decided to end the dream by telling her that she's totally fucking D------EAD.

[Pictured: OH CRAP]

We see Feferi one more time, as an doomed timeline version of herself uses her godpowers to heal WV.

She then becomes a sprite in the next universe. Cover this later, blah blah blah.

That's Feferi's story.

Her handle is cuttlefishCuller [CC], her weapon is a two-sided trident, and she is the Witch of Life.

[hsbyadumbass]

Eridan Ampora

Motherfucker.

I don't hate Eridan, nor do I think he's a bad character. I just ignore him half the time because he personally bores the shit out of me when he's not being hilarious.

It's hard to explain. I just don't really like him much. Not even for the shit he did. I love the shit he did. I just plain. Don't like him.

Basically welcome to more bias. Which should come as no surprise. These have all been riddled with bias. HERE WE GO.

Eridan lives on an small island in the middle of the ocean with his floating seahorsedad custodian. He's a seadweller, and essentially a prince by Alternian standards. He almost never goes IN THE WATER, which is made more obvious by the fact that he dresses like someone not prepared to swim ever.

His interests include history, history's conquerors, and the mass genocide of the landdwellers. He also loves magic, even though he doesn't think magic is real at all.

He's lived close to the empress-to-be, Feferi, his entire life. They've been dating since forever and Eridan believes they were born to be together forever. He'd like to take their relationship in a different direction, but Feferi feels the opposite way.

He also used to date Vriska, and would [F]LARP with her to compete with her, as well as to take the custodians from dead trolls to feed to Feferi's custodian.

Like Vriska, Eridan is aware of his ancestor. I'm not really sure how much he knows about him, but he did locate his weapon, Ahab's Crosshairs. He also named his RP character after him: Orphaner Dualscar.

In the game, Eridan starts on the Blue Team, and helps Nepeta enter the game. He was reported to have flirted with her at some point. With Feferi's help he arrives in the Land of Wrath and Angels [LoWaA]. Once Feferi arrives in the game she dumps his ass for being a self-absorbed twat.

Eridan's adventure in-game consisted mostly of shooting all the denizens on his planet, pissing them off an turning it into a warzone. Because of this no one wanted to visit him on his planet, lest they get attacked by angels or shot via his stupidity.

He did leave his planet once to go to Sollux's. Sollux started to date his ex and this kinda pissed him off. So he flirted with Sollux by having a showdown with him. He apparently got his ass kicked.

[Pictured: Lowres]

On the meteor Eridan acted like he was so over everyone who had broke his heart. He then went on to flirt with pretty much everyone ever.

In fact, let's just make this list now.

PEOPLE ERIDAN WAS SEEN/HEARD FLIRTING WITH:

Feferi

Sollux

Terezi

Kanaya

Karkat

Equius

Nepeta

Vriska

Rose

Jade

Your mom

PEOPLE ERIDAN WAS NEVER SEEN/HEARD FLIRTING WITH:

Aradia

Gamzee

Tavros

Dave

John

Your mom's new boyfriend

When Eridan found out Rose had magical wands he didn't believe it, even when she made his computer explode. He got buttmad, and insisted Kanaya make him a wand. She did so to shut him up, and for some reason it's a recolor of Hermoine's wand. I don't read Harry Potter so I don't know how I know this.

[Pictured: A dangerous tool. Also a wand.]

Eridan then went on to give his rifle to Jade, who threw it out her window for reasons. It would eventually make it's way to her penpal, somehow. Still dunno how that happened.

[People give Eridan a buttchin for some reason.]

When Kanaya is going to the center of the meteor, Eridan volunteers to go with her, with ulterior motives. He then goes over to Sollux and Feferi to tell him that he's allying with Jack. He offers Feferi a chance to join him. Of course Sollux and Feferi try to stop him, but this time he has a magic SCIENCE wand.

He takes out Sollux, and kills Feferi when she tries to attack him. He then goes on to blow up the matriorb, thus causing mass genocide of his species and ruining any hope they had of living on.

Kanaya retaliates, and meets a similar fate.

He then leaves to find Jack.

[Pictured: Karkat and the fandom's reaction.]

The next time we see Eridan, he's having a showdown with Vriska and Gamzee, who are both doing their own murderthing.

This is interrupted by Kanaya, who has come back from the dead to break Eridan's wand and kick his ass.

[Pictured: Yes.]

This isn't the end of Eridan. While Rose and the gang are floating through the meteor, they run into an Eridan from an alt. timeline who has become a god.

[Apparently becoming a god turns Eridan into a psyduck.]

We see him again when he becomes a sprite, but that's another can of worms that will be covered in a future post.

[art by salihombox]

That's it for Eridan.

His handle is caligulasAquarium [CA], his weapon is a rifle [then a wand], and he is the Prince of Hope.

[hsbyadumbass]

Kanaya Maryam

One hot fashionista.

Kanaya is another one of my favorite trolls, so expect a fuck ton of bias.

Kanaya lives in the desert with her custodian, a virgin mothergrub.

Mother grubs, in a sense, give birth to trolls as a species, or at least help. I'm not going to cover this unless someone wants a gross write-up of troll biology, which isn't very cut-and-dry to begin with. Just know Kanaya's grub momma decided she would give up making babies to help raise Kanaya. This also shortened her lifespan for some reason.

She is raising Kanaya because Kanaya is a special troll. Because of her blood she can walk around in the daylight without worrying about the sun fucking her up. She also has to deal with troll zombies, who only come out during the day. This is why she carries a chainsaw.

[It also doubles as lipstick.]

Kanaya was supposed to grow up to help take care of the mother grubs underground, had their planet continued to exist.

Anyway, her intrests include topiary arts, and Alternian GOTH fashion, which is full of bright colors. Goths on Alternia are anti-goths to humans. It's weird. She's a seamstress who makes her own clothes. She also loves TRASHY VAMPIRE ROMANCE NOVELS, and often has fantasies of encountering vampires, which are not real.

Kanaya has used her seamstress skills in the past to fix up Lil' Cal. I'll cover how that's possible...eventually. I hope.

After Vriska and her friends broke up, Kanaya took it on herself to date Vriska and keep her out of trouble. However she cares for Vriska even more than that, and hopes to be in a relationship where they can make out and be all lovey dovey. Kanaya has a bad habit of meddling with other people's relationships, and has essentially been called a whore by Eridan, in the nicest way possible. She just wants to stop conflict!

Kanaya had a rough idea of what the game had held. When she was little Doc Scratch helped her sleep, and she woke up on Prospit. She looked at him as a father figure for a while, until he started to backstab everyone. When she was no longer useful to him he abandoned her, and she hasn't trusted him since.

Kanaya had also gotten a hold of Rose's GAMEFAQ from another universe, so she knew what the game was going to entail. She also had fantasies of what sort of person [TROLL] Rose was like, and went on to admire her like a hero.

[Pictured: Kanaya's fantasies]

On the day the game started Kanaya's mother grub had died. Kanaya had to cut her open to take out the matriorb, an egg that would hatch into a new mothergrub and perpetuate their species. She then went on to help Vriska enter the game, but not without tidying up Vriska's messy room and stopping Vriska from being a dick to Tavros.

Once Kanaya had entered the game, she went to check on Vriska, only to see her making out with Tavros. In a fairy dress.

One that KANAYA HAD MADE FOR HER. She felt used and heartbroken. Her relationship with Vriska had become painfully strained after this.

Kanaya would continue to play the game in the Land of Rays and Frogs [LoRaF]. Unsure of how to light the forge, she seeks Karkat's memos for guidance. Being from the future, Karkat says she'll get the hang of it eventually. They then begin to bond over memories of holidays passed with their custodians.

At one point Karkat apparently helped Kanaya hunt for frogs, as seems traditional of knights to do. He rushed it though, eager to finish the game in time, and their universe came out wonky because of it.

On the meteor, Kanaya would saw off Tavros' legs so Equius could give him new robotic ones, thus making him less useless. She also did it partially out of spite for the whole ordeal with Vriska. Vriska had no idea Kanaya was upset, then assumed Kanaya was actually into TAVROS and was mad that she got to him first.

When Karkat decided to fuck with the humans, Kanaya's interests instantly went to Rose. She tried talking to Rose, but she ended up talking to John by mistake and was tricked into thinking Rose was an idiot. She then talked to John in the past to figure out how to properly befriend Rose/get her goat. She made sure to talk to Rose out of chronological order, to properly fuck with her. She then goes on to ask Dave for advice, which goes well. Kanaya predicted by the eighth conversation they will sync up and become friends.

[This is a lot of horseshit]

The eighth conversation showed Rose blowing up the gate to her next level. Kanaya realized Rose is dangerous and got right to meddling. They became friends over this. Kanaya gives her advice and tries to warn Rose of the dangers she is putting herself in. She also says that at one point Rose's timeline just kinda blacks out, which worries her. Kanaya starts to get very attached to Rose throughout this.

She also goes on to make Eridan a wand, since he won't stop whining about Rose's. This will bite her in the ass later.

Later, Kanaya would decide the best place to lay the egg is in the meteor itself. She realizes it's her responsibility to make sure her species continues to exist. It's her birthright, and she embraces it fully. She instructs Jade on how to breed frogs and then tells her she's going to the center of the meteor to hatch the egg.

Then Eridan's wand comes into play.

He destroys the matriorb shortly after killing Feferi. Kanaya retaliates in anger, only to be shot herself with a hole through her chest.

Karkat tries to revive her, but no dice.

We see Kanaya again in a dream, where she explains that she was asked by Aradia to fix up Lil' Cal. Aradia also takes this time to tell her that she's only sleeping.

This proves to be true. Kanaya wakes up with glowy vampire powers and a hole through her chest. She would then go on to suck Feferi's blood for whatever fucking reason. This does not help anything.

[OH]

[MY]

[FUCKING]

[GOD]

Kanaya then proceeds in performing the must badass form of mediation I've ever fucking seen. She slows Gamzee down, stops Vriska from needlessly fighting, and fucking KILLS ERIDAN. She becomes my hero.

She would then run into Sollux, tell Karkat she's alive, and tell him to meet them on the roof.

At this point she is furious with Gamzee, but Karkat assures her this is his fight. And by fight I of course mean hugathon.

Once the meteor meets up with Rose and Dave, Kanaya is eager to find Gamzee and kill his fucking ass.

This causes Gamzee to go into hiding. A year later she has toned it down to just wanting to hurt him really really bad. I don't remember exactly what Kanaya does during the first year, but she probably hangs out with Rose a lot. Rose tells her she shouldn't give up on trying to save their species.

[Hot momma]

The next year Kanaya would meet Porrim, who she is intimidated by. This proves to be pointless, as Porrim really appreciates Kanaya, and even helps her gain a handle on her glowy vampire powers. She tells Kanaya something important, but we don't learn what it is. When Meenah wants to visit the humans and trolls on the ship, Kanaya insists on keeping a close eye on her, because she doesn't trust her at all.

Rose asks Kanaya on a date, then gets so drunk she forgets. Kanaya didn't know it was an official date anyway so it was fine. Rose would then tell Kanaya about Gamzee dating Terezi, and how she wants to stop everyone from fighting. Kanaya admires Rose for her troll-like behavior, then Rose says she wants to know all about troll romance. And about Kanaya's romance.

[And the fandom rejoiced.]

That's Kanaya's story thus far.

Her handle is grimAuxiliatrix [GA], her weapon is a chainsaw, and she is the Sylph of Space.

[hsbyadumbass]

Equius Zahhak

The sweaty asshole.

Like Nepeta, Equius has sort of a short story. I'm grateful cuz this would be torture otherwise. These are getting longer than they need to be.

Equius is Vriska's next door neighbor. He lives in a mansion on a mountain-cliff-thingy with this custodian, Aurthour, who is essentially a humanimal.

Equius' power is that he's super STRONG. He's so STRONG he breaks milk glasses before he can even drink the milk. It's hard being STRONG. It's hard and nobody understands.

[Can you believe he's only 13?]

His interests include robots, building robots, sparring with robots, slam poetry [rapping], and an appreciation by the fine arts. By fine arts I of course mean bara furry porn. He also loves archery, but he's never been able to fire an arrow because he's so strong he breaks the bow.

Equius and Nepeta are dating, and thanks to his influence Nepeta never took up FLARPing, which could have potentially killed her. Equius is a racist asshole, being of nobility he is hard on almost anyone in the lower caste. Nepeta, being the good gal pal she is, tells him when he's being a shithead and also helps sooth his rage. They help keep each other out of trouble.

He also has a crush on Aradia, who is on the lowest rung of society. The idea of him submitting to her turns him on immensely.

But so does pretty much anything. They guy has some serious hormone problems.

[sprite by Yobot; Equius goes through a towel every fucking minute.]

ANYWAY when we meet Equius he's insistant on Nepeta being on the blue team. Because blue is nobility and way better than red. Also it's the team he's on and they should always be on a team together.

He was also commissioned to build a robot body for Aradia. He took this opportunity to program it to have romantic feelings for him. He also gave it blue blood, because again blue is better than red.

[Pictured: A creeper]

He and Vriska go into cahoots to take over control of the Blue Team, but he was planning on betraying her anyway. He didn't have to because he became leader when Aradia helped him enter the medium. Thanks to her he arrived in the Land of Caves and Silence [LoCaS]. Aurthour was not so lucky. Once he found out Aradia had control over his house he realized she was in charge of him. That also gave him a boner.

He soon went to Aradia's planet to give her a new body. I covered all that in Aradia's post, but let me sum it up here too:

[Art by Rumminov]

They started dating and fought imps for a while. At some point he helps Kanaya enter the medium, but we're never shown that happening. I can only assume it was hilarious.

Equius would then go on to hang out with Nepeta. He reads one of Karkat's memos once the teams are absolved, claiming he doesn't acknowledge Karkat as his leader.

That has obviously changed once they enter the meteor. Everyone, including Equius, is aware of Karkat's mutation, and he still accepts and respects Karkat as his leader, getting off on any order the troll gives him. This may just be because to him it's depraved.

Equius doesn't do an awful lot on the meteor, sort of. He apparently talks to some of the kids, but the only one we see him talk to is Dave. He questions what the social hierarchy of humans is, and Dave essentially tells him the coolest humans are the best ones. He tries to rap with Equius, but Equius creeps Dave the fuck out and Dave proclaims him as the 'worst troll'.

[Dave's display of manliness then turns Equius on]

The next time we see him is when his robogirlfriend explodes, but not before she hugs Sollux first. Without hugging him. His feelings are hurt. He and Nepeta go to their joint room to have a feelings jam about it.

[Plus some super adorable roleplaying shenanigans.]

As shit starts hitting the fan, Karkat tells Equius to search for Gamzee and kill his ass to save everyone. Equius is thrilled that Gamzee is finally acting like nobility, and is also reluctant to kill him because Gamzee is the noblest of land dwellers and he pretty much worships the ground the clown walks on. He does agree to go look for him, and tells Nepeta to hide.

He finds him.

And it goes about as well as expected.

[Jesus christ even getting strangled to death turns him on.]

We will see Equius in passing in dreambubbles, hanging out with millions of dead Aradiabots like they are his anime harem. The living Aradia even comments that it freaks her out a bit.

We see Equius in the new universe as a sprite. Originally he's the only one prototyped, but then he gets fused with a smack-talking pair of anime shades and shit just gets wonderful.

Again, something we'll cover in a sprite post.

That's it for Equius. His handle is centaursTesticle [CT], his weapon is a bow (technically his FISTS), and he is the Heir of Void.

[hsbyadumbass]

Vriska Serket

This post will be the bane of my existence. It's going to be so long I am probably going to grow old and die writing it. Why the fuck do you have to do so much shit Vriska?

So yeah. Vriska Serket. Let's get this over with.

Vriska lives in a large, elaborate mansion near a ton of rocks with her wicked custodian spidermom. Spidermom eats trolls, and chose Vriska to get these trolls for her. So Vriska has to feed her trolls or Spidermom will eat her. The bitch.

[Pictured: Your nightmares for the next three days.]

This is something Vriska can do, as her power is Manipulation. She can force weak-willed trolls to do whatever she pleases.

Also Vriska has 8 eyes. Which is cool.

[Pictured: A cool thing]

Her interests include gambling, [F]LARPing, treasure, breaking 8balls, bulding doomsday devices, WINNING, and being the fucking best at everything ever.

When Vriska was very tiny, she found a treasure chest that had magical dice in it, as well as a diary that belonged to her ancestor, Marquise Spinnaret Mindfang. Vriska looked up to Mindfang and wanted to base her life around her, being a badass pirate who does some fucking awesome things. She spends her life emulating Mindfang, going as far as to name her RP character after her.

She started dating both Terezi and Eridan and RPed with them. With Terezi they formed a team called the Scourge Sisters and would feed anyone who lost against them to Vriska's Spidermom.

Eridan had more of a rival role, but Vriska dumped his ass when she felt he wasn't challenging her anymore.

While playing, Vriska seemed to have fallen for Tavros, and wanted to make him a worthy adversary for herself. So, she started to flirt with him. She did this by breaking his legs. PURE GENIUS.

After this Aradia and Terezi both cut off relations with Vriska, and Aradia cursed her to misfortune and being haunted by all the trolls she ever killed. Vriska retaliated by forcing Sollux to kill her. In return, Terezi tricked Vriska into getting her arm and eye blown off, and VRISKA then forced Terezi to go blind. Her neighbor Equius then built her a new robotic arm.

[Art by doodle master]

Vriska eventually decided she wanted to be friends with Terezi, Tavros, and Aradia again. She planned to make everything up to them and set things right by commissioning Equius to build Aradia a new robot body. She, unlike many people, knew Aradia was a ghost, and wanted to house her a new body.

She also planned to be on the Blue Team, and she and Equius were going to team up and become the leaders of the team. This fell through when Aradia sent Equius into the medium to save his life, killing Vriska's Spidermom in the process. Aradia told her she was never meant to be on the Blue Team, and that the teams didn't really matter anyway.

Vriska, forced to go on the Red Team, helped Tavros into the game and began flirting with him again, trying to make him a better person. She did this by making his life miserable. She then tricked him into going to her planet, the Land of Maps and Treasure [LoMaT], so she could make out with him.

Tavros was still the same pussy he always was, and Vriska decided to accept that. They teamed up in the game from this point on to find lots of treasure.

Then Aradia beat her to death.

Using her powers from Prospit, Vriska had Tavros take her to her quest bed. She then relinquished control of him and told him to kill her so she could become a god and end her suffering. Tavros couldn't do it, which made Vriska loathe him. She did, however, die naturally and become a god.

[She got her eye back and everything!]

Her status as a god gave her the power to steal luck from anyone around her, making her the luckiest person to ever exist, and incapable of losing games of chance.

In the final battle against the Black King, Vriska delivered the final blow that took him out.

On the meteor, Vriska took an interest in John, and realized they had a lot in common. She decided she would mold John into the ultimate hero of his game, and John agreed. She then went on to manipulate the kid's game, so all the bad things that happened would be her doing, planting herself in the history of the session forever. She did this so she could be the one to create the god-powered Jack, and be the one to defeat him, being the greatest hero of all time.

He also got her to gain a celebrity crush on Nic Cage. Somehow.

[Wow Vriska obsessed much?]

When Tavros found out what she did, he decided to take her on and stop her from wreaking more havoc. She took his challenge, and even said she'd let him have the first strike. His readiness to take her out, after wimping out of EVERYTHING up to that point, pissed her off so much that she killed him almost instantly.

Vriska would soon regret this, and after helping John become a god she spoke with him and told him every bad thing she had ever done. She went on to say that, from a troll's perspective, everything she had done was acceptable, but she still felt remorse, and was scared that she felt it. John told her the things she did were bad, but he was still very understanding and helped her cope with it. It was around this point that Vriska fell in love with him. She told him she was going to go fight Jack, but she'd message him again before she did.

During this time, she was caught in the middle of a showdown with Eridan and Gamzee.

This was cut short by Kanaya, who also punched Vriska in the face.

Vriska thought this was insanely hot and was obviously turned on by it.

Anyway, Vriska kept true to her word and messaged John one more time. She told him she was about to fight Jack, then asked him out on a date when they would finally meet in person. Terezi came in, and a showdown between the two happened.

It was decided by the toss of a coin, which of course Vriska won. Had she gone on to fight Jack, she may have stood a chance. This would, however, cost her the life of all her friends.

Terezi could not let that happen, and killed Vriska as she was leaving.

The death was considered just, and she stayed dead. Then John agreed to date her.

They would date, though, in the afterlife. Vriska found the John that had died early, and they bonded over eternity. They dated for a long stretch of time, but due to the sporadic nature of the afterlife, drifted apart and broke up on good terms.

Then Lord English killed a ton of ghosts, which is apparently something only he can do. One of these ghosts was John's.

Vriska was also stalked in the afterlife by Andrew Hussie, who Lord English had killed in a meta way.

[The people who take this seriously deserve to be shot]

Vriska encountered Tavros again in the new universe, when they were fused together to make Tavrisprite. The abomination couldn't handle existing, and blew itself up.

It did help Tavros and Vriska understand eachother a bit better though, and they teamed up in search of an ultimate treasure to defeat Lord English. They may or may not have started dating. It's hard to get Vriska's take on it.

After talking to the living John, Vriska ran into Meenah, the princess of the original timeline. Meenah wanted to face Lord English head on, and Vriska challenged her over which method they would take to stopping him.

[Bitch no1 can hear U]

That's the end of Vriska's story. For now anyway.

Her handle is arachnidsGrip [AG], her weapon is 8 8-sided die, and she is the Thief of Light.

[hsbyadumbass]

Nepeta Leijon

THANKFULLY Nepeta has one of the shortest stories of all the trolls. She's a character that's not high on my list, but she's still precious and deserves all the love the fandom gives her.

She lives in a cave with her custodian, a two-mouthed cat named Pounce de Leon (Pounce is female btw).

Her interests include hunting, drawing, roleplaying, painting on the walls, and SHIPPING. She ships all her friends with eachother, but her OTP is herself/Karkat, who she has a huge crush on.

We are quick to find out that Nepeta is dating Equius, who is a buzzkill and never lets her have any fun. He forbade her from [F]LARPing with the other trolls, which may have very well saved her life. She better be grateful. In turn she stops Equius from being an angry, pompous asshole and teaches him to have a little fun.

Nepeta was initially going to be on the red team, but Equius being the racist he is insisted she be on the blue, as not to sully herself with the lower class. Also then they'd be able to keep an eye on eachother.

So Nepeta helped Aradia into the game, and Eridan apparently helped her.

The next time we see Nepeta, she is already on her planet, the Land of Little Cubes and Tea [LoLCaT]. She and Equius no doubt fight together for a while. Not a lot is said about Nepeta's time during the game, Except that Eridan apparently flirted with her for a while, which she was not receptive of.

While on the meteor, Nepeta LARPs with Terezi quite a bit, and takes to trolling the kids. We don't see much of it, but she apparently talks to Jade and has taken an interest in her, most likely because they are both furries. She admits that she's scared to RP with Vriska, something that makes Vriska sad. We do see Nepeta talk to Rose's sprite, Jaspers quite a bit. This is probably because he reminds her of Pounce, who has already died.

Nepeta is asleep when Derse is destroyed. Jack stabs her multiple times, and then blows her up. This wakes her as Aradiabot is exploding.

With Equius sullen about his girlfriend's death, Nepeta takes them to their room where they have a feelings jam on a pile of broken robots. They also take this time to RP as eachother, and it's fucking adorable.

When Equius is ordered to find Gamzee, he tells Nepeta to hide in the ducts. This is when we see she has a new shipping wall in the back room. Karkat/Nepeta is still her OTP (Karkat is aware that she likes him, and is trying to dodge the subject).

Sadly Nepeta crawls around the ducts just in time to see Equius get killed. She does not take this well.

[Pictured: HOLY FUCKING SHIT]

Gamzee has already gone off the deepend though and proceeds to kill her too.

This is the last we see of Nepeta, sort of. We do see her dead dreamself hanging out with a dead Karkat. They might be dating in the afterlife.

[They are both then disintegrated by Lord English.]

Nepeta does come back as a sprite in the next world. We'll get to that later too.

That's it for Nepeta!

Her handle is arsenicCatnip [AC], her weapon is retractable claws, and she is the Rogue of Heart.

[hsbyadumbass]

Tavros Nitram

There will be a ton of bias here too. For a while I liked Tavros, then started to hate him because I felt like his character went to waste. He's starting to redeem himself again, though. Which is nice. Just saying a ton of subjecture is coming.

Tavros lives in a hive near...a field I think??? With his custodian, a tiny floating bull named Tinkerbull. They love eachother very much and it is super cute.

This is probably because Tavros' power is communicating with animals, including their lusus custodians. He could actually TALK to Tinkerbull.

Tavros' interests include Pupa Pan, fairies, [F]LARPing, and FidusSpawn, which is literally just troll Pokemon, but with actual monsters. Really it's like every generic kid game mixed into one. Pet raising, cards...other stuff...

ANYWAY, Tavros used to be a part of Team Charge, along with Aradia. One day while they were playing (Tavros' in-game class back then was 'Boy Skylark') Vriska tried to get him to grow a pair. She did this by forcing him to jump off a cliff.

This paralyzed his legs and set of a chain reaction that fucked up the lives of every FLARPer in the party.

Tavros was wheelchair-bound after that.

Nepeta was initially going to help Tavros enter the game, but after Equius refused to let her on the Red Team the task went to Vriska. Tavros accidentally ran over Tinkerbull somewhere in this time period too. After helping him enter the game and reaching his planet, the Land of Sand and Zephyr [LoSaZ], she built up his house with a ton of stairs.

[Pictured: Vriska being a 8itch]

She did end up making him a rocket chair though. That was nice of her. She told him to wear his Boy Skylark costume and gave him directions. The directions lead to Vriska's hive.

Where she was dressed as a fairy.

Then this happened:

Realizing that Tavros was too much of a coward to react, and being utterly disappointed in him, Vriska went away to sulk while Tavros lay on the ground doing nothing but being paralyzed. A voice in his head told him to get up and kiss Vriska, but he literally could not stand. He then asked Karkat for advice and made an idiot of himself.

Vriska had gotten over it and the two of them teamed up to explore Vriska's world. Instead of actually fighting imps, Tavros communicated with them instead, meaning he assembled an army of them just by being their friends. What a stand-up guy!

Then Aradia came along and murdered the shit out of Vriska.

Tavros was going to kiss her to wake her up, but Vriska had other plans. She forced Tavros to take her dying body to her quest bed, and told him to kill her of his own accord.

[art by AVNP]

He couldn't bring himself to do it, and ran away and left her to die on her own. From that point on he spent most of the game on prospit, dreaming of flying like he had always wanted to.

On the meteor, Tavros took a nap and his dreamself died during it all. While he was sleeping, Kanaya sawed off his legs and Equius gave him new robot ones. He had a hard time learning how to walk with them.

When trolling the kids, he took a fondness to Jade, being the only troll who would try to talk to her when she was asleep. He even went so far as to save her from shooting herself as a child. However he mistook her grandpa as a trespasser and killed him instead. Jade was not happy to find this out.

He then confessed he was in love with her, and Jade shot him down, put off by his new cocky attitude and the fact that they hardly knew eachother. He suggested her sprite go and kill Jack, which gave Jade the idea to send her dead dreamself to do it.

Vriska was spying on their convo, and admitted to Tavros that she was the one who caused Jack to become a god so she could kill him herself, and that she was also the reason Jade had kept falling asleep throughout her life. Tavros grew a pair and told her he was going to kill her so she wouldn't endanger anyone else, something Vriska soon dared him to follow through with.

Furious that Tavros only stood up to her when it was too late, she waited for him to attack and then killed him easily. Terezi would find his corpse, try to revive it, then go on to try to kill Vriska.

[Pictured: Corpsesmooch in progress]

In the afterlife, Tavros made it to one of Aradia's explanations on why they were there, then went on to hang out with a dead Dave.

[Pictured: Sick fires].

This wasn't the end of Tavros' story though. In the next universe he and Vriska were fused together to make the abomination that was Tavrisprite.

S/he then went on to blow themselves up, unable to take eachother's personalities.

This caused Tavros and Vriska to team up in the afterlife and go on a treasure hunt to find the ultimate treasure that could defeat the REAL villain: Lord English.

It's possible he and Vriska actually start dating during this, at least from Tavros' perspective. He's even looking for a ring to human marry her.

[Pictured: John playing keepaway.]

And that's Tavros' story thus far. His handle is adiosToreador [AT], his weapon is a Lance, and he is the Page of Breath.

[hsbyadumbass]

Aradia Megido

We're in for it now.

Aradia's story probably has more twist and turns than any other troll. Only not really. She just goes through a TON of shit.

Aradia used to live in a hive near some ruins I think??? Her custodian was like a kangaroo-ram and it was super cute.

[Pictured: Something super cute]

Her interests include[d] [F]LARPing, Troll Indiana Jones movies, excavating ruins, ruins in general and talking to the dead. That was also her power.

[See that extra Aradia? I told you this shit is complicated.]

In the past, she dug up some ruins from a meteor that had one of Dad's hats, Lil' Cal, and some other shit. Cal is important, but we'll get to that fucker later too.

She was a member of Team Charge, a FLARPing team with Tavros, and she used to date Sollux. After Vriska broke Tavros' legs, Aradia sought revenge by haunting her with the ghosts of all the people Vriska had ever killed. Vriska retaliated by forcing her boyfriend to kill her.

[art by gingersnake]

Somehow Aradia carried on as a ghost, but she was incapable of feeling emotions.

She went on to trick a bunch of people somehow based on what the voices of the dead told her she had to do. She tricked Sollux into making a game that would destroy their world, she tricked Vriska into thinking she was on the blue team, and I'm sure she tricked someone else into something else but I really can't remember what it was.

They all happened for a reason, though. After destroying the frog temple ruins for what seemed like no reason, Aradia let Equius into the game to save his house from being destroyed. Soon after Nepeta helped her into the game, but not before she did something that would ensure their victory:

She prototyped her sprite with a stone froghead, ensuring the Black Queen would never wear the ring.

She then prototyped HERSELF with the sprite to give herself a physical form. Soon after she arrived in the Land of Quartz and Melody [LoQaM]. It's also important to note that she apparently didn't have a dreamself.

Equius made a visit to her there to deliver a present: a robot body that would enable her to move around and have super cool robot strength. Along with emotions. Emotions are cool.

He also programmed the robot to be madly in love with him.

This went...

Um, this went...

Well. She did end up dating him. Because she hated him so much. Trolls are weird.

ANYWAY aradiabot went on to travel through time a million times to create a ton of duplicates of herself for the final battle. She even went to a timeline where Gamzee had killed everyone early into the game.

There's important shit there, but I'll [try] to cover it later.

During the game she also managed to get revenge on Vriska by killing her. This was another important thing that happened.

During the final battle, all the Aradias travelled through time to help kill the Black King. This gave them a huge advantage and they ended up winning the game.

Sadly after that Jack came and started destroying shit. One of the Aradiabots hid the trolls in the meteor, and they all went on to fight Jack, each and every one of them being destroyed in the process.

On the meteor, the remaining Aradiabot was bitter and angry, and was fed up with the fact that no one was heeding her warnings. She let the trolls fuck with the kids, even if it was stupid and they were all doomed, because who the fuck was gonna listen to her at this point anyway?

She talked to Rose briefly too. Rose thought she was one of the few interesting trolls.

When Derse blew up, so did Aradiabot. Fortunately her Dreamself was ACTUALLY asleep on a questbed in the middle of the planet.

She woke up as her old self again, became a god, and stopped Jack in his tracks. At least for a moment.

[Pictured: One of the most badass scenes in Homestuck].

Using her new powers, Aradia traveled out into the Furthest Ring and began welcoming and guiding her friends through the afterlife. Literally all of them. She became the afterlife's equivalent of a tourist guide/walmart greeter. And she was happy with this. Being with dead people put her totally in her element.

[CORPSE PARTY]

When the meteor passed through, Aradia wanted to have a funeral for her friends, calling it a 'corpse party'. Sollux told her it was fucked up and she needed to calm her tits. He then went on to stay with her and the two of them launched the meteor towards the new session.

We would then run into Aradia again as the meteor passed through dream bubbles. She is pretty much a guide in an flash games revolving around them. She also seemed relieved that she is nothing like her ancestor.

That's Aradia's story.

her handle is apocalypseArisen [AA], her weapon WAS a whip, but is mostly telekinesis, and she is the Maid of Time.

[hsbyadumbass]

Sollux Captor

Dear fucking god, Sollux.

Sollux lives in a hivestem (apartment building) with his dumbass of a custodian, a Biclops. He feeds it mind honey to stop it from sucking so much.

His interests can pretty much be summed up as such: computers, hacking, video games. He is fucking awesome at all these things.

He also hears voices of the imminently deceased, which means he can hear people screaming in agony as they die. Like all the time. He's kinda fucked up because of it. This also makes him a prophet of sorts, though. He can hear them screaming BEFORE they die. Lamest power ever. Also he shoots eye lasers like cyclops.

[DO NOT EAT THE MIND HONEY]

At one point he dated Aradia, but Vriska manipulated him into killing her. It's dubious if he realized he even did it or not.

Anyway, Aradia tells him about this program she finds in some ruins, and he alters it to make a game that will save the world. He breaks his friends into teams: red and blue. He's the leader of blue. Or supposed to be.

When he finds out the game will DESTROY the world, he tries to stop everyone from playing, but it's too late. Not long after, Aradia knocks him out, and he doesn't wake up again until nearly everyone is in the game. It's his job to get Feferi in, but he dies doing so. And is dead when he enters.

Luckily, Feferi is grateful, and willingly kisses his corpse to wake him. From this we learn that Sollux was lucky enough to have TWO dreamselves, one on each planet. He gets an EXTRA extra guy. Lucky bastard.

[Pictured: Gratefulness]

Feferi and Sollux hang out for pretty much the rest of the game. We see them in the middle as Sollux and Eridan face off on Sollux's planet, the Land of Brains and Fire [LoBaF], or as I like to call it 'the lamest name for a land I have ever heard'.

They get so close that they start dating. Sollux even starts using her fish puns.

On the meteor, Sollux is the only one that refuses to talk to any of the humans. He thinks it's a stupid waste of time.

Before Derse blows up, Aradia realizes she's going to do the same. She hugs Sollux goodbye and promptly explodes, leaving him devastated. Feferi tries to talk it out with him in the horn pile, but Sollux seems stubborn about sharing his feelings. Probably because he is bipolar as all fuck.

Eridan approaches them while they're on the pile and tells them he's going to team up with Jack. Realizing how FUCKING CRAZY this is, Sollux challenges him to stop him from doing so. This time he loses, and Eridan blinds him in the process before killing his girlfriend.

While asleep, he finds out that Aradia has become a god, and also that he is now blind. He starts to learn about the reason they are all playing the game, but wakes up in the middle of the explanation.

He wakes up looking like 2D from the Gorillaz.

[Not pictured: a plastic beach]

Sollux goes MIA when Karkat loses track of him, but Kanaya finds him and they meet back up with everyone on the roof. I've been over what happens there like, 10 times. Read it on someone else's page.

Sollux dies powering the meteor to Rose and Dave. Or half dies. It's kind of hard to say. Point is he stays with Aradia instead of going to the new universe.

That would be the end of Sollux's story, except in the other universe he's turned into a sprite.

That's another story for another day.

His handle is twinArmageddons [TA], his weapon is his psionic powers, and he is the Mage of Doom.

[hsbyadumbass]

Terezi Pyrope

The coolest troll.

She lives in a treehouse in a forest. Her custodian is a dragon who is still asleep in its egg. So she's technically an orphan. So rad.

Her interests include [F]LARPING, dragons, JUSTICE, and drawing with chalk.

Before the story started, she was part of a group of FLARPers. She was dating Vriska and the two of them called themselves the Scourge Sisters. Whenever they won, Terezi would allow the losers to be fed to Vriska's custodian if they were unjust.

One day while they were playing against Team Charge, Vriska paralyzed Tavros. Terezi was outraged and broke up with her. After a chain reaction of revenge Terezi eventually managed to blow off Vriska's eye and arm, and Vriska in turn blinded her. Her blinding is what woke her dream self on prospit.

This somehow resulted in her being psychically linked to her sleeping custodian, who taught her how to see by smelling colors. So she can actually 'see' pretty well. By sniffing and licking.

Sollux told Terezi about the game they were going to play and offered to give her control over the red team. She recruited Gamzee and Tavros (possibly Kanaya too. I can't remember.). When she came to Karkat, he insisted he be leader. Terezi didn't really care so she allowed it. This meant Terezi had to help Karkat enter the medium. She did, but not without coloring his house and throwing his toilet in the process.

Soonafter she went outside because her dragon was going to hatch, and she wanted to greet her in person for the first time. Unfortunately she died immediately after hatching, much to Terezi's dismay. When Gamzee helped her enter the medium she revived the dragon through the kernelsprite. Her planet is the Land of Thought and Flow [LoTaF].

During the game, Sn0wman communicates with her and tries to convince her that Jack is a bad person who needs to be exiled. Karkat refuses to believe this due to his blind hero worship of Jack. Terezi also doesn't trust him because he 'smells funny'. She agrees to overthrow the black queen, but apparently they exile Jack too at some point.

Terezi and Karkat get intimate during the game, heavily implied that she was able to tell his blood color by the way he smelled when they were 'up close and personal'. Their relationship seems to be healthy and sweet, if a little on the down-low. She even acknowledges that everyone respects Karkat as a leader.

She also gets to bitchslap Vriska when she wakes up on Prospit. Which is cool.

In the meteor, Terezi checks on Prospit to discover it has been destroyed, and he dreamself had died along with it. Bummer. She comes back to the group to see Kanaya chopping of Tavros' legs, though she has a hard time telling that that is what's happening.

She goes to her computer to tell everyone in a memo, but is interrupted by her future self and told to wait about three minutes. Three minutes later she is sent a metric fuckton of money, by none other than Dave Strider.

She goes to find out who Dave is, then proceeds to try to make friends with him. From this point on Karkat's relationship with her becomes strained, since he's more interested in messing with the kids than discussing their relationship problems. And lord did their relationship have problems at this point.

Vriska seemed to want to compete with Terezi over whose 'human' could be superior. Terezi didn't really care. When Vriska forced Dave to fall asleep at a pivotal moment, and upon discovering that John may have been the cause of their problems, Terezi sought out revenge by talking to John in the past. She directed him to his denizen, who John went to fight too early. He died doing this, and created the doomed timeline that caused Davesprite to exist.

Feeling guilty, and wanting to make it up to John, she shows him how to get to his next level. They don't talk much after this.

Terezi and Dave bond an awful lot, as she helps him create a stable timeloop to help his friends. This also ensures they will meet in the first place by getting Dave rich.

[Pictured: COOLK1DS]

She also teaches him a valuable lesson. He was in such a rush to become as powerful as John would be post game, he kept insisting Terezi teach him how. So she created another offshoot Dave, who the main Dave would have to kill so he could become a god. In the end he couldn't do it. Dave could not kill himself.

This Dave was in turn murdered by Jack, but not before trying to talk to Terezi. Terezi felt horrible for it, and ran away crying.

Not long after that she found Tavros' corpse, or rather it found her. She started LARPING forensics to figure out what happened. After failing to revive Tavros with a kiss, she assumed Vriska was the murderer, and went on to play around, somehow missing every piece of logical evidence and becoming certain that Vriska was going around killing people. She remained oblivious to Eridan and Gamzee's rampages.

Terezi did come across a room that had her old FLARPing gear, and she immediately put it on. She was given a letter that told her she was being challenged on the roof. This was a set up by Gamzee to ensure Terezi would go there.

She talks to Dave one more time, knowing full well she'd have to kill Vriska, but wondering if she really should. She didn't really WANT to. She decides to go on the roof anyway.

Vriska is there, and ensures her that the only person she killed was Tavros. Realizing how stupid she was for making the error, Vriska goes on to tell her she's going to fight Jack on her own. They leave it up to a coin toss, which Vriska could not lose.

Using her powers, Terezi sees what would happen if she lets Vriska fight Jack. Jack would ignore Vriska, follow her trail back to the meteor, and kill the trolls inside. Enraged, Vriska would face off against Jack. Whether or not she would win is never revealed, but she would have put up a spectacular fight.

Unfortunately, Terezi did not want all of her friends to die. As Vriska was leaving, she stabbed her in the back.

Karkat, Kanaya, and Sollux arrive, and Terezi now realizes Gamzee's behind it all. He and Karkat throw down, and it is resloved through hugging.

With Sollux's powers, they make it to Rose and Dave, and begin the meteor travels.

She and Dave get very close, and eventually start dating. Despite this, she still seems to harbor feelings for Karkat.

Terezi encounters Vriska's ancestor, and laments that she just wants to find Vriska in the afterlife and apologize to her. She also meets her own ancestor, who is so cool that she feels ashamed of herself, feeling she can never aspire to be as awesome. Karkat assures her she's already awesome and wonderful and she doesn't need to be so hard on herself.

Terezi also starts dating Gamzee in private, without telling Karkat or Dave.

That is Terezi's story in it's simplest form.

[art by skepticarcher]

Her handle is gallowsCallibrator [GC], her weapon is a cane, and she is the Seer of Mind.

[hsbyadumbass]

Gamzee Makara

I'm so sorry.

I'm so, so sorry.

Gamzee is either going to be the source of your nightmares of the source of your wet dreams. It depends on how fucked up you are. I am just getting that out of the way right now.

ANYWAY.

Gamzee lives near the ocean. He's of alternian nobility, but he doesn't act like a noble at all. This is because he is HIGH AS FUCK for half the story. He gets high off of sopor slime, a substance trolls sleep in to prevent them from having nightmares. He eats it because his daddy never told him not to.

His interests include baking, juggling, slam poetry (rapping), and riding a unicycle which he sucks at because his feet can't reach the pedals for some ungodly reason. He is also a firm believer in a religion that says the mirthful messiahs will descend upon mankind and the dark carnival will begin. Essentially, he believes ICP are GOD.

[Not Pictured: Miracles]

His custodian is a seagoat, who is never ever home ever.

We first see Gamzee talking to Karkat, who he calls his 'best friend'. Karkat has no idea what he did to deserve such a shitty best friend.

Terezi recruits Gamzee onto the red team before she gave control to Karkat. Gamzee apparently helps her enter the game. Tavros in turn helps him, but not before they have the shittiest rap battle of all time. At the end of it Gamzee suggests they make out a little. Tavros is uncomfortable.

Gamzee isn't seen much in the game itself. He hangs out with Karkat for a bit when Sollux dies, and there's a possibility that he may have become a god while playing. He arrives in the Land of Tents and Mirth [LoTaM].

It is also said that, during the final battle with the black king, Gamzee did more damage to the king than any other player.

When they end up on the meteor, Gamzee creates a horn pile in the middle of the room, which everyone uses to have feelings jams or take a nap on. He admits that he is scared of Vriska.

[Art by Kite]

When Karkat tells the trolls to fuck with the kids, Gamzee goes right to fucking with Dave. Dave says he remembers him, though Gamzee had never talked to him before. Dave then links Gamzee to ICP's Miracles music video, which makes a mockery of Gamzee's religion.

He didn't take it well. Karkat claims he seemed depressed after this, and he soon disappeared from the group for a while.

Eventually, he finds out Tavros has been murdered (and also picks up a pair of Terezi's glasses), and talks to Dave again while trying to collect himself. He realizes he has woken up to his true purpose, and that he is meant to be a guide to the messiah of the dark carnival. He thanks Dave for helping him figure out his purpose and they have the greatest rap battle of all time.

He tells Karkat he's going to kill everyone if he doesn't stop him. This can also be seen as flirting, if one reads between the lines.

Then he goes on to kill Equius and Nepeta. Being unable to kill Vriska himself, he tricks Terezi into doing so. Karkat eventually arrives on scene with everyone else, and they have a showdown that ends with some hardcore shooshpapping.

Karkat considers Gamzee's sanity his responsibility, and they start dating.

They meet up with Rose and Dave and ride the meteor. Kanaya seems eager to kill Gamzee, so he goes into hiding for a while and only shows himself to Karkat. Not before gathering all the corpses of his dead friends though.

During the journey, Gamzee meets two other followers of his religion in the form of his ancestor Kurloz, and Kurloz's ex-girlfriend Meulin.

We'll get into them later, but know that they apparently give Gamzee a magical codpiece that will help him further his cause.

He then starts dating Terezi, and confesses this fact to Rose. He makes Rose promise not to tell, because he's certain Karkat will kill him.

Gamzee would then go on to help other people out in different universes. I won't cover that here, though. I'll cover that in the respected character's posts (mostly because I don't know WHEN in the timeline this happens.)

[Art by xamag]

That is Gamzee's story in a nutshell.

His handle is terminallyCapricious [TC], his weapon is clubs (it's actually EVERY WEAPON, but that is his main one), and he is the Bard of Rage.

[hsbyadumbass]

Karkat Vantas

Karkat is my favorite character so this post will be full of personal bias. You don't like it? Tough shit for you.

The trolls' story is not told chronologically, as we first meet them when they're talking to the kids. I'm gonna just get to that later and tell their story in a chronological fashion. It'll help explain shit better.

Anyway Karkat lives in a tiny neighborhood in a hive with his custodian, a giant crab monster he is tsundere about.

His interest include romcoms, which he is an expert on, hacking, which he is really, REALLY terrible at, and swinging his sickle around and pretending to be one of the Empress' elite guards, the Threshecutioners.

He is also a fanboy of Troll Will Smith.

His friend Sollux tells him about a game they're all going to play to save the world. They would be competing against eachother to do so. Sollux had told Terezi she could be team leader, but Karkat refuses this and insists that he be leader. Terezi doesn't give a shit and Karkat is made leader of the Red Team.

Sollux then discovers the game will actually DESTROY the world and tries to stop Karkat from playing it. Karkat in turn tells Sollux they are no longer friends and then proceeds to blow up his own computer, destroy his house, and kill his crabdad.

This also puts a curse on him, his friends, and any friends he will ever have in the future to a life of misfortune. Good job dumbass.

With Terezi's help he enters the game and makes it to the Land of Pulse and Haze [LoPaH], a land he feels is mocking him immensely.

During this time he encounters Jack Noir, who greets Karkat by cutting him up. Karkat's more concerned about hiding the wound than the fact that it's there.

This is when we discover that he is actually a mutant.

His blood is a color that no other troll has, and had their planet continued to exist he would have been murdered for being a freak.

Jack's blood is red too and he doesn't see what the big deal is. They form a pact as blood brothers and start a plan to overthrow the black queen. Karkat begins to hero worship Jack, who continues to stab him.

Soon the teams are absolved and Karkat has to help Sollux enter the game. Sadly, by the time he manages to get Sollux in Sollux is already dead.

[Pictured: Something Karkat will be doing a lot of.]

He gets saved though, but I'll cover that in his post.

Anyway, Karkat starts up a memo system that lets him communicate with the trolls through any point in the timeline. While it's supposed to help them work as a team and cooperate, the trolls mostly use it to tell Karkat that it's stupid and ask him for relationship advice. He also talks to himself from different points of time and gets into a million arguments about his own stupidity. The memos cause more trouble than they fix.

Karkat also spends the entire duration of their game (which I think is a month but I can't remember exactly how long it is??) awake. He never wakes up on Prospit during this time. He and Terezi also start a relationship, and though they're subtle about it everyone can tell and thinks it's cute.

Sometime during his adventure, he goes on to create himself, his friends, and all of their 'parents', who are called ancestors.

[Pictured: A traumatizing experience]

In the end they beat the game, but the kid's big bad enters their game and starts destroying shit before they can claim the reward: The universe they created. OUR UNIVERSE. Had they claimed it, they were going to become its gods.

They hide in a meteor and Karkat passes out from seeing Kanaya chop Tavros' legs off. This is when he wakes up on Prospit for the first time, only to die instantly at the big bad: Jack Noir. This hurts Karkat because his dear friend Jack went on to kill him in his dream. Later he will find out it's a different Jack.

When he wakes up, he finds out the other trolls have been talking to humans. At first he has no interest, but then he discovers they can watch the human's entire timeline from birth to the present. He watches John's entire life go by, and something magical happens.

He develops a hatecrush on John.

He goes on to message John right before their session ends, only to discover John already knows him and considers him a friend. He then proceeds to flirt with John, only to discover that John is not a homosexual. He also learns what a homosexual is. Embarrassed by the awkward situation, he begins to message John in reverse so he doesn't have to be reminded of the conversation. By doing this he begins to bond with John and they become friends. He also insists that all the other trolls antagonize the children too.

Karkat's relationship with Terezi becomes strained, and she starts talking to Dave a lot more. Gamzee also disappears and Karkat starts to get worried, frequently asking where he is.

Once he studies more of the kids, he starts to blame Jade for the situation instead of John, and harasses her throughout her life. At one point he is told be Jade from the future to talk to her in the past, and he does, still upset with what she did. Jade is supposed to have a plan, but she hasn't come up with one yet, having just awoken from a nightmare. One that Karkat has had too.

He then starts a memo with his future self and Jade, to try to get her to explain the plan she doesn't even have. His future self berates him and starts to whiteknight Jade, admitting that he has a crush on her. This just confuses Jade and makes her angrier, and she leaves the conversation.

He and Jade do end up bonding though, and slowly and painfully (from Karkat's perspective anyway), they start to form a plan to meet in person. Sadly Karkat neglects his team during this time, and shit starts to hit the fan on the meteor. Eridan starts killing people, Vriska is up to no good, and when he finds Gamzee he realizes the troll has gone insane and is threatening to kill literally everyone on the meteor unless Karkat stops him.

After failing to revive an unconscious Kanaya, Karkat takes an unconscious Sollux and drags him around the meteor, trying to hide from Gamzee who he is scared shitless of and locate Terezi who he is worried about. He ends up dropping Sollux down some stairs and busting his teeth.

He ends up losing Sollux, and laments in a memo about what a horrible leader he was. He also confesses that he is the reason the kid's universe is so fucked up. That he was in such a hurry to win the game that he rushed the creation of their universe.

He claims to have given it cancer.

He's very sorry.

He finds out Kanaya is actually alive, and that Sollux is with her. They all agree to meet on top of the meteor, where Karkat has a showdown with Gamzee.

It ends with them hugging it out, and they start dating.

[Pictured: The only time in the comic Karkat ever smiles]

With Sollux's sacrifice they make it to Rose and Dave, and their meteor is propelled towards the new universe.

During this time Terezi and Dave get closer, and Karkat fears losing her forever. Unfortunately this is exactly what happens. Terezi starts to date Dave, and Karkat is heartbroken.

This is also when he discovers that they have ancestors, or 'people they share genetics with' from another universe. Karkat meets his own ancestor, and ends up hating him for being a pretentious fuck.

He does however meet an ancestor he likes: Meenah. They become friends and Karkat even agrees to fight the REAL big bad with her. This is a suicide mission. He agreed to commit suicide.

[art by ryusan]

Other things that happen during this time: Karkat admits to missing Jade, and Gamzee also starts dating Terezi behind Karkat's back.

This is a condensed version of Karkat's story.

His handle is carcinoGeneticist [CG], his weapon is a sickle, and he is the Knight of Blood.

[hsbyadumbass]

Jade Harley

Jade Harley is a parody sue done right.

She lives on an island in the Pacific ocean with the stuffed corpse of her grandfather and her dog Bec who is a first guardian (basically a god).

Her interests include Science (nuclear science), firearms, furries, and kid's shows. She also loves gardening, even having her own greenhouse in her super huge science mansion. She spends half of the time sleeping due to narcolepsy.

We don't meet Jade until later, but she seems to know a lot of stuff she probably shouldn't. We find out this is because her dreamself has been awake on Prospit most of her life. Prospit dreamers can see visions of the past, present, and future in the clouds. She even knew she would meet John someday!

Speaking of John, she spent her life waiting for him to wake up on Prospit so they could have fun adventures together.

John wake the fuck up.

Because of her, John was able to meet Dave and Rose, and the four of them have been friends for a few years.

She also has access to a bunch of technological wonders, one of which helped her create her birthday present for John, with the help of her penpal. She also has a robot of herself that floats around whenever she's asleep. It stops her from sleepwalking.

After Jade sets up a bunch of plot-related stuff, including receiving Dave's brother's copy of the game via a time paradox, it's time for her to help Dave enter the game. She fucks up his apartment doing so.

We soon discover the trolls had been harassing Jade her entire life, due to something she did. This something was make John's present (Liv Tyler) that started a lot of problems. Because of this she has a hard time trusting them. In fact, Vriska was the reason she had narcolepsy!

In fact, due to Liv Tyler, the big bad was able to start the reckoning (apocalypse) early, giving them 24 hours to fix the game. During the big bad's rampage, Prospit's moon is destroyed, and John's dreamself almost falls to its death. Jade rescues him, but at the cost of her own dreamself's life. This puts her out of commission for a while. In the real world, it blows up her robot, which in turn blows up her entire room.

Unable to dream on Prospit, Jade has multicolor nightmares about eldritch abominations.

[I don't have a pic of it, but this is her mood after the nightmare]

At this point the trolls are actually trying to help her, but they've treated her so poorly her whole life, she justifiably no longer trusts them. Karkat begins to both simultaneously try to help and harass her. She stops talking to him for a while.

[Pictured: Karkat telling himself not to pick on Jade.]

Then John tries to help her enter the game. Thanks to Vriska, her sprite gets prototyped with her god dog, which makes the big bad so powerful he breaks their game. The plus side is that the big bad cannot attack Jade, because her dog loved her too much. He is pissed about this. In retaliation he sent out an incompetent assassin to kill her for him.

Jade wakes up again in the Land of Frost and Frogs [LoFaF]. She has almost nothing to her name, but with Dave's help is able to make a few useful gadgets. She also finds out that the enemies gained her dog's warping powers, making even the weakest of imps almost impossible to kill.

She soon learns from Tavros that he had saved her life when she was a child, but in turn killed her grandfather. He also told her that he could try to get her dog to kill the big bad, but Jade wasn't behind it. It did give her an idea, though!

Her grandfather, via a time paradox, found her dead dreamself and stuffed her in the attic. Jade prototyped her dead self with the sprite so she could ask herself to go fight the big bad.

It ended HORRIBLY. I'll explain why in Jadesprite's post.

Because of this, though, she was able to bond with Karkat and they actually started to help one another out. The implemented a password system, so they wouldn't be screwed up timeline-wise. This proved to be a huge pain in the ass for Karkat, but it helped Jade quite a bit.

[Pictured: Karkat digs selfcest.]

Soon after the frog hunting started. Kanaya told Jade that it was her job to create the new universe, which is apparently a frog. So Jade got on that. Eventually Dave helped her frog hunt. In the process, Dave ended up dying, and Jade had to kiss him back to life, something that made her uncomfortable.

As the 24 hours was almost up, the assassin finally managed to kill Jade by crushing her to death. The big bad, feeling guilty for killing his 'best friend' (he was part of her dog, after all), set her on a quest bed and flew off to cause another time paradox.

Jade revived as a god and began to shrink all the planets down as the game was being reset. She picked up John on her grandpa's ship and carried him and all the planets off to the new world.

They started their three year trek at this point to the new universe. During it, Jade briefly dated Davesprite, but he broke up with her, which she was fine with. John got really mad at him, which made her get mad at John for being an asshole.

[art by doomyz]

That's it for Jade! There was more on her because she helped move the plot along for the first half of the story.

Her handle is gardenGnostic [GG], her weapon is a rifle, and she is the Witch of Space.

(P.S. her penpal is apparently her grandson.)