the days after the father had told her she was to take on a new role within the project were impossibly long, anticipation coloring each second. it was a friday sermon, afternoon sun shielded by thick gray clouds above. joseph, john, jacob, & faith ( then, a black-haired woman with a fragile frame ), were gathered in a wide field, followers crowded around each but the solider who stood guard. the father had beckoned to rachel, & she had walked forward graciously, hands clasped tightly in his. the long grass came up waist-high, brushing against their elbows as he took her face gently in his hands, as he pressed his forehead to hers, as he spoke softly, resolutely. asking her if she had faith in him. yes, father. an embrace. she opened her eyes, chin tucked against the prophet’s shoulder, & when she did, faith was staring at her. the world seemed to stop, for a moment. a believer was talking to the herald, but she made no reply. rachel realized, days later, that her unreadable expression held the cold horror of looking at the face of your death. what was she thinking ? she was just like me. she’s me. oh, god. she’s me.
the woman’s lips had parted, & for a moment rachel thought she may scream, wail, cry, vomit. but nothing came out. she just stood, gaunt face frozen in terrible realization. & then the minute passed, & knowing she was watched, she willed herself to smile- red eyes as glassy as a shot buck. an awful, contorted grimace. her shaking hands had raised to comfort the lamb, & the well had overflown, tears running down her pallid face. she wasn’t seen again, outside of faith’s dreams. standing in the dark, screaming without sound. gasp, awake, alone.
oh, lana, lana. loyal til the end. who will find your body, too broken to mend ? tossed in the muck, acid eating flesh. I thought I would be the last, each faith confessed. rachel, rachel, you got so far. the favorite. the siren. how clever you are. assuming the role of the sacrificial dove. how’d it work out for you, honey ? did you feel loved ?