the thing about that almost kiss is that there was so much build up, so much leading up to it. it wasn’t casual, it wasn’t random. it was weeks in the making
i think in the previous episode, when they were hanging out at even’s place, isak let himself believe that something might happen. because he assumed even was single. and i think he let himself assume that even was interested in boys, and in him (he wouldn’t let himself think about that too much, not explicitly, but that seed was planted in his head) because, yeah, there was something there. but then sonja came. and isak had snapped back to reality. and this idea of what he and even were and could be that was starting to grow in his mind fell apart. and from that moment on, isak couldn’t assume anything, couldn’t let himself assume anything. he couldn’t let himself get his hopes up
so even comes to the pre-grame. he comes with sonja. boyfriend and girlfriend. okay. but then, the call your girlfriend scene happens, and even looks at him like that and it’s back, the feeling that there is something there. there is definitively something there. but then it’s over, the music is over. even is still looking at him but he’s getting ready to leave. with his girlfriend. and once again isak can’t let himself just assume things. he doesn’t know what’s going through even’s mind, and at that point isak isn’t certain or confident enough to just confront him about what is happening
and then even joins isak in the kitchen. and isak is genuinely surprised by it because he thought even was going to leave with sonja and emma. and isak didn’t want to take a taxi with the three of them because that was definitively not something he could handle right now. he thought he would have to join them later, and spend the rest of the evening with emma, the girl he was not interested in, keeping up this facade, and once again be confronted with the fact that even had a girlfriend. and he needed to be away from that for a while. or he probably was thinking of excuses to skip the party. but none of that matters in the end. because in the end even is here, in his kitchen. they are alone
and there is so much going through isak’s mind at that point, but mainly what is he doing. even didn’t leave the apartment with sonja, but there he is talking about the fact that they’ve been together for years, telling isak that they’re drifting apart but he can’t leave her. and isak is thinking why is he telling me this. and i think at that point isak is hurt, and confused and frustrated. it’s all so much but he can’t say anything. it’s all bottled up. he’s tense
but then even makes that stupid joke about sonja’s aluminium leg and he’s laughing and teasing isak and their whole dynamic from the previous week is back and isak can’t resist it. he really likes even, he likes him so much. but he can’t do anything about it. in that moment, isak is powerless, and vulnerable. so he stands there, looking down, not making a move. so even makes the move. even takes the lead and is about to seal the deal. finally. but then noora comes. and it doesn’t happen
the thing is that it doesn’t matter, really, in the grand scheme of things. the act itself doesn’t happen. their lips don’t touch. but the intention was there, from both parts. even expressed unspoken words. i want to kiss you. and isak agreed. i want you to kiss me
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