my daily life @hujames - Tumblr Blog

Sunday, April 20

I need to stop. Please, help me stop

April 14, 2014

I went in for an hour of counseling today and it felt good to openly talk about things that I was previously afraid to admit even to myself in my own head. That being said, I'm confronted with a couple problems and I don't know what to do about them. On the plus side, I'm more at closure now with something else that's been bothering me. I feel a bit stupid though about the way I thought about it the entire time. Like Nietzsche conveniently put it, "good" and "bad" are merely perspectives and not absolute... people are simply different is all.

April 13, 2014

Spring Quarter should be a happy one... why is this coming back? I think it's because of my physical location/situation. But I can't change that any time soon and I don't know what to do in the meantime. Or I could change my attitude towards my current situation; that would help a lot probably. But that's too much easier said than done.

djabaum-blog

sex-thrill

March 16, 2014

I'm making mistakes every day and I'm learning so much. Also getting on that finals study grind, gonna try and kill my classes then destress by seeing Wave Racer/Cashmere Cat on Friday and then going to fucking Amsterdam and Madrid

Also I suddenly feel like using tumblr again... I don't know why.

nickelcobalt

jueki

guy

do you ever just get so zoned into your music that you forget that you’re staring at someone’s dick or that you’re walking in a crowded hallway or that life is real

hujames

I forget that walking up and down Sheridan takes 12 minutes...

electric4ever

hujames

massive withdrawals. honestly I thought Dance Marathon was like a fucking rave at times. Heavy bass just makes me feel like a cog in an endless music machine. I know that sounds weird but it's an amazing experience that I haven't had in months.

March 9, 2014

I finished Northwestern's Dance Marathon (DM), a 30-hour "dance marathon" that raises money for charity. As of my current writing (Sunday, 3/9/14 at 3:00am), I have been awake for 39 straight hours.

People told me how DM is like a super emotional experience at the end when you realize that you have danced 30 hours with your fellow Wildcats, as well as realize that you have raised millions of dollars for carefully-selected causes that truly change the lives of people. This year, NUDM raised money for Team Joseph to battle duchenne muscle dystrophy. At the end, there were inspirational tear-jerking speeches from the mother of the boy Joseph for whom the foundation was founded as well as other people. People in the audience cried, but I was kind of indifferent and simply labelled those people as soft.

Then I was talking to some of my brothers afterwards and one person in particular mentioned in passing "I'm glad I shared this experience with you." And I realized then and there: nothing is permanent in life except the memories of our experiences, and I realized then and there that I would never become close with those people with whom I share no significant experiences. Dance Marathon immediately became a life-changing memory for me, and I figured out interesting things about some of my relationships with certain people.

shyshounen

it was -20 this morning and i still saw a guy on campus rocking his slim cargos rolled above ankles & dub monks with no socks that is #dedication

March 4, 2014

Last night Delt did its own version of the Power Walk, where everyone gathers in a circle and steps forward when certain statements read aloud by a moderator pertain to them. I was pleasantly surprised by the honesty and relative nonchalance with which people seemed to admit certain things about themselves; I certainly cowered out of one statement in particular and I'm still kicking myself for it. That being said, a lot of brothers stepped forward for the statement "Step forward if you should have stepped forward for something earlier tonight but did not." That makes me feel a little better but I'm definitely disappointed in myself.

I did some thinking earlier today, though, and although this one thing that I am afraid to admit is not a big deal for other people, I have noticed that there are certain things about which I speak freely that other people hide away as shameful and embarrassing insecurities. Everyone just has different perspectives, I guess.

I got a lot done today: woke up early, had an advising session, mailed a package to my mom, cleared up a funding issue for UNITY, had lunch, sent emails, checked on a mis-shipped package, applied for an internship, fell asleep in macroeconomics, did arms day, had dinner, gave feedback on a friend's essay, did (not do) some homework, and I'm about to watch the penultimate episode of the Bachelor, shoot an email to my boss at React Presents, then do more homework before hitting the hay.

It's been a good day but there's something missing. I think I know what it is, but at the same time I also know for a fact that I don't know what it is. It's a strange feeling. "Step forward if you feel lonely at Northwestern." "Step forward if you have cried in the last month." "Step forward if you have been suicidal." I was never alone in stepping forward, which I found strangely comforting.