lottie

hiiii :3 trying to figure out who I am and this blog is only to mess around and post random stuff on!

[hun-imsuchaweirdox-x]

Info Card ♡

Call me Lottie (not my real name)

I mostly made this account to figure myself out since I don't have a set aesthetic or brand. I will be so cringy but I'll have a lot of fun. Unfortunately I've been in some negative friendships that have made me extremely closed up and makes me lie about stuff I like in order to not be judged BUT on this acc I plan on being myself 1000%

TLDR: Lottie 22yrs (soon 23rd June) European i like makeup and zb1

Stuff I do know about myself

I'm turning 22 this year

I'm so so so shy and I'm on my way to get an evaluation for autism (my sis is diagnosed)

I'm trying to find my aesthetic so I might switch stuff up pretty often

I MIGHT have dyspraxia I'm trying to get it checked out so I might not, either way I find fine movements and talking a lot more difficult and draining than I think it should be

I used to be a huge BRIIZE and MY but since Seunghan's mistreatment I am no longer supporting groups under SM ent. (I was an exoL at 12 too 🥹)

Trying to ult zb1! I'd like to say I'm a pre debut stan but i didn't watch BP since survival shows make me physically sick of worry. However, I did vote for Ricky EVERYDAY while crying. I think I voted for Matthew too. My bias line is Ricky, Maet and Hao ♡

I know a lot of idols and groups since I've liked kpop for 10 yrs so I usually get along with most stans

If you recognise my face from a semi-popular coquette blog on here it's bc it's me lmao... ignore that

I HATE ppl irl but more bc since I'm so shy about who i acc am I end up being with ppl who arent a good match for me. I have no friends IRL rn and I'm trying to cope. However I love making friends online since they don't have to see me trip over my words and feet all the time

Feel free to moot me or DM me! As long as you are not a het man (no offence)

I live in Europe but I won't say where since on my other acc I'm so fed up with men in general and I've managed to piss of quite a few and I'm scared they'll get me some day

I don't anti any groups but a particular bg fandom scares me since all interactions with them have been borderline traumatising but I'm trying to be open minded

I am a loser lowkey. One of my goals for 2025 was to become a basement-dwelling fujo but it's been proven impossible since I absolutely can't stand most fujos bc of romanticisation on certain topics that should NOT be romanticised

WILLING TO HAVE FUJO FRIENDS its okay ik a lot of you are sm fun ♡

I don't know if I'm straight or what. It's lowkey embarrassing not to know at 22 but currently I'm not seeking any relationships and I find both women and men attractive so do with that what you will. I don't want to lesbian-bait or something 😭😭

Tw (a little feel free to skip I'll mark it in pink just in case)

This is the most I'll talk abt stuff like this abt myself and I'm doing ALMOST good now so yay!

I've been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and 4n4 but my depression is gone(?) And my 4n4 is a LOT better and I'll never post abt it bc duh

Might disappear for awhile at times. I'm prolly doing just fine but a little worse. Sometimes I just don't know what's happening.

I used to be ftm I think when I was 12-15 idk how to describe it but I was going SOSOSO bad and gave up on it and I'm happier now but I have mixed feelings abt my past (LOVE T PPL THO like i mean idk if I got affected by the stuff that happened in my teens or nawt)

I'm on SO MANY SSRI i do fluox and bup lmk if you have questions ig? I do A LOT of it like I do 60mg fluox

End

Somethings I like

Sohee

Zb1 (Ricky, Maet, Hao, but obvi ot9)

Makeup

Pretty men ♡

Collecting stuff

Pop girlies like Sab, Taylor and Olivia but some of my fav bands are deftones and the used (not in the fandoms of these tho)

I like k rnb some of my favs are BI and Junny but i listen to most (not in the fandoms either)

I also am a causal listener of WOODZ, The Weeknd, boynextdoor

I LOVE lana del rey she's been my top artist for 3 years in a row (I used to be a coquette lux lusbon female hysteria girlie when I was 18-19 iykyk)

I love that little Yoshi guy from treasure despite not being a teume like he's SO CUTE

I like to collect twinky/cute idols like I'll obsess abt them from time to time idk I think it's bc I like looking at pretty men

Pretty men are the only men I like except for atj and mads (they're pretty too tho)

I'm a BL writer but I never publish stuff I've been writing for 5+ yrs

Sour candy and battery acid drinks lmao

Somethings I do NAWT like

Fujo culture for reasons previously listed but I can make exceptions

Oversharing wo being asked like I get so worried abt random strangers online sometimes 😭

I am not the person to talk to if you feel bad like I'll freak out more than you I fear (im trying to be better tho)

I DO NOT WANT TO BE YOUR SUB STOP ASKING lmao like ppl clock me for a sub and try to become my dom coach like thank you but also absolutely not (this mainly happened when I talked abt feeling bad on my other account)

Some ppl also pin me for a fujo bc I like zb1 like I think some ships are fun and jokes but I don't read fanfics or hcs or engage in mpreg (fine if you do tho)

I am Christian and I respect all religions however pls don't argue about God or Christianity with me like I cannot defend the actions of ppl I do not want to associate with some ppl are terrible and like I don't want to have to defend myself for believing in God and idc if you think believing in God is oppressive to me(?)

I will probably never post vids with my voice but if i do pls don't tell me i sound stupid i literally think i might have a speech impediment like children tell me this all the time

That's everything!

Feel free to moot me or DM me ♡

[hun-imsuchaweirdox-x]

The queer community right now is awful like i cannot bring myself to come out or express myself in anyway when it's this bad 😐 I genuinely thought everyone was on the same page abt gender and sexuality being fluid but i got called a lesbophobe on X bc i said some ppl call themselves lesbians and not bisexuals bc they think men are hot but would never be with one... like I'm sure in their eyes its bisexuality and homoromantic but like...? And ppl are DISGUSTING towards trans men who like "girly stuff" it honestly wasn't even that bad when I was a kid.

And it sucks bc when I was a kid I was really cool and didn't gaf what ppl thought about me but now I do and people are vile? Am I crazy? Like I thought queerness and the queer community was about being yourself and finding labels to better express yourself/explain it to others... my sis says i need to go outside and meet queer ppl irl but i just dont dare. In my country I got bullied for being a closeted trans man and constantly harassed in the street and now i cant find safe spaces online am I crazy?

[hun-imsuchaweirdox-x]

WARNING ABT AN IDOL

TW SA

I saw Youngjo on tiktok live today with a lot of viewers and donos and I just wanted to remind ppl that he SAd his ex girlfriend. He is a waste of a person and now he's trying to become an internet personality again. He got kicked out of Oneus for his SA and none of the other members ever missed his bumass. His existence is a bump in Oneus career and I just really want you or ppl you know to be certain not to be near this person. Idc if you support or follow him, that's none of my business, but PLEASE be careful if you're going to fan signs or if you're in his DMs. I know a lot of Idols on TT live engage with followers who send them a lot of money BE CAREFUL PLEASE

[hun-imsuchaweirdox-x]

I FIGURED OUT THE SECRET i dont have to be really angry at my body for having periods!!! It's not my body's fault I wasn't born a man! Who couldve fucking guessed? Ive literally spent so many years angry at my shell for not matching up to my brain but it's not the shell's fault!

[hun-imsuchaweirdox-x]

my sis got me the giggleshitter for my bday look at him he's SO CUTE

[hun-imsuchaweirdox-x]

I have a very important question for dunkaerion shippers but I dont want to get jumped like it's coming from genuine confusion lmk if you wont kill me for asking

[hun-imsuchaweirdox-x]

Omg might do a whole story time but I've been scared to go outside bc my agoraphobia worsened SO BAD and I was applying for a uni course IN PERSON FOR SOME REASON and i was so anxious so my sis came with me... literally my entire family was like "whats the worst thing that could happen?" We get there and she (the course person) humiliates me so bad EVEN MY SIS STARTS CRYING DAWG WHAT

[hun-imsuchaweirdox-x]

Im treated so rudely so often and I chalk it down to the fact I might have bpd or that I'm just a vile person no matter how nice I act and that ppl sniff it out like bloodhounds BUT then I looked to my sis and she's doing that 😀 face right before crying face and i was like YEAH SHE WAS FUCKING MEAN and then sobbed my eyes out within earshot lowk hope they feel bad. Other applicants were taken aback by how rude they were and when me n my sis teared up they knew they fucked up and one of them tried to back track and the other told us that i shouldnt even try to apply ever again in the future 😳 DAWG i just wanted to go your course I dont have explosives on me idk why youre so mean? I was an hour late so I was like "hi, I'm late, can i still apply?" And they shamed us in front of everyone and i just went "okay, no i get it was my bad but thank you so much for your help anyways 🥹" and another applicant who was a middle aged lady went "its not too late for them to apply is it?" Since there STILL were ppl applying and she tried to stop us from leaving bc she believed there had been some sort of mistake since they were so heinous towards us

[hun-imsuchaweirdox-x]

UPDATE

Apparently my mom's friend had been there earlier than I was and left crying (she's in her 30s) bc they told her she was too short to apply in front of everyone. Apparently they also said "if you have a back injury or if you to are too old, there's the door" LIKE IM SORRY it's a course in bouquet making why is it a fucking bootcamp?! Anyways I wrote them an email BEGGING them to be nicer to disabled ppl bc wth???

The headmaster wrote to ne and apologised and I was like TO ME? Your employee said a bunch of abelist stuff to a group full of ppl when I wasn't even in the room AND YOURE APOLOGISING TO ME? Wth being disabled is so fucking scary sometimes

[hun-imsuchaweirdox-x]

Omg might do a whole story time but I've been scared to go outside bc my agoraphobia worsened SO BAD and I was applying for a uni course IN PERSON FOR SOME REASON and i was so anxious so my sis came with me... literally my entire family was like "whats the worst thing that could happen?" We get there and she (the course person) humiliates me so bad EVEN MY SIS STARTS CRYING DAWG WHAT

[hun-imsuchaweirdox-x]

Im treated so rudely so often and I chalk it down to the fact I might have bpd or that I'm just a vile person no matter how nice I act and that ppl sniff it out like bloodhounds BUT then I looked to my sis and she's doing that 😀 face right before crying face and i was like YEAH SHE WAS FUCKING MEAN and then sobbed my eyes out within earshot lowk hope they feel bad. Other applicants were taken aback by how rude they were and when me n my sis teared up they knew they fucked up and one of them tried to back track and the other told us that i shouldnt even try to apply ever again in the future 😳 DAWG i just wanted to go your course I dont have explosives on me idk why youre so mean? I was an hour late so I was like "hi, I'm late, can i still apply?" And they shamed us in front of everyone and i just went "okay, no i get it was my bad but thank you so much for your help anyways 🥹" and another applicant who was a middle aged lady went "its not too late for them to apply is it?" Since there STILL were ppl applying and she tried to stop us from leaving bc she believed there had been some sort of mistake since they were so heinous towards us

[hun-imsuchaweirdox-x]

Omg might do a whole story time but I've been scared to go outside bc my agoraphobia worsened SO BAD and I was applying for a uni course IN PERSON FOR SOME REASON and i was so anxious so my sis came with me... literally my entire family was like "whats the worst thing that could happen?" We get there and she (the course person) humiliates me so bad EVEN MY SIS STARTS CRYING DAWG WHAT

[hun-imsuchaweirdox-x]

Tw but lile genuine question

I might have bpd like I'm on the waitlist for a diagnosis but is it common to have no self perception with bpd? Like I can't tell if I'm the worst most vile annoying person who has ever lived or if I'm literally a victim of fucking everything and the world is unreasonably cruel to me? I think I deserve everything coming for me one second and the next i feel better bc it's funny how awful my life is atp when I've done nothing to deserve it? Or is it something else? I'm being evaluated for literally fucking everything on this earth and everything is a mess

[hun-imsuchaweirdox-x]

Im honestly not comfortable vent blogging but I'm getting kicked out of £d treatment bc my depression makes it hard to focus/do anything... I was rejected from £d treatment 4 years ago for the same reason and it obviously didn't improve. I am on an evaluation for MDD so it's not like it's going to go away either and therapists have told me I cant work on my depression if I don't eat enough... it's not looking very good dawg

I cant even get therapy rn bc I've "used all my therapy days"... my country's mh system is so trash... fuck swedish mh resources 😔

[hun-imsuchaweirdox-x]

NEVERMIND I WAS PARANOID LITERALLY KMS POSTPONED 🥳🥳

[hun-imsuchaweirdox-x]

Im honestly not comfortable vent blogging but I'm getting kicked out of £d treatment bc my depression makes it hard to focus/do anything... I was rejected from £d treatment 4 years ago for the same reason and it obviously didn't improve. I am on an evaluation for MDD so it's not like it's going to go away either and therapists have told me I cant work on my depression if I don't eat enough... it's not looking very good dawg

I cant even get therapy rn bc I've "used all my therapy days"... my country's mh system is so trash... fuck swedish mh resources 😔

[hun-imsuchaweirdox-x]

Update i might finally get diagnosed!!! It took ten years but maybe finally im so happy i want to do a special event tbh

[hun-imsuchaweirdox-x]

I was legitimately having the worst day and this popped up on my timeline and i started sobbing happy tears Jesus lord almighty i dont know what to say

[hun-imsuchaweirdox-x]

MDD questions! (TW maybe very pessimistic and brash phrasing)

(I think i have mdd my credentials is that I've been depressed my entire life)

I am waiting for a diagnosis on my mental health issues (the wait is around 2 years in my country)! I've never gotten any kind of help for anything so I wonder if someone who has it can give me advice! <3 (I am well-medicated, on 60mg fluoxetine and 150mg buproprion a day)

* what keeps you going? Is it just spite? What motivates you to even try again?

* How to choose career/education/anything else when you just feel like shit and don't care about anything?

* does the essential oil TM mindset work? Like does drinking enough water, eating enough, going outside, meditating, manifesting, journaling, getting creative hobbies and being nice to yourself actually work if you have MDD? I have done all of this multiple times (often including praying) but it does NAWT get better, is it me or is it like not possible with this diagnosis?

Any advice at all is very much appreciated, even if you have any other kind of depression! (I am fine btw like don't worry I am so positive-pilled)! Thank you sm in advance!!!!!! <333

[hun-imsuchaweirdox-x]

I hate SNL so much and have done that ever since I first came into contact with it when Bowen Yang was doing some Chappell-moo deng skit... It's literally just grown ass adults bullying mostly female celebs and putting a laughing track over it and it's never really funny even when they're not being misogynistic

[hun-imsuchaweirdox-x]

I will come out properly soon but I need everyone to know that the idea of Mike Wheeler not coming out this season and remaining closeted for ever made me absolutely DEVASTATED... like I seriously GRIEVE for him... then I was like "wait, is this fucking play about me???"