He/him gay 30 definitely nsfw yadda yadda sideblog for when I want to ramble on about my Shepards. And now dragon age ocs as well. Often in a horny manner. Steve Cortez was my first video game husband and remains a favorite so wanted to shout out to him. Not a very chaste blog.
I don't want to interact with normal people from this blog so I'm doing more oc posting on main which is only making this blog even more curated to weird and/or horny shit
What I should be doing is turning my warden Alim into a spirit healer+ice+entropy specialist. Which is actually just how I spec Morrigan. Control Freak vibes.
He has a bit of a thing about survival so it's funny that I decided "eh he's not great at creation magic" because you'd think he'd appreciate being able to self-heal. But getting into blood magic makes that a bit moot anyway, so it becomes more advantageous to focus his magic towards not getting too injured in the first place.
He does also have a thing about being powerful, of course. And also it's kind of core to my vision of him that he actually hates dealing with/relying on fade spirits for anything. A codex or something mentions that some consider blood magic freeing because it's tied to the physical rather than spirits and demons, though blood mages certainly seem able to summon and bind demons to do their bidding. He'd like that.
It's also always been an intentional fun dichotomy that he's a very clever and reserved young man, perfectly poised at all times, tightly controlled. But as a mage on the battlefield, he's mostly all about brute force. Repressed gay rage turned into explosions.
Of course, you still need finesse and control to maximize the power of those explosions. Even primal magic is a careful thing, and actually carries the greatest possibility for disaster.
I ought to make Ezra's thing stress eating after a certain point where he wants to stop drinking, smoking, and fucking Zaeed. He's just walking around with a jar of all-natural peanut butter.
Steve does actually start to tear up the first time he's tying Ezra to a chair and Ezra who is blind-folded says "Steve I can hear you sniffling untie me right now"
Steve is trying, and he genuinely likes (and comes to love) Ezra. He doesn't want this chemistry they clearly have together to go to waste, even if the timing isn't ideal. He wants to feel alive, in the now, not stuck ruminating and regretting a past he can't go back to, and not worrying about a future that's uncertain.
But naturally, every time they're together Robert is on his mind. How could he not be? The wound is still fresh, as much as he tries to convince himself it's dealt with, and Robert was the last one to touch him like this.
Some of it is simply mundane observation, so that's how Ezra does x, Robert liked to do it differently, Robert did y better than Ezra does...
Other times, it's, Robert's the only one who ever did z, Robert use to love doing q, my body used to be his and no one else's, how could I let anyone lay their lips where his were-
Robert would want me to enjoy himself, he wouldn't want me to brood-
If he wanted to tell me what to do he shouldn't have died. How dare he say "Don't make me an anchor"? What right does he have to-
"Okay, executive decision, this isn't happening tonight," Ezra interrupts, as he often does when he can tell Steve is spiraling. "And don't you dare argue with me." A light kiss to the forehead, blanket tucked around the two of them, and Ezra just holds him gently as Steve bursts into tears.
It's been a whole 6 months, it's only been 6 months, it's been a lifetime, it's in the past, it happened yesterday, it's still happening, every day he wakes up it's still happening and Robert is still dead and-
He's supposed to be fun Steve, sexy Steve, Steve who drops his voice low as he flirts, Steve who dances and grinds against Ezra in the club like they're the only two there, Steve who pulls him in close and kisses him deep and feels exhilarated, alive, who looks into Ezra's face and sees the same adoration reflected back at him.
Not the Steve who cries while they're supposed to be having sex.
This was supposed to fix everything, why do I keep falling backwards-
"Steve, given the copious, over the top, making everyone else a little uncomfortable amounts of of fucking we do, this accounts for like, 10%, so calm the hell down. Honestly you're saving us from chafed dicks."
Ezra, of course, always has to play with it. One day he'd just finished fucking Steve before collapsing on top of him, their naked bodies covered in sweat, the two of them breathing heavy...
And Ezra picks up his head and grins at Steve's face and asks, "So, whose dick is bigger, mine or Robert's?"
Confrontational and irreverent as always, because there's no point in being "polite" and ignoring the elephant in the room.
"Robert's," Steve laughs, and Ezra mock-pouts before laughing too.
He doesn't go so far as to ask, Who fucks better?, despite knowing those kinds of comparisons are also on Steve's mind. He doesn't want to compete, a fact that Steve loves.
How could you say he's better at anything than Robert? Robert was your everything. How dare you imply you're having more fun with someone else? How-
"Your blowjobs are better," Steve forced out with a nervous croak in his voice. If Ezra's going to voice those sorts of thoughts, he might as well join in. Getting it out of him like this actually makes it all feel silly. Fun.
"It's my greatest gift. Forget killing Reapers; this is what I want to be remembered for. I should tell Liara about that later."
And Steve strokes Ezra's face and sighs out, "It's has to be rough, being with me like this."
"Can't be tougher than you having to put up with me."
"I'm serious."
"So am I! I'm fucking my widowed shuttle pilot less than a year after his husband died. I saw firsthand how badly you haven't moved on from Robert-"
"You've been helping me get over him-"
"I pushed you out of grieving so I could be with you, and then I pushed this relationship-"
"I asked you out, and gave you every signal under the sun outside of straight up asking for you to kiss me!"
Ezra stopped and pondered for a moment. "You know what? You're right," he said with a nod. "You're just using me for sex."
"Ezra-"
"There is a war on and you are distracting your Commander by making him your rebound guy!"
"I give up," Steve sighed as he leaned back into the bed.
"Another victory for Commander Shepard."
They sat in silence for a moment, then Ezra spoke, quiet yet forceful, "I knew what I was getting into Steve. I knew you might not be ready, I knew it would probably be hard for you even if you were, and I knew I'd have to handle that. The only hardship, the only worry I have, is that this isn't the best thing for you right now, and I'm just being selfish."
"You're the selfish one? You've given me everything. You've made me want to live again, not just do my job but really live, and I...I wanted to do this, and now you're stuck with a broody mopey boyfriend that you can't break up with-"
"Steve, this has been amazing. Being with you has been everything I wanted and needed. It's honestly gone a million times better than I was hoping, and you've been wonderful to me. Besides, if anyone can't break up with anyone, it's you who can't break up with your spiteful and cantankerous boss." Ezra squeezed Steve's hand. "And you'll tell me if you want to stop, right? Because James will probably kick my ass, and from the look Ashley gave me when I told her, she'll probably help."
"...I promise." "Good."
The sat cuddled for another moment before Steve broke the silence this time: "It has to be nerve-wracking knowing you're up against Robert the whole time."
"...maybe a little bit. I don't want to replace him or anything, but I don't want to be a lousy lay compared to him either."
"Well, I'll let you know if you're being too bad."
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