PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY.

he didn't want to be touched. he wanted to be held. in the grip of something he couldn't escape.

[hvmphreys]

ofblairs​:

❈

Looking back, Blair realizes how often she had looked to Dan for final approval. Someone she had claimed she had little respect for, yet his approval and opinions had mattered to her. Perhaps because she knew everyone else around her didn’t have the clarity that she had but him, perhaps because he had always seen through the bullshit surrounding the ivory towers of Manhattan. He had her love, but most importantly, he had her respect. Who else could say they were loved and respected by Blair Waldorf?

Who else could believe Blair was finally loved and respected?

Her expression exaggerates to match his as she mockingly repeats him in jest. “You like it.” She laughs softly, rolling her eyes playfully. “Ah yes, our similarities continue to grow. And you sure do seem to look surprised every time I do my own gesture.” She teases, her fingers gently brushing away his hair from his face. She needed to see and memorize each detail of him after all. “I do love them though. Our love is grand enough for them, they fit. It’s not gaudy with us.” She blushes at the mentioning of the play, blushes even harder at her own recollection of it but she smiles at him anyways. When was she not right?

She beams softly at his gentle touch, laughing just as much along side him. “Well! He sounds like one sometimes!” It’s her kindness that acknowledges how she knew he wasn’t as dim as he acted before, his intelligence simply resided in other matters. “Babe, do we need to go over your torrid history or do you just want to kiss me?” She challenges, a small smirk on her lips as she mimics him with a ridiculously deepened voice. “Um, absolutely is she a romantic. Are you paying attention?” She giggles with a kiss to his cheek. “How’s that?”

✎

“Shut up,” Dan protests with a pout though it sounds like you’re right, punctuated with a kiss. He makes it a point to playfully tug on her lower lip with his teeth, simply relishing in the familiarity of her lips against his. He had a good imagination. They both do. But he hopes — he prays — he won’t forget the way her touch sends a shiver up his spine. He hums in agreement, an easy smile ghosting across his lips as he presses a kiss against blushing cheeks. His eyes are half-lidded; lost in the waves of remembrance. “Our love is a little too loud for anything less. I know that sounds dirty, but let’s pretend it sounded sweet for a second.”

His laughter dances alongside hers and, oh, how he wishes he could never escape this moment. He remembers, too, how their hearty amusement sounded against the crackling bonfire and how he murmured that she makes him dizzy. Moments. He knew he loved her when he held onto these moments. And he does not forget this either: being known is being loved. Dan smiles, a slight bashfulness to it as he presses his lips together. But his eyes still shine with earnest, flattered that of all things to mock him by, she chooses to mention a trait that defines him.

“Now, that’s just awfully cute.” Dan scrunches up his nose as he leans his forehead against hers, leaving no space to hide from his admiring gaze as he cups her face. He’ll remember them like this: not misty eyed, but wide-eyed and adoring and hopeful above all. “Baby, I’m going to embarrass you by telling everyone about all the sappy confessions you share with me every night.” This is a lie. It’ll always be just for them. 

[hvmphreys]

ofblairs​:

❈

Blair grins before nodding, matching laughter following suit. “You know I always will. I don’t trust anyone else’s taste anyways.” She smiles softly, forgetting even for a moment that she won’t be there to fix his hair or redo his tie, she can’t fuss over him in person like she knows he loves despite his protests. She wouldn’t be able to give her her affirmations in person, or her bouts of wisdom. She had to face it now, she had to get used to it now. It cannot hurt much more later, she would be unable to deal with the intensity later.

Her nose scrunches up with an amused smile as he goes through his embarrassment. Blair knew when it came to such a topic, it wasn’t a matter of if but when. How peculiar, for someone who had been burned by the notion of marriage before, did she still get excited at the idea of being wholly Dan’s. Who would’ve guessed she was such an optimist? “You did, it was very sexy of you.” Leave it to her to actually be truthful, to fully mean it and not back away. Why should she deny his willingness to commit to her had enticed her enough? She wouldn’t deny herself of him anymore. “I didn’t think it was. Have you met me? Of course I’ll like it.”

He was right, only she would say that. And only he would be humoring her, knowing full well he’d end up right back with her. “Ooh, actually?” She laughs and lifts his arm up, shifting so he was on his back with his arm wrapped around her and her head was on his chest. “That could be a game. I’ll start first.” She looks up at him and lowers her voice in an exaggerated impression of Nate. “Uhh, obviously dude.” She makes a face of disgust at having to use his vocabulary, though the laugh that follows suit shows even she found it funny. “You can’t deny that’s exactly what Nate sounds like.”

✎

Dan didn’t trust anyone else’s either. Even before falling in love with her, it was Blair’s opinion that he held to the highest regard, and not just in fashion. But who would be there to see things so clearly when he couldn’t? He used to turn his nose up at anyone who referred to their lover as their best friend. But he understands now, what it means to have one person whose voice he wants to hear first. 

“Shut up, you’re embarrassing me,” he mumbles, lower lip typically pushed out. Though he’s still holding her close, both hands cupping her face as he presses a kiss to her scrunched up nose. The fondness in his gaze still shines as he pulls away, and it’s in the way she reflects this too, that he’s reminded that there’s no shame in being too much. “How Edward Cullen of you.” Easy laughter rolls out as he shakes his head, letting loose curls fall over eyes. He squints at her knowingly as humour turns up the corners of his lips. “Honestly, though, I knew as early as that silly school play that you enjoy grand proclamations...quite a bit.” 

Dan sighs in contentment as she nestles into him, lidding his eyes as he runs his hand up and down her back. His laughter runs ahead of him as he throws his head back ( as much as the pillow will allow, anyway. Blame it on Blair, and only Blair, for making him laugh like this ). “You make him sound like such a himbo. I can’t believe you chose him before me.” He’s only jesting, but the same could be said about himself and Serena. He hated the word ‘perfect’, but they truly made so much sense that it was bewildering they did not see each other earlier. “OK, how would you imitate me? You can be as mean as you want.”

[hvmphreys]

ofblairs​:

❈

The time to yearn and long for him would have to come when he would be gone, for she wouldn’t want their final night (for now, she had to keep reminding herself of that) to be plagued with heartache. For now, it is enough that he is still here with her. He is still keeping her warm with his embrace, he is still real and tangible in her hands. That is enough. It is enough that she’ll have this to miss, for only true love could get her feeling this way. There was no sense of relief from not having Dan around like there had been with men before him. There is only grief. That is something to be grateful for.

Blair isn’t subtle, with the way she inhales his scent to remember, to the way her fingers slide under his shirt to trace the marks she left behind. She memorizes him and all the ways he’s left impressions on her. She created a schedule for them, all color coordinated and detailed to the T with their different timezones in mind. But she also knew that life was unpredictable, that she wouldn’t have him all to herself and she needed to share. How awful for someone who was so momentous with how she showed her love. “Oh, you think so? It was pretty. But I think styling her long hair would’ve worked.” She nodded before chuckling softly as she leaves a small kiss on his collarbone. Leave it to her to always love his appearance, no matter how much she nitpicked. It was who they were.

She laughs then, softly and with a nod. “You’re so funny.” She grins, her eyes narrowing playfully. “Absolutely, you know Alice must’ve planned it based on what he was dreaming up too. But that reminds me…” She leans up to kiss him quickly, a playful smirk on her lips. They could still share jokes, still share memories to hold onto. “Remember back at the Holiday Inn you referred to me as your wife? I certainly didn’t.” She smirked before kissing his cheek, leaning back down to look up at him. “I’m glad you did.”

✏

She isn’t subtle, but he finds this endearing. Silences stretches on, though comfortably so, as he memorizes her the way she takes him in now. He smoothes his hand over the dip in her waist before simply settling there, even breathes filling in the pause, musing over how empty his hands will feel without her. Everyone needs a place. How fortunate, and how heartbreaking it is, to know that his would wait forever for him to come home too. This is the great, irreplaceable love they all speak of.

“If my hair ruins my look like that too, please help me before anyone else does.” Dan laughs into her tresses, both at the predictability of his statement and how he’s become one of those boyfriends now. But he knows now — it’s okay to be just like everyone else. For the longest times, they were both on the outside looking in; an audience peering into a film they so desperately want to disappear into. “Mhm?” he hums into their kiss, lips raised playfully at the corners, knowing full well that she could be counted on to never forget anything. But this particular memory dyes pink across cheeks. Hiding his face in the crook of her neck, Dan groans in embarrassment. “I said that? Good grief, that’s so.. excessive. Even for me.” 

She says she’s glad, though. Grateful for something he would normally spend the night regretting, neurotically taking apart his own words in his head. A soft smile graces his features as he meets her gaze, beginning with his eyes first. “Only you would say that.” An affirmation that he’ll always know her like this, that they’ll never grow short of fond remembrances to exchange, even when apart. “Do you think everyone back at home would believe me if I said that you’re incredibly romantic?” It’s a playful question - come - compliment. But still, this is an area they have not considered: others outside their little world.

[hvmphreys]

ofblairs​:

Blair knows if given the chance, she would’ve spent weeks moping around in her feelings with no care of getting anything else done. She needed time to truly wallow in her sadness, but the past few weeks left no time for such. It was for the better, she would rather Dan not be around to see her process to not add more guilt to his conscience. Instead, they were busy with packing, preparing for the move back, and work had taken them over.

And maybe a lot of shopping. Perhaps she was busy making sure he’d have enough of her to last him for just a little bit more, perhaps that was why she made no teasing qualms of the visible love bites they left each other. It was all to ensure they would have more reminders of each other, for when it would become too much. And though the past few weeks she felt both excited for Dan and anxious for their separation, she knew she wanted nothing more than to drag him to bed and lay under the covers with him before he had to leave for his flight.

As the movie they were watching ends, Blair gently nudges Dan with a soft smile. Her heart felt heavy, but she planned on letting them have this moment. “Let’s go to bed.” She says softly, taking his hand to lead them out the dark room to their bedroom. Soon to be only hers, where she’d have full permission to sprawl herself out the way she normally would. She’s never detested the thought until now. “Is it bad to say I didn’t hate Bella’s wedding dress in her nightmare? Hate the fabric of her real one though, such a shame.” She chuckles softly as they get into bed, her arms wrapping around his waist to bury her face against his chest. Just for tonight, it could be another regular night for them. They deserved it after all.

.

Lilac. He’s become one of those people who associate a colour with a person. And he wonders if, when he unzips his suitcase in New York, he’ll feel a pang in his heart in remembrance. The way she brings her hands together and the corners of her lips rise, shoulders joining with them, at the sight of him in clothing she’s chosen. He’ll miss this among countless things. He’s become one of those people, but he’s grateful for it now. 

“Let’s,” Dan chimes in softly, a fond smile to match as he lets her lead him to their bedroom. Empty beds — poets always talk about empty beds, and he used to call this overdramatic, but he understands it now. He scrunches up his nose in amusement, resting his chin atop her head as she nestles into him. He’s asked himself this before: what the hell will he do with the space she leaves behind? Should he nurture it? Say he’s not afraid of it? “I didn’t hate it either. Her hair was all wrong for it, though.” A pause as he purses lips, quiet laughter buried in his chest. “But that could be a Bella thing.” Much like himself, he would present himself as nicely as possible, but it wouldn’t be perfect. The nitpicking was her thing and he loved her as much as he would miss her for it.

“Do you think, if it wasn’t for Alice, Edward would be a Groomzilla? Because I absolutely think so.” Dan meets her stare knowingly, thoroughly entertained by the idea of her being the same. Maybe for other couples it’s a lot to reminisce about a future wedding ( never mind that it’s under the guise of humour ). But for them, it’s only natural to believe in their tomorrow. 

[hvmphreys]

ofblairs​:

This time, Blair can’t help herself but let out a soft laugh though the humor isn’t there. “You’re always so honest.” Her lower lip suddenly quivers, as if she was hit with the realization that it wasn’t just that Dan wouldn’t be here with her; it was also all the memories that would be lingering in the empty halls without him. She couldn’t even be in the same room as him without immediately trying to touch him in some way, how was she going to survive this? Blinking away the glassiness in her eyes and stiffening her lip, she speaks softly, “I know. And it’s okay. We both want each other to stay.”

He didn’t need to say it, she knows him that well. She watches him as he takes their hands and entwines them together, watches the lingering kiss on her skin. She bet a million thoughts were flying through his head, that he was trying to hold it together for her sake despite how badly she wanted to break down with him. When things get hard or lonely. He knew exactly what would kill her without him too, the fact that he couldn’t be there to ease the loneliness she thought she didn’t have to feel anymore. But with her hand on his cheek and his thumb stroking her skin, does she allow silent tears to shed. It was this she would miss most. “Dan…” She whines softly, similar to the time she did when he told her he wrote her vows. “What am I going to do without you?”

She wishes she didn’t say it out loud, if only to make this hurt less. But what would she do without his morning brunch, his goofy smile when he caught her doing something dorky, his wonderfully judgmental face when they’d see something that was so LA together in public? Her arms wrap around his waist, her hands clutching his shoulder blades like she has many times before but this felt different. She was here before, weeping over a wedding she didn’t want and now she was here, the same silent tear stained face but now it was for a worse reason. “It will… you’re going to love being on set.” 

She smiles then, actually, because of course he would love this. She blinks and looks up at him at his statement, and she knows if she were with anyone else in that moment they wouldn’t have even thought to bring it up. But he knew this about her, he loved this about her even if it worried him. “My love, I’d do anything for you.” She sighs, soft and sweet as she leans up to kiss his cheek. “I’ll take care of myself. I promise. I don’t want you worrying for me too much, you shouldn’t… have to. This is your moment, love.”

✎

He smiles softly, the rueful kind that’s hard to look at because, of course, he always will be honest with her. Promise to always be true; these are words spoken at the end of vows or the beginning of love songs and though he’s never said it, he might as well have. Both of them were awfully good at keeping promises without having to say a word. But is that not what love is? “Baby...” It’s all he can manage. Dan cups her face as he presses a tender kiss to her forehead, thumbs swiping at her tears. “And I’m glad we can say that much.” It’s true. Sorrowful as he may be, he knows it is enough to still yearn for each other to stay. It means this is far from over, this he knows. 

A sigh rolls out of him as a smile stretches across lips, one of warmth and affection this time. He almost quips for the sake of humour that she’s done just fine without him before they met. But they do more than just fine when together. Better, stronger, happier, and an array of other endless words that all sound a lot like Love, anyway. “Without me? Become May Queen, maybe.” He laughs into her shoulder. But still, this does not cancel out the way she clutches to his shoulders nor how his arms wrap tightly around her, without room for anything else to get in the way. Their impending goodbyes still live here in quiet.

A strange, sad little noise escapes him; a huff in between bewilderment and laughter as fresh tears burn his eyes again. “I know I will and I’m excited. I just — fuck — I clearly envisioned in my head you being there. That’s the terrible thing.” The space where she’s supposed to be. What the hell does he do with it? What does he fill it with? Nothing else fits there quite like she does.

He rubs his eyes with the back of his hand as she peers up at him, her promise steadying him a little more. “I’ll try not to. But please don’t hesitate to chastise me, really, if I call too much.” The corner of his mouth quirks upwards, amused because he knows he will and she’ll pick up each time, anyway. They’re predictable like that but he wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. “This is our moment, love.”

[hvmphreys]

ofblairs​:

Her heart breaks at his question, and part of her wishes he never asked. She wishes he took her words to heart so she wouldn’t have to admit how selfish she feels. Blair had no qualms about putting herself first before, but she loves Dan more than anything. And she wants him to thrive, just like she knew he would want her too as well. She shakes her head, choosing to be honest since what was the point if she couldn’t be? “I’m not sure, but I know it’s the right thing… right?” She swallows hard, letting go of one hand simply to hold his cheek, her thumb stroking his skin gently. “And I always will, even if I have to stay here. Darling, I love you. And… I have to do this, for you. For us.”

She winces to herself, because what was a world without Dan and Blair supposed to look like? More bleak, more dull. She had so much to look ahead to, but what was the point if she couldn’t share it with him? A familiar fear seizes her throat, she knows their love is strong enough but still the nagging thought finds its way back to Blair. You can’t have it all. Was she doomed to always compromise? Always have one or the other, but never both? She knew she could beg to be transferred over to the New York offices sooner but that wasn’t a guarantee. So what was she going to do?

Blair gently wipes his tear, swallowing the lump in her throat down. Dan was always the pillar, always the strong one for everyone else. She felt safe with him, like she was home, and he deserved the same treatment from her. “It’s okay…” Her voice is low and she’s not sure what she’s referring to: his vulnerability or her state of mind? There’s a part of her that wants nothing more than to drag him back to bed and hide under the covers with her, as if that could make time pause for just a moment longer but she instead brings their entwined hands to her heart. “We… can survive that.” She finally assures, a shiver running down her spine at realizing they had no other choice. “I’ll see what I can do too, it’s only eight months my love.” But the dread is on her face regardless of what she’s saying, because he needs this. “Baby, look at us. We’ve been through so much together…” Together being the keyword. “I… we can work through this. I promise. I’ll do whatever it takes.”

✎

“I’d.. I’d like to think so.” He cannot lie to her and he never will. This is the right thing, there is no denying it, but both of them are used to that -- would it be so selfish to do the wrong thing for once? To simply chase his dreams and pull her by the hand, turning a blind eye to everything except how badly he wants to be by her side? Dan almost contemplates it, he blames his extended silence on this. But he loves her for her selflessness, and she, him. And they cannot be anything but themselves. 

Dan simply interlaces their hands and brings hers to his lips, eyes closed as he simply lingers here, exhaling a labored breath. A silent agreement. “I love you too and when things get hard or lonely... please don’t forget that.” He moves her hand to his cheek, soothingly brushing his thumb back and forth over skin as he does. A ruefulness to his smile as if he knows that, despite how he tries to comfort her now, it still feels like the universe played a cruel joke somehow. He thought they had full authorship of their world ( is this egoism or is it love? ). “As much as I love you when I see you every morning.”

He hangs his head and drapes his arms around her, openly finding solace in her touch. “I hope it will be,” he murmurs faintly, burying his face in her shoulder now. It wasn’t long ago that she had her head on his shoulder, crestfallen, the tea he made for two growing cold. They’ve been here before and maybe they could survive it again as she promises. But again, who is to say. They will be together but nowhere near as close as they would like; this is the greatest difference. “I’ll do whatever it takes too. But don’t...” there is no gentle way to say this; there is no gentle way to remind her not to fight so hard that she breaks. Dan finally looks at her, direct and earnest. “Don’t break your back for me, okay? I say that because it’ll kill me if you do.” 

[pennbadgleygifs]

Penn Badgley in The Paper Store (2016)

[hvmphreys]

ofblairs​:

Blair’s brows furrow in concern, holding her breath for the worst. And even the worst would’ve proved to be easier to stomach than this. She wants to let go, wants to reverse time for just a few more moments before hearing this, wants the bliss of still having him here with her in her hands. Instead she has the truth, the wretched truth. And truly, she’s elated for him, for this opportunity and how now it was his turn to shine just as much as it was hers. But that meant being away from her, and what would she do without him? What would she do without morning kisses and banter over coffee, without whispered affirmations between teeth and tongue, without his hand holding hers?

Do you have to go? She wants to ask, wants to beg him to not leave her alone but she couldn’t do that to him. She would never ask him to put his life on pause for her again, she uprooted him from the city and yet they found a home and love worth writing about, she couldn’t stifle him. Her hand squeezes his tight, unwilling to let go, and a glassiness forms in her wide eyes. “Baby…” she finally speaks, swallowing hard. “That is amazing. You’re right, not everyone gets this opportunity. And you… you have to take it.”

Her eyes screw shut, as if she wishes to take it back but she can’t, he deserved this, but what were they to do? Despite herself, a tear rolls down her cheek and she wants to laugh at the ridiculousness of her emotions. Had she not been through worse? Had she not felt pain and torment before? But yet, this felt worse, this felt like she was ripping her heart out and giving it to him, mangled and raw. He would take care of it no matter how far, but how would she survive? Clearing her throat, she took a steady breath before looking up at him. “How long?”

✎

He feels selfish for the way his heart falls; he feels selfish for wanting her to tell him to stay. He isn’t equipped with his usual, quick-fire replies. Dan simply squeezes her hands, unable to tell who is holding on tighter, the glassiness in her eyes threatening to provoke a similar response from him. But he chooses to swallow it all back, to be brave for her. She had an ideal opportunity ahead of her too and he didn’t want to taint it with his own egocentric tears. “Are you sure?” he finally manages, voice thick. “I didn’t want to leave you so soon. You’ve been by my side for... for everything.” 

( he can’t see a world without her in it - no - he doesn’t want to ) 

His breath catches as she sheds a tear and he despises that he cannot blame anyone for it; there’s no Prince of Monaco to blame, no secrets, no daggers behind backs. Just two dreams that both so rightfully deserve and yes, he’s a romantic. Yes, he’s confessed it enough times. But even he alone cannot deny that, as powerful as love is, there are some things that only fall into one’s hands once. And she worked so hard for this — did he not also say over and over again that one day everyone will see how talented she was? 

“Baby,” this is only a whisper, as quiet as the lone tear walking down his cheek, “baby, don’t cry. It’s not too long. And I’ll fly back to visit halfway through the process, I’m sure they won’t mind.” They do mind, he does not realize this yet. But he does realize that the heaviness in his chest is provoked by fear, not because he doesn’t think they won’t make it, but in fear of how much of them will be left alive. “Eight months.” Dan tries in vain to stick to his sentiment of this not being too long, but he betrays himself, cursing under his breath, “Fucking.. eight months.”

[hvmphreys]

ofblairs​:

Blair was engaging in a riveting conversation with her mother grilling her about her new job, about LA, and of course Dan. Of course all Blair would respond with was yes mother, no mother, and yes we’re for real, mother. The usual nosiness that Blair inherited, though she would argue she didn’t. Still, it was nice to know that despite not taking Elenor’s job offer, there were no hard feelings on that part. A girl needed experience after all, her mother had said and Blair simply rolled her eyes. But it was sweet.

She comes bounding down the stairs to joke about it with Dan, a grin on her lips as she thought of a joke he would certainly find very funny but she stops in her tracks as she sees him on the phone out on the back deck. She watches him through the window, brows furrowing in curiosity before her face falls slightly at his face. He looked concerned, and Blair stood with a sinking feeling in her gut. Did they pull the movie? LA was known to be cruel and though she would make it herself if they did, she knew how much this meant to him.

She didn’t realize it was much worse, that her bubble of safety and love was going to burst.

Watching him come back inside, she smiles as her gaze matches his, making her way towards him. “Is everything alright, love?” She asks, her hand coming up to touch his cheek gently. “You look worried. Tell me who it is and I’ll destroy them.” She was only partially kidding. 

✎

It’s only eight months, it’s only eight months, it’s only eight months. Their unbounded dedication to each other will keep them afloat, he doesn’t doubt this, but what of love? He knows he will still be full of it even they’re miles apart, but who will die from yearning first? Dan suspects — he fears — it could be him. Although in his most logical and honest state he knows that ripping her away from her new job would be cruel, what would his heartbroken self say? Oh, how he hates the feeble, selfish part of him who would beg for her to cross the distance to him.

How he hates that there’s nothing to destroy here. This is not something they can simply conquer, as they always do.

“It’s not really ‘who’, love... It’s ‘what’.” He lowers his hand only to hold it in both of his, and he wishes he was less transparent, but there’s a heaviness to his gaze and his chest rises and falls as if it takes extra effort to breathe. It did. And if it feels like this now, he’s certain he would feel sick in a world without her in it. “They want me to be closely involved in the movie, from pre to post-production, and that’s great and all. Most writers don’t even get to afford this much collaboration. But that... that also entails..” 

Blinking, he diverts his attention to the side. To the beach stretching out beyond them, beyond their home, and he thinks of how he’ll be surrounded by high rise buildings and the hum of traffic again. But all of it feels so alien without her hand tucked in his. “I’ll be scattered across the East Coast, mostly New York, and it’ll be for longer than we’d like.” Dan doesn’t continuing, giving her room to process. He was still swallowing all this down himself.

[hvmphreys]

ofblairs​:

❈

“Does that make you Ned Nickerson? God what a stupid name.” Never mind the fact both of them had silly names as well- it was their brand. She gives him a pointed look at his incredulous one, a scoff following after he spoke. “Oh, I’m sorry, who was the one enjoying every moment of that? You should make me a buffet for complaining.” She grins, playfully pinching his side. Long mornings, teasing banter, soft kisses. And now even their success was shared, everything could not have worked out better. It felt selfish sometimes, to utterly bask in the kind of love they gave each other, but Blair was used to being a pillar for others, she wanted to stand tall with him right beside her. 

Blair’s arms wrap around his waist, leaning against him as a means to be closer. She looks up, intent on his every word as a small smile spread on her lips. “It’s not just about luck,” she took his hand to kiss the back of it, twining her fingers through. “It’s about… you. And everything about you. You should see the diaries you take up that I still have.” She grins slightly, her cheeks blushing at the confession yet it was wholly hers for him. It wasn’t luck, it was both of them deciding to take the leap of faith after finally exhausting all reasons they shouldn’t be together. “Mm, you know just what I like to hear.” She kisses his cheek with an impish smile, a faux innocent look on her face. “Besides, maybe when we’re done I’ll give you a treat.”

She blushes from bashfulness, lips pursing as her smile threatens to grow wider. “Wonder why.” She giggles, and she’s reveling once again, because why shouldn’t she? This brilliant book, with her brilliant man, and it was because of her. Isn’t that what she’s wanted? To be inspiring, to be seen fully, to be loved because of who she was, not in spite of it? She bites at his thumb on her pout playfully before kissing it, rolling her eyes with a grin. “I’m gushing, keep up.” She chuckled before nodding as he spoke, leaning into his touch on her cheek. “I know that now. We don’t have to be alone anymore, about anything.” Her heart swells at the look he gave her, her eyes shine at him. “Because you paid attention.”

Being loved was about devotion, wasn’t it? And who could ever be more devoted to each other than Dan and Blair? She supposed she should feel more modest, but they created a world together and she had no intentions of living in a world without him as hers. “I guess so. At least the list for everything else is endless.” She beams, eyes alight as she glances down at their hands, nodding as her gaze locks with his. “I Promise. Always. People are going to get sick of us.” She laughs before kissing their interlocked pinkies, heart pounding but it’s because of him. Because this means forever.

She wouldn’t want forever with anyone else but him.

✎

“Not that far off from my stupid name.” Cue an arched brow and a knowing smile. “Hm, okay, I concede.” Dan pulls her snugly into his side as he leaves a smattering of kisses from her cheek to her jaw. “I guess I enjoyed it.” They were absolutely wasting so much time in each other’s arms; they could have been planning for their upcoming meetings. But he could not even think ahead, let alone strategize one day into the future, when his present with her was always so inexplicably sweet. 

It’s about you. This made his heart swell; it really is so simple. For too long, has he been appreciated only for particular acts or a particular traits. Always cherry-picked. A frequent, expected ‘I love how helpful you are’, ‘I love how you always understand me’ and so it goes. It was liberating to hear that it was just him. He cups her face, her stupidly cute rosy cheeks, and rests his forehead against hers as he murmurs with earnest, “I know I always say this, but I never knew I needed to hear that. Thank you for just being... you.” Cheekily, his eyes flutter close as he scrunches up his nose. “But can I ask how many pages I take up?” He captures her lips in a sweet, unhurried kiss, smiling as he mumbles against her lips, “Mm, I can never say no to a treat.”

“Wonder why,” he echoes, playfully narrowing his eyes as she bites at his thumb. He nods openly, gaze unwavering, knowing wholeheartedly that they’ll never need to be alone anymore. “Well.” He cocks his head, smiling to himself as he caresses her cheek with the back of his fingers, watching the way her eyes shine just for him. “You basically captured all of my attention.”

Dan laughs heartily and with unabashed adoration as she kisses their interlocked pinkies. Blair Waldorf: a Romantic. Another might call this unexpected, but this is just one of the many things he could not miss about her. Nobody writes enough poems about what it’s like to see another so clearly. Everybody talks about falling in love. But what about being seen, being caught, when you thought no one was even looking? “As they should be. They don’t understand the sheer power behind a Dan and Blair promise.” They don’t understand their many words and meanings for Forever. 

[hvmphreys]

ofblairs​:

“It’s a mystery worth solving.” She scrunches her nose up with a smile, ease and content wrapped together as she leans up to quickly kiss him. She remembers how suspicious everyone had seemed of her being too happy, before she was willing to admit her friendship with him. All she could say was that she found her center, and she knows that’s especially true now. She deserved this, as did he. “After last night you should be cooking me up a feast.” She pouts at him, eyes narrowed before giggling softly at their matched expressions. “I want a fruit tart now, just for that comment.” Of course, she always had to make it hard for him too.

Blair nuzzles her face in his neck, leaving a kiss over a mark left behind before pulling back to look at him with a smile. “That’s true, you were. Without asking for anything else in return too.” She murmurs softly in thought, fingertips tracing his jawline softly. All he ever wanted was for her to be happy, he said so himself but she knew long before he said it out loud. Knew how often he was there to save her from her own overthinking self, and how she was the same. They were stronger together, even back then, and especially now. Her eyelashes flutter from his touch, nodding with a small grin. “And I always will be. You know, we’ll have to get you new clothes, especially a new tie. Oh! And me too, this will be fun.” She chuckles, knowing full well he complained every time she took a long time shopping, but she kisses him sweetly anyways.

She pulls back to rest against him, laughing softly with him as she playfully rolled her eyes. “Your article wasn’t bad. But your book feels more… inspired. I can tell you enjoyed writing it.” She shrugs, before arching a brow with a teasing smile. “Distracted? Now why would that be?” She chuckles before looking up with a thoughtful look, nodding to show she was listening. Her brows furrow, realizing he had started much earlier than she anticipated but should she be surprised? He was the only one willing to stand up to her and her challenges, of course she made an impact on him. “The way you wrote the others… Even if it wasn’t scathing, per se, I didn’t realize how frustrated we both were during the time. Like, everything you said about the others was everything I was feeling alone. Until I let you in, I always felt so alone in this tower but knowing you were there and feeling it all too is comforting. Reading how you wrote me just felt real. Like I’m more sharply defined now.” She looks at him clearly, a genuine, yet softened smile on her lips. 

Her heart swells at his admission, utterly lovestruck and it’s written all over her face. “And I always will.” She looks at him pointedly, shifting so she could face him with her hands gently cupping his face. “I made a promise to myself long ago that the next person I said that too would be the last. And I know you will be.” She strokes his cheek gently with her thumb, looking at him with a newfound fascination. “You know, we can’t even be that obnoxious couple who plays the ‘love you more’ game.” She grins then, nose scrunching up again. “I know it’s equal between us.”

.

“Okay, Nancy Drew.” He crinkles his nose to match her right before she kisses him, humming quietly in contentment as she pulls away. But he’s scoffing an incredulous laugh soon enough, brows raised as he protests, “I cook you a feast? Who was the one who made foreplay extra long?” But of course, he would happily steal away any extended moment in time with her, be it longer nights or leisurely mornings. Not because they were running out of time, but because they had so much of it — why not make up for all the years they were not yet enamoured with one another?

Dan holds her close as she nuzzles her face into his neck, a hand on her shoulder pulling her in as he presses a tender kiss to the top of her head. “I did indirectly ask you for one thing...” An adoring smile graces his features as he traces hers, softened eyes following the curve of her lips. “I just wanted you to be happy. I’m pretty lucky that I happen to be by your side to see that now.” She chose to be happy, she chose to grow. But together, this became a grander thing and now he understands why love can be synonymous with greatness. Though he rolls his eyes playfully at his lover’s suggestion, he still bows his head to kiss her shoulder and humour colours his dramatic sigh. “Fine. But I’m letting you decide entirely,” a laugh as he shrugs, “I trust your taste more than my own.”

He smiles, the kind that shines in his eyes first. “I did.” Learning about her and falling for her on the way was, as per her words, enjoyable — more than that — it taught him that love does not have to be difficult nor terrifying at all. “Shhh.” Playfully, he presses his thumb to her pout as she teases him, but he’s pouting too. “Let me just enjoy you complimenting my work for a second.” The same smile he wore before deepens as she goes on, an unwavering fondness in his gaze as he cups her cheek ( she was always sharply defined, didn’t she know? ). “I thought I felt all of that alone too. It’s why I could never say it aloud. But Blair, love, honestly.” Dan tips his head to look up at her beneath dark lashes, eyes narrowing only because of the pure sincerity in his smile. “You were hard not to see.”

And I know you will be.

These are the words they hear in the movies; this is the way people are held by each other in the movies. But they’re living it. They’re living it, and it’s only picture perfect because it’s her professing to him. She’s the beginning to his very best story just as much as she is the end. “And I know you’ll be my last too. I think the ‘love you more’ game will be the only thing we won’t compete on, won’t it?” Dan curls his pinkie around hers and holds it to their eye-level. “Promise to be equal and annoyingly loving all the same.”

[hvmphreys]

ofblairs​:

“Hmm, wonder why.” She had no qualms about wearing her heart on her sleeve for him, knowing only he wouldn’t hold it against her, knowing that he deserved to hear how happy he made her. It was true what she had told him before, she had chosen to love him everyday, and now was no different. “Make me a croque madame.” She beams and nestles into him. Their routine, their domesticity, it was comforting. She’s always told Dorota she wanted an easy and pure love. She’s found it now. 

Her eyes are shining with pride, both for herself and him. “I know! I still think about it.” She remembers the first time he called her that, a sense of pride and awe in his voice. And it shows in his writing, how fascinating she’s always been to him. “I know right, I’m never wrong. It’s about time people realize this.” She raises both her eye brows as well, mirroring him as if to show she agreed with his bragging. Which, of course she did. And now she got to celebrate her success with him, that they deserved to shine with each other. She would’ve been too paranoid before, too used to being dimmed in comparison to someone else, but she didn’t need to be afraid anymore. They could hold this together without losing it. “Can you think of a more appropriate reaction? I certainly couldn’t.” She beams and kisses him, quickly yet softly. “I really am so proud of you.”

“What do you mean why? You write a book roasting my childhood friends and I wouldn’t get my hands on it eventually?” She laughs nevertheless, nose scrunching as she shook her head. “I’m kidding, but I have so many questions. How long were you working on this? I mean… I didn’t know why Louis was so suspicious until reading it. I just thought you had written it so long ago that you barely thought about me.” She pauses for a bit, touching his cheek. “I’m not being biased, but this was your best work. Beats that essay you wrote for W by a long shot.” She chuckles softly, nodding as she hung onto every word. Her hands cup his face gently, more touched than she expected. “You know for so long I thought it was just me, noticing you even when I was too naive to realize that. I thought no one would really bother to understand me, but you wrote me so clearly.” She presses her forehead against his, her voice softening. “I love you. You know that, right?”

༄ؘ

“Hmm, can’t figure it out,” he plays along, but Dan’s canting his head to see her better and there is an unabashed fondness in his eyes as he laughs. He recalls thinking that love is meant to be hard only because it’s worth trying for. Oh, how wrong he was. It could be as easy as soft laughter in the morning, easy because she chose him and nobody else shows devotion quite the way she does. “No, you’re getting a simple grilled cheese.” He pouts, clearly joking, arms wrapping around her as she relaxes into him.

So she still thinks about it. He knew she recalled his words easily, but he did not think something uttered so long ago would still be held by her. It was sweet and the corners of his lips raise at the thought. “They will, but when they do, I get to say that I believed in you first.” Though he’s boasting with a wide smile to suit, there are unmistakable traces of the truth. But equally, she was the first to believe in him too. The first to bother to read the nuances to him as a person, despite him thinking nobody cared to look. He affectionately strokes her cheek with the back of his fingers, half-lidded eyes lingering on her lips and an unfaltering smile on his own as he murmurs, “No, I can’t think of a better reaction. You really were always my biggest supporter.”

He chuckles heartily, burying his face in her hair and entangling his fingers here too. “Evil. But okay, no, no — my essay was subpar because I was distracted.” Dan meets her gaze again, brows furrowed and lower lip puckered in thought as he muses, “I stopped and started a lot. Technically, I first put pen to paper in senior year but most of it was composed in... college.” He closes his eyes with an embarrassed huff, catching on too late that he had disclosed when his rapidly growing crush had peaked. But she touches him and something so simple opens his eyes again, and he’s never seen her so clearly before. He loves her, he loves her, he loves her and his heart grows, endlessly, as if to make room for all the love she pours out for him too. “I’ve known for a long time.” ( she was seen, heard, by him for the longest time ) “And it’s no surprise that I don’t ever want to stop loving you too.”

[hvmphreys]

ofblairs​:

“Hmph. Lucky for both of us I woke up in a great mood.” That too was becoming more commonplace for them, waking up next to him with a smile, with nothing but each other to fill their days. It was exactly what they needed before they could flourish fully together, and now here they were, with good news to share. Now, she didn’t need excuses to touch him, didn’t need an excuse for her hand to brush against his. Now, they could hold their world together, safe and sound and wholly theirs. What more could she possibly ask for? She grins and kisses his cheek, a dramatic sigh emerging from her. “Alright, fine, I can forgive you.” She laughs alongside him, and this too is different from how they were. If last night was fueled with nostalgia of tensions past, then their morning could be filled with memories of their slowly requited love. 

Her grin spreads, wide and excited at his reaction. “Yes! Oh my god, Dan it’s amazing. I’m literally going to be that dictator of taste. If you think I’m a know it all now now just you wait.” She’s buzzing with excitement, unable to hold in any part of it and she leans into his grounding touch with ease. At his joke, she playfully rolls her eyes, a playful scoff following suit. “Oh, of course. Besides, who needs Hemingway when my review is much better.” A small smile spreads then, squeezing his hands gently as his tone shifted into something more serious. Her eyes widen with surprise, pride, excitement, glassy with happiness as she squeezes his hands tight, bouncing slightly in her seat. “Oh my god! Dan! This is amazing!”

She only briefly looks at the email, too caught up in their excitement to read the fine print. Instead, she stands up on the bed and- to quite literally anyone’s surprise- actually jumped on it. She lands on her knees with a laugh, throwing her arms around him with a squeal. “Baby, this is so incredible, I’m so proud of you.” Her eyes were twinkling as she pulled back, a softened look as she kisses his forehead. “Now you’ll have to deal with me saying that the book will of course be better than the movie.” She laughs, shaking her head as she took his hands. “Of course it would. We’re stronger together, it’s about time people saw that.” She pauses then, glancing down at their hands before looking back up at him. “I guess this is where I tell you I finally read and finished your book.” She blushes then, biting her lip with a small smile. “You never told me you went to that award ceremony.”

.

“Don’t you always?” It’s an easy reply, but devoid of hubris. It’s more about the comfort, the security, the way a warm smile slowly spreads as he knows she always greets him with one every morning. He used to scoff at lovers whom call each other their world, but it makes sense now. Did they not create something special to call their own, after all? Dan pouts playfully, humour in his eyes. “Thanks, babe. I’ll make brunch, I promise.” He kisses her shoulder, but this is nothing new. They would often begin their mornings like this, but it was nice to call it special every time. 

He chuckles, though his eyes shine with pride, no doubt. “Hey, those are my words. But see —” He holds her hands tightly with a knowingly arched brow, blatantly bragging on her behalf, “I knew people would recognise your impeccable taste eventually. Your review is so much better.” Only last night, was Dan musing endlessly about how he wished for everyone to know how amazing she was. Perhaps, there’s no need for dreaming anymore when they so easily become a reality. He laughs with pure mirth as she jumps, grin unfaltering as his eyes scrunch close; he leans into her touch, mumbling only because his laughter weaves in between, “You’re such a dork. But,” a kiss to her forehead so that they match, “thank you.” And it means the world that behind softened eyes, she assures with pure conviction that they’re stronger together. To love, is to believe without question. He learned this only from her. 

“What — you did? Why? You are a dork. I honestly didn’t expect you to.” Teasing tones aside, cheeks lightly flush following his last statement. He had confirmed with himself that he would be okay with Blair never seeing it. It was purely about her, not addressed to her; a love letter was never the intention. But now, here she is, seeing herself as he sees her: clever, strong, intuitive and impeccably honest about her emotions. Here she is, knowing that he saw her not only now but in earlier years too. “Yeah, I... it sounds silly out loud but.” Though eyes are hidden, he still delivers clearly. “I knew that you had a lot to say and every word held my attention, even if I didn’t know the scribe that well yet,“ he thinks back to quiet voices and a dimly lit hallway, how he could read her still, “and it’s worth watching somebody like that win.”

[badgley]

Penn Badgley photographed by Joupin Ghamsari for 1883 Magazine (2018)

[hvmphreys]

ofblairs​:

Blair awakes alone, but this doesn’t sting like it used to. It simply meant her love would be back, because he always came back to her. Rubbing her eyes, she grabs her phone off the nightstand to immediately check her emails— even in the quiet time they’ve spent in LA, she’s always ready for the next step. They created a home together here, it was time she created a life here too. And when the subject line presented: We’d like to offer you… from none other than Dior, Blair knew she had to check it.

There she was, Blair Waldorf, the next trend forecaster for her favorite designer. And she did on her own, no influence from her mother, no gossip girl to drag her down, no mention of her scandals present anywhere. She was meant to stay in LA for the first year, but she could always transfer should she choose. But why bother now, when she had everything she wanted here? A home, a love worth writing about, a path to an empire on her own terms this time. Too excited to lay bare in bed, she gets up and gets dressed, tidying up all the discarded garments before getting back in bed. She wanted to tell Dan herself, in the comfort of their bed.

She can’t stop reading the email, and she thinks back to Dan’s book and how he described her tenacity and determination as something to be admired and sought for. And now here she was— with everything she actually wanted. Blair didn’t need a fairytale when her reality was so much better. She glances up at him with a smile, letting him pull her closer. “Morning, love. I wake up to an empty bed and you come back with no coffee?” She teases, yet she can’t keep it up for that long. Handing him her phone, she squeezes his arm excitedly with a bright look. “Dior wants me as their trend forecaster. I didn’t even think I would by get it but they apparently loved me.” Her expression is already bright, yet she beams, brows raising in excitement. “What, did Hemingway come back from the deed to name you the contemporary young author of our generation?” Her tone is teasing, yet it was clear she thought of him this way regardless. “What happened?”

.

He knows she’s only teasing, but honestly, he would return with coffee. One might scoff at his affinity for nostalgia, but he doesn’t care — the man literally trained himself to perfect his coffee-making. Just so it could feel close to the beginning; both pairs of hands nursing carton cups from their favourite cafe, but they wouldn’t call it their favourite, and the brushing of arms was only an accident. How little they knew then. With throaty laughter, Dan offers an open smile as he shrugs. “I’d near another five minutes to perfect it,” he’s half-kidding, “but honestly, I was too excited to tell you the news.”

He blinks first at her announcement, astounded though in the best ways. “Wait, really?” A grin spreads, and though they look stupidly giddy with her squeezing his arm and his hands cupping her face, he doesn’t care. “I knew you could do it! Wow, I’m —” Dan looks at her with greater earnest, eyes soft and head shaking in awe, thumb stroking her cheek. “I’m so, so proud of you. You deserve it and I hope you know that.” Her joke threatens to break his serious disposition, lips pressing together to stifle his laughter as he plays along, “I hate the zombie sub-genre, come on, you know this.” And only she would know such an oddly specific fact, jokes aside.

“Okay, so.” A deep breath to signal he was being serious now ( he still makes a habit to hold her hands, anyway ). Brows furrowed, he continues, “You know how I was fine with living off of Inside’s royalties for a year or two. I wasn’t planning on seeking out other avenues just yet. Well, for the first time ever, they came to me.” Dan shows her the email on his phone, confirming the details of his upcoming meeting with the producer. “I’m amazed that this is happening to both of us at the same time. Isn’t it crazy?” He doesn’t believe in signs. He swears, he isn’t hopeless enough to look for confirmation like that. But was this it? Were they meant to be so fortunate to achieve their dreams by each other’s side?

[hvmphreys]

Dan wakes first to answer a call he never thought he’d receive: a film producer interested in adapting his work. An indie producer, no less. Anything grander than this would only dilute the details of his novel, and he and Blair would only scoff of that. Blame it on his elation, but he does not ask many questions. All that passed his ears were negotiations will be based in LA and we’ll be working closely with you, and this was enough to signal his interest.

Being a romantic to a fault, his mind races ahead of him. He thinks of both his passions in one room. A script, scratched and scrawled over with only his handwriting, and Blair by his side with her sharp critiques. He thinks of warm studio lights and unbridled creativity and how there’s nothing — nothing — he has to lose or give up because there always was, wasn’t there? But again, he’s always been a romantic and he does not think of the consequences yet.

Padding back to their bedroom, a slow-spreading smile eases across his lips as he notices that she’s already awake, eyes alight at her phone. Slipping back under the covers, he pouts playfully as he pulls her closer, “Hey, sleeping beauty, what you got there?” He leaves a tender kiss atop her head as they always do, eyes closed serenely and a faint smile lingering as he does. “Good morning, by the way.” A pause as he simply holds her, relishing in the quiet of the morning. It’s a jarring change, even if a good one, to have news. He’s grown accustomed to their slower days and learning something new about her in every one. “You’ll never guess the call I got. It’s — .... it’s insane.”

[hvmphreys]

ofblairs​:

“Yes, baby,” she sighs out in need, tilting her head as his lips meet her neck. She can feel herself trembling, all her whines and pleas coming out as she throbs around him. Each torturous caress of her clit sent fire across her body, proverbial flames licking down her spine. This only heightens as she feels him full and deep inside of her, and his hand to her throat adds to it. 

As his pace increases and his grip on her throat tightens, Blair can’t help but gasp loudly as she feels her arms tremble, holding herself up by her forearms instead. This only brings them closer, and his hands holding her hips close as he comes contrasts the cheeky sweet smile he sported moments ago. “Fuck,” she grits out before pressing herself closer, tightening around him as she watches him lose himself. And it’s all because of her, every groan and grip of his hands was because of her. “You feel so good,” she croons, encouraging and teasing all in one. And though she’s the one who lost her composure because of him first, she can’t help the way she looked at him with a lewd fascination as he falls apart. 

She’s only upright because of his grip on her, her breathing heavy as she comes back down to Earth. Her cheeks flush faintly as he tips her chin up, biting her lip before a mischievous smile threatens to spread. “Hmm, speak for yourself. I came three times.” She smirks, playful and proud. She loosens her grip on the sheets she had been holding onto, her fingertips just barely grazing over his hand as she arches a brow. “You know, we should film us.” She murmurs, crude yet matter of fact. “And you’ll have to remind me what we were competing for.” She pauses, a soft giggle bubbling out, though she still finds herself blushing at what she says next. “Because I think you’ve officially fucked me stupid.”

Dan groans through his teeth as she presses herself closer, squeezing him — considerate as always — as he rides out his high. His fingers dig into her hip, breathless laughter with a touch of dry humour escaping him. “God, Blair, you want me to fill you up that badly, huh?” He almost kicks himself for being so crass, but quickly erases that thought upon meeting her stare in the mirror. He’s fairly sure everyone considers her eyes her best features, but nobody else has seen them quite like this. Dark, captivating and demanding of attention even if she’s unaware of it. 

“Mm, okay that’s fair. What a talented girlfriend I have,” he teases, but it’s clearly far from a lie. A careless smile ghosts across his lips as he sweeps stray locks away from her face, smiling to himself at the persistent blush staining her cheeks. Burying his face in the crook of her neck with laughter, he mumbles, “Oh no, I’m camera shy. But....” lips hovering by her ear, teeth playfully tug at her lobe as he adds, “I’ll do it. Mostly because I think you’ll look so good.” Dan grins openly, matching well with his lustful timbre. 

Easing himself out of her, he sighs, already missing her warmth. But he pulls her with him as he sits back, wrapping his arms securely around her until there’s no space in between. Quiet, save for her soft giggles and the way his laughter comes from his throat. And it’s in close moments like these that his love overwhelms him, like an adrenaline rush to the veins. But they still have time; the way they relax into each other suggests that they know. “Hm, I actually forgot too. Weird, since normally I’m petty enough to remember.” Dan cants his head to look at his lover better, her directly and not her reflection. “I guess you’ve fucked me absolutely stupid too. Only you can do that.”