"I feel like I'm in the midst of a war, and both its sides are me."

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@hvtice
"I feel like I'm in the midst of a war, and both its sides are me."
"I thought I would be understood without words."
- Vincent Van Gogh [from a letter to his brother]
And what is my identity?
A stranger to the people I meet,
a guest to all the lands I go,
a prisoner to the echoes of freedom.
But also a king to the all
the shattered castles and fallen empires,
a vagabond to the those infinite grasslands,
a gardener to the courtyard of my misery,
a librarian to the books of my emotions
and a curator of all the art that
is displayed in the museum of my eyes.
I am lost, in the realm
that guards my reality from my imaginations,
fall out of interest from this fancy world that is
made up of lies upon lies.
-razin
A thousand apologies to my heart and a thousand again to my soul.
"Verily, with hardship comes ease."
- Quran [94:6]
كنت أعرف منذ البداية أنني وجدتك لأضيعك ، وأحببتك لأفقدك ..
فقد التقينا مصادفة وكنا سهمين متعاكسي الاتجاه , وكان لا مفر من الوداع كما اللقاء
I knew from the beginning that I found you only to lose you, and that I loved you only to miss you. We met by chance, two arrows in opposite directions, inevitable was the meeting and inevitable was the farewell.
- Ghada Al Samman
"But I am so deeply lost in my own soul, how can I expect anyone else to understand me?"
“ I was like a patient who cannot tell the doctors where it hurts, only that it does.”
-Khalid Hosseini
"Look at you comforting others, with the words you wish to hear."
„We are writers, my love. We don‘t cry. We bleed on paper.“
"ما يسقط من العين ليس ماؤها، بل هي روحٌ تذوب وتقطر.”
What runs down from the eye is not its water, but a soul which melts and drips.
"And aid my heart, ya Allah for without your aid my heart and I will never be satisfied."
saudade
(n.) portuguese: a nostalgic longing to be near again to something or someone that is distant, or that has been loved and then lost; "the love that remains"
wabi-sabi - 侘寂
(n.) japanese: a concept, an aesthetic, and a worldview that focuses on finding beauty within the imperfections of life and accepting peacefully the cycle of growth and decay.
"Out of my ignorance, I called you a homeland and I forgot that homelands are taken away."
- Mahmoud Darwish
There's beauty in doing good without anyone knowing. Giving in secret, helping in secret. Sending someone some comforting words without them knowing it's you. There's sweetness in privacy. There's sincere intention in privacy.
Sufyān ath-Thawri said:
'I have never dealt with anything more strenuous than my soul. Sometimes it would be against me, and sometimes it would be for me.'
Siyar A'lām an-Nubalā'a, 7/278