& - forensic

Bill Hader. 41 years old. Father, actor, director, writer, producer, douchebag for listing all of the above. rp blog only, not affiliated with bill hader

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imessage 📲 hader

Adam: Nah, totally well deserved, but I wouldn't give the shit back either. It would be on display every second, but that's just me.

Adam: How you been, man?

Bill: Ha, yeah. I mean, Anthony or Henry deserved more recognition, but I can't be pissed about it. They're definitely getting critical praise.

Bill: I've been good, dude. Crazy. I'm finally getting time with my girls.

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iMessage -> chastain & hader

jess: yes i did. get used to it babe.

jess: oh right so you're absolutely fine with burning down my house then?

jess: a flutter in the chest region-- you are actually quite adorable you know?

jess: i honestly thought you were mostly freaking out about the whole emmys thing. i was caught off guard to say the least. don't say that.

jess: like don't thank me. it makes it sound like i'm doing you some sort of favor. we're both taking a chance here. but there was no doubt in my mind. i've been so confused about my feelings- and then you just made it crystal clear.

jess: speaking of emmy's.. you forgot the actual award here. just so you know where it's at.

bill: i'm going to be honest. like, brutally fucking honest.

bill: i don' t know if i'm going to be good enough for you.

bill: it's not that you'll think that, but you're just... i mean, you're the most amazing woman i've ever met.

bill: but i'm going to do my best to prove that i'm worth it. and i'm going to do everything i can to make you happy every day.

bill: at this point, just keep it. i don't want it.

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geeginc‌:

adjusting the volume of her iphone, gina tried to have the music as loud as possible to block the ouside world. she just left her father’s gym, still had the ties on her hand after the boxing practice and now was enjoying the coldest smoothie she could. it was her way to just focus on herself, something she needed to do in order to overcome the mess her life was weeks ago. but now, the person she spotted across the streed made her change her mind completly. she crossed the streets and walked right into him, big eyes and goofy smile on. “you’re — you’re THE GUY”, she pointed at him and now some other people in the streets where looking at them too. “you’re fucking bill harder. the funniest guy ever”. @hxder

it wasn’t every day that bill got recognized. it happened a lot more frequently in recent days, but bill could handle it. meeting people was fine. everything else made him want to crawl into the nearest sewer and die. or something. when he saw someone approach, bill’s first reaction was to slightly recoil, as though concerned about being struck. her proclamation drew attention and bill braced himself for the onslaught. it wasn’t until he turned his attention to her that he really recognized who was on the other end of the conversation. “oh, shit, hey, man. gina, right? or am i completely hallucinating.” his eyes darted to the others around them, who were cocking eyebrows, debating approaching. bill would identify that look anywhere. “hey, uh...” there was a cafe right next to them, and bill motioned towards it. “you wanna go in? i know you’ve got a, uh... a... something, but we can escape the whole...” bill made a motion, wide. “this. thing.”

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ofshwn‌:

i’ll tell you, that had to be the first time i’ve clenched every muscle in my body just looking at a little puppy. all the compliments to the director! my fiancé makes sure i watch his movies, and it always makes me wonder how actors can watch themselves on screen. i think i’d shut my eyes the whole time, otherwise i’d nitpick every second of my scenes. what’s next for you? barry is doing really well, it seems! 

i felt that way, too, man. i love puppies, but even being there in the same room with it, knowing how it was going to be edited? fucking nuts. james was a blast in that scene, too. i was really lucky, that we got along like that. who’s your fiance? you’re a good man to see all of his movies. when i was married, i saw all of my wife’s movies, even when i was in them. it’s like hearing your voice on voicemail, and it doesn’t sound quite right? it’s a nightmare. yeah, dude, barry is going great, and i’m just so stoked that people like it. the whole team deserves it.

[wi3n3rs]

hader's arms appreciation post

[vampiresarmand]

this has so much soft energy

[hchqinsider]

Bill Hader is one of the funniest and coolest guys on the planet. Love him.

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what...

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bobertdwnyjr‌:

Hey, a dad’s gotta do what a dad’s gotta do. No judgment here. People can’t see you when you’re in the car, anyway. And even if they did, they probably thought you looked snazzy.

Yeah, a lot of the moms came up to the car to tell me congratulations. Which is fine, but I kind of wanted to sink into the car seat. I don’t know about you, man, but I really suck at accepting compliments.

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imessage → hader

James: A 12 year old with a crush? Well I'll be damned.

James: Well holy fucking shit never would of guessed that you had these kind of feelings for Jess. But good on you.

James: So what really has you confused? The having feelings bit or her returning them bit?

Bill: It's been a long time coming, man, and I didn't think it would happen. But then, holy shit, it did, and I did something about it and kissed her like a fucking dolt.

Bill: And yeah, she returned them. So I guess I'm freaking out because I've never gone from friends-to-more. Maggie and I just kind of... merged. Like an amoeba or some shit.

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iMessage -> chastain & hader

jess: i already feel the happiest i've felt in a real long time- i can't even deny that. it's like just landing in reality for a bit- and it feels good. really good.

jess: wow you're nearly star chef on the move. will i be seeing you on celebrity masterchef anytime soon? babe, scones are literally the easiest thing you could make. i believe even you could do it. i'll show you sometime.

jess: yeah, but you're okay though. it's exciting and kind of terrifying still, cause it's new. but not new. i'm glad as long as i can provide to the good sort of anxiety. if that's how we should put it.

jess: i really do. i'm just really fucking happy you kissed me when you did. and that i managed to stop you from running home.

bill: i'm really fucking happy, too. i don't know what i was so nervous about. this turned out to be a really easy thing to talk about.

bill: you called me babe.

bill: no teaching me how to make scones. i'll burn the whole house down. unless you want to do it at your place, that's a firm no from me.

bill: butterflies are different from anxiety. it's not a monster on my shoulder, it's more... a flutter. in the chest-region.

bill: man, i was sweating balls. obviously, from the way i was panicking after. i'm glad it worked out. thank you for taking a chance on me.

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sweeneyhq‌:

this is totally late but, i went to the emmys, i also woke up with a killer hangover! handsmaid wasn’t nominated this year - but i still went with my darling euphoria cast, next year though, i’ll hopefully have something nominated! congrats on the wins by the way my dude. 

oh, yeah, i saw you guys there. i meant to say hello. euphoria is the fucking bomb. did you wind up going to the hbo after-party? i showed my ugly mug for a few minutes, but then i just... went home like the old fucking man i am. you’ll definitely have something, dude, your star is so ridiculously bright.

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hcaccola‌:

I’m glad you didn’t stay home so here is the congratulations on your Emmy award. Now tell me, this is an important question here, how does it feel being an Emmy winner? Is it everything you expect it to be or are you still feeling the same you did before? Also screw you and the rest of your cast for IT because even though it was funny at times it was still creepy as hell.

oh, thanks, candice. seriously, that means a lot. uhhh... i won last year, and i still haven’t quite accepted it from either side, so i guess it feels like any other day. except i’m getting a lot of attention for it? i’m glad you thought it was creepy. we definitely went for it. i think andy did a really good job of balancing it with humor. it rounded it out really well. thanks for seeing the movie.

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iMessage -> chastain & hader

jess: if i ever- and i mean EVER, make you feel like you're worth less, you let me know okay. even if it's so much as me taking the last piece of toast in the morning or whatever. you my dear soul- deserve only the best.

jess: maybe there should just be an entire red light and scream as soon as you enter the kitchen? for everyones safety.

jess: you know- you saying that, makes my heart beat at and embarrassingly fast rate. and i kind of have to remind myself it's okay to feel like this even when you're over 40.

jess: you're allowed to say whatever you want, when you want. and how much you feel like-- i just want you to feel good okay. not to boost my own pride, but for your sake. for both of us. we deserve it. i really think we do. some fucking happiness for once.

bill: yeah, same with you. i want you to be happy with me. but if the past is any kind of predictor of the future... i'm going to be the happiest fucking guy on the planet.

bill: i think that's probably the best option. i did nail down grilled cheese, though, though that's mainly because hayley was in a phase recently. she's now into scones so i buy them from the bakery and pretend i made them.

bill: my heart's been going a mile a minute. i feel like i'm having an anxiety attack. but the good kind. means i care.

bill: i'm happy when i'm with you. i'm really happy you feel the same way.

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iMessage -> chastain & hader

jess: i will forever question what the fuck i was thinking. it's difficult to see that there was ever a good time when it is what it is now. but oh well.. there was at some point. anyway-- fuck him.

jess: you should get a kettle you know? a lot more safer. do it. for my sake at least.

jess: i'm kind of in an overwhelmed love sick bubble at the moment. i fear if i do that-- i might burst. but wait- this means you've been crushing for over a year?

jess: feelings are confusing. specially when they decide to attack you all at once and you just want to yell at them. i'm glad you feel that though. cause i do too.

jess: look, whilst we're cutting the bullshit- there is no need for us to rush anything. i'm not going anywhere okay. we'll be fine. neither of us wouldn't try to make this work if we didn't believe we can.

bill: fuck him. fuck him, fuck maggie, fuck all the people before and in between who made us feel like we were less than deserving of everything that we deserve.

bill: do you think they sell pots that scream, too? could be useful.

bill: yeah, i've been crushing for over a year. it's kind of crazy to be admitting that, but here we are.

bill: i'm not rushing, but i do want to make sure that you know how i'm feeling right now, because if I don't give you the comprehensive story, what the fuck am I even doing? you know? so we'll take it slow, also because it's cute as fuck, but you know where i am.

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[text]: well?? [text]: talk to me what's going on?

[ text ] yeah, so [ text ] it’s possible jess and i might be... [ text ] exploring?

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imessage → hader

James: Fair point!

James: I don't know why I even asked so scratch that whole thing.

James: Oh my god stop being so dramatic and tell me what the issue is, what's got you acting like a 12 year old?

Bill: A 12 year old crush. Or something. I mean, it's more than that now.

Bill: I like Jess. Might even love her. Which might or might not be a problem. It seems requited, but I'm panicking nonetheless, as Haders are wont to do.