Uni qualms and ramblings about life
My best friend once said "You have your whole life ahead of you." and I've been thinking about that a lot today. I'm returning back to university tomorrow, and I've been so scared. Change is literally a fundamental part of life, and yet I'm still scared of it after all these years. There's this fear in me that things are always going to be the same, and my bad luck will repeat itself constantly, and yet I fear for change as a whole. I fear the bad that comes with change, but also the good that comes with change. I guess its the fear of the unknown again. I find myself fearing that something is just going to implode on itself and that I need to punish myself along with it, because no matter what its my fault. I know its silly and its just my anxiety talking, and that's what's been dictating the way I feel and act this whole summer break. I know that deep down its just me fearing change, and the unknown. The unknown is this fear that things will change to be better or worse, and we'll be thrusted out of our comfort zone, and this comfort zone we're in is all we've ever known, regardless if what we've ever known is necessarily "good" or "bad" for us. The thing I've finally realised that change will always be this inevitable force that we can never know and predict, no matter how much we overthink and plan for the future. Yet, that's ok, and in some weird way, I believe that certain things will align, and things will work itself out naturally over the course of time. This is silly, but whatever created our universe created darkness and yet it also created light. The moon was created but so was the sun. Rain takes place and yet no matter what, the sun shines and the sun always comes up. At life's core is darkness and light, and at life's core is change, regardless of what happens. Shit is going to happen, but with bad comes the good. I have to hope for the future, and fight for hope, because there's no better way of living. Things are hard, and the road ahead is uncertain, but there's hope for the future, even if we don't know what's ahead of us, and maybe everything will be ok. I'll leave my little silly post with my favourite part of Adam's Song: "Tomorrow holds such better days Days when I can still feel alive When I can't wait to get outside The world is wide, the time goes by The tour is over, I've survived I can't wait 'til I get home To pass the time in my room alone" I guess all I'm trying to say is change happens, life goes on even if we never know what's gonna happen and that's ok, and the sun shines for you and hope exists for you.
