DeVonté F

Just a guy who likes to write | Always open to talk | https://twitter.com/devonteful?s=09 |

[itsokaytodreamincolor]

There are so many things I am dreaming we could be as I tell you I love you.

Only splintered fragments of my heart are slowly slipping into the hollow cavern of my stomach

as I’m looking at you like you could be forever

and you are looking at me like you do not know what that means.

- [i.r.]

[08.28.21.]

[i-am-a-saxy-guy]

Love Affirmed

If I could have a piece of her, 

I’d never feel alone

I’d take what risks I might incur

In order to atone

If I could harvest just an ounce

Of that which makes her great,

I’d cherish her on all accounts

To straighten my mistakes

If she would bless me one more time

By saying that one phrase,

I’d learn to treat a thing so fine

In more deserving ways

If I had not been so absorbed,

I may have come to see

That she were one I can’t afford

To push away from me

[i-am-a-saxy-guy]

Dylan M.

You proud and handsome boy

Of clear and vibrant skin,

Your heart is not a toy

Unworthy men can win

You product of divinity,

Whose eyes so piercing blue

Hold love beyond infinity

And weep as mothers do,

Sweet child, you deserve the sun-

The warmth of all the stars,

And though you haven't found "the one,"

You shan't forget how great you are

I know he made you feel as though

For once the world stood still,

But darling, I need you to know:

What that man didn't, someone will

So hold your head up high

That man deserves to see

That you can have another guy

Who loves as you deserve to be

I hope he comes to miss-

I hope he soon regrets-

The pleasures of your gentle kiss

Which he may never get

Don't settle for a sliver

Of love's delicious brew

And someday someone's river

Will find its way to you

[i-am-a-saxy-guy]

A Song in D Minor

I’ve tried to pray the gay away

As if I were diseased

Repeated what the priest would say

So mom and dad were pleased

To keep the faggot thoughts at bay,

I’d close my eyes and squeeze, but

As often as I saw the day

I dreamt of being on my knees

I used to sing a boyish tune

Of girls and masculinity

I sought to make a woman swoon

Despite my male affinity

When shirts came off in early June,

I turned to curse divinity

I damned both church and state and soon

Discovered my own trinity:

Rainbows, jawlines, foreign rights

Three symptoms of a choice I made

If I could see the future’s plight,

I assure you I’d have strayed

From this abhorrent, constant fight

In which I did not want to play

If love were truly spectral, might I 

Not be shamed to live this way?

My father turned to violence.

“Those thoughts have no place in your head,”

But he and mom went silent when

I fantasized of being dead

I couldn’t help my vibrance

I couldn’t stop the seeds it fed

I wished to be compliant with

The norms of who should share my bed

So,

I tried to starve the devil. Still,

The demon didn’t seem to care

I told myself that no one will

“Do it,” he said, “if you dare.”

I sliced my wrists and watched them spill

The little bastard isn’t fair

And led by hatred, not by will,

I purged my sin and left it there

[digitalprayers]

“I don’t remember the dream. Just that you were in it. “

[4sss]

With my dying breath, I'll tell myself you loved me.

J.c.A

[digitalprayers]

rationing my love for fear, that one day…. I may just not have enough

[bluedusksandpinkdawns]

The sound of your name is enough to make my heart race, or ache, or change the rhythm a little - And oh, how carelessly people say your name, Escaping their lips without a second thought, Like it’s nothing. 

(You could never be nothing)

[i-am-a-saxy-guy]

Alias

I wouldn’t call this love,

This fleeting thing we share

This fickle insecurity

Of which we’re unaware

I wouldn’t call this friendship,

This awkward trade of thoughts

This silence in our loudest chats

This emptiness in words we toss

I wouldn’t call this anything,

This thing that we mistook

These unrequited sentiments

Those quarrels that we overlook

I wouldn’t say you’re good for me,

In fact I’d claim it’s true:

My life would be so grand and free

If it did not have you

This...thing is esoteric

Intended just for you

As if it were a gift for one

Instead of something shared by two

If friendship, or entanglement,

Or love was what this were,

I’d be content each now and then

I should have chosen her

[i-am-a-saxy-guy]

Face Like Stone

I saw you once and fell in love.

How pompous could I be

To think that I would be enough

For you to fall in love with me?

How jaded was I at the time-

Too drunk on lonely nights-

To think that soon I'd call you mine

As if I ever had the right?

How stupid I would seem to you

If you were made aware

That all my tries to sway and woo

Would break us far beyond repair

Would shatter us for once and all

Like hearts colliding with a phrase

Too eager to slow down their fall

So lovesick in their hasty ways.

I saw you once and made my mind

Right then I should have known

A face so soft, so clear, so kind

Would never love a face like stone

[i-am-a-saxy-guy]

One man's junk is another man's prize

One man's pain is another's demise

The things one sees with his own eyes

Another one refutes

You and I are such a pair

Where I see chance and you, despair

So I submit a simple prayer:

I wish that I meant more to you

[i-am-a-saxy-guy]

Even if it doesn't work, or when it doesn't work my way

I figure we could try it out despite what other people say

Strangers to a fervent love, afraid of what may come to be

I'd like to be in love with you and not to be alone with me

[foreveratlas]

Vanity

I’ve fallen in love with myself,

and it might be some deadly sin

but I call it

none of your goddamn business.

¬

I’m beautiful, something dangerous

housed beneath forward purpose

and a smile most self aware–

¬

the kind of Goddess you’re warned about

because textbooks and Greek prose

claim to have the arrow to my heel–

but

no.

¬

I am impervious, adamant–

my nails are clothed in diamonds,

my muscles born of self preservation.

My body houses infinity and my eyes,

my eyes speak every language

our tongues lack.

¬

Call it vanity, call me vane.

I’ll call it

none of your goddamn business.

[i-am-a-saxy-guy]

I Need Proof

You told me I was handsome,

But I refuse to see it

You said that I was beautiful-

I wish that I could be it

You claim that I’m an angel

My wings are more like tattered sheets

You boast my heart is lively,

But rarely do I feel it beat

You like the way I dress

I fail to match your views

You say you want to be like me,

And yet I wish that I were you

.

You gift me grand bouquets of words

from where I am, I can’t receive,

But if these words I were bestowed,

Those crafted knots I won’t believe

For trees have rooted in my head

My neurons, blocked by fallen leaves

My hormones, doused with hateful sap

My eyes, by rotten fruit deceived

They whisper, “Do you see yourself?”

As if I could avoid such things,

“How bold of you to fantasize

a lover, joy, a wedding ring!”

They say such things are out of reach

They will not let me rest

They will not cease their mockery

Unless I know I’m second best

.

So tell me that I’m handsome

Tell me I can sing and dance

Tell me that you like the way

I hold myself and raise my hand

and follow rules and bite my tongue

and find delight in simple joys

and talk to those who’ve done me wrong

and save myself from others’ ploys

I’ll tell you that I’m decent,

That I don’t sing and I can’t move

I’ll give you reason to believe

That I’m not fit for one like you

I warn you, I’m not what you want

I’m not the man I seem to be

I’ll bring you pain, mistrust, and more:

A life of lasting misery

You told me I was worth your time,

But I would not allow it

I don’t know why I turn from love-

I hate to be without it

[i-am-a-saxy-guy]

Have It All

At times, I like to have my cake

At times, I like to eat it, too

My wants for both I cannot fake

The two conjoined I shall not do

Now and then, I write in print-

Sometimes too in Sunday’s Best

Fancy plus a simple script is

Nothing but a jumbled mess

I like my pencils and my pens

I favor both while craving none

The one I choose each day depends

On which I feel will get it done

Utensil doesn’t matter,

And color sways me neither way

If finer tip or standard, fatter,

I will still rejoice and say,

“I love them both! I love them all.”

Desire can’t discriminate

By seeking one I shun the call

To leave it up to Time and Fate

My love is love, and that alone

Will see me through and get me by.

For this I can’t and won’t atone.

I am content with being bi.

[digitalprayers]

Your last words were something I’d never heard from you before and yet there was a familiarity within those words as if you’d said them hundreds of times before

under your breath to yourself Those… nomadic words whose final resting place was my heart.

[i-am-a-saxy-guy]

Manhunt

I’m looking for my lover

She stands about yea high

She answers to, “Ms. Beautiful,” and

Has the world’s most gorgeous eyes-

A walking tint of sapphire blue with

Just a kiss of green,

Stowed beyond her batting lashes,

Kept behind transparent screens-

I'm looking for my laughing love

Who I am proud to call my dear

Whose smile stops the blindest bat

Whose vocals draw the hearless near

Who dances like a lady bug

Whose wings aren’t wings, but wing alone

She swirls and sways and dips, cascades-

Tornados twirling ‘round a home

My lover bears the soul of angels:

Kindest creature known to man

Her skin so fair, so soft, so smooth

Her name a great symphonic band

Her face the face of God himself

Her fingers, silent lullabies

Her chest a pulsing pillowcase

On which I close my weary eyes

I'm looking for my lover, and

I've spent a long time looking through

The crowds of people schooling me,

The groups of people in my view,

Familiar faces, strangers, places

Unbeknownst to me before

I've searched in every area

Except on this side of the door

I'm looking for my lover

It's time she found somewhere to stay

Her heart deserves to be relieved

Of all the pain throughout the day

My lover, she deserves the world,

But I have only mine to give

She’s my breath, my law, my senses-

She’s the means by which I live