TGCF SPOILERS HAHAHAHA :(
What happened post reading;
Shut my laptop, and started scrolling through tumblr. Its been 30 mins but I haven't liked or reblogged anything. I'm just scrolling and scrolling and my mind is absolutely blank. Nothing is registering. (Denial)
After I while I turn off my phone too and just sat.
My sister asks me if I'm ok. I respond, "Ya, of course, why wouldn't I be?" She gives me a look, "You're crying."
I'm obviously shocked cuz I didn't even register I was crying and I'm like NO lol I'm not crying What are you talking about?? (Anger) Except now I'm full on crying (depression) but it was so weird cuz my eyes were crying but I was laughing SO HARD, like I couldn't stop laughing, and I'm like wtff??? THERE IS LITERALLY NOTHING FUNNY???? and so to distract myself, I searched up why in the absolute hell was I laughing so hard when my heart was literally squeezing in pain cuz like THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE?? (Bargaining)
Anyways, I found smt interesting; an article that discussed a study done on opposing emotions, why people say "Aww it's so cute, I want to squeeze it sooo hard', or start laughing when they are nervous, or laugh while crying, and it was really cool what they said;
"If you get into a very high or very low emotion that you're almost to the point of being overwhelmed, you become incapacitated so you can't function well,” Aragón tells me. “Emotional homeostasis is important for people so they can be in control of their cognitive, social, and psychological functions."
In other words, people may laugh when they’re nervous in order to moderate their nervous feelings; likewise, people may cry when they’re happy to recover from distracting giddiness."
Def an eye opener for me cuz I'm just not a crying type of person and I was literally so confused lol But I didn't know this was thing til yesterday so I was likke ohh I should share this!
Anyways, I'm going to be make this post reflect EXACTLY how I felt yesterday lmaooo (acceptance)
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You know that feeling of dread? That looming, heavy weight that you feel on your shoulders as you watch and you watch and you know what's going to happen and as each scene unfolds, it starts making sense and that dread turns into down right horror and all you can do is helplessly watch....
Am I talking about me or Hua Cheng???? Perhaps both :(
I think that anxiousness had started building up when Mu Qing left and I felt so angry but it's like how can you blame him? But the absolute respect I got for this funky lil dude when he comes back with bags of rice and money and I'm I LOVE YOUUU SO MUCHHH YOU DON'T DESERVE THIS AHHH I LOVE YOUUUU
(You too, Feng Xin efbfjefjn I literally want to shrink them and put them in my pocket and protect them from the evil, mean, scary world)
ok...now for the actual stuff......
What absolutely fascinates me is that I have come across so many villains from innumerable books, shows, and movies and I have seen stupid villains, pitiable villains, and down-right psycho ones too, but something about White No-Face hits different.
This is a villain that is truly terrifying. A villian that truly understands what it means to destroy someone. And no, it's not about killing their loved ones, it's not about physical torture, it's about breaking the person inside out. It's about ripping their soul out and gently putting it back, only for them to rip it out with even more viciousness. It's about taking away the one thing that keeps anyone alive...hope. I'm reminded of an arabic proverb that I heard once and really stuck with me;
What is worse than death is that which makes you wish for death.
I think every painful moment in TGCF just embodies this quote so well; when Xianle falls, when Windmaster is confronted with the truth, and now the temple scene and it literally hurts so much to read it and it's so lovely and beautiful how MXTX writes scenes that make you FEEL exactly what the people you are reading about feel.
Like yes Xie Lian was screaming 'It hurts' but I can guarantee that EVERY reader also felt the same as they read that part.
And what makes White No Face terrifying is that he KNOWS his subject, knows him so well, that he first takes away what's beloved to him, which is his kingdom, then his godhood, then his friends, and the final straw? His parents. He breaks him and breaks til there is nothing left to break and then rebuolds it just enough to break it again. He takes away his sanity so agonizingly slowly and you just want to scream as you just watch the descent into hell occur...
Could it be that Feng Xin couldn’t see the mask on his face in the mirror at all?!
Xie Lian blurted, “You don’t see it? There’s something on my face!”
Feng Xin was puzzled. “What thing? What exactly do you mean? I don’t see anything?” Xie Lian looked at the mirror again. “That’s impossible! I…”
However, when he looked again this time, the mask on his face in the mirror had disappeared, and what reflected was that panicking face of his.
And what's crazy is that yes, White NO Face wears the mask of half laughing, half crying, but Xie Lian EMBODIES that. He is always in a state of laughing and crying simultaneously. And it just shows how broken he is.
But you know what's insane???? Xie Lian has never ONCE felt like this with Hua Cheng! It's like somehow, he is suddenly in control of his emotions and feels true sadness, true happiness and not this broken confused mixture of laughing and crying, yknow?
And the comfort he gives him? Xie Lian actually felt comforted by this monster, completely. He actually felt calm and I'm like how incredibly sick and terrifying of a person to destroy someone and then provide them with such a comfort that feels real only to shatter it the next second.
And God, oh God! My heart was dying watching a small, inanimate ball of fire express SO much fear and sadness and agony.
From deep in Xie Lian’s throat there came waves of suppressed sobs, shaking harder and harder. That ball of ghost fire flew to his heart, looking as if it wanted to warm him, but it wasn’t confident that it could help chase away the cold, so it didn’t press close
A ball of ghost fire flew to his side and moved up and down, like it was nodding in agreement. However, wicked wisps like it were all around, so Xie Lian didn’t notice this particular one.
And my god, the absolute twisted mind of White No Face, like 'YEs Your Highness, YOU said it yourself "I want to save the common people!" So here! Save them!" And it's so goddamn twisted and sick and ridiculous but like how do you argue with that when you YOURSELF proclaimed that proudly?
Watching the struggle unfold, White No-Face mocked, “The common people are here, waiting for you to save them. Please, go ahead.”
And what's worse? Xie Lian is watching people destory his temples, spit on his statues, and here, in one of the last remaining temples of the crown prince, he is on top of an alter, and he is being looked up to and you can HEAR the mocking tone of White No Face like you want to be worshipped? Here, have all these people bow to you! And he is getting that, and it's so sick and horrific;
As they tried to atone for their actions wearing ashen expressions, they bowed many times in front of Xie Lian before returning to the crowd with their child. With thick layers of blood clogging up his throat, Xie Lian was about to throw up until he heard White No-Face snicker beside him.
And just when you think that it couldn't get worse, I could feel the ear-piercing scream that Hua Cheng lets out and I think that was truly the moment when my heart completely shattered.
He couldn’t hear his own heartbreaking scream, but instead, he heard the sound of another heart-wrenching wail, and it seemed as if it came from that ring of flames. Although it didn’t come from him, the pain that he could hear was the same as his, as if he was the one that had made that sound.
This was the birth of a malicious creature, the signs of a Savage ghost taking form!
and I think this scene just shook me most to the core because it put EVERYTHING into perspective, the fear of rejection that Hua Cheng has, the overprotective nature, the way he doesn't spare a glance towards Fengqing, it all makes sense because he has been through HELL and watched beloved go through worse than hell.
He died that day with Xie Lian despite going through a rebirth.
And the literal shivers of rewatching the donghua scene, when he first meets Xie Lian where he is dressed as a bride and his hand reaches out confidently, hesitantly and it's the first time in a long time he is able to be face to face with him and he's looking at him and he's just thinking that from now on, you will never know what pain is. I will never let that happen. and you BELIEVE him and Xie Lian BELIEVED him even though he doesn't believe in anyone anymore...not even himself.
Like all the cute scenes? the gambler's den, the confession, the way Hua Cheng lay beside Xie Lian he reaches out to him but sees the shackles and hesitates, the way they both set up Puqi shrine,
You just can't see them in the same way anymore. Like I really looked at it from surface level, but there was so much behind every action; every atomic shift in their movements towards one another is accompanied by colossal weight and suffering of the past.
Oh boi, this scene too, like no words. It felt like the world stood still in this moment...
Some kind of power forced him to his feet and he stumbled out to look. He walked for a long time before he finally realized those were the sounds of celebrating the newly-built Imperial Palace, after Yong'an was established as a new kingdom and the royal capital was moved. Even the heavens were celebrating! All the once-citizens of Xianle were now cheering for Yong'an. On the main street, everyone’s faces bore such bright smiles; so familiar. Xie Lian remembered. This was also how the people at the Xianle imperial capital cheered during the Shangyuan Heavenly Ceremonial Procession.
and right by his feet lay the corpses of the King and Queen of Xianle...his parents....his dearest.
Boi deserves to go a little ape-shit but also, isn't that giving in to what White No Face wanted?
The expression on his face was like crying but laughing, like joy and sadness mixed together, and he slowly rose to his feet alongside the wall.
And he KNOWS what he's doing? He wanted Xie Lian on his side? He got him! He goddamn this absolute MONSTER UGHHHHH HE GOT HIM!! WHAT MORE DOES HE FREAKING WNT AAAAHHHHH
But I must say, I can't hate White No Face, because from a literary standpoint, he is such a wonderfully written villain. One of my all time faves just because of how well he was written. Again, just the whole book is so perfect and well-executed beyond a shadow of a doubt.
It was ALOT to take in and I just had to let it all out.
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