Don't mind me

I'm just pretending to write

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Shallow dilemma

Do I get an iPhone to match my Macbook or I’m good with Android? I’m just thinking of syncing issues. Not planning to get an iPhone 12 though. Maybe an iPhone XR or iPhone 11?

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I have been MIA the past couple of days. I was researching on dog breeds, finding a breeder nearby, and here we are. We have Beefy. My @bb.beefy on Instagram.

The reason behind his name is that I wanted to get an English Bulldog. Unfortunately, after careful consideration of the size of my place, ability to care for it, all the health hazards, I decided to go for a French Bulldog instead.

They are smaller, and can live in small spaces. They are also well-behaved. They sleep a lot. They also do not require a lot of exercise. Perfect for me!!

I am 100% sure this pup will grow up spoiled. But no to brats! I’m being very careful on my interactions with him now because I don’t want him thinking he’s the boss. I am still the alpha after all.

Show my @bb.beefy some love by following him on Instagram!

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I just feel like I have to let this out.

I’ve undergone three counseling sessions and during those sessions, I have been vocal about not wanting to be a burden to people. This is why I don’t tell people when I’m sad, having panic attacks, etc. I keep everything to myself. And ang hirap. Kasi wala akong masabihan kasi I feel like their feelings are more important versus mine. 

And the counselors told me that I should tell people close to me how I am feeling to help me with my struggles. It’s going to be harder for me in the long run since mapupuno lang ako then eventually, sasabog.

But really. I don’t know how to do it. I don’t know how to tell people I’m sad because I just don’t want to burden people with my negativity.

Fuck. Ang hirap.

Right now I’m crying kasi hindi ko talaga alam pano.

Maybe this is the reason why I choose to blog kasi I’m not directing my feelings towards just one person.

If tingin ng iba I’m being papansin, it’s easy to unfollow, to block me. Kasi hindi ko naman kilala in real life.

What if sabihan ko yung kakilala ko talaga then they choose to unfriend me in real life?

Mas hindi ko kakayanin yon.

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Back in 2017 when I decided to cut my hair real short and regretted it right away. This was coming from my hair reaching my bra strap. Never again! Though I looked kind of cute though. Don’t you agree? HAHAHA!

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I love watching horror movies but can you guess who can’t sleep by herself at night? ME! :D Hahaha! I swear, sobrang duwag ko but you’d catch me watching horror movies in the morning. I usually have it playing in the background while working.

Pang-complete ng ambiance, I guess. JK!

My favorite horror movies are Shutter, Coming Soon, The Eye, all Conjuring franchise except for The Nun, and of course, a classic, EXORCIST!

Any horror movies reco?

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Kamusta ka?

Seriously though. I want to know. Kamusta ka ngayon? How's your mental, physical and spiritual state? 6 months na since lockdown, and ang dami na nating pinagdaanan na community quarantine. Pero kamusta ka na nga ba?

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Growing up spoiled

My parents never hit me as a child. I was going to sleepovers since the 5th grade. I was allowed to drink at 17 years old. They allowed me to take on a course I wanted. I could decide if I wanted to go to family gatherings, when I was old enough to be left at home alone.

But I would never consider myself a spoiled brat. I didn’t grow up in a household with disposable income. I couldn’t get what I want in a whim. I had to either save up for it, or do something really good to be rewarded. There had to be an occasion for me to get gifts, and I had to stick to a budget when asked what I wanted.

This made me wiser, and it made me work hard to earn for myself, and be able to buy the things that I want. It made me appreciate what I have, what I can afford, and to live within my means.

You see, just because I wasn’t hit as a child meant I grew up weak and sheltered. In fact, it made me want to be better because I know my family trusted me with my decisions. And whatever the outcome of that decision is, is because of me.

I guess I was just triggered by a post I saw on Tiktok where a teenager dueted this video and she had to sing if she ever got hit by a particular item. At the end of the video, it was evident that she never got hit by her parents. So people in the comments section were labeling her as spoiled.

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Stupid me

Missed an appointment with a therapist. Gosh! I already rescheduled that twice, now I completely forgot. What is wrong with me?

Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

Hope they can still reschedule, AGAIN. Ugh. I hate myself for what happened.

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All the girls here can relate for sure.

Raise your hand if you crave random food when you’re PMS-ing! 🤚🤚🤚 I’m guilty AF! This round of cravings involved Cherry Soju, chili, Taters BBQ popcorn and Frankie’s chicken wings.

Not a fan of spicy food but for some reason, I really love Frankie’s Korean chicken wings. I just make sure I dip it in lots of bleu cheese to balance it out.

What are your PMS cravings?

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Flushed and tipsy. I miss drinking out.

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Woke up to rain outside my window. I honestly thought today is a Saturday. Reality hit me hard on the face that it’s only Tuesday.

I like it when it rains, and I’m just indoors. I had to cancel my appointment today since I just really wanted to stay home.

I also realized that today is the last day of one of my colleagues.

This rain really makes everything gloomy.

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How I feel about 2020

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When I was a student, I used to hate Saturday classes. Now that I'm already working, I enjoy them because it's a good breather from my day-to-day tasks, I learn new things, and I stay updated with trends in Digital Marketing.

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“Kami nga dati e...”

Just because you had it worse doesn’t mean people of today has to go through the same shit. We work hard to better the future of our loved ones, the younger generation. So if they are living a hassle-free life, then that means we’ve done our part.

And we don’t have the right to invalidate their feelings by saying we’ve had it worse.

Kung dati, nagcocommute kayo for 3 hours balikan, and students now get to wake up at 7:55AM for their 8AM class, that doesn’t mean they don’t have their own struggles to deal with.

Imagine not seeing your friends, not being able to socialize, and doing your classes online? Masakit sa likod, masakit sa mata, and most especially masakit malaman na may ibang hindi matuloy yung paga-aral because wala silang means to do so.

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Photos taken last 2013 at B-Side, Makati

I was super lucky because I was standing at the back, away from the stage, when Gabby Alipe and Reg Rubio walked by. My then-boyfriend asked if I could have my picture taken with them, and they both agreed. I was so ecstatic.

Also, hindi pa ako marunong magkilay diyan.

Imagine my joy when I watched Reg Rubio cover Urbandub’s Quiet Poetic on Facebook. :3

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Saturday Class

I enrolled myself in a Digital Media Planning class. It’s a certification course, and we only have two sessions to complete it.

TBH it feels good enrolling in classes that help better my knowledge in Digital Marketing because it’s a career path I really want to pursue.

To share, I graduated AB Mass Communication major in Advertising. I only had one class on Marketing and it was very basic, and I think outdated since it was back in 2010 (age reveal?!). 

Before this I took up Digital Marketing Fundamentals from the same certification company. I feel like their Subject Matter Experts are really knowledgeable and updated when it comes to Digital Marketing trends. 

What I like about Digital Marketing is that it constantly changes. What I knew during my internship in 2011 is different from what I know now. That’s what really excites me about this profession.

And, d’uh, due to the pandemic, businesses are really shifting towards Digital. Although ATL/traditional marketing is here to stay and should work hand in hand with Digital Marketing, I find it really good that businesses are adapting.

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Anxious, as always.

This is how I greet Sundays. It worsens every Monday morning. I would control it if I could, but I can't.

Set to see a Psychiatrist on Tuesday. It feels comforting writing about it in a platform where no one knows me. At least I can be honest here.

How's your Sunday?