Depresso Espresso

Old forgotten acc I use sparingly

[i-was-born-a-mistake]

Tommy: Are you the person that eats the burger wrapper or not?

Tommy: I quite enjoy the wrapper on.

Tubbo: Naw man, I eat the wrapper then the burger.

Ranboo: Burger wrapper???

[i-was-born-a-mistake]

Tommy, 6 years old: Is Wilbur, Santa Claus?

Philza: Of course not.

Tommy: Then why did I see him crawling down the chimney in the middle of the night?

Philza:

Wilbur:

[i-was-born-a-mistake]

Random thought: What if we could organize our likes?

I have over 6,000 and I'm trying to find that one specific post I liked a few months ago. It's been 15 mins since I started. S E N D H E L P.

[i-was-born-a-mistake]

Tommy: Think fast! *throws a ball at Techno*

Techno: *catches it* No. *pockets the ball*

--

Tommy: Think fast! *throws a ball at Wilbur*

Wilbur: *catches it and throws it back like a fastball*

Tommy: oh sHIT--

--

Tommy: Think fast! *throws a ball at Philza*

Philza: *gets hit in the face*

Philza: ... *sobs*

Techno and Wilbur: *appearing out of nowhere* WHAT DID YOU DO?!

[i-was-born-a-mistake]

Wilbur after blowing up the nation:

Wilbur, trying to apologize: Sometimes, I make terrible, reckless decisions…

Philza:

Philza: I’m aware.

[i-was-born-a-mistake]

Techno: *entering the room wearing perfect eyeliner and high heels*

Philza: Uh, good morning? Do you want something to eat?

Techno: Does it matter? There’s no point. We’re going to die soon anyway.

Philza: Ok. This is fine. I can handle another emo phase.

Wilbur: The fuck do you mean ‘another?!’

[enviousennui]

Today's monumental

It's Star Trek day

The Queens dead 🦀🦀🦀

Trisha Paytas goes into labour

kiwi farms is shut down

Sans won the tumblr sexyman competition

And Toby Fox wrote sans and reigen fiction

[babygreenlizard]

my memes aren't funny to yall but god are they funny to me

[i-was-born-a-mistake]

Techno: Can we sleep in your room tonight?

Philza: Why, what happened?

Tommy: We played with an ouija board and cursed all of ours.

Techno: Wilbur isn't much help. He doesn't know how to banish spirits, so he's just throwing salt at them and yelling, "Does this look like a hotel to you?!"

[i-was-born-a-mistake]

Wilbur: Hey, Dadza. Why did the chicken cross the road?

Philza: To get to the other side?

Wilbur: You were supposed to say “I don’t know, why?“

Philza: Uh... fine. I don’t know. Why did it cross the road?

Wilbur: To get to the idiot’s house.

Philza: ...Ok?

Techno: Hey, Phil. Knock knock.

Philza: No.

Techno: You were supposed to say “who’s there?”

Philza: Fine... let’s get this over with. Who’s there?

Techno: The chicken.

Philza:

Wilbur:

Techno:

Philza: Listen here you little shits-

[i-was-born-a-mistake]

They all got locked outside of the house:

Philza: It's locked. You got a lock pick?

Techno: Yeah-

Wilbur: *kicks in the door*

[i-was-born-a-mistake]

Wilbur: *listening to a YouTube video* "You are my fire..."

Ranboo, quietly: "The one desire..."

Tubbo, half-asleep: "Believe when I say..."

Techno, not looking up from his book: "I want it that way."

Tommy bursting in: "TELL ME WHY..."

Everyone unenthusiastically: "ain't nothin' but a heartache."

Tommy: "TEEEEEELLLLLL ME WHY..."

Everyone: "ain't nothin' but a mistake."

Tommy, pointing at Wilbur: "Now SBI 2!"

Wilbur: "I never wanna hear you say..."

Tommy: WOO!

Everyone: "I want it that way."

Deam from the other room: "So those are your kids?"

Philza, sitting across from him, sighing: "Those are my kids."

[i-was-born-a-mistake]

The bench bois meeting up:

Tubbo: Hello? Ranboo, where on earth are you?

Ranboo, on the phone: I waved to a man because I thought he was waving at me. Apparently, he was waving to the guy behind me. So I kept my hand up for a taxi to pull over. I don't know where I am.

Tubbo: Wait, wha-

Tommy: Understandable, have a nice day.

[i-was-born-a-mistake]

Wilbur: Philza, remember how I said that Tommy and I were going to have a peaceful bros night out for once?

Philza: Yeah?

Wilbur: Well...

Tommy: We're in jail.

Wilbur:

Philza: *hangs up*

[i-was-born-a-mistake]

Wilbur, 15-year-old: Hey Dadza, our class had our awards assembly today.

Philza: Really? That was today? Did you get anything?

Wilbur: Yes I did.

Philza: Did you get the English award?

Wilbur: No, that was Technoblade.

Philza: Oh. Did you get the math award?

Wilbur: Nope, also Technoblade.

Philza: Did you get the history award?

Wilbur: No, that was Dream in my class... and also Technoblade.

Philza: Did you get the reading award? Or is that also—

Wilbur: Technoblade.

Philza: Well what DID you get?

Wilbur: I got detention for yelling, "FUCK TECHNOBLADE, HOW'D HE GET ALL THESE FUCKING AWARDS?!"

Philza:

[i-was-born-a-mistake]

Ranboo: Tommy, Tubbo Why are you on the floor crying?

Tomm and Tubbo: This book is sAD

Ranboo, picking up what they were reading: ...This is my diary…

[i-was-born-a-mistake]

Philza: Ew. What kind of tea is this?

10-year-old Tommy: I boiled gatorade.

Philza: