Too Little Too Late
{The tension in the kitchen was so thick I could cut it with one of my knives. It wasn’t just sexual tension either even though there was plenty of that to go around for both of us. I knew this moment and this time couldn’t last forever. Tamar would eventually have to go back to the colony and it would start a fight between us again. We fight every time she leaves because of the fact that she doesn’t want to. I don’t want her to go either, but it’s the safer option at the moment. I made my way over to the refrigerator and pulled out the container of strawberries that was sitting on the shelf. Strawberries. One of her favorite foods in the whole entire world. Without a second thought I picked one up and held it out for her. It was more of a peace offering now that I had ravished her neck from the blood she offered me. “My favorite, did you get these specifically for me?” I wanted to laugh and tell her no, but I don’t lie to Tamar.} I would be a liar if I said no and that is one thing I am not. I have never lied to you and I don’t intend to start now over something as silly as whether I bought the strawberries for you. {Watching her sink her teeth into the end of the strawberry was enough to make it impossible for me to hold still. I strongly believed that she loved to torture me. When she finished the strawberry down to the stem her voice became a whisper. “So, why does this have to be so painful? Why do I have to be so incredibly happy to be with you and on the other side of it I know it won’t last long so I’m sad on top of that.” I hated that she felt that way, but I understood it completely because it’s exactly how I felt every time we had to say goodbye to each other. It was like waiting for the other shoe to drop all of the time and eventually she was going to get tired of waiting for me to make up my mind and asked her to stay.} I don’t know, but I know would you going through because I go through it every time too. {I walked around the counter that separated us to stand behind her. My arms enveloped her as if they were a vice around her waist. My beautiful feisty shadow was heartbroken over the idea of losing me again. I placed a kiss against the soft skin of her shoulder. She wasn’t leaving yet, but we both knew it was inevitable eventually. When my lips make contact with her skin I didn’t expect a moan to escape her, but one had. That sound alone was enough to make me think my body was on fire because it was like every nerve I had was reacting to that one sound. “You know what happens when you do things like that.” She was right, I did know exactly what I was doing when I kissed her there. I wasn't want to torture her and that’s not what I was trying to do. She turned to face me and her teeth were sinking into her bottom lip. “I don’t want to leave this time, but if you ask me to do and I’m afraid I’m not coming back. It’s not fair to my heart, iAm. I love you more than anything, but I am not going to sit in the dark forever. I want you to show me off. I want you to get territorial when another male looks at me. You don’t do that right now because you choose not to. It has nothing to do with the fact that you can or can’t, you simply don’t want to and it’s hurting me.” Her words were like tiny knives in my heart. I knew that Tamar had every right to feel the way she did, but I almost felt like this was an ultimatum. I deserved one and I couldn’t even be angry at her for giving me one. I didn’t know what to say because no matter what I said Tamar was going to be heartbroken. Right now was not the time for me to get tangled up with a female, but then again this was not my first rodeo with her. We had been together for the better part of our lives, but when I was living in the colony things were a little easier than they are now.} I know, my love. I know what I’m doing to you is not fair, but you have to know I’m not doing it on purpose. Believe me I want to show you off just like my brother gets to show his girl off. There’s too much at stake right now for both of us and the last thing you want is for you to get hurt. {I pressed my lips to hers in a chase kiss trying to lighten the mood just a little. The last thing I wanted was for this to end in a fight that I knew she wasn’t coming back. Tamar buried her face in my neck and I could feel the hot tears falling from her eyes. Dammit, she was crying and it was my fault. I had been the cause of these tears and I wasn’t okay with myself over it. The mood in the room shifted horribly and I just wanted to go back to how happy we were when we walked in here. Fangs sank into my neck and Tamar was taking long pulls of my blood to satisfy her thirst. Normally something like this would be highly arousing for shadow even a vampire. It was, but something about this moment felt like she was silently saying goodbye to me. I didn’t want her to do that. I wanted to be selfish and tell her to stay even though I knew that it was dangerous for both of us. When Tamar’s tongue sealed her puncture wound I froze. The words that came out of her mouth next were enough to kill me where I stood. “Make love to me one last time before I have to go back.” Go back? What was she talking about? Was this really a goodbye?} What are you talking about? You don't have to leave yet. {I planted soft kisses against her skin trying to change her mind. I couldn’t lose her. I wouldn’t survive it and worst of all, @Trez_BDBRW wouldn’t know how the hell to deal with me if this happened. Instead of arguing with Tamar I did what she asked bringing her to one of the couches in the VIP lounge. Silently I gave Tamar everything she wanted without a single word. Normally, when we did things like this it was animalistic and raw. Right in this moment it was slow and tender. I didn’t understand and I don’t think I would ever understand especially after what happened in the next few seconds. When we were done I usually held her to my chest and talked about nothing in particular until I knew the restaurant would be getting customers soon enough. This time she pushed off of me and looked down at me with tears running down my cheeks. I reached up to wipe them away, but she slapped my hand. “Goodbye love. I’m sorry that I could not be enough for you my prince.” I went to speak and tell her she was wrong. Instead there was a finger over my mouth. “Please don’t make this any harder for me then it already is.” It was like I didn’t know how to move because I kept opening and closing my mouth like a fish.} Please, don’t go. {My voice cracked with pain because honestly Tamar was the only female I had ever been the only one I’ll ever want. There is a soft kiss to my cheek and I closed my eyes for the briefest of seconds trying to hold on to that feeling. When I opened my eyes again she was gone. I pushed off of the couch and made my way back to the kitchen before an agonizing scream ripped from my chest. I didn’t want to function anymore, I trashed my own kitchen just to get some of the anger out. I knew in that moment whatever happened next the Queen had to die. I couldn’t survive without Tamar and the Queen was the only thing standing in the way of having her with me permanently. Somehow I just had to find a way to keep breathing until the opportunity to kill the Queen presented itself. I was gripping the counter so tightly that my knuckles were almost white. I may not say much, but I feel everything. Right now I feel hurt and anger and indescribable pain and mixed into one ball of shit. I had no idea that loving someone so much could hurt you to the point of crippling you. I couldn’t fall apart right now I had to pick myself up and clean the kitchen as if nothing had just happened to me because in the world that I lived in from day to day Tamar was a secret. If I walked back into anywhere that anyone could see me no one would ever understand what I was experiencing because of what just happened. I did this to myself and know that. I have nobody else to blame for the agony that is making it almost impossible for me to breathe. I want to chase after her and tell her she can stay. I want to tell her that I will tell the whole universe as long as she doesn’t leave me, but I’m afraid that no matter how badly I want to do that it might be too little too late.}