face it i'm not the strongest one

all information is strictly ooc knowledge unless stated otherwise.

[underwearsucks]

Down for whatever but only with you.

Donald Grover (via underwearsucks)

[iamdestroyer]

sometimes i really wish i drank. with sam home there’s always a bottle of something lying around, it wouldn’t be hard for me to break into her stash but i’ve never had alcohol and i don’t want to start now. i just want something numbing -- i want to stop thinking and just forget every shitty thing i have going on right now. i don’t know what to do or how to cope. i thought about that one blade i still have hidden in the draw of my bedside table but i’ve made so much progress. i just can’t believe how quickly i gave someone the power to tear me down; i didn’t ever want to be here again. it’s so fucked up that all i want is to be back with lina letting her hit me and tell me how pathetic and worthless i feel like i am right now. 

[citrusquotes]

If the moon smiled, she would resemble you. You leave the same impression of something beautiful, but annihilating.

The Rival, Sylvia Plath (1961)

[iamdestroyer]

i went into this knowing it was meant to be something casual. it’s not like i haven’t done that before, i’m capable of casual, but you were even more stunningly beautiful in person than i ever could have imagined. i knew the moment i saw you i was fucked but i tried so hard to suppress the trance you put me in. as if that wasn’t enough, you had to end up being one of my favorite people i’ve ever been around. your energy was infectious and made me forget about how numb i normally am when you’re not around. making me feel something opened up too many doors and before i could grasp what was actually happening all i knew is that my head was spinning and my heart was aching for you. i’m sorry i fell weak. i’m sorry i let myself like you more than i was supposed to. i’m sorry i was stupid enough to think the way you laid your head on me at night, listened to my heartbeat, and let me play with your hand in mine meant that you were silently professing feelings for me too. i’m so stupid to have thought we were on the same page. i feel so empty without you here and now i wish i could go back to being numb because i’m sick of all this pain. i know i’m not good enough for you, or anyone really (that’s why they always leave) but i just thought we’d have a little more time. we were so good before i went and opened my big mouth. i never should have said anything. fuck. 

[iamdestroyer]

seriously, alexa, you’re such an idiot. 

[iamdestroyer]

that kiss was beyond anything i’ve ever experienced. even in the lack of a perfect movie moment situation i realized that it wasn’t the moment that was important part but rather that i got to kiss the girl i’ve been wanting to since the moment we first spoke. i’m still in shock that you’d want to kiss me but not even a little bit shocked that it surpassed any of my expectations. i’m so scared that this is starting to become something real for me. i love having you here with me.

[cvstleofglass]

BRING ME THE HORIZON // FOLLOW YOU

[iamdestroyer]

i woke up last night to you sleeping so peacefully next to me and i realized just how in awe i am with your beauty. i’ll admit i took the time to study your features and rhythm of each inhale and exhale. i love the sound of your voice and how i feel so comfortable and safe in your presence. i think i could get used to this. maybe tonight i’ll get to hold you. maybe tonight i’ll muster up the courage to kiss you.

[iamdestroyer]

i’m so NERVOUS 

get it together alexa calm your shit.

[iamdestroyer]

I’m just laying here thinking about how in less than twenty-four hours you could be here next to me. Despite what we’ve talked teased each other about I’m truthfully not expecting anything more than just the time to get to know you better. That’s not to say that I haven’t already daydreamed about what the curve of your body would feel like against mine or what my name would sound like rolling off your tongue in a plea of encouragement but I just feel lucky to have grabbed your attention and I want to know more than just the physical things. I’m not sure which one you’re more willing to offer but don’t think I won’t break down what walls I need to. I want to be a safe place for you and someone you can trust. I want to make you laugh, I want to give you butterflies. I want you to share things with me because you know my intentions are true and that I’d never set out to hurt you. I don’t want to fuck this up and I’m probably getting way too ahead of myself but I just hope your time here goes smoothly because we could have so much potential. You’re fucking stunning. It feels surreal, I’m not this lucky.