Count Your Joys.
I'm not good at keeping up with blogs. Since I'm on summer break, I happen to have a little more time to catch you all up with what I have been up to lately. First, I finished my first semester as a full time student in grad school in May. At the end of the semester, I realized I wasn't called to be a pastor as a role but that I have a gift of pastoring. I wasn't looking forward to the classes offered in the Master of Divinity program, so after talking to a couple of mentors I realized I needed to switch over to the Master of Christian Leadership and tie in the Spiritual Director program. Currently, I am aiming to become a certified spiritual director and eventually become a pastor of spiritual formation. Not entirely sure yet, but it's definitely a possibility in my bright future. I still aim to invest in the music community and eventually to all age groups and various people groups. The Master of Christian Leadership will help me experience more of a non-profit setting instead of only a local church setting. It gives me more options and demographics to explore my spiritual director-ness. I'm really excited! Seminary so far has taught me how to be more deliberative in my decisions, created a firm confidence in myself and my abilities, calling, strengths, etc. and to not be ashamed of myself. It's only going up from here. Secondly, I started working at Coffea Roasterie close to three months ago. Personally, this coffee shop has been a lifeline for me for the past year. This is a place where I struggled with my questions, brokenness, and loneliness. Out of my darkness birthed a community of new friends and coworkers. I seriously enjoy working at Coffea. I'm being challenged to learn, to grow, and to move on and it's what I needed at the time they hired me on. I also decided to chop off my hair. Again. When I was engaged, I was aiming to grow out my hair long and beautiful for the wedding day. I wanted flowers in my hair. After the break up, I struggled whether I should cut my hair or not because it took me already four years to grow it out. I was on a roll with growing it long, but I did not feel like myself. I felt like I kept attaching my hair to him. To please him. I was no longer needed to try and please him anymore, so I gave myself permission to cut off the old and welcome the real me in. I am a short cut, wild hair, kind of girl. Always have, always will be. I buzzed off 14 inches of my hair, and my hair stylist donated the hair to Pantene. I know I am not the only girl who has experienced chopping their hair off fresh out of a break up. I waited ten months to realize I had the courage to do it all along. It's been over a year. I spent the last year becoming a person he would not recognize; the real me. I spent a whole year searching my heart, my motives, my poor decisions, my humanness, habits that were hurting people around me and getting rid of them. I conquered so much in the past year, I don't even recognize who I am sometimes. I spent over a year as a single woman to allow myself time to heal. I didn't date, I didn't "talk" to guys, I didn't hook up. I still don't do those things. I respect myself too much that I don't want to contribute to the world's hook up culture. I spent a whole year learning about forgiveness, and I forgive him. I dedicated to make myself available for God to transform, mend, renew, and reveal my true self. Seminary has helped with that process, but going to church and serving at The Ransom has accelerated that process to a deeper level. If you have never been to a church that knows real love, does not condemn, extends the fruit of the Spirit, desires the Word of God, and does not sugarcoat the truth. I hope you find and experience a church like The Ransom Church. I hope you don't give up on hope for the church. The remnant still exists. God's heart for his bride still exists. The Ransom Church has become another family, another lifeline, and a place for me to struggle and wrestle with my humanness yet mysteriously praise God. I am forever thankful for this church. I spent a whole year becoming and accepting who I am and not being ashamed of it. I chopped off my hair, lost weight, I live a sober and clean lifestyle, I allow myself to feel pain and not numb it anymore. Through struggling and feeling those difficult emotions, I am able to experience that Kingdom joy now. God is so good. His love is so deep and wide. I don't need to live in fear anymore. I spent a whole year letting my Abba Father remove those barriers. Allow Him to remove your's.
