Still feel guilty about leaving home. I hope my dogs are OK but at least my 4yo is safe and not scared atm.
My mother doesn't know what to do with the dogs. She won't ask my brother for help. She wants me to pop in and take care of them. He should be able to help her but I don't know that he will. (I'm also staying an hour away)
I am not going to communicate with him at all. Why should I contact him? Esp after threatening to have me committed or kicked out of my own home. It is ridiculous. And telling me that I have been taking advantage of our mother.... and telling me that I pretended to do caregiving but really was just selfish and taking advantage of the situation. Taking advantage? Ha... rich! Yeah i took advantage to the point of caregiver burnout and wanting to off myself. It was a really fun 10 years doing "nothing". I also got blamed for all the crap being around the house but that was his stuff, my dad, and my grandmother. And I did the best I could! I don't have $ sitting around to hire help and my body is trash since the c-section.
I think he has the start of bvFTD or maybe just narcissistic personality disorder. Whatever the reason for his assholeness, I can't be in the same house as him. And I want to go no contact with him permanently. He has always been a shitty brother anyhow.
My mother says that I'm being overdramatic and need to compromise. Funnily, I was compromising with him and yet he was throwing my belongings out in a dumpster secretly when i wasnt home. Then yeling at me that this isnt my home so he can do what he fucking wants. He is very good at behaving in front of her and then acting abusive/exploding when she isn't there. But doing it in front of my 4 yo is unacceptable. And constantly making me look like the crazy one is unacceptable. I'm tired of being the fucking family scapegoat. I do all the shit and everyone blames me in the end. I'm tired of everyone thinking he is amazing and that I'm the problem. I'm sick of being guilted into compliance--- the gaslighting has to stop. I don't want this for my kid. She is verbalizing this situation too well and it is stressing her out.
So here I m trying to decide if I need to find a homeless shelter or if I should just bounce from house to house with my 4yo in tow. I am behind in work assignments. I'm supposed to appeal for the IEP that my county won't give to my overly intelligent adhd preschooler. I'm supposed to contact the private school and see if they'll make accommodations. I have my parents' taxes to finish. I have to move my dad in 9 days to a different nursing home environment.... and haven't packed him bc of this stupid drama... and it's just all fucking overwhelming.
And my mother is telling me that she is going to off herself bc of me adding to my brother's drama. And she is having a horrible time at work but he is so it of control that she can't get her work done. But she refuses to set ground rules for him to follow or to kick him out. He literally showed up and demanded to stay indefinitely.
So welcome to the shitshow and a very merry fucking birthday to me. I called it. I said he was coming into town just in time to fuck up my birthday.
He always fucks everything up.
On a side note, I had 4 good friends today who helped me make the decision to pack up and leave. And a very awesome old wifey who helped me pack. I so appreciate it. And i just need everyone to keep reminding me that I'm doing the right thing for my kid. So yeah...
stormborns
gracieabrams
andulkaphoto
kianamaiart
blakekathryn
tangentwithtanner
