ambivert @iamthereseonn-blog - Tumblr Blog

2235H | 110220

Wassup self. How are you?

This is your time to time, “kamusta self” time!

How’s your heart. Your mental health. Your mind.

Are you at peace? - Yes

So, I’m currently dating my workmate, Gerald Allorde. We just started dating last month and everything just escalated so quickly that my mind can’t keep up.

Gerald Allorde is a decent guy. He’s the type of guy that I wouldn’t expect to notice me — literally noticed the small details of me. Yes, he’s a licensed chemical engineer like me, voila. But he’s IQ is a lot higher than mine. I guess my feelings were caught when we had the certain connection under our deep conversations and late night talks. Sleepless nights/days but, people started to notice that I was glowing. I was really happy. Especially when we had our first date, it was truly memorable and I couldn’t imagine how perfect it was. Just eat, talk endlessly. I was free and he was just there.

Idk about love but, my feelings were genuine for him. I can finally see a future with someone that I can rely on.

Gerald, thank you for noticing me.☺️

Hey, it’s me again.

2254H, nighshift duty.

Sighs. I feel anxious, still. I can’t even remember when has this started but maybe I unconsciously just went with it.

iamthereseonn-blog

“Did I really give up in this real world? Or I just couldn’t accept things that they really are here. People are different. They’re mean, hard-headed, selfish and hypocrites. Are they even serious about it or not? I believe that everyone in this planet is a victim to one’s experiences that’s why they have to live, err, better yet survive in the society where you can be with them by being one of them. That might sound confusing but, you’ll get the picture. This is a fact. People judge easily. They think without considering their backgrounds. But wth, would they actually be honest with you? Are there people that are still honest? I doubt. Everyone has something to hide. People tend to use others for the sake of their happiness. This idea’s just pathetic. It’s like, when attaining one’s happiness, a sacrifice should be made. How inconsiderate. Only few people can really keep their calm. Why? It’s because they know better and it’s a complete waste of time if they’ll make an effort and nothing’s gonna happen in the end. Some of us go for suicide because they couldn’t handle it anymore. Die. It’s a boringly simple word. It’s boring because with just a snap, you’re finished. You didn’t get the chance to think about it. You let your feelings control you and that’s the common attitude of people nowadays. - To be continued.”

—

I’m really starting to hate myself more and more.

To be honest, I am at loss.

To my future lover, I’m sorry for not taking care of myself. I’m sorry that I’m bruised and scarred. I’m also sorry to myself for putting up with men who only receive and satisfy themselves.

My soul is dried and almost dead. Yet the respect that I looked for, never did I even gave one to myself.

I never had someone else. I never fell to the guys I spend time talking about my hobbies and work. Just you.

I’ve lost almost everything that made me happy and who i was before. I lost my dear friends because of you. I lost my social media accounts and all those memories all because of your immaturity. You cornered me into your own world where it’s just us and no one else matters. I really tried to be strong but it’s too much. I never felt so humiliated in my entire life. The real one who truly sacrificed everything for that relationship was me. Not you. And once, you never acknowledged it. I did almost everything that I couldn’t even imagine I’d be doing. I’ve disappointed so many people especially those who sticked by my side and helped me in my struggles. I’m really at loss right now. You never knew the damage that you’ve done in my life.. My family, my career, my reputation almost everything about me just messed up all because of you. I’ve never been this stupid all because to prove how much I loved you. What hurts most is I CAN’T EVEN BRING THOSE BACK ANYMORE. THOSE WERE THE ONES THAT ARE IRREPLACEABLE IN MY LIFE. I’m devastated and at loss of words right now. God just please please please help me right now. I’ve lost my identity, my purpose, my goals and my dreams. I don’t know anymore.

timbllr

8 things I learned by the age of 18: 1. Everything takes time. Whether it’s getting over someone, making a change or finishing something, it takes time. And that’s okay. We’re always in a hurry and we forget to appreciate or even just accept the process. 2. Other people are not the answer. You may think others can heal you or make you feel better, which they might. However, in the end it’s up to you. Learn how to love yourself instead of waiting for someone else to do it. 3. Grow. Never stop working on yourself, on things you’re passionate about, or on your future. Grow into the person you want to become - even if you’re not sure who that is. 4. The more that you wait, the more time that you waste. Don’t keep telling yourself “you’ll do it tomorrow”. Now is now and who knows what happens tomorrow. 5. Often, people are temporary. Accept it. It hurts, it’s unfair, but sometimes friendships end or people leave. Treasure every moment you have with someone rather than being afraid it could end. 6. Some days will suck and it’s okay. Find peace in the days you’re feeling sad, find peace in being bored. Without having bad days, good days wouldn’t be as good. 7. Don’t let anyone determine who you are. Only you decide which way you’re going, only you decide what you wear and only you decide what you want to be like. Don’t let anyone take that right away from you. 8. Change is inevitable. No matter if it’s positive or negative, change is one of the few things you can always rely on. Don’t fear it, but feel reassured - you won’t live the same life all along.

t.k. (via timbllr)