One thing a lot of people don’t know about me, is that in addition to music, photography has always been a passion of mine. It’s something that i’ve been doing since i was 16, and worked in it professionally since my early 20’s. Although I choose to look at it more as a glorified hobby. I don’t take it seriously as a career, albeit i take every shoot very seriously. It’s another creative outlet for me that allows me to still use my imagination, but in a non-musical way apart from writing and producing. (And yes, to clarify, I take all those photos of myself that you see on IG, or as song artwork… unless otherwise stated.) I’ve never been much of a “hustler” when it comes to furthering myself in the ideals of success. I’m more of a relaxed individual, that takes life as it comes. That isn’t always a good thing though. There is something to be said for stepping out, and pushing whatever it is you do. I think there is a right time and place for that however. One thing I do know, is that I’ve learned so much in the past 2 years. When I found the time to invest in myself a year and a half ago, I thought it would all come easily. I thought that once I had the opportunity to spend time on my own career, everything would just happen… What I didn’t realize is that there would be an ambush of obstacles standing in my way. Some physical, some emotional. At that time, I went on a quest to find a producer who would get my vision, and help me find who I was as an artist. I worked for months with multiple people, but again, and again i was let down. I was discouraged. My heart was heavy. I thought to myself, what am I even doing with my life? I kept saying, “if i could just find that person”… thinking it would just make it work. But there was SO much more I had to learn. Yes, it was true, no one was willing to invest in me. And that was a blatant “no” and a very real scenario a lot of people have faced, and will face, regardless of career. This isn’t a story about how one day i found this person, and overcame the (not so literal) “no’s”… ha… What I ended up having to do was let go. I let go of imaginary deadlines. I let go of the feeling of having to prove something. I let go of hurt, and anger from the past. I had to free myself from a lot of things before I could actually move forward. More than anything, I had to heal. God moved in my life during this time in ridiculous ways. Physically, emotionally, financially, you name it. I was introduced to the reality of His goodness in a profound new way. But that is an entirely different story… Eventually, it occurred to me that no one else was going to make my dreams come true. There wasn’t a perfect publishing deal, record deal, producer, writing partner that was going to make it happen. … It is so easy to get so caught up in the “if i could just…” mentality! You’ve heard it a thousand times, so let me not be the first to tell you, that ain’t how it works. The “If I could just…” mentality is a crippling and disabling thought process that WILL crush you. It will consume your mind, leaving you empty, unproductive, and exhausted though nothing what so ever has been accomplished. This can lead to depression, and I nearly walked down that road, even mildly stepping into it at times. But that is NOT who I was, or am called to be. I spent hours sitting on my couch, trying to figure it all out, and getting nowhere. Until one day I made the decision to say NO, to that life. From that moment forward I trained myself (a very distracted, unfocused, complex individual with zero patience) to PRESS THROUGH. This single revelation in my physical life changed everything. You see, there is nothing on this earth that I love more than music. It brings me true joy to listen to it, to create it, to share it, to experience it. Music is a gift. We as humans were created as be instruments. Our voices were designed from the beginning to worship and glorify our Creator. I know that to be true, first hand. Anyways, this ability to press through when I was down on myself, or discouraged or challenged became the key to my moving forward. Instead of waiting for the perfect situation to happen in my life, i decided to dive head first into production so that I could explore, endlessly and without being on someone else's time. I went through a roller coaster ride of sounds and vibes and experimenting, tirelessly, but freely. Never did I try to be something, just followed my own musical taste and interest. I would finish a song and be like “YES! This is it.” Then two weeks later, be like, “ugh that sucked”. But that is part of the process. I didn’t ever plan on being the producer of my own project, in my mind i just wanted to “play artist”, ultimately because at that time I didn’t have the skill set to be able to communicate my vision from a production standpoint. But when the world kept giving me “No’s”, I kept pressing through. I’m not at all tooting my own horn here, what i’m saying is, by making the decision to keep going when it seemed like everything was against me, i was able to get to that other side and can honestly say I am proud of myself. A year ago, i couldn’t have imagined being where I am today. And a year from now, hopefully i can say the same thing. Because I plan on continuing to press through, as I know i will encounter more obstacles and more struggles and more discouragement. It is inevitable. But if we train ourselves, and prepare for that we can overcome it. More often in your life you are going to get “No’s”… Whether it be literally someone telling you no, or just things not working out, over and over and over again. The reality of it is, no career, no amount of success, no amount of money or popularity or property value is going to bring you happiness. And when you are living in the “If I could just…” mentality, there is most likely a deeper issue there that need be resolved. We have the freedom to pursue our dreams, and yes, set goals. But keep in mind, the goal is not the answer. If your eyes are fixed on the end result, not only are you going to miss out on everything that happens between now and then, but you won’t realize when you’ve reached that goal because you’ve already placed it further ahead. Ultimately leading yourself on a downward spiral of never being satisfied. I’m speaking generally here. But in my own life, the reason I do what I do, is because I truly, with all my heart, love it. There is a passion in my soul for creating music that is so real and present, that no amount of success or failure, could ever increase or decrease it. I am a firm believer in doing what you love, applying yourself in it, and working hard at it. I am so thankful to be where I am today, and thankful for the people that I have in my life, and who I have gotten to know and work with during the past year. I didn’t just get a million dollar check btw. Today is just another day, i just finished breakfast i’m drinking coffee, and i’m about to go down into the studio and work. And tomorrow is uncertain, but I am overwhelmed with joy because I get to do what I love for a living. I am grateful because I am able. My limbs work, my heart beats, my eyes are sharp and my ears hear clearly. God is beyond good, and this life is precious. Hope you all have a great day.
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