Just Because I Rock Doesn't Mean I'm Made of Stone @iaremichael - Tumblr Blog

HOW TO LOSE WEIGHT IN 4 EASY STEPS

I’ve spent the past year losing 80 lbs and getting in shape. A lot of people have been asking me how I did it; specifics like what diet I was on, how many times a week I worked out, etc etc. So I thought I’d just answer everyone’s questions by giving you guys step by step instructions on how you can achieve everything I have… IN JUST 4 EASY STEPS! Ready? Here we go!!!

1.) NO BEER This is a big one, and one that you’ve probably heard before. Every time you drink a beer, it’s like eating seven slices of bread. That’s a lot of bread!

2.) PORTION CONTROL This is especially true when you go out to eat at restaurants. A good trick to do is when your meal comes, cut it in half and right away ask for a takeout container, so that you can save the rest for later - and even better, if you start your meal out right by ordering lean meats and veggies, you’ll slim down in no time!

3.) HAVE YOUR HEART BROKEN And not just broken; shattered. Into itsy bitsy tiny little pieces, by a girl who never loved you and never will. Join the gym at your work. Start going to the gym regularly, and even though you don’t know that much about exercise and you’re way too weak to do pretty much anything but lift 5 lb weights and use the elliptical machines with the old people, do it until your sweat makes a puddle on the floor. Then go home and go to bed early and the next day do it again. And then again. And then again.

Listen to stories of your ex-girlfriend fucking around with gross and terrible people, stories from your friends who think they are doing you a favor. Go to the gym and make more puddles of sweat. Buy books. Learn about different muscle groups and how they work together. Start eating healthy. Learn about nutrition. Plan out your week of meals. Try to forget her.

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On How It Happened

"You know. I've thought about that a lot myself. And, I think, people are just, you know, these days at least, people are just looking for something." Here I paused and lit a cigarette. It surprised her that I smoked, but I was used to seeing that surprise these days. After getting over her surprise, I'm sure she wondered why she was surprised in the first place. I was receiving this line of questioning quite often lately, understandably, but as she seemed quite interested, I motivated myself to put forth as genuine an answer as I could. "I didn't know you smoked?" She smiled warmly, glad to know something a little more intimate about me. I gave a guilty smile, offering and lighting a cigarette for her. Amusingly and thoroughly unsurprisingly, a cigarette made her even more attractive than she already was. With that settled and some new found warmth between us, I continued with my answer. "Something. Understanding is one way of putting it. People want answers. The world is a big place, especially these days. With so much information at their fingertips and history lessons behind them, people have some deep discontent with the unknowns of the future. Or scarier still, the unremedied ills of today that stem from the past. They want someone with answers. And I claim to know them." I don't know if this was the answer she expected, but she seemed pleased, even hopeful. "Well, do you?" I let the question hang in the smoke, as I took another drag and looked her in the eyes with a seriousness I had grown accustomed to. She put out her cigarette and crossed her arms on the table. "Have the answers, I mean. Do you?" "Well, I and my friends would like to hope so." We both laughed and we refreshed our drinks. We didn't speak for a while, but that was fine really. I put out my cigarette and felt the disgustingness of it all at once. I looked at her and felt righted. There was a certain feeling of home with her that I enjoyed. If she had noticed my close observance of her features, she didn't say anything. I took her hand and said, "Honestly, and I mean this, I really think I'm the man for the job. I've had enough of waiting. Most of us have had enough of waiting. It's time. And I'm here."