Happiness is a choice.

Don't follow me, I'm lost too! I do my thing and you do yours. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. You are you and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, then it is beautiful. If not, it can't be helped.

[icarbabe]

I miss you mahal, its been eternity. I think i cannot love someone i as much as i did to you. I' saddened that you're gone. If only i can take back time. I miss youu. I miss you so baad. 😭

[icarbabe]

How stupid I am to think of letting go of my own happiness for someone unworthy? I will never trust every single word you'll say. Never again.

[icarbabe]

My Formal Goodbye.

My ex husband,

Hello, kamusta ka? Its been 3 months since we last talk. And its been almost 2 years since you decided to end our relationship. Bakit ko ginagawa to? I just want to formally say goodbye to you. I met someone, (Unexpectedly) I think that someone is amazing.. Someone who is willing to accept ung wasak na ako. and luckily someone who is willing to be a father sa anak mo. Sure ka dun sa agreement natin ha? na okay lang sayo magkaron ng bagong daddy si dani. nakakagulat at ang sakit na marinig yun galing sa bibig mo. pero kailangan kong tanggapin kesa ipagpilitan ng anak ko ang sarili niya sayo. Well hindi naman super wasak kasi I’ve been working on myself two years na. Hindi kita makausap kasi wala ka naman paramdam. Kung di ako makikipagusap sayo hindi ka naman nagiinitiate man lang. Naaalala mo pa ba kami? kahit di na ako, naaalala mo pa ba anak natin? nakakalungkot lang puruntong.. I still wonder what happened sayo. Nasan na ung tatay ng anak ko? Nasaan na ung asawa kong mahal na mahal kami ng anak ko? Siguro nga tama ka, pinagtagpo lang tayo pero hindi tinadhana? or should i say tinadhana to bring dani into this world.

Thankyou Elie. :) I am happy where I am today. Masaya na ako thou alam kong napakarami ko pang pagdadaanan, kami ni dani alam ko din na hindi namin haharapin yun magisa. I still remember the days and nights na nagmamakaawa ako kay Lord na mawala na ung sakit na nararamdaman ko from our broken family and marriage. Totoo nga he’s preparing me for something bigger. I cannot speak for tom elie, I am hoping and praying na this someone is really sincere. Thou unang una palang sobrang clear ng intentions niya. ayokong pangunahan ung pagkakataon at panahon pero may tiwala ako kay Lord and sa plans niya. I hope you are happy. I really mean it. Pero sorry na, hindi ko padin kayang patawarin ung other woman mo. kahit sa totoo lang sayo lang naman ako dapat magalit kasi ikaw lang din naman nagbigay sakanya ng lakas ng loob na maging matapang sa harapan ko. pero ewan ko why I still hold so many grudges towards her. Siguro kasi siya ung naging dahilan bakit nasira tayo. Alam niya una palang na may asawa’t pamilya ka. Alam niyang special si dani at kailangan niya ng gabay natin dalawa, ng pagmamahal ng buong pamilya kasi hindi madali ung haharapin niyang mundo. Mundong mapanghusga. Binitawan mo kami kagaya ng pagbitaw mo kay mommy. I cant forget you telling me na ako lang iniwan mo at hindi kasama si dani. Iniwan mo siya elie, kahit anong deny mo iniwan mo ako kasama ang anak mo. Pero hayaan mo na. That’s just the way you are. I want to remember you as a Good husband and Father. kaya nga iniiisp ko namatay ka na diba. hahha hindi naman literal. pero ung taong minahal ko at mahal ako wala na siya. at ung Elie na nakikita ko ngayon e ibang tao na. kasi the way you talk, parang hindi mo ko minahal kahit konti. Hindi ka man lang nagtira ng katiting ng respeto sakin bilang nanay ng anak mo. Pero pipiliin kong intindihin ka from afar. Hindi ka naman naging masama lang buong pagsasama natin. Naging mabuti ka din naman asawa at ama yun nga lang hindi nagtagal. yung good memories nalang ang aalalahanin ko. :) 

Aalis na ko ha, bubuksan ko na ulit ung puso ko sa iba. Pipiliin ko na ulit maging masaya ng walang alinlangan. Alam ko maiintindihan mo ako. Diba ikaw pa nga pumipilit sakin na magmahal na ng iba. Sana totoo ung mga sinabi mo noon. Eto na yun, wala ng bawian puruntong ha. Bumitaw na ko sayo, bumitaw na ako satin. Sana makilala mo ung mamahalin mo ng totoo ung with sincerity, wag ka ng manakit ulupong ka! Kidding aside, I hope mahanap mo ung someone na mamahalin mo at mamahalin ka ng buong buo. ung taong makakapagpabago sayo ng may pagkukusa mo. Kasi puruntong.. hindi pwedeng ayaw mo pag di ka tatanggapin sa kung ano ka. Love is give and take. Isa lang hiniling ko sayo nung kinasal tayo. Maging honest ka, open communication. Na pag sumobra na ako pagsabihan mo ako. Maybe nagpalaki ka ng monster in me by tolerating me sa mga bagay na ayaw mo pala. pero wag na tayong magsisihan. Lessons learned. Alam ko pag tayo ang nagusap magkakaintindihan tayo. Eto na ung pinakahihintay mo, ung pagsuko ko. I hope this will bring you peace and happiness na. Tutulungan mo ba ko kay dani? hehe! Hindi na ako umaasa, just be a better person please, ayokong tignan ka ni dani as a bad father eh. yun nalang last na hiling ko sayo. Hindi kita pagbabawalan kay dani pero i hope you understand you have to win my trust back para malaya mo makuha si dani. pero pag laki naman niya hindi  ko siya pipigilan kung gusto ka niyang makasama. Tatay ka niya at may karapatan ka sakanya. Naisip ko bigla puruntong, sayang andami mong namimiss sa milestones ni dani. you used yo be there.. sa paggapang niya, sa paghawak ng milk bottle even sa pagkain ng solid foods diba? You were a hands on father! kung ano man nangyari sayo I am praying na kung magkakaron ka ulit ng baby wag mo na ulitin please. And yes, tama ung nababasa mo. Kung dumating ung panahon na magdecide ka magkapamilya ulit hindi na kita pipigilan. You deserve to be happy, hindi naman porket nagkamali tayo noon at ngayon e wala na tayong karapatan magbago at maging masaya ulit. Puruntongg... ang saya ko na kaya ko ng sabihin ung ganito ngayon. Huhu gusto kong maiyak sa tuwa pero naubos na talaga ung luha ko sayo. heheh. you will always have a special place in my heart daddy. pero hanggang dun nalang yun. It stops growing na. Hehehe! May namiss pa ba kong sabihin? HAHHAHA. I think i have said my peace. Sana hayaan mo nadin akong maging masaya. Maybe someday we can be friends, at malabong anytime soon yon. It takes time. we both need to heal. alam ko naman hindi lang ako ung nasaktan dito ikaw din. Maraming salamat sa memories, it wasnt as good as we expected but atleast it was somehow real that time. Ako lang ba? i dont know and it doesnt really matter anymore. Sign off na ko bilang wife mo ha? Matagal mo na akong pinag reresign so eto na po. Resignation letter ko non-negotiable. haha. I hope the best for you (former) babe, baby, my love, mahal, daddy, my puruntong. I am opening the next chapter of my life. :)

[icarbabe]

Tuesday night. ❤️

[icarbabe]

Dream about you

Its been 7 years... I dreamt about you again and it was so good. The way you made me feel marks deeply in my heart. The best days in my life. 11 years ago i met the guy in my dreams! Well i cant believe it too, that he exist!! I felt all the love, support, care, kindness, every girl can dream of. The most romantic and sweet guy. Someone who will make you feel loved and appreciated whole heartedly. I really dont miss that man. I just miss the way he made me feel. 😔😔😔

For the sake of remembering my dream lalagay ko dito. I was with you. You were the same guy i loved before.. Your face brigthens up everyone who see's you. But your eyes, You only see me. ☺️ I can't be jealous because you always make me feel that my heart is safe with you. I am your one and only babe. And you are very much willing to the world how proud you are to me! My achievements, my beauty that's not only only physical. We used to call ourselves the "rare ones" because we think differently. Huhu! (I'm really happy that ylu are happy now! I just felt sad na you found a beautiful soul again while here I am. In pain, trying to fight for something that i know for so long is a lost battle.) back to the dream, ayun we are dating again. And its funny na i ordered expensive food tapos ikaw same padin. Pero dahil kilala kita kahit sakto lang pera mo ikaw padin nanlibre! We were so happy. Tapos natatawa ko sayo kasi nagrereklamo ka na ang mahal ng food natin. Amg sagot ko lang sayo wag ka mag alala, tayo pa ba? His passion and My Passion is a perfect combination. I remember asking someone na attempting to court me and immitate the man of my dreams "What are you going to do to achieve your dream? What are you doing now?" Tapos it hit him! He strived harder! Ayun may paupahan, magandang sasakyan at business na siya. Ang saya diba! Namotivate ko siya. Hindi ko man siya sinagot pero napunta naman siya sa maganda posisyon sa buhay. Ayan lagi akong naliligaw ng kwento. Hahaha! Balik sa dream. Pero actually un lang un eh. Natapos siya sa masaya kami pareho nakatingin sa isa't isa knowing that walang makakabasag ng teamwork namin. Our story is a good memory na di ko makakalimutan talaga. Not unlesa may dadating na ipaparamdam sakin ung same kind of love. Kahit na hindi same na same basta ung feeling of being alive!! Miss na miss ko na!!!!

Been going through ups and downs. I met someone opposite him. Someone who doesn't care, someone who'll make you feel worst. I feel like i'm carrying the whole world because of the pain he brought. Okay lang sana na maramdaman ko lahat ng pain, basta walang iwanan basta alam ko hindi ako nagiisa. I wish it was that easy to let go. I dont even want that someone to be with me for the next years of my life. But do i have i choice? I can only pray and trust God's plan for me. I am commited even to someone who cant even commit to us. 😔😔😔

I feel good writing about this. The reality of life. I've been reading my old blogs.. its a complete opposite from what I am experiencing today. Atleast when i go back here i can see that life isn't always about happy moments. Kailangan din natin pagdaanan ung worst.

Sige na nga, konti naman followers ko dito kaya push! Post ako ulit next time. Andami ko sa notes. Maybe i can share some pero masyadong bitter. Ayoko ng mga ganon at ayoko narin maalala ung mga pains. So life lessons nalang? Hahahah!!

[icarbabe]

Unspoken words, can even say it to anyone. 😫😫 haii.

[psych-facts]

One day I just woke up and realized that I can’t touch yesterday. So why the heck was I letting it touch me?

Steve Maraboli (via sensibilitaet)

[icarbabe]

I have this face awhile ago cause i thought you would reject me. Nyaii. Lucky me. Thankyou for coming tonight! Muah muah muaaaah..

[icarbabe]

Minsan wise, madalas hindi.

Miss na miss na kita. 😭😭 hindi na talaga to tama. Nightshift feels. Matapos ka na please lang.

[icarbabe]

Minsan masaya, madalas masakit

Paulit ulit nalang.. Kailan ka ba matatauhan?

[icarbabe]

Sometimes, its okay to get tired. Haii... #feelingunappreciated

[icarbabe]

You make me happy.

Every single minute i spend with you...

[icarbabe]

Its a different story. This is why i dont regret every thing that happen in my past

[icarbabe]

All i can do is follow my instincts, because I'll never please anyone. #Summer2015 #calaguasisland #moreplease #nofilter #clearwater #itsmorefuninph

[icarbabe]

Feeling diet with @brokenhealer last night! 😂🍴👌😁 #salad #fruitcocktail #gy #chowdown #collegue (at City of Dreams Manila)

[icarbabe]

Free milk tea! Thanks @tristan013 ambay before work. #wintermelon #caramelfudge #ilovemilktea #dealers #collegue

[icarbabe]

Look who's that kid playing in my place. Be a good girl baby sleep muna si ate. :)) #gy #sister #bantay