it hurts that we have so many aelins and elides and lysandras that never get a chance at freedom that isn't death.
it hurts that we have so many rowans and lorcans and fenrys that remain controlled by cruel people who hold the world in their fists.
it hurts that we have so many terrasens and eyllwes that remain unfreed and broken and under the rule of colonialists.
it hurts that we have so many endoviers and calacullas that break the oppressed, both their spirits and their physical bodies
it hurts that we have so many glass castles and morath that remain tall and standing and sometimes beautifully in the midst of a burning city.
it hurts because their broken world was freed and rebuilt and restored, and ours is still burning. the fire is still bright and we don't have a rowan to snuff out the flames or an aelin to redirect the sparks and so it hurts to not know whether or not our world can be saved.
Thank you so much for all the comints after the last chapter!! Istg I was GIDDY. I love you guys.
Also, have you seen this super cool magazine cover? Heheheh thank you so much @givieart <3
I was so mushy I even wrote a cute chapter! It's right after last chapter's Varese Film Festival
Enjoy <3 <3
HER DRAMA. HIS DOWNFALL. Click to See How Aelin Turned a Clean-Living Champion into a Wine-Buying Wreck!
It was a bit disappointing to leave the party without showing Aelin my dark green GranCabrio, but her security team wasn’t keen on letting her drive in my convertible car, and I’m up for whatever’s safest for her.
Now, at the private elevator that takes her straight to the penthouse, and I’m all wired up. I’ve never brought a girl here before. I don’t bring casual flings into my personal space, and I haven’t had the prospect of a girlfriend ever since signing with the White Hawks and moving back to Doranelle City.
Every comment the women in my family ever made about this being a void bachelor pad rushes to my mind. I wipe them away—at least it’s neat.
The elevator dings loudly when it opens its door—a personal touch I asked management to add because of unasked visitors. I hold the door open for her to cross. “You ready?”
Aelin eyes the paper bag I’m holding. “I should ask you the same question.”
She didn’t want to go out for dinner—and face another public space, I presumed—and I didn’t want to send her home hungry. So we settled into eating whatever my chef has made—Emrys never leaves my fridge empty. But since my food’s meticulously measured to fit my personal taste and my work demands, I still stopped at a French place to buy wine, croissants, chocolate and whatnot.
We walked in, and her eyes wandered over the dark wood, blacks and deep greens of my living room. The extensive area with floor-to-ceiling windows happens when you tell your real state agent you just need a two-bedroom apartment, so she makes up for it by finding a penthouse with a living room the size of five bedrooms. I love it, though—especially the railed mezzanine overlooking the living room, a more private area where my bedroom is.
Aelin doesn’t comment on it, but she keeps her posture straight, chin high as she surveys the room with a twinge of satisfaction. I know better than to expect her to stroke my ego by complementing my apartment like everyone else does, so I’ll have to do with reading her small cues.
I offer to set her up with some wine in the living room as I get things ready, but she prefers to accompany me in the kitchen—so I maintain the plans and switch her location.
“So...” She elegantly sits by the black kitchen island, and I can’t stop staring at the beautiful contrast that her golden gala dress makes against it. Her gaze travels over me, lingering as she searches for what to say. “How many Michelin stars does this chef of yours have?”
“All of them.” I grin, joking. “I gave them to him myself.”
Emrys has no Michelin stars yet because we don’t want those fuckers sticking their noses in our business. The day I invite them for a post-game cheat meal, it’s over for those posh downtown chefs.
I take off my jacket, lean it over an empty stool and say, “Steak or salmon?”
“I like steak best.” I’m elbows deep inside the fridge when she adds, “So let’s see what he does with the salmon.”
Snorting, I reach for the other container and take it out, along with two pans and two bowls.
Aelin doesn’t look impressed when I empty the rice into the pan and turn on the stove. I remind myself she’s not a random girl I picked, about to ooh and aah everything I do—which can be pretty annoying—but I still feel a twinge of unease; am I doing something wrong?
If anything, my pan reheating will do Emrys’ food justice. The microwave is my most used method, but a pan and a tablespoon of water—or oil for the salmon—will make sure the food stays fresh and doesn’t dry out. It’s how my mom would reheat dinner for Dad when he got home late from work, and it’s how, twenty years later, I’m trying to charm my way into Aelin’s pants.
This same kitchen could work if that’s what she’s into; anywhere, really. Gods—celibacy doesn’t suit me. It’s been almost a month, and I’m crawling up the walls.
The tux collar poking into my neck makes me regret I didn’t fully change before, but I’m focused on dinner now.
Aelin disrupts my focus by saying, “I still mean to have the salmon with you, but I’m starving.”
I crane my neck to peek at the scene unfolding behind me.
One croissant I brought got torn in two; the smaller half in her hand, bitten. Her other hand is also full with a glass of wine.
I smirk. “The food’s there to eat—you know that, right?”
She gives me the smallest, pleased grin, and it puffs my chest with pride.
In this moment, I decide I like that she’s not at my feet, eager to please me. I’m enjoying the mental challenge of the chase, and I like how these moments feel earned, even if that’s kind of messed up.
When the food’s ready, the salmon and jasmine rice are already in the bowls, but I stop short when it’s time to add the veggies.
“No kale for you, I take it?”
Her burst of laughter erupted, rich and unrestrained—beautiful. “Thanks, but I’d rather not.”
I’m still adding some final touches when she gets up and asks, “Who dressed you?”
“I—” Before my words come out, Aelin has her eyes narrowed on my throat. My bow tie hangs untied around my collar, and she gently removes it. Her fingers on my neck—I feel it in my spine, in the tips of the hairs on my forearm—are back to fiddle with my collar. She explains, but I can barely listen to her; her fingers weave thickness in the air, a weight made heavier by my month of inertia.
It feels like forever until she detaches the wing collar from my shirt.
“Gods,” she breathes, too close to my skin. “Your collar was loose on the left side. It must’ve scraped your neck all night long.”
“Huh,” I say, my mind foggy from her closeness. “so there was something wrong besides the general discomfort that’s wearing a tux.”
“Yeah, that was a rookie mistake.” Her eyes examine the assaulted area of my neck once more before straying to mine. “Who dressed you?”
I make a face. “So… that would be the work of my sixteen-year-old cousin.”
“You’re joking!” Aelin’s jaw falls, eyes widened. “Rowan, the size of that event… you’re joking.”
I raise both hands, palms forward in surrender. “She’s great! She knows what’s trending, has good taste, and she did some closet witchcraft that now all my clothes match, and I don’t have to think much when I’m getting dressed.”
“So you hired a sixteen-year-old to work as a professional stylist.”
It’s not a question, but I answer anyway. “Pretty much, yes.”
Aelin face-palms herself; I stiffen and reevaluate my words, wondering if I said something offensive to the fashion people out there, when I notice the shaking on her shoulders. My own loosen up on the spot. She’s laughing at my expense.
“Alright.” With one deep breath, Aelin resets herself, gripping the counter. Her lip twitches, threatening to mock me further, but she didn’t let it happen. “Well, for someone who’s severely underqualified, I think your cousin’s doing a great job.”
“I think so too.” My tone remains light as I move both our bowls to the dining area between the kitchen and the lounge.
She follows behind me, wineglass in hand. “But if you ever consider finding more… experienced help, I know a person or two to recommend.”
“I’m doing good, but thanks. If I ever win a Balloon d’Or, though, I'll double-check with someone else.”
I place one wide, shallow bowl at the head of the table and the other perpendicular to it, by the closest seat—the one Aelin directs herself to. I pull out the chair for her before she gets there.
Now sat, I say, “I don’t think I have candles here.”
Aelin has her head tilted, inspecting me, when I open the freshly downloaded candle app on my phone, letting it rest upright against her wine bottle. The fake, digital flame even flickers, closer to the actual thing than I’d figured.
With that, her snort quickly becomes a giggle. “It’s just the two of us now. It doesn’t have to be a romantic dinner.”
“I know.”
She eyes the small glass bottle beside my bowl. “Is that…?”
“Tart cherry juice.” I spin it so that the label faces her. “It’s gonna be some more months before I can drink with you.”
For a minute, I think Aelin looks disappointed, but it’s gone before I can register it. “Thank Mala I’m not shy, then.” She raises her glass, shrugs and takes a sip. “More for me.”
Aelin takes a forkful of the crispy salmon. I try to act nonchalant, but I’m too eager to know what she thinks of Emrys’ cooking. Leaning closer, I watch her every move, such as her wide-eyed expression that leaves me guessing if it's a great or awful sign.
“Mala’s tits, I—” Aelin mindlessly dabs her lips with a napkin, her eyes vacant with puzzlement. Then she blinks, giving herself a moment before she looks at me. “What’s your chef’s name again?”
“I won’t let you steal him from me, but nice try.”
Truth is, Emrys’ already stolen. He used to work for the White Hawk’s training center, and it was one job offer after another until I made one that was too good to pass up.
“Damn.” She fakes a pissed look and pretends to slap the table. “It was worth trying, though.”
I’ve got my mouth full, but I manage a close-lipped smile.
“Can I ask you something?”
Still chewing, I nod. Gods, I was starving.
“You mentioned something about a balloon. What’s up with that?”
I raise a single finger, a silent request for a moment to finish chewing before I speak. In the meantime, I watch the smallest of frowns on her face, and she really has no clue what a Ballon d’Or is. Adorable.
It’s obvious that not every single person in the world knows about it, but it’s always been such a big deal to me—even when I was a kid, and especially now that every single person in my life is even remotely engaged with football.
Her cluelessness is… cute? Kind of. Refreshing, for sure.
“A Balloon d’Or is the biggest award a football player can receive. Once a year, journalists elect the best player based on performances—individual and team—plus fair play. It's got its issues, and the decision process isn't that fair, but it's still a big deal.”
“So it’s like football Grammys?”
I snort mid-sip. “Kind of, yeah. But just one category.”
“Nice.” Aelin closes her eyes to chew, her body visibly melting onto the wooden chair. I owe Emrys a solid.
I dimmed the lights to make it feel cozy and private, but my windows—wall?—are open, the city lights doing their own job of lighting things up. Whenever Aelin’s face moves, some tiny particles catch the light and flicker on the highest points of her cheekbones. I’m not sure if putting glitter on your face is part of women’s dress code for gala attire, but I like the golden shimmer. It suits her.
“Is that a dream of yours? The Balloon d’Or, I mean.”
“Nah, not really.”
She giggles at my blunt response, already affected by the wine, and her surprised reaction makes me give it some more thought before continuing.
“I mean, many other players would consider this to be their ultimate dream. Receiving one would obviously be an honor for me. But a dream?” I shrug. “I think I’ve achieved all of those already.”
“Oh?” She straightens, a smirk on her smudged lips. “Sorry, Mr. I-achieved-all-of-my-dreams-at-twenty-eight.”
“Eighteen, really.”
“Is that so?” Aelin prompts me further with the heel of her palm supporting her chin, eyes keen on me.
“I—”
I take another forkful of the salmon while I process what to say. It's a widely known fact about me that others often point out; I rarely bring it up myself.
“Did you look me up online?”
Aelin bites her lower lip, playing coy. “Would you believe me if I pretended I didn’t?”
I duck my head, hoping she doesn’t notice my lip twitch. So, she has at least an idea of what I’m about to say.
“My first and biggest dream was always to get the hell out of the slums. Get my family a better life, y’know?”
I’ve dreamed of that considering both the family I have and the one I’m yet to build. Taking longer bus rides because I lived far or not having cool stuff, that’s one thing. I can live with that. But not being able to afford a safe place to live, wondering if my mom would be alive today if we had access to better healthcare—that shit tore me up.
“My second, less achievable dream was to do it as a football player.”
Aelin gives me a close-lipped smile. Squeezes my hand on the table. “I’m glad you worked that out.”
“I mean, calling it a dream is too much of a stretch, but there’s more I want to do, goals I’m going after.”
“Like fake dating a pop star?”
I chuckle. Like actually dating said pop star, but I won’t bring it up now.
She says, “My work life might be shit these days, but I’ve really lucked out in the fake boyfriend department lately, with you and Dorian.”
I stop. Blink. Perhaps I misunderstood.
“What?”
“Obviously, it’s still work, but it’s nice when the people I work with are good to be around.”
“No, the thing you said about Dorian. The two of you…?”
“He’s very sweet, and a good friend of mine, but you know…” She gives me a pointed look. If I could speak, I’d remind her I do not know. “It wasn’t all fake—I wasn’t pretending to have fun or to enjoy his company. Our feelings for each other just weren’t romantic.”
“And you never dated.”
“Not one kiss off-camera, no.”
The fuck?
I get up, the scrape of my chair loud against the floor. I look away to the city, then back to Aelin.
“And kale?”
“Real—unfortunately.”
With my hands braced on the back of the chair, I lift a finger, asking her for a minute. My eyes zero on a blank spot in front of me as I gather my thoughts, ears ringing.
She frowns. “Why are you all pissy? We’re doing the very same thing.”
Because Aelin and Dorian never dated.
So Chaol was never her boyfriend’s best friend, just a friend’s friend.
Which means Aelin had her reputation ruined because of something she didn’t even do.
From her eyes, narrowed at me, I know she’s at least flustered with my reaction. Not wanting to delay this further, I spit the words out in the least articulate way possible.
“Oh.” She blinks. Relaxes back into her seat. “I mean, that pisses me off too, but that’s business. Besides, I took that risk with Chaol myself, knowing full well what could happen. If anyone’s at fault, it’s me.”
Still braced on the chair, I lean my face closer to hers. Why is she so nonchalant about this?
Unfair isn’t even a strong enough word for what’s going on with her.
Slut-shaming women—that’s unfair. Cruel and wrong too. But making Aelin’s life a living hell over a guy she never even dated? Come on.
And she dares to laugh. Pats the seat I was in before, inviting me over.
“Your dinner’s getting cold.”
She has the faintest smile on her lips, one that doesn’t reach her eyes the way it did when she found out my incorrectly pinned collar had stabbed my neck all night long.
But I comply.
Because this isn’t about me, I follow her lead. She’s the one who was wronged, and maybe the last thing she needs right now is to be alone with a raging man.
So I sit next to her, take a deep breath and command my boiling blood to calm the fuck down.
“If you ever need someone to beat the shit out of those people, I’m your guy.”
At that, she grins.
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AWWW rowan's a feminist! I'm obsessed:))) this chapter was amazing I was hanging on to every word...your writing always feels so immersive, I get completely lost in the story. it's genuinely amazing. it makes me feel like a kid again.
This Yom HaShoah, I remember my great-aunt (a”h) and great uncle (a”h).
They were Holocaust survivors.
They were Mengele Twins.
But most of all, they were strong.
Amazing.
Even when my great-aunt lost the use of her hands due to disability (we believe it was likely due to the experiments that she and her brother were forced to endure), she continued making art, holding a pen in her mouth.
I had the privilege of growing up with these two incredible people in my life. Knowing them. Hugging them. It was a blessing.
Today, it breaks my heart knowing that we likely won’t have anymore survivors alive to tell their stories in the next 15-29 years. Maybe even less. So, we tell their tales. We remember them. But most importantly, we live on. No matter what anyone says, we will never give up.
I'd like to dedicate this chapter to @pricklyypear. The lack of feedback has been quite disheartening for me, and I don't think I would've continued this fic if you hadn't reached out 💗💖
Anyway, maybe smaller chapters will be better for consistency? We'll see
Warnings: none
Words: ~2k
Even though I understand the amount of camera work that goes into live broadcasts of these kinds of events, I’m still taken aback by how they’ve been filming Aelin and me non-stop.
None of us work in the film industry—I’m sure my appearance for my former team’s documentary doesn’t count. Shouldn’t they have better people to film?
Our publicists sent us here with a few of our friends as a “fun soft launch”—their words exactly—of our relationship. However, wearing this bow tie hasn’t been fun for me, neither is this relationship launch soft.
So far, it’s been a barrage of photographs and inquiries about our love life, despite her odd policy about not doing red carpets with men, just her girlfriends—I don’t get it, but it didn’t bother me either, so I let this rule slide.
Aelin tugs my arm. Sat beside me, she leans over my shoulder with one hand cupped to cover her mouth and whispers, “We’re supposed to be having fun, remember?”
I nod, find her hand and squeeze it. I take advantage of my height to press a kiss to the crown of her head, draping my arm over the back of her chair.
She freezes, the thin straps of her dress exposing her tight posture.
I chuckle and whisper in her ear, “We’re supposed to be having fun, remember?”
The delicate tremble that marks her shiver is more than enough to lift my mood.
“Are you cold, baby?”
She squints her eyes at me, defiant and stubborn despite not being able to vocalize it. Tomorrow, there’ll be tons of lip readers going through our footage of tonight, trying to piece together every conversation we’ve had.
I cup her face, my thumb idly tracing her chin and cheek. “Lovely,” I say without cupping my mouth this time, and I mean it. She’s adorable when she’s mad or flustered over being attracted to me.
Aelin sighs and leans on me, focusing back on the host making a joke I should understand about a director with a funny name I should know.
I lean closer to Vaughan on my left and ask, “Who’s that?”
“He’s this super niche director from Eyllwe. Makes underground stuff.”
“Have I watched any of his stuff?” I ask, already sensing the answer.
“I don’t know, dude.” Vaughan laughs into his hand. “He doesn’t film cars blowing up, so I don’t think you have.”
My elbow meets his side; I’m now snickering as well. “Fuck off.”
Sinking back into my seat, I appreciate its size. It’s ironic; I’m usually the one who’s too big for the seats, but today I’m okay—it’s the tiny women in massive gowns trying to squeeze in.
The venue is so spacious, yet it feels cramped with the amount of people here, turning it into a fog of strong perfume and hairspray. When I checked out these events from the outside, people seemed chill and put-together—I’d never have guessed the atmosphere here is so thick with anxiety.
Some veterans easily sail through, but there’s always someone fighting their outfit, people tripping on gowns. Men with starched collars or women with too-heavy diamond necklaces, their necks being chafed raw.
The cameras and red-carpet journalists don’t make it any easier.
I wonder if the cameras can catch the damp mark on the host’s leg from wiping his sweaty hand. To his defense, stage lights’s warmth can be brutal.
“But hey.” Vaughan juts his chin towards my date. “What’s up with your girl’s girl?”
Ansel, who’s sat on Aelin’s other side. Aelin and I weren’t invited to this event, so technically I’m Vaughan’s date, and she’s with her actress friend.
“We just met.”
I’ve seen some of her movies and know she started out as one of those child stars, but I’m pretty sure my cinephile friend knows that too.
“Is she single?”
“Dude.”
“What?” Vaughan says in the same disbelieving tone.
He can call me selfish all he wants, but my chances with Aelin are slim; it’s not like I’m messing things up by introducing her friend to Vaughan. I've never seen him be serious with a girl. He'd say the same about me, but I'm not risking others for my shot—I went up to her myself.
“I’m not setting you two up. If you pull her, I want no part in it.”
“Come on.”
“No.”
“Just do this one thing for me. I’ll cover your ass in the last 10 minutes of the next three matches.”
I cross my arms, not quite believing him. But Vaughan’s not budging, and I’m almost believing he’s for real.
“You’ll do my defensive work? All the running?”
“Yeah, you can just chill there.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose—I’m actually going to do this, aren’t I? “Just don’t be a jerk, okay? I don’t want to piss Aelin off.”
“I’m a gentleman.”
“Dude, I swear to God, if you ghost this chick—”
“Okay, okay! Got it. I won’t ghost her, geez.”
I squint at him again, studying his earnestness. Vaughan looks serious enough, so I lean into Aelin’s side.
“Hey.”
Her eyes remain locked on the stage, but the tantalizing curl on the corner of her red lips tells me she’s listening.
“So, is Ansel single?”
Her mouth flattens. “How does that concern you?”
“Because Vaughan’s interested, and he won’t leave it alone.”
“Oh.” Her chin dipped down for a second before she said, “She’s single, but she might not be for your friend. Let me ask.”
Aelin shifts away. Without skipping a beat, Vaughan pokes my side in a sequence of aggressive jabs.
When I comply and lean closer, he adds, “But don’t be too obvious.”
I nod and tilt towards Aelin, to my right. “Let’s not be too obvious,” I whisper.
She snorts. “Smooth. Got it.”
I give Vaughan a curt nod. He does the same.
As the night drags on, I get more and more antsy, and I’m doing my best to quit fussing with my collar. Perhaps I don’t appreciate how great my work uniform is, because I’d hate to wear a fancy suit all the time.
“And Aelin Galathynius is with us tonight, ladies and gentlemen,” the host says.
More cameras shift towards her. She gives a close-lipped smile, polite but not warm.
“I was going to ask if she plans to stay single, but her relationship status changed before I had the chance!”
My brain needs a beat to process what he said, that he actually said that on a live broadcast. My eyes dart back to Aelin, but she doesn’t flinch. She raises her eyebrows, unimpressed and with a bit of an attitude.
Why is she being so chill about it? In the field, my homies and I raise hell when someone’s half as snarky to one of us.
I’m keeping quiet because that’s what she’s going for—if a silent rebellion is what she wants, that’s what I’ll do. However, she can’t stop me from cradling an arm around her. I don’t look at any cameras or video walls with his face; my focus is on him alone when I tilt my head, staring like I could draw blood with my eyes alone. The posture I maintain is a threat and a dare: he can’t come because I’m bigger than him, and he can’t run because I’m faster than anyone inside this venue, even Vaughan or security.
Peripheral vision allows me to see my face plastered on the venue's wall-sized screens, which also means it's on millions of screens worldwide too. My focus remains on him alone.
It’s uncivilized and ridiculous in modern society, but triggering a primitive part of his brain is how to stop men with a way of thinking like his. I can be pretty intimidating—scary, even—when I need to be, and I'm hell-bent on making this creep wish he never brought her up.
“Uh-oh.” An uneasy laugh. “I think I pissed off her boyfriend, and he’s twice my size. Moving on…”
He quickly finds another celebrity to hassle, but my arm remains around Aelin.
We only relax when everyone’s attention moves forward—cameras and guests alike.
“You didn’t have to do that.”
“It was nothing.” And I mean it. Her team clearly didn’t show her the brawl I was in when that preppy little shit from Bellhaven United called Connall a ‘faggot’. I never apologized—not to that fucker nor to the team suits and coach when the disciplinary committee expelled me for the next three games.
“Are we close to your bedtime, old man?”
“Past it, actually.”
“Wanna get out of here?”
“Yes, please.”
Aelin smirks at me and leans over toward Ansel.
My jaw sets again when her attention is elsewhere, and I barely have time to brood over what happened when Vaughan scoots closer to me.
“You really like her, huh?”
I haven’t really thought about how much I like Aelin—the person—rather than the prospect of finishing what we started on the night we met, but yeah. Depending on what ‘like’ means to him, I do like her.
My friend wiggles his eyebrows. “When are you bringing her to a game?”
I cock my head, surprised because I thought my answer was obvious. “Never.”
Vaughan doubles over, and I’m not sure what he’s laughing at.
“Dude, have you seen her? She’s like, Miss Universe type of shit. I’m not taking her anywhere near those fuckers.”
Vaughan’s not laughing anymore, but you can tell he’s about to crack up again. “Don’t you wanna see her cheering in your jersey?”
Shit.
Yes, I do.
In a short skirt, if I have any say in it.
Damn, I need to reconsider this.
Before I can continue my reevaluation, Aelin leans in once more.
“If we go now, do you think Vaughan can keep Ansel company till the party’s over?” Aelin grins. “She decided she’s single.”
My heads up and warning to Vaughan doesn’t last half as long as Aelin’s goodbyes to Ansel, and I can’t help but overhear them.
“Do not. Disappear. Again.” Ansel has a firm tone, her hand on her friend’s shoulder.
“I won’t.”
“I can’t believe you disappeared for a couple of weeks and came back with a whole boyfriend!” It’s hard to say if Ansel is distressed, confused, or amused. Maybe all of them. “You said both your dads are friends, right? Did he wait for you to be single? Was it a friends to lovers thing?”
Aelin has her face turned away from me, but I can see her shoulders shake with laughter.
“Every relationship I have is an enemies to lovers. I hate men.”
Her friend cackles at her antics, and I can’t help but chuckle as well. My hand gently skim over Aelin’s bare shoulders as I call her attention.
“I’m ready if you are.”
We both get up and push our way through the packed venue, my palm on her back. It doesn’t take long for us to grab the host’s attention.
“…and Aelin and her double-door-fridge-sized boyfriend are leaving. Tough crowd tonight, huh?”
That fucking host has the gall to address her again.
“I can’t hear you,” I yell, tapping my ear with my index finger. “Misogyny too loud.”
If the live footage didn’t catch what I said, I’m sure the lip readers will.
I pull her closer, wrapping my arm tighter around her, and guide her out.
It crosses my mind that I might never get invited to this again, but then I remember I wasn’t even invited to this one. It’s not like I’ll ever miss attending those things, anyway.
A Feminist King in the Making? Rowan Whitethorn Calls Out Misogyny During Varese Film Festival’s Opening Ceremony
Is Aelin Galathynius Reforming our Favorite Playboy?
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i think an underrated showgirl facet is how each track pays homage to a different era of showgirl music // say more bestie
HEHE OK!! so it’s almost like each track is evocative of a certain era of popular music, and taylor’s twist on it is how she as a showgirl would fit into that particular era. like track by track, to me, it’s as follows:
the fate of ophelia: to me, it’s simultaneously shakespearean and modern - the lyrics shift between antiquated speak and current slang. almost like she’s paying homage to the style of heroine of the 1800s, but with a twist.
elizabeth taylor: both lyrically and sonically an homage to the 1960s - it’s orchestral pop that discusses how taylor’s life mimics (and hopefully doesn’t mimic) the life of THE showgirl of the 1960s, a woman who was lauded for her talented and criticized for her personal life.
opalite: production wise it’s got swing, doo wop, and disco - it’s a joyful homage to the showgirls of the 1950s
father figure: an homage to the new showgirl of the 1980s - aka the queer/queer adjacent artists who captivated the mainstream. a la freddie mercury, prince, george michael, etc. and by giving credit to michael’s estate, she’s also commenting on how they captured the cultural zeitgeist but were still screwed over by their labels.
eldest daughter: to me this is very 1970s - a simple ballad about vulnerability that almost reminds me of carole king
ruin the friendship: an homage to 1990s country, especially faith hill and shania twain
actually romantic: indie/grunge rock, an homage to the bands and artists that dominated the early 2000s, like avril lavigne and weezer
wishlist: an homage to the power ballads of the 70s and 80s! especially evident in her vocal runs and delivery
wood: it’s motown baby!!!
cancelled: 1990s pop punk with a bit of grunge, very alanis morrisette coded
honey: an homage to r&b, specifically, this track is super mariah coded
the life of a showgirl: an homage to musical theater and country music storytelling - a fitting end to the album because those were taylor’s dominating influences when she started!!!
I want to watch wisteria grow right over my bare feet, 'cause I haven't moved in years // I rewind the tape, but all it does is pause on the very moment all was lost // I patched up the crack along the wall, I pass it and lose track of what I'm saying, 'cause that's where I was when I lost it all // I just sit here and wait, grieving for the living // // You see, I was a debutante in another life, but now I seem to be scared to go outside // Did you ever hear about the girl who got frozen? Time went on for everybody else, she won't know it // When my depression works the graveyard shift, all of the people I've ghosted stand there in the room // You're on your own, kid, you always have been // It only feels this raw right now, lost in the labyrinth of my mind // Pulled the car off the road to the lookout, could've followed my fears all the way down // I've got a lot to pine about, I've got a lot to live without // The tomb won't close, stained glass windows in my mind // I drew curtains closed, drank my poison all alone // I pace in my pen and my friends found friends who care, no one sees when you lose when you're playing solitaire // All my mornings are Mondays stuck in an endless February // Barricaded in the bathroom with a bottle of wine, well, me and my ghosts, wе had a hell of a time // This cage was once just fine // I wanna snarl and show you just how disturbed this has made me // This place made me feel worthless // I'm just a paperweight in shades of greige // I jump from the train, I ride off alone // All my flowers grew back as thorns,
windows boarded up after the storm
snowghoul
annaxmalina
theartofmadeline
pixelskylines
2087
stormborns
