Mihashi and 0 Self Esteem
So my sister brought up how Mihashiās narrative is similar to anĀ abuse narrativeĀ - itās true that Mihashi is a giant negative person who cries a lot, but itās not that simple.
Mihashi is incredibly negative and has 0 self esteem because of what happened to him on his middle school baseball team - he was severely bullied (members even threatened to break his arm so heād stop pitching) and ignored by most of the team (except Kanou). Mihashi also doesnāt communicate in a common manner - he tends to leave phrases out of his sentences when he speaks and as Hanai commented, the way he fidgets etc. annoys people, or supposedly āprovokesā people into wanting to bully him. Which is honestly a really shitty mentality (and ableist???). Basically it just means that Mihashi is a really easy target for bullying. [anger noises]
But Mihashi also feels that he deserves all of this, for not being good (how much do you want to bet that Mihashi begged Kanou to not do anything, thatĀ heād handle it on his ownĀ or something like that, and Kanou never realized how bad the bullying it was - REMINDER: THEY WANTED TO BREAK MIHASHIāS ARM). This is a similar mentality to abuse (but regarding bullying instead), where the victim finds blame in themself and internalizes a bunch of shit.Ā
So like, when people say that Mihashi cries too much and is wimpy and stuff, I honestly wish they would shut up.
I mean Mihashi was crying when he told Kanou that he was going to quit baseball forever - he evenĀ studiedĀ to get out of Mihoshi, and Mihashi is terrible at studying. When Mihashi first comes to Nishiura and checks out the baseball club he doesnāt intend to enter but accidentally lets it slip that heās a pitcher. But before he pitches anything at all, he immediately break down crying because he thinks that his pitching is worth nothing (but he loves pitchingĀ so muchĀ that he couldnāt help himself). Mihashi really has 0 self esteem.
And so the meeting with Abe is incredibly important. Because if Mihashi hadnāt met Abe, he might have fallen into depression.
(fromĀ my fav abemiha doujinshi, which points this out)
Mihashi only has baseball. Mihashiās only way to really ācommunicateā with people in a way that theyād understand properly was baseball.
Back then, he was treated as though he didnāt exist and felt like an invisible man. But on the mound you canāt start until the pitcher throws. While standing on the mound, you know that you truly matter.
If he gave up the mound, his essence would disappear.
Despite being bound by various contradictions and self doubt, and even while becoming a black sheep, Mihashi never let go of the mound during middle school.
And so if Mihashi had really quit baseball (and he was going to, honestly, if Abe hadnāt demanded to see him pitch), Mihashi probably wouldnāt have made any friends and would probably be alone. This is actually supported by canonical evidence:
Itās really depressing to think about, which is whyĀ this other doujinshiĀ byĀ Clap Your HandsĀ is important.
What if Abe hadnāt gone to Nishiura? What if no one had really, decisively reached out to Mihashi, even going as far to tell him that they liked him?
The reason why Abe is so important to Mihashi, to the point where Mihashi places Abe on a pedestal and constantly repeats āIāll just pitch as you sayā is because Abe is the only person Mihashi really thinks likes him. Abe is the only person who actively reached out, when he knew nothing about Mihashi, and just straight up told Mihashi that heĀ liked Mihashi.Ā
So Mihashi starts thinking of Abe as some magical thing - as long as he follows Abe, everything will be okay. People will like Mihashi because Mihashi can beĀ usefulĀ when Abeās in control. Everyone in the past hated Mihashi because he wasnāt useful, so the only way for anyone to like him is for him to be useful (brb crying).Ā
Which is why Mihashi fears losing Abe above all. Mihashi isĀ afraidĀ of Abe for the entire ābad communication arcā (from the start of the series until they lose at the bijou game) on some level because Mihashi has entrusted his entire mental wellbeing to Abeās existence and acceptance of him. Which is a bad thing to do, but entirely understandable given Mihashiās character and lack of self esteem. Mihashi always worries that Abe is mad, that Abe will want to leave them. If Abe isnāt there, Mihashi canāt be useful - if Abe isnāt there, then Mihashi will be utterly alone.Ā
And at the same time, Mihashiās negative feedback loop is whatĀ actuallyĀ infuriates Abe (not for very long lol, Abe is just prickly) and so Mihashi and Abeās relationship for the entireĀ bad communication arc, despite how many cute moments it has, is unbalanced. Mihashi needs constant reassurance, but Abe canāt provide that - no one can provide that. Abe also fundamentally doesnātĀ getĀ Mihashi, which leads to other communication break downs.Ā
But all those cute moments from theĀ bad communication arcĀ also have a purpose - IāveĀ spammed character analysis tagsĀ about why Abe has control problems; but the main thing to remember is that Abe and Mihashi are both placing their worth / hopes in each other.
Abe:Ā Iāll devote myself to you for the next three years.
Mihashi:Ā As long as I follow Abeās directions, everything will be okay.
Which is why Abe getting injured is so fundamentally important. It directly challenges the unbalanced dynamic theyāve set up (destroying their promise that āAbe wonāt get injured for 3 yearsā), and it forces Mihashi to reevaluate how others see him. Tajima as the character who actually understands Mihashiās speech patterns becomes the replacement catcher, and thatās the first time Mihashi ever shakes his head at his own volition (reminder: the catcher from Mihoshi hated Mihashi and refused to give signs). Mihashi then discovers thatĀ itās okay to say no. Itās okay to disagree, itās okay to work together to find a compromise. (Meanwhile in the dugout Abe finally comes to terms that his relationship with Mihashi is wrong and resolves to apologize, good for you). In healthy relationships, your ānoā is respected.
At the same time Mihashi also learns that he was forcing all the responsibility onto Abe, and that he shouldnāt put all his worth in Abeās hands. Tajima is there, Hanai is there, the rest of the team supports Mihashi (ONE OUT!). MihashiĀ isĀ liked and valued, even when he slips up sometimes. They just need to have confidence.
Which is why I love oofuri so much, because itās just so character driven. Mihashi and Abe are both amazing (and cute!!) characters, and they help each other grow so much.Ā
Ā If he still feels like he belongs here even if he gives up the mound, thatās great.
dailybridgerton
andulkaphoto
jacobvanloon
tangentwithtanner
