You Want Some??

A few years ago, I started collecting funny quotes from friends, strangers, and everything in between. Good luck! (I am running out of quotes… submissions accepted)

[icollectfunnyquotes]

*dramatically looks up slowly*

*softly and mournfully says*

oh no

I forgot the soup

[icollectfunnyquotes]

Lebenese tapas...

Lesbian tops *giggles*

[icollectfunnyquotes]

I forget what kind of Asian he is

[icollectfunnyquotes]

He's really nice. Well, I haven't talked to him

[icollectfunnyquotes]

"Does the death penalty work?"

"It did for that guy"

[icollectfunnyquotes]

"Well, he hasn't broken up with you"

"Yes. He has"

"Well he hasn't broken up with you a second time"

[icollectfunnyquotes]

I'm not a bitch. I'm a dick

[icollectfunnyquotes]

*after Kaet and I failed at just dance but somehow beat Abby*

Guys! Guys! I'm just disappointed

[icollectfunnyquotes]

The shower is where I'm most confident. Which is ironic cause it's where I'm naked

[icollectfunnyquotes]

Anyways! The demons went in the pigs

[icollectfunnyquotes]

Oh! Beads! You can make noises with those! *shakes beads aggressively*

[icollectfunnyquotes]

Have you seen my chair? I don’t have a chair

[icollectfunnyquotes]

Chairs? I love chairs!

[icollectfunnyquotes]

We had chickens... and then the rats came

[icollectfunnyquotes]

"VEGGIE TALES!!"

... two minutes of dead silence ...

"VEGGIE TALES!!"

[icollectfunnyquotes]

This is Toadstool. He watches me poop. We're friends

[icollectfunnyquotes]

You little shit

[icollectfunnyquotes]

"Ah fuck me"

"no"

"please🥺"