🐢

You used to make me smile. I miss that

[unclefather]

"Did this person get drunk off of box wine one year and flip over the turkey pan with the turkey still inside it and then pass out with their underwear pulled down under the christmas tree?"

"Yes"

"It’s Grandma" 

[bawjaw]

have you noticed that when someone goes ‘i was bitten by a dog once and now I’m kinda wary around them’ most people are like ‘aw, I understand’ but if a woman says she’s been raped/abused by men in the past and is now scared of them she gets told she’s paranoid and needs to get over it?

I noticed that.

[pickledpennies]

have you noticed that when a dog bites a person, it gets put down

[lustt-and-luxury-deactivated201]

[kkatiekc]

[ragequitprincess]

[excima]

take this down

[guccier]

boom clap the sound of my thighs

[biblefag-deactivated20231230]

i wonder if there is anyone nervous to talk to me.

[babygoatsandfriends]

[amoying]

things i’m emotionally attached to

the one pair of jeans that fit perfectly

a specific pencil or pen

that really comfy sweater

super comfy underwear that makes your butt look good

drinking out of one specific mug

[book--quotes]

Amy Reed, Crazy

[punkmineral-deactivated20130829]

omfg im laughing so hard i fell asleep on my keyboard last night and i just found this

[gamecubist]

PAGE 1 OF 184

[pau1y]

One entire row of ‘f’s takes 10 seconds to type. There are 45 lines per page, so you take 450 seconds per page. You claim to have typed 184 pages, which would take a total of 82800 seconds, or exactly 23 hours. You are a liar

[mahnkee]

[victoriaringsinyourears]

You forgot that she was holding down the key. This accelerates the rate at which the f’s appear; once the ‘f’s appear at a rapid rate, it’s about 3.4 seconds per line. Also, 45 lines per page is generous - I counted and given that the page is Times New Roman, 12pt font, it’s about 41 lines. 

This means that it’s 139.4 seconds per page, times 184 is 25649.6 seconds, and that rounds out to about 7.1 hours, or 7 hours 7 minutes. 

It’s perfectly reasonable for her to have slept!

[homebeccer]

[tbhliv-deactivated20181214]

when i have a crush on someone i can never tell if they have a mutual crush on me or if i’m just noticing and exaggerating every bit of attention i’m getting from them and amplifying it into something it’s not

[courtneygreenbean]

This.

[ohgiraffestho-deactivated201511]

frustrating

[the-kawaii-safari]

It’s weird thinking that every picture on this website was taken by someone. Every room filled with cocaine and guns, every room with two people doing the baby maker, and every tropical beach in the middle of the ocean.  Like damn what a life some people live.  

[meadowkitten]

my grandpa used to water the plants every week and there was a lil frog that would come out and croak until my grandpa sprinkled some water on him and he loved that frog so much

[threebigolsausages-deactivated2]

How to properly rob a bank

Get a job at the bank, but put in as little effort as possible. Do your job as slow as you can, take long lunch breaks, and leave early. You are getting money from the bank for working there while putting in minimal effort to the job so the bank is getting robbed of time and resources for your shitty work ethic

[kuoret-deactivated20140823]

i have an idea for a website:

alright, you know how 7 people in the world are supposed to look like you or whatever

we make this website.

and people upload pictures of themselves and add characteristic tags or something (curly hair, brown eyes, etc) ((idk something like that))

and we UNITE YOU WITH YOUR TWINS

LETS DO IT IT WOULD BE FUN

[icarustiel]

PLEASE CAN THIS BE A THING

[uflaminghomo]

We needthis

[gaynosha]

kill your double

[kelssiel]

DO NOT KILL YOUR DOUBLE

[egzpl-deactivated20160802]

Licia Ronzulli, member of the European Parliament, has been taking her daughter Vittoria to the Parliament sessions for two years now.

[ceevee5]

Every time this is on my dash, it’s an automatic reblog.

[cultureshift]

Life. There’s always a way to make it work.

[awaiting-my-escape]

This woman runs PARLIAMENT with a baby in her lap and she’s CLEARLY doing an outstanding job because she’s still there being a total boss two years later, baby still in her lap.

"A baby will destroy your career-"

Really

Are you sure?

Because I’m pretty sure that Licia Ronzulli would laugh at that declaration.