入れてもいい

dax. 26. olympus. lead vocal / lead dancer. looking for the right way to do the wrong things.

[iddax-blog1]

forget me nots.

closed starter for @idellie

to give himself some credit, it’s not like he did it on purpose. when dax goes out, he’s never really paying close attention to everything going on around him; he knows where the cameras are and where the loud fans are, but other than that, he zones out a bit. he’s just out doing some casual shopping today, nothing special. the weather is nice and he just wants to get out of the house. olympus just put out their station song (which may not be his prefered style but the music video shooting was fun at least) and he’s out shopping sort of in a way to reward himself for not causing any problems at the shoot. 

dax likes to think that he’s pretty fashion forward. he isn’t afraid to wear things that push the envelop, break fashion boundaries and all that. he’s no model, but he likes to look nice and he knows that he does. he hasn’t gone too crazy, one hand is holding an iced americano and two small shopping bags are looped around his wrist while the other hand browses the racks in the upscale boutique he’s in. he’s getting tired, he has to keep up a certain act every time he goes out that gets very old very fast. it was harder when he was first starting out to always have a fake smile on his face while pushing through crowds and dodging hands that reached out for his group over the security guards. he always had to act unbothered, act like he enjoyed it. it isn’t as bad now as when he first debuted. as he and his group mates got older, so did their fans. they’ve grown and matured, knowing to leave them alone for the most part. it makes it easier to go out when he doesn’t have to have security circling him every where he goes. 

and now he’s officially bored with this shop. dax feels like he’s looked over the racks a million times and nothing is screaming out at him. he knows there’s a cafe nearby that he’s heard is pretty discreet for idols to go to, so he and his small security team scuttle out the back door and loop down the always to head in the cafe’s direction. he hears screams coming from up on the main road and forces himself not to groan. he hopes it isn’t fans who magically found out his location. as he turns the corner, dax sees a throng of fans being barricaded a few doors down from the cafe he was heading to which means there must be someone else there. rolling his eyes, he then puts his face into a gentle smile, ducking his head but looking up in a way that he knows looks kind. he gets by the random fans easily with a few waves and smiles before he’s pushing the door open and beelining to a booth in the back. 

dax pulls out his phone and starts tapping away at the screen, answering old messages and browsing through social media when he hears a cough come from the other corner of the room, an expectant sound that was clearly made to grab his attention. he looks up slowly to look for the source of the cough. ahh, now he’s found the reason from the screaming fans. “oh, hey,” he says after looking for a short second before looking back down at his phone, not bothering to say any more to ellie than that. 

[iddax-blog1]

pour me another.

closed starter for @idmilo

it’s all really easy, whatever it is that he has with milo. there’s no strings, no worries, everything’s surface level and simple. they drink and smile and laugh and fuck, but that’s as far as it’ll ever get. dax doesn’t rely on him for anything serious because he knows there’s no point in even asking; they’re just not at that kind of a level. he’s always been particular about who he lets into his life and what he shares with them. there’s only so much of himself that he can give out before he’s afraid that it will all come crashing down around him. only so many times that he can be burned by someone before shutting himself off from everyone else entirely. he’s been let down by too many people he let into his life for him to be anything but overly cautious of new people, keeping everyone at more than an arms length before allowing them a tiny peek into who dax really is.

and with milo, they both know exactly what they are to one another. there’s no confusion in what dax means to him and vice versa. they see each other for the good times and the desperate times, but nothing in between. it’s been a while since they’ve seen each other. both dax and milo are in older groups which you would think meant that schedules would be slowing down, but dax has been as busy as ever. olympus has a station song coming out, which means rehearsals on top of all of his solo activities. lord knows what all milo has been doing (probably something with that sickeningly good looking face he has). all he knows is that it’s getting to the point where it’s almost too late to start a night out and the ice in the jack and coke he made at home is almost entirely melted, so if he’s gonna move, he has to do it quick. he calls him up.

well, he doesn’t call. it’s 2019, who even calls anymore? dax sends him a text. short, simple, to the point. “i’m fucking bored. wanna meet up???”. he likes that there’s no subtly with what he and milo have. nothing gets misconstrued, nothing gets hurt or broken. everything out in front of them in the open so lines aren’t crossed. dax takes the last swig of his drink and chomps on the ice that’s left. “i could use a nice night out. what do you say? don’t make me beg, milo.”

[iddax-blog1]

reminiscent.

closed starter for @idsophia

dax has never been someone who is super open. he’s never been the person who puts out information first, someone who can make friends easily, someone who trusts others. he never had many friends growing up and that didn’t change as he grew older; there were only a handful of people he considered to be a kind of friend, let alone someone he purposefully would open up to. throughout his years of being in the kpop industry, his image had been set: be the charming boy, the boy everyone fantasizes about holding open their car doors and bringing them sweet gifts with soft smiles and warms eyes. the boy that everyone wants to date and feels attainable. dax knew going into being an idol that this is what it took and that he’d have to act in his day to day life in order to keep doing his job the way he needed to.

he’s been in the game for too long now. long enough to see groups come and go, trainees shine bright just to fall later on, idols with scandals and problems and things that no company would want to have to deal with. dax got lucky that his idol days have remained relatively problem free. he’s been busy, with all his schedules and preparing for comebacks and trying to get enough but it just isn’t good enough a lot of the time. more often than not, he finds himself barely hanging on, one long day away from snapping and quitting the idol life entirely. for the first time in his life, it’s days like these that make him grateful to have any semblance of a friend he can find. which is where sophia comes in.

it’s been so long that dax can’t even remember exactly where they met, why they got to talking in the first place. he’s sure he was being a good midas boy and struck up a conversation with her somewhere to keep up his image. she’s a lovely girl to the public, so if anything, this would be good publicity for them both: the handsome boy from olympus and the sweetheart with honey vocals, an advertisement made in heaven. they find themselves in a not so busy bar, a smaller place off a side road, the music playing softer than it would in a regular night club. they’re sitting at a small table in the back near a corner, any change they get for being hidden from the public eye and they’ll take it. there’s nothing for them to be ashamed of, but they are both all too aware of what one set of photos can do for your career.

“so how have you been,” dax asks after taking a sip from his drink, the whiskey warm in the back of his throat. he smiles lightly in a way that most people who know him have never seen, in a way that reserved for people he truly cares about. “it’s been too long since we’ve caught up. i feel like they only way i’ve seen you recently is through the internet.” it’s comfortable. it’s nice. it’s a long way away from the way he usually interacts with people. 

[idolizerp]

LOADING INFORMATION ON OLYMPUS’ LEAD VOCAL, LEAD DANCE KIM DAESUNG…

Keep reading

[iddax-blog1]

hi hello friends! blake here with the same garbage can that is dax! he’s pretty much the same, but now he’s in olympus (rip titanium, you truly will be missed). he’s still pretty snarky and looking for a fight, but now add an extra side of tired old man and you have updated dax. i have all his pages updated (a wild concept, i know) so you can check them out if you want a refresher for who this mess of a boy is. i’m gonna be dropping almost all of his plots and all of his threads for a fresh start for him and for me since i’ve forgotten the details of almost every plot i had for him. pls like this and i’ll send you a message specifically for plotting or feel free to reach out to me on discord at blakiepie#1026 if that works better for you. i’m excited to get some new connections for him and see what all we can do together! 

⚡️ PLOTS / PROFILE / BIO / CAREER⚡️

[idryusan]

bury me low.

[iddax-blog1]

idryusan‌:

“whatever dax. if you want to be friends with taeho, do it. but i can be pissed about it. and i don’t have to sit here and listen to you telling me i’m whatever. i can be upset if i want to.” this statement shouldn’t come out defensive, or nearly as cutting as it does. but san is defensive. in his experience, people often tell him his feelings are wrong, misplaced. that he shouldn’t have them, that he’s being mature. and right now, he is upset. and he doesn’t want dax to rob him of that feeling, to sweep it away and call him a child. that he’s wrong. with the way dax is looking at him right now, san thinks he might. so he’s defensive. clenches his jaw as he adds songs to the playlist, angry jabs of his thumb. 

dax is many things. a performer, a loud mouth, an asshole, but one thing he is not is someone who plays the victim. if h had any idea that just talking to taeho a few times would have set san off this badly, he might not have done it. dax in the past, dax in high school who was wrapped into taeho, that dax wouldn’t have cared if it hurt san or not. the old dax didn’t think about other people’s feeling or even noticed them, really. now that san is his friend, though, and he remembers how hurt he was when taeho dropped him, he probably would have played it a different way.

it’s not like taeho and dax are the best of friends now or anything. they’ve talked a little bit here and there; they run into each other a lot during broadcasts and have had a couple of jobs together since they parted ways originally but they don’t intentionally seek each other out. dax can’t even remember a time when they had an honest conversation that wasn’t just an act for the cameras in front of them. which is why it catches dax completely off guard when san brings it up. the conversations with taeho that he’s had over the past few months compared to the friendship that dax has with san seems so minuscule. so inconsequential. 

he studies san’s face, tries to work out what game he’s playing, what he wants dax to see. he’s closed off, passive in a way that seems oddly fitting for him in another setting but not around dax. he can tell that san is trying to distract himself, trying to stay composed for some reason when there’s no one else around to need to keep a strong face in front of. maybe that just goes to show how pissed he is at dax to not even react in a natural way for him. to not view him as close anymore. it gets under his skin, the nonchalant way that san ignores him, the stone face void of emotion. the irritation worms it’s way into dax, burning holes in it’s wake, making him angrier and angrier. he’s been called a loose cannon one or two (or more) times in his life because he has a short temper and this is definitely not an exception. 

“fine,” dax huffs out, “you wanna keep being a dick, then go right ahead but i’m not ‘friends’ with taeho.” he says, his volume close to a yell. “apparently work conversations count as being best buddies so i’m glad to know that i’m now the best of friends with everyone in this fucking building. what the fuck ever.” dax jams his fingertips into the roots of his hair and runs his hand quickly through the locks, barely flinching when it gets caught in the tangles. “have fun getting ready for chile.” if there’s one thing he can say positive about this whole interaction, it’s that now he knows he can be a little mature. instead of pushing san further, calling him out for being immature and a baby, he storms out the room and lets the door slam behind him which in his warped sense of thought is progress. he said he wasn’t going to play a victim, he didn’t say he wouldn’t play the drama queen.

[iddax-blog1]

misery loves company.

[iddax-blog1]

idmilo‌:

“they never want real,” he agrees, sighing a little bit as he shifts against the cushions, trying to settle himself into comfort. the heat of the alcohol helps soothe tired muscles, the ache in his back that never quite goes away, a remnant of a stress injury that likely won’t ever fade. will only get worse until he can’t dance anymore. it’s a bitter truth but not unfamiliar, that inevitable decay of body, decline of health. any dancer knew it was coming. no one could withstand the level of stress and exertion they put forth without consequence.  “aroon is disgusting. he was literally created to convince people to do things. he shouldn’t have been an idol, he should have been a politician. he’d have taken over a country by now, the world by fifty.” he grins fondly as he looks into his glass, scoffs out a thin laugh. “tell me, what’s going on in your life lately?”

dax has always wanted to be a big super star. someone that was a household name, someone who could barely walk down a street without being stopped for photos and autographs. someone who everyone loved. he didn’t have much of that growing up. with all the moving around his family had done, they were off to a new school, a new town before anyone could even remember his name. stability. that was what he really craved.  a place to call his own and place that he wouldn’t have to leave unless he wanted to. and titanium gave him all of that. sure, he was contractually obligated to stay for a certain amount of time, but it’s not like he is trying to leave. he loves being a part of something because he’s never had that certainty before. he’s never never had this feeling of a chosen family before. 

“one day i’d like to go out and just show them what we’re all really like. what i’m really like.” dax knows his fans don’t love him for how he really is. they only see this side of him that’s all an act. his entire image is manufactured and the people who call themselves fans are falling deeper into this trap of it. they think they know him but they really have no idea who dax really is. all the pleasant smiles and soft looks, they’re anything but natural for him. “god could you imagine aroon as a politician? now that would be a place i could never live.” dax laughs at the image, secretly happy that aroon is actually an idol because then he never would have met him. 

taking a sip of his drink, he contemplates the question. what has been going on in his life? too much and not enough, honestly. “well you know me, too many bars need me to keep their business up,” he jokes. dax wishes that he was doing something more exciting. he wishes that his nights weren’t spent alone in a bar, drinking and feeling down on himself. he wishes that he could be like some of the idols he sees that go out with each other and have fun without the need for alcohol to get the night started. “i just did that whole for hite, you know? and now i can’t walk down to the convenience store without seeing a poster of my face in the windows. god that commercial was horrible.” noticing that his glass has become empty, he gets up to refill it, grabbing milo’s along the way even though he wasn’t out. hey, he can be a considerate friend when he actually wants to be. “hopefully they’ll get me back on stage again soon.” 

as he starts to fix the drinks, he turns back to milo, being sure to not spill any of the liquids as he pours them into their glasses. “what about you? got anything amazing going on? i feel like i’m so out of touch with everyone that i don’t know what you guys are even up to now a days.”

[idryusan]

bury me low.

[iddax-blog1]

idryusan‌:

“you seemed busy anyway. taeho told me.” san adds, and he attempts at blase. but he’s not. he’s pissed, and he’s hurt. he grinds his molars together, flips his phone against his palms again. “i’m still working though, so like…” he trails off, the unspoken words being so if you could just fuck off, and dax has known him long enough to parse that out. he drops his phone to the ground, a soft clatter, leans back against the wall and pulls fingers back through his hair – stiff with dried sweat. “i’ve got a bunch of lines and shit to learn for chile.” he defends before dax can find issue, they’re both stubborn people. it’s just that they’re usually stubborn together. 

it’s all horribly ironic. or consequential. or whatever. the thing that ended taeho and dax’s friendship in the first place was san. and here they are, full circle, a friendship becoming a wedge between another. dax has known taeho since high school, the two of them sticking together out of necessity (at least on dax’s end, that is) but things fell apart for the two of them when dax met san. not like it was san’s fault, but dax just needed someone to listen and san was there for that. with taeho, things were always stilted and tough and there was this unspeakable rule that their friendship was there for fun, not for serious matters. when dax was able to find people that were okay with him expressing the mess he could be, it was like a switch flipped in his head. taeho wasn’t actually a friend, just someone to make him feel less alone. it also didn’t help that he dropped dax the second he found out that san and dax were buddies. 

dax actually like this hodge podge group that he has; he likes that he doesn’t have to worry about seeming weak because he figured out a way to mask his issues in jokes and sarcasm until he has an outburst to let them know how he’s really feeling. they all get each other without having big heart to hearts. it’s something he’s not used to but not opposed to. having friends validates him. makes him feel less like a shitty person.

which is why when taeho is brought up, dax gets defensive. he feels as if an electric shock runs through him, his spine getting tense, his shoulders coming up around his ears instinctually. dax has never been one to talk in passive aggressiveness because he’s normally just... aggressive. so the blaze tone that san has makes dax more irritated than anything. “taeho? what the fuck does he have to do with anything?” either he is stupid or san is grasping at straws trying to find a reason to be mad at him. maybe it’s neither. maybe it’s both. but if there’s one thing that dax hasn’t learned over his years of ‘maturing’, it’s that he doesn’t know how to back down if he feels cornered. he hasn’t done anything wrong. he’s getting a cold shoulder seemingly out of nowhere so he’s not going to let it slide. 

“i get it, you’re busy or whatever but just...” as he talks, he can san isn’t interested. either that or he’s pretending to be less involved because he knows it’ll get under dax’s skin. “will you stop playing with your goddamn phone?!” he huffs out, annoyed that san is barely paying attention to him when this is probably going to be on the forefront of his mind for the next few weeks. he wants a reaction and he doesn’t know how to go about this. usually, san and dax are on the same wavelength but this is new. this is something dax doesn’t understand how to deal with. “i have shit to do before chile too but you don’t see me being more of an asshole than usual. care to elaborate on why you are though?”

[idolizenews]

TITANIUM DAX BECOMES NEW BRAND MODEL FOR HITE

1. [ +1,491 , -131 ] Oh he matches well doesn’t he~? ^^ He’s as refreshing as the extra cold Hite ㅎㅎㅎ  2. [ +1,133 , -101 ] Ah… now I have to switch to Cass ㅡㅡ 3. [ +727 , -66 ] Apparently during shooting, the production team wanted Dax to actually learn how to play the drums, but he failed so they had to put the sound over what nonsense he was actually able to bang out ㅋㅋㅋㅋ The cf still turned out well anyway!! ^^

[iddax-blog1]

misery loves company.

[iddax-blog1]

idmilo‌:

“it was… a lot.” he agrees with a groan. taps a hand against his own cheek, then the other’s, with a “chok chok chok~” in a singsong, ragged voice that belies hours of annoyance with the catchphrase of the product.  “i’m willing to bet money they just use that third take, when we were all still able to like, laugh with a vague sense of something genuine, and then just ditch all the rest of the footage. i think we just got progressively more stone faced as it wore on. except maybe aroon. he can fake anything.” there’s a twitch of a grin at his lips. 

for someone who isn’t the easiest person to get along with, dax really pulled off some high level luck to get put into a group with people who he can actual pal around with. he doesn’t really know why any of them put up with him, but he appreciates it. aroon was a the first of the titanium members to really make dax think he could be a person that has friends. he stood up to dax’s bullying during their trainees days and that impressed him enough to keep the kid around, looking out for him when ever he needed to even though aroon could hold his own against anyone. he didn’t really get to know milo at all until they were grouped up to be in the final group together. dax honestly wouldn’t be surprised if while they were training milo didn’t like him cause it’s not like dax tried to be buddies with anyone. but once they got to know each other, it seemed to fall into place. they’re personalities could match up really well when they needed it to, making them almost unstoppable on variety shows and interviews when they were together. idiot 1 and idiot 2. 

it was all new to dax, thinking of other people instead of just himself. simple things like fixing milo a drink instead of expecting the other boy to make his own. watching the other members out of the corner of his eye when they were on set to make sure no one was getting to exhausted. working together to make titanium as successful of a group as they all wanted to be. but it was a nice change; it was welcome. it made him feel lighter than before when all he could do was drown in his own self deprecating thoughts and doubts. 

dax tries to dodge milo’s hand as he sees it coming towards his face, failing miserably and ending up with his member’s hand patting against his cheek. he squirms away, putting on an over exaggerated face of disgust. “ugh, i think i’ll have that stuck in my head even when i’m on my death bed.” dax adjusts himself on the couch, letting his free hand rest along the top of the cushions, picking at a loose pice of string. “genuine? were you being genuine at any point during filming?” he huffs out a breath through his nose before bringing his cup to his lips and taking a quick sip. “i don’t think there was a single point of filming today where i felt ‘real’ at all.” which is true. his image has him painted as this sweetly charming older brother for the other members, boyfriend material for the fans, but he thinks it’s the furthest thing from being the truth. “god, aroon could sell ice to penguins. he just has to use that pretty little face and people will do what ever he wants them to.” he punctuates his words by tilting his head back and forth, before finally resting it on the couch. 

[idryusan]

bury me low.

[iddax-blog1]

idryusan‌:

and there’s an ugly piece of himself that can’t help but wonder if it even matters. if it even factors into dax’s actions – san and taeho’s relationship. it doesn’t san thinks as he stares up at him. their friendship is flimsy, san and dax.  melting like hot wax, and it all pools underneath them. a staple to most of san’s relationships – the subsequent disintegration of them. his mother’s right – as always – he has no right to focus on anything but his work. nothing else to offer. despite it, he’s still angry. the selfish, petty creature that ryu san is. “i guess. had to get a new one.” he answers, voice stiff as he turns the phone over in his hands. “why’re you here?” san wants him to leave. 

on any given day, dax wouldn’t consider himself as one to pick up on emotional cues. to be honest, he usually has too many things to deal with in his own head than to try to figure out (or care) what other people have going on so it’s easier just to ignore it. most of the time when he’s around, people don’t really want hime there anyway, so he’d rather ignore the pointed looks and obvious disdain if he can. but he considers himself a bit lucky when it comes to san. they’re both a little (or a lot) emotionally constipated so it’s always been nice to have someone to vent to. a shoulder to lean on when things get to be too much. he has his band members, but it’s different with san and jowi. they all found each other, this odd bunch of misfits that fit together through thick and thin and for the first time in his life, dax had people to rely on. people to trust. 

so getting the cold shoulder from san is a surprise, to say the least. mentally, it makes him stumble a bit, taken aback by the bluntness of his friend’s tone. dax tries to think back, see if he missed something. a birthday or a special event or something that could make san be dismissive. sure, they hadn’t seen each other much in the past month or so, but san had been busy with performance stuff while dax had been doing nothing of much importance other than frequenting bars and nursing hangovers. they had never really been the types of friends who see each other every day anyway. he gets caught up in back peddling through recent memories before giving his friend a dry smile. after all, he could be completely over thinking it. it’s not like he’s the master at friendship anyway.

“oh you know,” he starts as casually as his brain will let him, still not entirely convinced that something isn’t completely wrong. call it a defense mechanism to always assume that every one hates you so that you can’t be surprised when they actually do. “just wandering. bored.” he breaks off to try and take in what ever emotion he possibly can from san’s face, but there’s nothing. blank and unreadable. dax feels like he’s missing out on an obvious joke. “I uhh, just thought i’d see what you were up to since it’s been a while.” 

[archivedidjowi-blog]

mellow.

[iddax-blog1]

idjowi‌:

“ugh,” she laments, quite eloquently if she did say so herself, “your havana cover was cute. did i say that already?” she squints at him with a concentrated expression, sorting through the muddle that has been the last few hours since the performances. “probably,” she determines, with a shrug of a single angular shoulder. “anyway it’s your turn, compliment me now,” she instructs him, swings her legs up and over his lap with a sigh as she relaxes into the stiff patio furniture cushions. “i like this. this, like, being away,” there’s a sigh on her lips as she clarifies it, a vague circling of her fingers. 

there are definitely worse ways dax could be spending his night. he could be back in korea, spending countless hours practicing dances he could do in his sleep. he could be stuck in a boring hotel room, staring at walls. he’s lucky he gets to be in a new country, essentially on a vacation that’s considered work with his closest friends around him. the night air is a bit humid, making his skin feel slightly sticky, his hair plastered to his forehead where its fallen out of whatever style it had held earlier in the night. his body feels boneless not only from the stages they had done today, but from the long flight that they had taken. his body isn’t what it used to be. it doesn’t seem to bounce back so easily from jet lag and lack of proper sleep and too much alcohol. it’s almost as if he’s melted into the chair he’s sitting in, the heat of the night air combined with the whiskey in his cup making his body warm and comfortable. 

jowi shifts as san stands up to do god knows what (something he surely doesn’t want to think about) with god knows who (probably milo) and it’s a pleasant feeling. there had never been anything further than friendly flirtation between the two, both of them assured enough in their friendship to never push the boundaries. for dax, it’s almost nicer to have that than to have anything else with her. growing up without any sort of closeness, the platonic intimacy the two can share is refreshing, different than any other kind of relationship he has. usually because he fucks things up and ruins things between him and anyone who tries to get close to him, but that’s neither here nor there. dax leans his cheek against the top of jowi’s head on his shoulder and nuzzles down a bit, making the hair stand up a little strange when he picks his head up. 

“god,” he says with a chuckle, “if i never have to hear that fucking song again, it would be too soon.” he takes an almost too long sip of his drink, the whiskey cold and strong as it settles in his close to empty stomach. he should probably eat soon. “i’m surprised there weren’t any major disasters with those mic stands. knowing the idiots in my group, i would have put money on one of us tripping over them at some point.” he rests his free hand on the top of jowi’s shin before somehow sinking even further into the seat he’s in. “compliment you, huh?” he starts with a lazy smirk, “and what makes you think you did anything worth complimenting?” dax grins boldly as he braces himself for whatever insult (or injury) that his friend will throw at him.

[iddax-blog1]

misery loves company.

closed starter for @idmilo

dax knows he can’t complain outwardly on set. his entire image is made up of charming smiles, jokes and an all together boyfriend look. the cf for toni moli that the boys are shooting is something that should be right up his alley. all day, he had to keep a dumb smile plastered on his face even when they weren’t filming just to keep up the facade that he was a sweet guy. the entire time at the commercial shoot, though, dax was just thinking about how wrong of a group titanium was for this specific commercial. it was full of brightness and cute looks while most of the members would rather be doing... well anything other than just that. he could look at a member at any point during the shoot and tell they were over it as much as he was. 

it was funny; for a guy who seemed like he couldn’t like anyone if he tried, he really had a connection with the boys in titanium. when they were trainees, dax was about as vile as someone could be and yet somehow he was able to form a camaraderie with the boys once they were in a group. he was almost certain that every member of the group had complained about him at least once to management, and yet being stuck in a group together brought them closer. no more so than with milo. they had started off completely wrong, slightly competing against each other because of their dance backgrounds and desire to debut. once they were put together, though, they really took to each other. dax knew he could rely on milo to be just as up for dumb shit as he was. 

which is why when they get home from the shoot, the first thing dax does is tell milo he’s making them both a drink. something too strong for a weeknight, especially since they’ll have promotions for dramarama tomorrow for sure, but oh well. one or seven drinks won’t ruin them. he pulls off his pants and immediately throws on sweatpants and a hoodie, running his hands through his hair to help pull apart the leftover styling gel from the commercial shoot. he makes his way to the kitchen, taking out two short glasses to pour a generous amount of whiskey into before topping it off with a splash of coke. gently, he spins them around a bit to mix them before taking a small sip out of his cup as he walks to where milo is sitting on the living room couch. 

dax hands him his drink and then promptly flops down onto the cushion beside milo, leaning his head onto the back edge of the couch. “is it just me or was today particularly rough?” he asks with his eyes closed, letting out a sigh. “it felt like today just kept fucking dragging. how many times did we have to run through the whole goddamn commercial?” he snorts before sitting up to take a sip from his drink. “it got a point where i think they knew how mad it was driving us so they kept asking for extra shots.” 

[iddax-blog1]

simple distractions.

closed starter for @idellie​ 

it would come as a surprise to absolute no one that dax is hammered. there’s no special occasion, no real reason for him to have decided to come to the bar on a wednesday night, and yet here he is. slamming back whiskey on the rocks like it’s his job. the room he’s in is small, comfortable, albeit a little too warm for dax’s liking. (it couldn’t possibly be that he’s feeling too hot because of the alcohol running through his system). as both a positive and a negative, there’s hardly no one at the bar tonight. why would there be? anyone who had come for an after work cocktail already went home long ago. it’s nice, having the bar be so quiet. it means he doesn’t have to keep an eye out for people looking in and seeing what a mess he’s making of himself. see how out of control the lovely boy from titanium can get. it does suck, though, that he’s bored. and drunk. and there’s nothing for him to do. 

dax opens his phone for what feels like the tenth time in 2 minutes (and it very well could be) to scroll through the same apps he looked at in just as much time ago. no new notifications, no new updates, no new anything. it’s funny. it’s reminiscent of his life in general. there’s nothing fun going on in his life anymore; san’s been acting weird which in turn means he hasn’t really spoken to jowi in a while and they’re both the cause for most of the excitement in his life. he feels stagnant, stuck. the bright side is that titanium will be having a comeback soon, so he’s been spending his days either getting ready for that or in bars. alone. 

there’s a couple pushed against each other in a booth in dax’s eyesight that he absolutely has been looking at for most of the evening. he has to get his entertainment from somewhere. he quickly finishes the last drops of the drink in his hand before hailing over the server for a new one as the couple decides to leave the bar. well there goes his only source of fun for the night. the couple leaving sends a burst of fresh air into the bar, the air only slightly chilly as spring comes in. he decides to open his phone for (possibly) the eleventh time and skims through his kakao, hoping to find someone that can cure him of his boredom.

ellie.

dax grins slow and easy as he opens up their text log, quickly typing out a message. 

01:27 - eleanorrrrerrrr 01:27 - r u bsuy? ?? 01:28 - here im sendign y locatoin 01:28- com ehere im bored

[angstyindie-blog]

[iddax-blog1]

bend to break.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT PROMPT: detail your biggest setback WORD COUNT: 1088 words TIMELINE: produce project filming and after. +5 EXP

when dax had gotten the call to go to the management office after he was done training for the day, he knew he had royally fucked up. most times, the people in charge came to him when there were problems: when he talked back to the trainer, when he was caught drinking in a training room, when he was almost kicked out of midas. they always came to him to yell at him, but not this time, so he figured it must be something really bad. the upper echelon don’t call random trainees to their offices for nothing. he steeled his nerves, wiped the sweat off his face and headed for the offices, expecting the absolute worst. but what he got was something he never would have expected: reality tv.

it was a year or so before midas had planned for what would become titanium to debut. they wanted a sure fire way to make the group stand out among the other groups that were debuting and it made sense: dax had already been noticed by fans for his dancing when he did backup work for other midas groups, so maybe he would have a better shot. he practiced for his audition alone, packed his bags alone, headed to the bus alone, the whole time he was alone. not that that was much different from how he normally went about his day to day life. on the drive over to where filming would begin, his manager was reminding him of everything he needed to do while he was there. “don’t forget to be kind to the other kids. it’ll be a miracle if you can, so please try. you gotta be a leader here. you have to show them they can’t have this group without you.” dax nodded along to what he was saying, half listening and half going over his choreography in his head. sure, he knew he’d make it far past his audition, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t going to try to blow everyone away at first to make them remember him.

produce project turned out to be a cake walk for him. dax was already one of the older contestants on the show, so it was easy for him to be made out to be this loving older brother to the boys he had to work with. he would grit his teeth and tell them how to dance, how to be better, how to win. dax became a standout from the beginning, noticed for his dancing and charm, fans impressed at his stable “love me right” audition. it made it easy for him to sail through the competition. he was talented and sweet, everything the nation wanted from it’s handpicked boy group. he ranked high most weeks, landing in the top 20 every time. his manager said he a shoe in for the group if he kept it up. 

but that’s the funny thing about confidence. it’s nice when you have it, but it’s easily broken. 

he felt a bit like icarus when his name wasn’t called at the finale. he built himself up too high that he couldn’t come back down unless he was pushed. dax had been so assured that he had it in the bag that he had let himself think nothing was standing in his way. apparently 1,974 voted were standing in his way. 

standing on the stage, lights burning into his skin, the dress shirt underneath his blazer drenched in sweat and sticking to his skin, his smile was anything but real. pained, maybe. but he had to play the game and the game was rigged. he could see the final spot that was guaranteed to him slipping away from his faster and faster until all he could see was a darkness of what could have been. 

the drive back to the midas dorms was silent. he felt as if everyone knew that he was a bomb and didn’t want to set it off, but he actually felt a bit numb. he rested his head against the window, his sweat slicked forehead sliding with every bump the car took. all of that hard work. all of the fake smiles and false brotherhood was for nothing. so when he got back to the dorm, rules be damned, he got shit faced. he somehow convinced the management to look the other way and let him sneak out to a bar where he met boys and girls and occupied a stall in the bathroom with some of them for most of the night. 

he had thought the pain of his loss was over when midas said titanium had a green light for debut in a few weeks, and yet all it did was open him up for more critique. dax was hard on himself, too hard probably. he drank and his thoughts got darker, harsher, taking up his mind even if he wasn’t drinking. the negativity bled into him, seeped into his skin and soul and nested there to rot. he couldn’t even win a show that he was supposed to, how would the idol world be any different? his mother was right. he’d always be a disappointment. he’d always be wrong. he’d always be an embarrassment. dax was always a closed off person, not knowing how to trust and rely on anyone but hisself, and the spiral he went into did nothing to make that better.

titanium debuted and dax felt sorry for the members. he was a good performer; he could charm the tv show hosts and give them a sob story about not wanting to let the fans down, not wanting to let the members down. he could get anyone to think he was fun and personable and be on his side after the debacle that was produce project. dax could do that. what he couldn’t do was get out of his own head long enough to see that maybe he did actually deserve to be successful. maybe he did deserve a shred of happiness. his members didn’t deserve to have the shell of a man they got out of him. he’d never let them know that, though. all his doubts he covered up with snark and jokes and comments that should have stayed in his head. but he couldn’t let anyone see. dax couldn’t let anyone know that he was breaking apart inside. because he was going to be a star, and stars either shine or go down in an explosion. and didn’t care which he did. 

[iddax-blog1]

fool’s gold.

[iddax-blog1]

idtaeho‌:

so when dax approaches him, at first taeho doesn’t know if he wants to talk. he’s been annoyed and angry. he’s bored. they have got closer again during their music show situation, but not like they were before. taeho still didn’t know how he felt about him, or who he was for that matter. someone new. someone old. weird. “shit, i don’t remember her name,” taeho says, voice lazy. there’s still a hint of a hungover behind his eyes, a migraine that simply doesn’t leave. “some rookie? whatever, really. i wanted to get remi again but guess i ran out of luck. you?”

he wasn’t an idiot. he never really expected things to magically become better with taeho. even when they were still really close years ago, it was easier for them to lock away their feelings and emotions, the boring stuff. the things that grew harsh and loud inside of dax, clawing to escape in any way it could. it made him lash out at people, harden himself to anyone and everyone; it made dax unbearable. he just feels things and then doesn’t know what to do with it and it doesn’t help when the person he called friend didn’t care. he should have known to keep it all bottled away like he had done for his whole life, but he thought having someone close could make a difference. that he could maybe hurt a little less and let people in to see the negativity he had. 

but taeho didn’t care. he could never care, and it drove them apart. dax got to find a new friend to put all his doubts and worries onto and san was there. there had always been a tension between the two of them and dax wasn’t foolish enough to think that it had anything to do with him. maybe midas had pushed the two olympus members to their breaking points with each other, maybe there were secrets lingering between them that dax would never hear about. whatever it was, it wasn’t his business. he wasn’t going to push either of them to find out why taeho and san could never in a million years get along. dax may rely on letting his troubles out on san a bit too much, but that doesn’t mean they’re equal in the sharing department; he wears his heart on his sleeve too often for someone who tries to block everyone out. 

it’s promising to see that taeho isn’t pushing him away now so dax takes taeho’s answer as an invitation to a conversation. he has to be careful this time around. he has to dance around him whenever he initiates a conversation in case taeho decides suddenly that the last thing he wants to be doing is talking to dax. “shit, i’m lucky i didn’t get placed with a rookie,” he says as he props his elbow onto the table top, resting his head in his hand. “i can barely tell half of them apart from each other.” a pause. “we’re getting to old for all of this, i guess.” dax allows a smirk to come across his face, attempting to make the conversation a bit less awkward. ease the tension. remind both of them what it like to talk to each other normally. 

“i, uhh, i actually think i ended up with remi. we’re going to a museum or something? and i know fuck all about art so it should be a roaring good time.” dax lets out a chuckle, attempting to hide any insecurity he feels. “it’ll probably just end up with her making fun of me for not knowing anything that’s happening.”