NOT TODAY

I was not a lovable child, and I'd grown into a deeply unlovable adult. Draw a picture of my soul, and it'd be a scribble with fangs.

[idjiyeon-blog]

back to the start.

with @idxdaehyun at a boring party where daehyun has no choice but to indulge jiyeon.

jiyeon hates parties.

well, that is not true. she hates this type of parties. she would rather be somewhere else, maybe back at the dorm watching tv with dahyun or meeting junseo somewhere, hell, she would even prefer to be with taeho, that’s how much she hates being at this particular party right now. from where she is jiyeon watches her mother, champagne glass in hand, laugh with some other women about something she said. she always looks satisfied at the attention, happy that they accept her into their inner circle. stupid.

jiyeon takes a sip of her drink, pressing her body so much against the wall it almost seems like she wants to escape inside it. and god, jiyeon wishes a whole would open and swallow her so she doesn’t have to stay there. she always feels out of places at parties like this, when her sister is not with her and jiyeon is left with other girls her age, all who are attending university, some who are back home for a quick vacation before going back to the states or to europe to study. it’s always the same game of looking down on her, smiling condescendingly as jiyeon talks about aurora. she knows what these girls and a big portion of society thinks: being an idol is for dumb people, the ones who can’t do anything other than look pretty, who don’t have what it takes to find a so called real job.

she grabs her phone, about to text junseo a desperate please say you’re not busy and you can rescue me. she knows he practices a lot, knows he is too hard on himself, that she can’t keep asking him to stop work because of her, so jiyeon doesn’t. she reads their latest texts, something silly, and smiles, puts her phone back into her purse. jiyeon will have to deal with this on her own.

or not, she notices as soon as she sees daehyun. the smile that comes to her lips is both honest and relieved and jiyeon waves at him, gesturing for him to come to her. “come on,” jiyeon says instead of a greeting, takes daehyun by the hand and walks with him to a balcony where they can be left alone. she is not worried about being seen with him, this is a private villa where it’s impossible to enter unless you have an invitation and she doesn’t think either of them has sasaengs dedicated enough to try to break in. “you have no idea of how bored i was, daehyunie.” she smiles and pinches his cheek in an affectionate way. “but now that you’re here you can’t leave me alone or else i’ll be rude to someone and cause a scene.” jiyeon sighs, leans against the balcony door. “keep your noona company for a while, i promise i won’t be boring.”

[idjiyeon-blog]

paper bag princess.

with @idsooyeon at a fancy dinner neither wants to attend.

jiyeon understands how the entertainment industry works. trained from a young age, instructed by her sister even before that, she is no innocent child. you do someone a favor and you can expect one in return, it’s pretty easy. you being entertainment companies, of course. in this game jiyeon is nothing but a pawn, midas pushes her through life as they see fit, using her when it’s time to and she has no doubt they would sacrifice her at the first problem.

the current move is to give her a new role, something with less protagonism after her latest two dramas. jiyeon remains constantly booked, so he can’t complain, midas could forget her when aurora doesn’t have promotions, leave her in the proverbial basement, focus on someone else. and jiyeon likes acting, likes doing something that isn’t playing the innocent princess for aurora, god knows she is too tired to keep doing it for too long.

they ask for her presence on a dinner, tell her that her future coworkers will be there and jiyeon knows she can’t say no. she has been to this type of dinner before, it’s not that bad. arrive, make conversation, talk about her sister and her future role and leave before any man can get any creepier. it’s not that bad, jiyeon tells herself as she arrives at the place. until she sees who is there.

im sooyeon is a presence in her life no matter how much jiyeon doesn’t want her to be. she is famous and has managed to put her face everywhere, something admirable for a 99 idol, god knows how incompetent they are. jiyeon doesn’t hate her, not really. she doesn’t like sooyeon either, her feelings for the other woman are something jiyeon can only describe as grey, an in between of feelings and thoughts that change according to the situation.

they are sat side by side, of course they are, and no one seems to notice the tension between them, all too busy talking about their own projects to care about how two idols feel. when they are left alone jiyeon wants to excuse herself, but it would be rude, so she stays, braves through it. “it’s a beautiful night,” she says awkwardly. that’s jiyeon’s problem, she can’t never stay quiet for too long. “i wish we got a table outside.” she looks at her own lap, hands over it, not knowing where else to put them. “it’s too hot here.” she risks to look at sooyeon, almost smiles but gives up. if only they could rush through the dinner already.

[idjiyeon-blog]

family matters.

[idjiyeon-blog]

idtaeho‌:

“you’d like that, wouldn’t you?” he replies to her question, looks at jiyeon with the smuggest of smiles. the one that he knows that she hates. he likes when jiyeon hates things, she’s so proficient at it. “but sadly, no, little sis. not yet. i’m still a man of the world and i can’t settle down. but one day we will be a family, you just wait,” he sends her a long, fond glance, just to be a dick, just to piss her off.

taeho always looks so smug, jiyeon hates it. truth be told, she only became his friend because jungah didn’t approve it. she is too old to have teen rebellion, jungah told her once, but jiyeon doesn’t care. and so once jiyeon sat besides taeho at some party, started conversation and here they are. jiyeon knows he likes her, knows she is very likable, and deep down she likes him too, the asshole. it’s a strange relationship, but one that works for them.

“i can’t wait for your wedding, i already picked my dress and everything.” jiyeon shifts on the couch, places her feet on his lap. jungah would frown at that, ask if jiyeon understands the concept of boundaries, but she doesn’t care, she likes to push everyone’s limits. and it’s not like taeho will feel uncomfortable with it anyway, he’s not that type of person.

she eats more ice cream, content. “it’s okay, i’ll buy more tomorrow, i was planning on bringing my laundry.” her pile always has too many junseo items in between them, too many shirts she stole from his wardrobe, a flannel she took on a cold day and forgot to give it back. and if jiyeon is going to be lectured over her indiscretions with her boyfriend she would rather have her sister doing it, not her manager.

jiyeon knows about poizn in a strange way. she is close to taeho, but they rarely talk about work; she dates junseo so she always knows when one of them fuck up and imperial needs to hurry a comeback to cover up. this way jiyeon knows more of taeho’s fucks up than she would like to. that seems to be the tone of their relationship.

“what are you doing here anyway?” she can’t understand taeho’s relationship with her sister. they are not together, but he is a constant presence in the house, they are always gravitating towards each other. maybe they will end up getting married, if anything because taeho won’t stop talking about it. “don’t you have a song to rehearse or something?” she pushes her feet against his knee. “what if i wanted to bring junseo over? we have to coordinate our visits, oppa.”

[idjiyeon-blog]

family matters.

with @idtaeho at yoon jungah’s apartment.

jungah’s place is supposed to be a safe heaven, a hideout for when jiyeon doesn’t want to deal with midas’ bullshit – and this happens a lot – or when she wants to be alone and the dorm is too crowded – this happens sometimes. it’s your place too, jungah told her when she moved a few years ago, maybe one or two after aurora debuted and jungah was the main lead of a movie that broke all sorts of box office records. you have a room here too, come whenever you want.

she had stayed true to her offer, even when jiyeon asked if she could bring junseo over, even when jiyeon showed up at 3am drunk and tired. it’s her home too, away from the stress of their jobs and the expectations created by other people. it had always been the two of them against the world, it made sense that the apartment would feel like the perfect place to be.

it makes sense that jiyeon finishes an audition for a drama she has no idea she will pass that she goes there instead to the dorm. her manager gives her a side eye, asks if junseo will be there waiting for her. jiyeon rolls her eyes, says no, he has to work, they don’t meet early in the evening anyway, their meetings are always in the dead of the night as if they are committing a crime, the crime of love. when she is left at the door her manager says that jiyeon is indeed in the right profession, she was born to be an actress with all this drama.

the lights are on when jiyeon enters. she takes her time taking off her shoes, her cap and her jacket, one she is more or less certain was junseo’s years ago but jiyeon hijacked, makes sure is everything is in order by the door because jungah hates mess and jiyeon doesn’t want to hear any lecture on tidying. when she enters the living room, her phone in hand as she texts the aurora girls, jiyeon hears the tv on and looks up.

“ah, it’s you.” she tells to the man currently sitting on her sister’s living room as if it’s his place. the asshole. “i suppose my sister isn’t home, is she?” jiyeon asks, but she knows jungah isn’t. hers is a presence impossible to miss. she doesn’t wait for an answer, goes straight to the kitchen, opens the freezer and finds ice cream, green tea, her favorite flavor, and goes back to the living room.

jiyeon sits on the couch away from him, opens the ice cream and eats a large spoon, looking at oh taeho. “want some?” she offers, but her voice says say no, jackass. “so, oppa, what are you doing here?” not that taeho ever needs a reason to disturbe the peace anywhere he goes, but jiyeon is somewhat of a polite person who likes to make conversation, so it doesn’t hurt to ask. “are you and unnie back together?”

[shakesbier]

please dont be a bitch to me

bcs then I’ll have to be a bitch back, and I can do it better than u

[idjiyeon-blog]

hello everyone, i’m back with my mess of a daughter and the kendall jenner of aurora, lead vocal/lead dance jiyeon! she is still very much the product of nepotism and too sarcastic for her own good, has the image of a chic and silent girl, the actress of aurora, still very much hates their sound and is over idol life completely. the biggest change on her timeline is that there is no longer a scandal between her and junseo, so her image is clean ( but for how long???? ). if you would like to plot like this and i’ll message you from aroon’s blog or add me on discord at hempstockss#0595 where i can be found pretty much all day long, can’t wait to write with you all again!

profile / bio

[idjiyeon-blog]

sweetness.

[idjiyeon-blog]

idxdaehyun‌:

“I don’t know specifics but… I don’t really think I’m a contender for main anything.” The admission stung, it wasn’t like this was a development that had come out of him not trying hard enough. It felt humiliating to acknowledge, though it was humiliation he was ready to shoulder. He wasn’t good enough. He’d take what he was given and work harder, nothing else to be done about it. “Definitely something rap and maybe, maybe something vocals, too! I hope. I like rapping, I really do! It’s fun and I… I think I’m good at it? But… you know. Singing. That’s kind of what got me here to begin with. What I really want to do and stuff. So I’m glad that they don’t think I’m completely hopeless.” He smiled at Jiyeon, the curl of his lips glossing over how thinking about where he stood in the group skill-wise still made him feel insecure.

every time jiyeon talks to daehyun – and these days it’s less than she would like – she is reminded of her childhood and teen years, and it’s not bad, not at all. jiyeon is not one to look back and complain about the things that happened, despite all things she had a good childhood. she is reminded not only of the days she used to look after him but of how her personality was. jiyeon was never as cheerful as daehyun, but she too had this idealistic view of life in her own way. it was taken away over the years of training and idol life, but it’s good to see it in daehyun.

“i’m sorry you had to see me that way,” jiyeon says. when the scandal broke she didn’t think about what her parents would think, or her sister, or anyone else, really, but now, as she apologized, jiyeon felt strange, embarrassed. “i was so dumb taking that picture in the first place, i don’t know why i did it.” jungah always told her that junseo made her dumb, that jiyeon could never use her practical mind when he was concerned and she was right, jiyeon could never think straight when it came to him and now she is still paying for her mistake.

“dating bans exist so companies know they can control every aspect of our lives, daehyun.” and jiyeon means it. she knows now that midas would control every second of her day if they could, but she is over it now, she refuses to give that much power over her personal life and now it doesn’t really matter, not after the scandal. “promise me that when you meet someone, a girl or boy you really like, you will treasure the relationship and try your best to make it work.” she reaches out and pats his hand in an affectionate way. it’s strange to see someone idolizing imperial and junseo this much when jiyeon knows them, knows him as her boyfriend, knows him better than anyone else. “sure! i think he’s busy now or i could drop him a text and ask him to come, but next chance i get i’ll talk about you to him, i’m sure you two will have a lot to talk about, even if it’s just him asking you about embarrassing stories of my childhood.” she chuckles, making a mental note to talk to junseo about it.

jiyeon nods along, knows very well how the whole role distribution works. but she also knows that daehyun is a passionate kid, that singing is his dream and to be put into a rapping position can be discouraging. “in my experience having a lead position can be good for future opportunities.” she smiles at him, trying to pass something of her limited knowledge. “they’ll probably push you to a bunch of stuff you might not like at first to give your group exposure and see what works, but if you want to keep the music path being versatile can be good to release something different from your group in the future.” she reaches out to daehyun’s hand and squeezes it.

“don’t feel bad because you don’t have a main position, as long as you learn how to work your strengths and make yourself profitable you’ll do good.” it’s not as beautiful as a all you need is hard work! speech, but jiyeon is an honest person and she doesn’t want to trick daehyun into thinking things will be easy because they won’t. it’s best for him to know the truth now than to be surprised later down the road.

[idolizenews]

AURORA DEBUTS IN JAPAN WITH `MEMORIA`

1. [ +1,402 , -127 ] It was only a matter of time until they debuted in Japan ㅋㅋ Seriously, their concept has always been perfect for j-pop, as expected, Midas always knows what they’re doing ~ 2. [ +1,219 , -81 ] Hul this song is so pretty, can we get a Korean version soon too? ㅠㅠㅠ Memoria~ memoria~ It’s so good ㅠㅠㅠㅠ  3. [ +681 , -42 ] I wonder if they’ll be focusing on Japan until everyone forgets about Jiyeon being sick ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

[idtaeho-deactivated20190714]

two sides of the same coin

[idjiyeon-blog]

idtaeho‌:

“you’re braver than i thought. coming here, you know,” he says as he opens the door for her, closes it quickly. he doesn’t have neighboors, his building is one apartment by floor. but it’s never enough to be too careful. “if people saw you and decided the yoon jiyeon and oh taeho are dating was their next scandal, you’d be completely fucked.”

jiyeon doesn’t know why she is here.

taeho is not a good person by any means. he is not even a good friend, has no sense of loyalty, doesn’t care about anyone but himself. all he did when her scandal broke was mock her, and yet jiyeon comes. because unlike him she is loyal to her friends, and that is how she would classify oh taeho. maybe in the future that will change, maybe he will backstab her too and jiyeon will cry to her sister and all jungah will do is say how stupid jiyeon was to befriend a snake in the first place.

it’s this that reminds jiyeon of why she decided to come. because taeho doesn’t try to tell her how to live her life, doesn’t pressure jiyeon into this and that role. he is a bad person, but at least jiyeon feels a type of freedom with him that she never feels with anyone else. he doesn’t expect her to be gracious and sweet and polite, he likes her for her big mouth and uninterested gaze and that makes taeho the perfect friend to be around now.

“and that’s precisely why you like me, isn’t it?” jiyeon asks in a way of a greeting, taking off her shoes. “here, i brought you fried chicken since you never have food.” she gives taeho the plastic bag she’s holding, the food still warm. jiyeon takes off her coat, hangs by the entrance and looks at taeho, pays attention to him.

she knows he is not happy, that is why he called her. she knows about the san thing, everyone does, and by now jiyeon knows taeho enough that he is already plotting revenge. san doesn’t seem to know what he started.

“you look like shit.” jiyeon comments as she passes by him to move to his living room. taeho’s apartment is an extention of him, pretty and expensive and fabricated. the decoration doesn’t tell a story, it is a display of wealthy and power, but not much besides that. tacky, her mother would call. there is nothing tackier than new money. you can buy expensive things, but you can’t buy class. as if she knew anything about money before jungah became a star.

“do you have beer?” she asks, although she knows he probably does. it’s funny how jiyeon knows so much of his habits and tastes. “we can eat while you tell me what’s troubling you.” because taeho didn’t call her here for nothing, jiyeon knows. he needs to talk and she is a good listener, and listen she will.

[idjiyeon-blog]

wouldn’t wanna be ya.

[idjiyeon-blog]

ryanid‌:

when jiyeon speaks she can’t help but be a little envious, for the first time, of the other girl. it’s a wistful feeling, something melancholic in the memory of promises made and broken. “i’m glad tot hear that,” she admits, glances down at her hands, a sigh on her lips, shakes her head. “i wanted it to be. when the articles first came out he’d told me it would be. that we’d get through it all together, that we’d be just fine.” there’s a laugh on her lips that is a scoff of sound, something bitter and dry. “but as soon as he realized i was the only one getting raked over the coals….” she tails off, glances out the window. “it was over, really. just ended up this… awful mess.”  she clears her throat, as if to dispel the topic. “i’m glad its better for you two. i hope it stays that way. everyone deserves some damn peace and love. ” 

it’s interesting to listen to other people talk about their career aspirations and jiyeon nods along as ryan talks about her dream of singing. it seems to be everyone’s dream, give it or take. to sing or to dance in big stages and why not, to be famous and make money over it – although this last part is never a guarantee, who knows how long one must work to pay off all that debt. still, it is sad that midas keeps pushing ryan into things she doesn’t want to do and not giving her anything in return, or at least not anything ryan wants. “you’re not, it’s okay to be frustrated if you want to do something and midas won’t let you.” jiyeon tells her.

“yeah, i don’t know if i would be in this position if it wasn’t for my last name.” she is not playing humble, that is something jiyeon never does, it’s nothing but a fact. yoon jiyeon joined midas because of her sister and because of her sister only, talent was never in discussion when it came to her. “but i have always been told that i have a pretty face and is there anything that the public loves more than pretty girls?” the question comes bitter, more than jiyeon has intended. she is not delusional, she doesn’t dream of being known for any talent, but the fact that her face seems to be the only thing giving her leverage over the other aurora members makes her feel a way jiyeon can’t explain.

maybe she is just tired.

jiyeon learned to like taeho over the years. he didn’t like him at first, it was more of an acquired taste, he won her over day by day, a friendship built on his intention to hook up with her sister – laughable – and jiyeon’s curiosity to see how far he would go. but their friendship was never one to talk about deep subjects, their feelings and hopes and dreams. she knew of ryan, everyone did, but not much besides looking the way he would change the subject at the mention of her name, how he would force a laugh.

now, seeing the other side of the story, jiyeon doesn’t sympathize with taeho very much. or at all. “taeho oppa is an asshole.” it’s all she comments, not wanting to make ryan uncomfortable with the topic. “i hope so too,” she says, smiles. “it just doesn’t make sense to me how we’re not supposed to date. all these good looking people always in rooms together but we’re supposed to never even look at each other.” jiyeon sighs. “if anyone told me being an idol would be so tiresome i wouldn’t have signed up to this, would have become an instagram celebrity or something, it seems a lot easier.” she jokes.

[mjalti]

do you have a self care routine?

“Keep going bitch!!” said to myself in different accents

[idjiyeon-blog]

sweetness.

[idjiyeon-blog]

idxdaehyun‌:

It was exciting, like the knowledge that Jiyeon would be there too was giving his debut more certainty, more shape. As if imagining it would make it real. “It’s okay if I’m not your bias!” Daehyun quickly assured her. “I won’t be hurt! But…” His smile was bright. “But if I can earn my spot as your bias I’ll be extra proud!”

“i know, and i’m proud of you too.” jiyeon smiles, feels the sincerity in his words. daehyun has always been like this, a boy who always speaks his true feelings, still not changed by the industry. sometimes jiyeon wishes she would have talked him out of it, told him to go to college, find a normal job, but who is she to stop someone of living their dreams? she knows he wants this and that he is happy, but still she fears, quite like an actual sister, that being an idol will hurt him more than the necessary, that something in daehyun will change, and she would hate to see him turned into one of the assholes, selfish type of guys she has met over the years.

at his question she nods, smiles even more. “yeah, we’re together.” it’s impossible for jiyeon to hide how much she likes it, that junseo and her are still a thing, that the scandal was not able to break them. “do you think i would just take that type of picture with any guy? what kind of woman do you think i am?” she jokes. “dating bans are stupid. romantic relationships are as important as any other in someone’s life, and if a person wants to date they should.” jiyeon has her own reasons to hate it, but she doesn’t want to discuss that with daehyun, she is already a bad example as it is. he asks something else and jiyeon smiles. it’s so daehyun, to be worried about her like this. “yeah, he makes me very happy. maybe i should introduce the two of you, you’ll like him, he too loves to talk about music, i think you’d have a lot in common.”

daehyun reminds her of what it’s like to be a trainee, the lack of free time, the lack of privacy, the lack of everything. how they tell you it’s for the better, that you soon will make money, how everything will be good. it’s a lie, or not entirely truth. being an idol doesn’t mean freedom, it means more shackles around your wrists, more obligations. she doesn’t want daehyun to suffer like she did, but he’s a man, maybe for him it will be easier, or so jiyeon hopes.

“sure, does she have my phone? or she can get it with my sister too.” jiyeon doesn’t say her mother probably doesn’t even have her number, never cared to ask. “don’t be silly, if you’re not my bias then who would it be?” she asks, raises an eyebrow. “what position are you in for? main or lead rap? it can help you with any career decision you take in the future.”

[idjiyeon-blog]

wouldn’t wanna be ya.

[idjiyeon-blog]

ryanid‌:

“this is a weird thing to ask. but…” she examines her drink, spinning her straw in the glass. “you and junseo. is it going okay? or did all of…the attention blow things up?” with taeho it had seemed so picture perfect at first. he’d promised it, after all. that they’d stick together through it. but what had happened, in the end? the rot of resentment had eroded them, the weight of death threats and threats from the company.  it had been a lot to ask anyone to endure. she shouldn’t blame him, probably, but she does. 

now, as she listens to ryan, jiyeon wonders why has she wasted her time hating the other. it’s clear they have a lot in common, something that goes beyond their scandals and acting careers, but their personalities too. ryan has something about her that jiyeon likes, a type of honesty she never saw on anyone else besides, well, taeho. now she can see why the two of them would date, they match well. but of course she doesn’t say that, all she does is agree because ryan is not lying, she is stating the facts.

“so that’s what you want to do when jinx ends?” jiyeon asks, interested. “a solo career?” it was not something jiyeon ever considered, but truth be told, she never considered many things. her idea of a career was having one, and that is it. everything that happened after it was because she was pushed into this and that directions by her sister or midas or both. but for ryan it could work if only she had the right type of marketing. jiyeon knows midas well by now, knows they wouldn’t mind if ryan was set up to fail just enough to make her agree with whatever career path they had for her, they could make more money later.

“i wish they would, honestly.” jiyeon is not dumb, she knows she is the most popular in aurora, or was before the scandal. midas kept pushing her on her name alone until goblin came and turned her into a new star. she is the only one with a solo endorsement deal, the one who gets screen time on their videos and she wishes it wouldn’t be like this, wishes things would be more balanced. “if any of them manages to make more money that means midas will let me breathe a little. even now that i’m supposed to be reflecting,” she laughs, what a stupid idea “they are already planning my comeback, studying what type of role will make me more sympathetic to the public. probably something i will hate to do.” she knows it will be, it will be some type punishment and as ryan said they will make it look like a huge favor.

the question is not as weird as ryan thinks and jiyeon knows why she is asking it. “yeah, we’re good. better than we were before, actually.” this is weird, but jiyeon is not complaining. “i thought he would hate me for it, or think i did on purpose to, i don’t know, lock him into some relationship or something, but no, he understands it. probably because his career didn’t take it the hardest.” jiyeon shrugs. “i can’t say our love will trump all or whatever, but we’re just living our lives the best we can.” which is more than she could expect from it. “was it... was it like that for you and taeho oppa?” she asks, wonders if ryan would even want to talk about it.

[ughanyul]

lost in paradise

[idjiyeon-blog]

idjaehwan‌:

 “not tired but, sure,” he says and he leads her out of the mess that the side of the stage is becoming as soon as atlas is getting ready to start. also, bad idea for them to stay there. one good camera and they could be caught. “what’s the plan for the ending performance?” he asks as soon as he sits down, raises his eyebrows at her. “you and junseo standing at complete opposite sides? you know there’ll be a hundred posts by tomorrow about how he looked your way and all. you know that thing they do.”

“white is definitely my color, oppa, what are you talking about?” jiyeon laughs. she hates it, the white dresses and the school uniforms and everything that aurora is forced to wear, but it’s not like jiyeon can complain, especially not now. “of course they did, are the perverted old men supposed to fantasize about women who are experienced? of course not.” another thing jiyeon always hated, that they are marketed towards men, that even this is made for them and not for other girls. she always hated many things about her work, but now everything seems to pile up in the worst of the ways.

jiyeon sits in front of him, happy that they are away from the mess. too many people and too many cameras, anyone could see they talking and get the wrong idea. “i think so, i’m supposed to stick to the girls and never leave their side.” not that it was ever any different during these shows, jiyeon was always smart enough to stay away from her guy friends and only talk to the girls, but now this went from recommended to mandatory, midas decided to rehab her career one public appearance at time. they need their aurora cash cow, after all.

“oh, absolutely. his fans hate me, as expected. called me all sorts of names as if this would make them have any chance with him.” jiyeon makes a dismiss gesture with her hand, this was never something that worried her. she always knew junseo’s fans would talk, that everyone would hate her. that’s the price of fame, or so her sister told her ages ago when jiyeon joined midas. “if it makes them feel better with their mediocre lives then so be it.”

she smiles, places her hand over his for a second before moving it away. every movement has to be calculated and fast, just that jiyeon is talking to him now is already a risk. “but how about you, what are you up to these days? any new role in sight?” she asks. “i can’t wait until you play the main guy and the whole country falls in love with you as they should, then i can say i was your friend way before you became the nation’s boyfriend.” jiyeon teases.

[idjiyeon-blog]

try again.

[idjiyeon-blog]

idjunseo‌:

in a winery, huddled in a group of older couples, the tour guide long forgotten, their eyes meeting each other’s with mirroring smiles. that’s what he wants. her, and this, and them, for a long time. he had never dreamt of reaching this point again with her. he thought he would always resent her for leaving. “hm, what are we now?” he teases, looking off into the distance with furrowed brows as he pretends to think it over, as if he hadn’t already made his decision when he stuck by her through the scandal. “yeah,” brown eyes lock with hers, dimples denting his cheeks as he smiles, “let’s try again. be my girlfriend, again.” that’s enough for now. he’ll worry about the rest later, when he’s back home and he’s buckled down to get back on track with his career. but he’ll do it with her.

jiyeon doesn’t regret things, except one. she always tried to learn from the lessons her mistakes taught her, always tried to look at the bright side of things. except when it came to junseo. she had been a girl back then, scared of disappointing her sister, her friends and midas. aurora couldn’t take a scandal back then, that much was true, and jiyeon would always do whatever she needed to for their happiness, but at what cost.

people say you never forget your first love and that is true. she never forgot junseo, not even for a second. he was there, in every corner of her mind, a memory that reminded her of better days, of things she could have had if she didn’t decide to put her career first. it was hard to see him everywhere, to cross paths on shows and awards and pretend she didn’t know him. how could she even do that when they know each other better than anyone else?

so this, they, doesn’t feel strange to her. despite everything that jungah says jiyeon knows junseo well, knows he never stopped thinking about her either. it was only natural that they would end together again, it’s what she always wanted, what he wanted too, she knows. there was a time when jiyeon feared he would hate her forever, he would never look at her again. and this is something jiyeon would never be able to handle; let junseo hate her, let him resent her, anything was better than indifference.

but this, this is better than anything else.

jungah won’t like it, she knows. she will tell jiyeon that it’s a risk, that if people find out her career won’t recover, she will turn resentful of junseo and in the end she will be left without anything. but it’s a risk jiyeon is willing to take, something she is willing to bet on if it means her and junseo will be together again. she can do it, she can keep her career and him, she doesn’t need to choose, not now, not ever again.

her smile mirrors him as junseo looks at her and jiyeon is sure she has never been happier. “okay then, let’s try again, boyfriend.” jiyeon tugs at his shirt, gets on her tiptoes and pulls him down so they can kiss. she smiles against his lips as she pulls away, intertwines their hands again. “the rest of this tour would have been really awkward if you turned me down.” she jokes and squeezes his hand, feeling how perfectly they fit together. if jiyeon has her way they will be like this for a long, long time. just the two of them, no companies, no fans, no groups to get in between them.

“junseo?” she calls, the smile never leaving her lips. “i love you.” jiyeon wants to say more, wants to say how she never loved anyone else, how she was never able to move on, how he always had been the one for her. but junseo knows. they will have all the time in the world to say more, to use other words, for now this is all she needs to say. she loves him and he loves her and things had never been better.

[idjiyeon-blog]

sweetness.

[idjiyeon-blog]

idxdaehyun‌:

“I almost got lost once already,” he admitted, thinking back to his and Hojun’s little misadventure out in the city. “I think that was enough of my bad sense of direction for an entire year.” Daehyun shuddered theatrically before chuckling. “But it ended up okay! We found our way back! Have you had a chance to have a look at Santiago already, noona?” Every mention of his debut had him feel like he was made of electricity, all nervous energy coiled up tightly into the shape of a young man. “I think things are moving but… you know how the companies are. It’s nothing super immediate or we would’ve known by now.” He shrugged, trying to seem aloof and composed. “But it’d be really nice if you could come see us. I know you’re always busy and all but… it’d mean a lot.” The thought of looking out into the crowd of Signal’s debut showcase and knowing that Jiyeon and his parents would be there watching was both a bit anxiety-inducing and incredibly comforting.

“as if i could forget my little brother.” jiyeon teases, pinching daehyun’s cheek on an affectionate way. she remembers when they first met, when they were both children, daehyun even more so, and jiyeon gave him a puzzled look, uncertain of what a teenage girl would ever want to do with a boy. at the time it seemed as a way to keep her busy enough so jiyeon wouldn’t be a distraction to her sister and her career. they had always been too close, jungah worried about her too much, and by giving jiyeon something else, someone else, to focus on her sister could focus on what was really important.

in the end it worked well for all of them. now, as she looks at daehyun, jiyeon feels nothing but pride of the man he is becoming. it is, in some sense, the same way she feels about the other aurora members, the same type of fondness that is difficult to explain. jiyeon has never been good with words anyway, that’s why she became an actress, so she can use someone else’s text and not have to think about things on her own, it’s clearly something dangerous.

“i knew you would, that’s so you.” she laughs. “not really, we came direct from the hotel to here and i haven’t left yet, i think i might go out with junseo after the show, though.” these days they seem to be more in synch than usual, always knowing when the other wants to go out or stay in. it’s strange to think about how the scandal brought them together to this level, but it is what happened and jiyeon won’t fight it, it’s the best they have been in years.

“i know, before aurora debuted they tested different line ups so no one knew they were actually in the group and even then they took a lot of time to tell us what was happening.” it’s not a time jiyeon looks back fondly, but it wasn’t the worst either. she mostly remembers the stress and the lack of sleep and tears, lot of tears from all the girls. “if i can i will definitely be there.” she doesn’t know if msg would like to see daehyun being associated to her, though. “it’s not like i’m doing a lot these days anyway.” she shrugs. “i have a lot of free time, so if midas lets me i sure will go and tell everyone you’re my bias.”

[idjiyeon-blog]

reality girl.

[idjiyeon-blog]

idsooyeon‌:

“must be great, having all of that free time to play house… some people aren’t destined for much more.”

that has always been her problem, her big mouth. jiyeon was given the chic girl role of aurora because of it, of her lack of awareness. she is too honest, she talks too much, something that is not good in this industry, especially for a woman. it has always been her fatal flaw, the thing that landed her in trouble in different moments of her life, but it seems to be bigger than her, she seems to lack a filter between her brain and mouth.

now, however, jiyeon doesn’t feel bad for talking too much. sooyeon has always done anything she could to make jiyeon feel bad, thrown jabs at her at any opportunity and even when the junseo factor is taken out of the equation jiyeon knows it would still be the same between them. sooyeon is a selfish creature, can’t stand sharing the spotlight – jiyeon wonders how she’s still in heaven, how she manages to deal with other three people – and would never accept another young actress in the game, even if jiyeon is one amongst many.

there is a fundamental difference between them. sooyeon wants it, the fame, the recognition, being the main lady of every drama possible. jiyeon never wanted any of it, but never wanted anything else enough to fight for it, go against the box she was put in and do what she likes. aurora, acting, everything is someone else’s dream, she lives a perpetual role while sooyeon at least exists in her own reality, although she clearly makes it to be way more glamurous than it is.

the time off, although now annoying, is not something that disturbs jiyeon’s sleep. she indeed has time to see her friends, to go out and take her pictures, to do things she couldn’t do if she was working. it’s not that bad, really. it would be if she was like sooyeon, desperate for fame, but she doesn’t mind not being the it girl anymore, this role wouldn’t last forever anyway – in fact, it wouldn’t last much, it never does.

“actually, it is.” jiyeon smiles, reaching out to her own luggage. “and you know, some people think they are destined for greatness when they are just not.” she looks at sooyeon, her smile never faltering. “but that’s not your case, of course. i’m sure all your roles and endorsements keep you warm at night, don’t they, sunbae?”