Dreams && Headaches @idleskins - Tumblr Blog

Today got me thinking about the past and backread my Tumblr. I miss being truly in love.

I feel like the more I think about my past actions and some things I say, I hate myself more.

Why does everybody around me suck at loving me?

Honestly, I'd rather be alone because I really feel like nobody really truly cares. Like <i> truly </i>

If I could go back in time and finish my school and not join the navy, I still wouldn't. It would be so tempting though! I will not risk anything that will make me not be with my fiancé. It sounds so stupid and my old self would totally disagree about how love is more important than education. But, I can't even imagine not living with this guy or being with him. I would still finish my degree, that's not an argument. But I'm not losing my man.

I think I am a good person. Scratch that. I think I am a good enough person. But there are times when I look at other succesful people and I get envious. I get kind of mad. Mostly at myself for not being the same way. I want to believe I am a good person but I have these thoughts oncen in a while because occasionally, maybe more than I should, I ask myself, when will I get mine? I am getting so defensive because my life is so unsure. The uncertainties overpower my strength and my motivation. I have to get over it. I have to.

Japan is now my favorite country I have visited and this is the no. 1 reason why! I didn't know if I wanted to post this on social media but then I realized how many people I wanted to update and I really can't do it one by one. So.. here we go! I had no doubts that our relationship will lead to this. I don't think a lot of people know this but G is my first and last (now my fiancé 😱 das crasy) boyfriend. Finally did something right. Lol I guess I was really just waiting for you. 🤷‍♀️ Happy 3rd year anniversary! #iloveyoumore #mandatorycheesypost #donthate #engaged 😱 P.S. These are screenshots from the video and I tried my best to make it look a little less pixel-y. P.P.S. Take me to the makeup store 🤩 (at Osaka Castle Park)

#engaged #iloveyoumore #mandatorycheesypost #donthate

The past five years, I have sacrificed my education and my family. This year, I'm sacrificing money.

No

No. You don't get to compare to that guy you were pissed at just because I said something that I know of. You are also my co-worker. I tried not to sound like a know-it-all. I said just to let you know that there is an instruction for it. I didn't say ot for you to say something about it. I was being unbiased towards the situation. In my head, if Senior knew that I know about it and I didn't tell any other supervisors, it's going to look like I'm being selfish. You think, I don't know that you don't care? I know you don't but this shit is not about you. There are rules in the navy and whether you like it or not, you will be inspected. At the end of the day, if you don't follow these standards, you're the one who's going to get pissed because the higher ups are in your ass. So me, I just try to do it right (or appear to be right) the way they want me to do it so they don't get up in my business. That's why when they are up in my shit even though I'm doing the right thing, it freaking gets in my nerves. So no. You don't get to compare me to anyone.

Confession

Somedays, I want to be single. I just want to be alone. Because when you're in a relationship, you always have to consider the other person. Whereas when you're alone, you don't need to do that. You can travel as freely as you want, anywhere, anytime. I have not done what I love doing in a while. And it hurts not to. Especially when you talk to someone and they ask you how often you shoot and you realize how you don't really do that often. It hits you that you haven't done anything for yourself because you want to do stuff together and he doesn't exactly like what you do. We both don't fancy what the other likes doing. I just want to love myself again and start doing the things I love doing.

I have not gone to a lot of places but I'm going to call myself a traveler. We all have our passions. I'm most alive when I travel. I work for these short moments. I don't care if I am awake for 24+ hours or drive long, or ride planes left and right. As long as I get to experience another place, I won't feel as tired as if I worked even less than 8 hours during the day. This picture explains the bliss I feel when I travel-- alone or with someone.

My boyfriend's tired of hearing stories about my vacation. Lol ok

"It's too early." When people say these words regarding life decisions, I don't really know what they mean sometimes. Too early for what? If a person is matured enough to make responsible decisions, I don't think anything is "too early".

I realized the farther you get from a place the more you see how beautiful it is. At first I thought the Sunset Cliffs is a nice place. But then I got to this area where you can actually see everything and it was beautiful. It was gloomy and a little bit of a walk but it’s worth it.

I feel like I took for granted the beaches in the Philippines. She had one of the most beautiful beaches I have ever seen and I didn’t really get to see a lot of them. I guess I didn’t really have money then to travel around. But I will definitely not miss it again.

#San Diego #sunset cliffs

“What’s your plan with your life?”

A friend asked me. Well I don’t really think it matters what my plan for myself is. I didn’t plan to join the navy and postpone my bachelor’s degree. That wasn’t my plan but it happened. If anyone is disappointed with me, it is myself. More than anyone. I have accomplished a lot in the navy. And if you know how the navy goes, they question your success if you get it too fast or too easy. The success you get doesn’t really count for much in the outside world.

I want to be a nurse. I want to be in the medical field. Now that’s not a plan. That’s my goal. It sucks that it has to wait but i don’t really have a choice right now.

I was scared of losing you even before you were mine. I was so scared of the future but excited at the same time. You gave me uncertainty but made me giddy for what is ahead of us. I started trusting you more with myself and my future. You began opening up our future and i began to be okay with it. Soon enough, I was the one talking about tomorrow. Family is constant for me. Relationships are variables. You might like one person today but you could feel otherwise the next day. But you. You are constant. My constant. You are the only part of my present that I will do anything for to stay through my future. I don't care whatever sacrifice i have to make. If i have to tweak myself a little more, i will. I want to see what will become of us. I want other people to be jealous because you're with me. I want to show everyone how great you are. And I know you don't like that much attention but that's what I feel like when I am with you. I am proud to be your girlfriend. I love being yours. I want you to know how much i love you every single day. I want to be more selfless so I can love you more each day. I want to make sure you know that I am deeply in love with you. I can't lose you now.

Eating with bae. Oh wait. He's playing league of legends.

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

Dreams && Headaches