Kara sending Mon-El away DOES NOT compare to Sanvers. At all. There is no comparison to be made. The Danvers sisters dynamic obviously needs to be discussed before we enter season 3.
1.) Kara losing her boyfriend =/= Alex losing her girlfriend.
Kara has had various other relationships and has other good non-romantic relationships. Kara has a mentor in Cat Grant, a best friend in Winn AND Lena, James, CLARK, Barry, Lois and Lucy. A mom in Eliza, a pseudo-father figure in J’onn and she has the Allura AI. Oh, and the biggest one: Kara has Alex. Kara has all of these people that love her and want to support her and wish only the best for her.
Alex on the other hand, let’s examine her relationships with other people. She has Maggie, “Ride or Die” Sawyer, Eliza, and J’onn. All of her other relationships are strictly professional (Vasquez, Lucy) or are Kara’s friends (Winn, James). WIth Maggie, “I finally got her to be herself, Kara,” Alex bares her soul. She’s all in and has everything to lose, “Marry me, please.” With Eliza, Alex constantly feels like she’s failing. She literally went to medical school (compromising her mental health with the stress obviously) because that’s what Eliza expected of her. I will delve into the can of worms that is the “weight of the world” responsibility that Alex has had to shoulder since she was a child in another point. Alex’s relationship with Eliza is strained at best. Also side-note, ouch at Alex losing Jeremiah again, one of the few important people Alex has in her life. Alex’s relationship with J’onn was more mentor-mentee and professional before it was revealed he is an alien in season one. After that, we see the relationship develop and progress to where J’onn is a pseudo-father figure to Alex. But they’re still boss-employee, don’t forget that. The bond there does not constitute a healthy outlet in which Alex can express her feelings and frustrations. He is her boss after all. You may think that like with Kara, I’ll add that Alex has Kara, but you’re mistaken. Kara has Alex, Alex doesn’t have Kara. Which makes my next point.
2.) The rift between the sisters has always been there.
Their relationship is so one-sided that it’s more frustrating than laughable. Alex does anything and everything for Kara, hell, the pilot episode has Alex picking out clothes for Kara’s date even though her flight is in a few hours! Kara admits herself that everything has always been about her and that there’s been no room for Alex. Kara didn’t even know why Alex and Vicky had a falling out! I sincerely doubt that Kara knew anything about Alex’s frustrations while in medical school. I don’t know about the rest of the world, but the closest person I have to a sibling hears everything about me (the good, the bad, and the ugly) and vice versa. I’m not saying immediately after it happens but eventually we do share everything with each other. I’m not blaming Kara for immediately latching onto Alex and trying to preserve as much of Krypton as she could, I am however blaming the Danvers parents for encouraging and enabling the behavior. No one should ever have the entire life of another person depend solely on them, that puts an ENORMOUS amount of pressure on the person that is being relied upon. Alex literally entered the Black Mercy AND flew Kara’s pod into space because she thinks Eliza would never forgive her if she allowed Kara to get hurt (whoo at that backlash in season 1 after Kara becomes Supergirl and Alex is afraid of what Eliza would say while Kara says not to worry and then Eliza tears Alex a new one. Makes you wonder what all Kara has missed in her obliviousness.)
Kara states while under red kryptonite that Alex has always has been jealous of Kara which I 100% believe to be true. Kara received special attention and care from Eliza and Jeremiah and never had to take the blame for any of her actions. What sibling wouldn’t hold resentment? Especially once it was revealed that Jeremiah was blackmailed into joining the DEO because of Kara which resulted in his (not really) death. That had to sting and speaking of death, Alex literally killed Kara’s aunt that she was slowly converting to the good side. Twin sister that literally looked identical to Kara’s biological mother. This was never actually resolved by the show.
We saw in a flashback that Alex was punished for Kara’s actions unfairly because, seriously, Alex was just a teenager. From what can be inferred, Kara ruined Alex’s social standing in school (which sounds petty but actually can be the cause of a lot of psychological distress) and also someone makes a comment about how Alex should know how dangerous aliens/Kara can be, which another flashback to the beach implies that Alex was injured from the explosion AND also that Kara probably accidentally injured Alex multiple times in their childhood.
3.) Kara is afraid of “losing” Alex and repeatedly lashes out and causes Alex to feel guilty for anything she does that doesn’t pertain to Kara.
I could quote so many things but I feel like this point is pretty universally understood. I will point out the manifested guilt Alex has from both Eliza and Kara: “I was happy for five minutes!” Yeah, okay so it wasn’t the best move for Alex to decide to go to her favorite band’s concert on the Earth birthday in which Kara had finally been on Earth longer than Krypton (kinda insensitive) but if we’re being honest, it’s not like Kara would’ve been THAT upset normally. She literally made the plans THAT morning to try and distract herself. I could make a whole other post highlighting how the absence of Cat Grant, the sudden missing time due to vigilante shenanigans with Winn and James, and the sudden stop of 24/7 care by Alex turned Kara towards Mon-El in the first place but this isn’t that post.
Kara making Alex feel guilty for having another person in her life is extremely manipulative. I’m sure Alex lost a lot of quality sister time once Kara became Supergirl but she never seems to complain about that. Alex having another person in her life shouldn’t cause Kara to constantly play the “Maggie” card. The rift between Kara and Maggie due to both their connections with Alex and in their professional lives is yet another thing I could write an exposé on. Kara clearly doesn’t like Maggie and the feeling is mutual, they’re just civil because Alex desperately wants them to be. Will the show ever resolve the tension? Doubtful, it’ll just be another unexplored plotline.
Alex shouldn’t have to feel guilty for finally having someone she can release her frustrations with, Alex has clearly been lighter since dating Maggie. They’re good for each other. Unlike Kara and Mon-El who consistently bring out the worst in each other. Kara is jealous that Alex isn’t 100% focused on her AND that she has a healthy relationship. It’s nasty that Kara is intent on destroying Alex’s relationship due to misplaced anger and jealousy and that’s the tea on that.
Also, Alex literally had no one before, she couldn’t even Tell Kara or Eliza about the DEO. That’s a lonely life. And Alex based her entire life around Kara and Kara was willing to just drop it all and go live with Clark, completely abandoning Alex and making her feel like she wasn’t enough and not “family” (which obviously Alex already has issues with feeling inadequate.) Tell me that isn’t ugly.
I could continue but I just wrote this in between classes and have to go to class now so.
Tl;dr The Danvers sisters have always had unresolved tension and resentment towards each other. Kara needs some emotional development and needs to stop unleashing all of her anger onto Alex. It’s ugly that they’re going to try and parallel Karamel and Sanvers when the ships are completely different.
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