I Drink Coffee Before I Sleep

A history & Arabic student documenting my life in cups of coffee

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Homework time!

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slytherin x dark academia

really ambitious, like actually ambitious. love/hate relationship with studying. not showing wmotiona. reading a lot. also procrastinating a lot. collects stuff. very picky about fashion. activist. loves harry styles. favourite colour is definitely dark green. tons of flowers and succulents all over their room. painted nails. has a strong opinion. prefers school over home. wants a typewriter for the dramatic effect. dark clothes are superior. little, dark cafes and libraries. writes with black pens only. notebook collector.

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Wow this is me AF (especially the love/hate relationship with studying)

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Labas w Kulshi Bkhir

Hi! First off, obligatory recognition of the fact that I haven’t posted anything in forever. I have had a really intense past couple of months ... okay, year .... but so far 2020 is looking up and I’m feeling inspired and excited about things again, and scrolling through tumblr has definitely helped me feel more positive lately. 

So I’m currently in Morocco, on month number SEVEN (almost eight) of my year-long study abroad program. I’m studying Arabic (MSA in addition to the local dialect, called Darija, in addition to some Egyptian dialect), living with a host family, doing an internship, traveling, all the things! I high key despise the program itself but I really do love studying Arabic, and this experience has helped me improve my skills tremendously. 

In my down time, I’ve also been reading a TON of books. As in, I’ve read 10 already this month. It can be hard to get books in my host city that aren’t in French or just “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F***” (can someone explain to me why that book is so popular here??), so I have discovered a life-saving treasure: library e-books for Kindle. I used to think I wouldn’t enjoy reading books on my phone, but I am a convert now. 

Anyway this is just a quick update to say that everything is good (which is essentially what the title of this post means, in Darija)! I’m going to do some reading before bed - Lincoln in the Bardo will be book #11 for the month!

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Autumn finally arrives in Morocco

The sun fell below the horizon at 6:15 this evening and nights and mornings are chilly. I see everyone on Instagram going to Halloween parties and drinking coffee with cider donuts and I miss autumn on the east coast. But after nearly 5 months, a change in season makes it finally feel as if time is passing.

Currently reading The Rules of Magic by Alice Hoffman and it's wonderful 🍁🍁

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Happy Monday! I'm enjoying coffee and a quiet, rainy morning

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A whole press just for me ☕

I have Arabic exams on Thursday so I've been spending the last few weeks studying as much as possible. These exams will determine whether or not I study abroad this summer, and I'm really stressed about it! I've worked really hard to arrive at this point but I hope it's enough.

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Tar Pit Cafe Brooklyn, New York / January 13th 2019

I only popped into this cafe for a few minutes to grab an Americano on my way to meet a friend, but I immediately loved the atmosphere! It was small but cozy, with some comfy seating options and a super cool painting on the wall. They had all my faves on the menu - including turmeric lattes! - and the pastries looked delicious. I'd love to go back for a longer stay someday. Here's a link to their Insta if you want to check them out: https://www.instagram.com/tarpit/?hl=en

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Harpers Ferry National Historical Park

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🌧🌧🌧 University of Maryland / November 4th 2018

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🍁🍂🌲 Colony Club Washington, D.C. / October 27th 2018

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Trying out all the new wellness #lattes at Ebenezers Coffeehouse / trying to stay awake long enough to celebrate the end of an exhausting week

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Tryst Washington, DC

I will forever love living in a city, where I can urban hike and buy cheap used books and seek out all the taro and beetroot lattes! Summer school starts next week but right now I'm living my best lyfe ft. animal crackers and sweaty bangs

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Nightcap.

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2018: No New Me

In the past couple of days, I have heard a lot of people using the term “New Year, New Me.” It has encouraged me to think about my own beliefs about a New Year: Do I want or need to reinvent myself? Should I make big plans as not to lose perspective on my life dreams? What can I ask myself to (feasibly) do to become a better person? How much or little should I resolve to change?

It seems like it’s become trendy to bash the idea of New Year’s resolutions, and I agree to a certain extent that pledging at the beginning of the year to reinvent oneself is a lot of pressure and often results in unrealistic expectations. I wonder if New Year’s resolutions often miss the point because we focus on changing ourselves instead of challenging ourselves. In my opinion, dreaming shouldn’t be about setting yourself up for failure. Instead, it should be an act of inspiration. I love dreaming and setting goals, so in the past several years I have created goals for the New Year rather than well-meaning but lofty resolutions. I like to envision the year ahead and think about how I want to see myself grow. Instead of asking, “What don’t I like about myself that I can change?” I prefer asking, “Who am I right now?” and “Which parts of my life and my self do I love and how can I encourage them to grow?”

I am beginning this year by taking a much-needed break from school and all my obligations attached to it. I had a rather successful fall semester and considered taking a winter course, but eventually decided against the idea. This is the last chance I’ll have to take a month-long breather between now and August, and I know I will be better equipped to flourish during spring semester if I walk into it feeling refreshed. Heaven knows I need all the confidence I can get after last spring (see former blog posts re: spring breakdowns), but I won’t let my experience last year spook me before I even get started.

I am beginning this year with three personal goals, which encompass three aspects of my life that I want to continue working on. I am also beginning the year by hiking a lot (something that I’ve never really done in previous winters, but that I’ve found makes me incredibly happy), putting in extra hours at my job, reading many of the books I’ve been meaning to read for a looooong time, making plans with new and old friends, planning a spontaneous day trip to New York, and spending entire days in my bed with Netflix, blankets, and cuddles with my milk pillow.

Last January, I wrote my first post for this blog and it felt like a big deal to me. I’ve always loved writing but had never tried journaling publicly. Coffee seemed like a safe yet personal and ever-inspiring topic, and even though people sometimes laugh when I describe my blog as “personal essays loosely based on my love for coffee,” I really think a new aspect of myself manifested here and I’m having a lot of fun with it. Writing this blog still feels like a big deal, because I feel like I have planted myself here. Thank you for encouraging me as I grow.

Which wild and wonderful parts of yourself do you want to see emboldened, empowered, and nurtured this year?

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And sometimes, I care a lot. There's a reason why I'm awake at 2:30 am, bouncing between lesson planning for the Academic Writing class I TA for and memorizing Arabic verb forms. It's because the harder I work, the more invested and passionate I feel about school. Learning can be so magical, especially when you share the experience with others. It can open up places of power, and restore my faith in myself when I feel like I've hit a wall. School is hard, because being this busy is often unhealthy for me. But it's moments like these - when I want to stay up all night drinking coffee, memorizing vocabulary, and selecting articles for my students to discuss and analyze - that keep me afloat. Not just afloat. These moments keep me dreaming. They're the reason why I refuse to accept my limitations, refuse to let my shortcomings define me, and refuse to believe that anything could stand in the way of me and my happiness. My magic. Sometimes I fall out of sync with the things that matter most to me. Sometimes I forget to care, and sometimes I can't. However, I'm extraordinarily lucky because I always manage to find balance again.

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A super cute birthday coffee at Busboys and Poets!

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I took this photo after having a video chat/coffee break with my partner. He's been thousands of miles away this month but he still brightens all of my days.